Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Vegas on business

So, the J.O.B. is sending me to Las Vegas for a conference next month. My colleagues are soooo excited and really looking forward to it. Me, not so much.

My first experience was with an ex's family and we mainly babysat his cousins. The second time was after graduation with a bunch of 20-somethings. That was more fun but I was out of my league. Those kids could PARTY. Now, I can party too (I know, y'all have stories) but not for four days in a row. Plus, we got conned. I don't remember the name of the one club we patroned. What I do remember is this: these really pretty girls were passing out free passes to this club. All the guys in my group flocked around these two girls and flirted a bit. Wink, wink, flirt, flirt, and a hint of boob. The guys ate it up and took the free passes from the girls. The nine or ten of us waited in line for nearly an hour to get into the club. When we got to the front, the bouncer said that these passes were for Wednesdays only (it was Saturday.) We were embarassed and tired of waiting in line. After a short discussion, we each paid the $25 cover. I'm still a bit ticked off.

I've been to Las Vegas twice and have yet to be impressed. My friend, Casey, argues that I just haven't been with the right people or at the right places. So let's have it folks. Where does a gal go to have fun and drink pretty yet strong cocktails? Let me be clear, I'd rather not go to strip clubs or any other skanky places- I'm in a relationship but, more importantly, I have to hang with my bosses and I'd like to avoid any postpartying awkward moments with them.

Tell me, what's so great about Las Vegas? (and if possible, give directions. I'm staying at the Luxor;)

Sunday, October 23, 2005

Sometimes I follow the herd. Mooooo.

10 years ago:
My senior year in HS. I was 16 years old and utterly heartbroken that I hadn't been accepted into UCLA. I had my first real high school boyfriend (the relationship lasted three weeks.) It was the first year in high school that I felt like I belonged. I stopped caring what the kids in school thought of me.

5 years ago:
My last semester in college. I lived on Treasure Island and was "dating" for the very first time! MsLips was my roommate and she can attest to the many, too many, Mr. Wrongs that were coming in and out of our door. This also included The Top Mr. Wrong, my ex-boyfriend. (Can anyone beat my 10 month long break up??? I didn't say I was the brightest bulb at this point in my life.)

1 year ago:
How sad is it that I had to refer to my MS Outlook? I was working. Nothing eventful or memorable, which can be a good thing. Oh, and I was definitely a smarter gal. I had been with The Man for 2 1/2 years by this point.

Yesterday:
I had an awesome day! I got a massage, a MAC makeover (which I washed off b/c I looked like a DRAG QUEEN,) went to a luau and saw a gorgeous hula show!

5 snacks I enjoy:
1. Sees chocolate truffles
2. Cookies n cream icecream
3. Original Baked Lays
4. Nonfat plain yogurt with mandarin oranges & raspberries
5. Cheese

5 songs I know the words to:
1. Jamming - Bob Marley
2. Don't know Why - Norah Jones
3. Somewhere Over the Rainbow/ What a Wonderful World - Israel Kamakawiwo'ole
4. Change the World - Eric Clapton
5. Unforgettable - Natalie Cole

5 things I'd do with $100 million:
1. Give my folks $20 million
2. Give my sister and her family $10 million
3. Give my parents $1 million to distribute among family in the Philippines
4. Buy homes in SF, Santa Cruz, Hawaii, PI & San Mateo
5. Start a family foundation so I can give to charities

5 places I'd run away to ... (more like vacation destinations):
1. Hawaii
2. Australia
3. Bahamas
4. Alaska
5. Thailand

5 things I'd never wear (again, in some cases):
1. Permed hair
2. Leggings with stirrups
3. Revlon blackberry lipstick
4. pleated pants
5. anything beadazzled (sequins & glitter are completely different!)

5 biggest joys:
1. My very supportive and loving family
2. Hanging out with my "Hella Cool" friends
3. Going about town with the Man
4. Laughing
5. My faith pulling me through tough spots and helping me appreciate the good stuff in life

5 favorite toys:
1. My car (I argue that it's a "necessity" but I'll call it a toy)
2. Laptop
3. DVD player
4. TV
5. iPod & iPod speakers

What's cool at my place:
My marble and oak foldout bar

Friday, October 21, 2005

I confess, I miss the other men in my life

In my early 20s, I had many gay men in my life. Of course, I went to school and worked in San Francisco so it's not like I had to search for them. I practically tripped over them.

It's been a while since I've had a gay male friend. And I MISS having one. A good gay man is hard to find. And one can't stereotype, they certainly aren't all the same. I tended to attract and be attracted to the delicate Asian ones. You know, barely over five feet tall, slender, and often times, prettier than me :) They weren't queens or bitches but they knew how to be marvelous all day, all the time. These friends of mine were witty, smart, and spunky with a touch of bitch. I often reminisce about my times with these great men. I will share with you my most favorite memory as a tribute to the glorious and wonderful gay men that have touched my life:

My senior year, I had a interview methods class and I always sat with my two favorite gay boys, Brian & Reggie. I was a newly single woman and there were a few single straight guys, some even cute, but I didn't care. I made sure that I sat BETWEEN Brian & Reggie in the back of the class so I would hear all the action. These fellas made me forget my troubles and just brightened my day. I loved this class mainly because of them. They were friends so they tended to be downright BITCHY to each other for no reason. Needless to say, I looked forward to their colorful exchanges.

One day, something got them all riled up (I forget the topic) and Brian leaned across me and hissed to Reggie, "You shut the fuck up!" Of course, Reggie shot back, "You shut the fuck up, Bitch." *I knew better than to say anything and bring attention to myself. I gleefully listened and waited for more.* Brian then said, "No, you shut the fuck up, you fucking whore." So Reggie then replied, "You shut the fuck up, you ugly ass bitch." To which Brian then said with his bitchiest voice, "That's not what your dad said when I SAT ON HIS FACE."

I about lost myself when he said this. I laughed, maybe howled out loud and then remembered myself. I was in a lecture class and the professor was, indeed, lecturing. So I stopped as quickly as I started but it was too late. "Lulu, would you care to stop talking and join the class discussion?" DAMmit. He hadn't heard the slander or cursing but I get busted for giggling. Of course. (This wasn't the first or last time something like this happened.) But it was worth it. Sooooooo worth it.

I lost touch with these fabulous boys but this memory is as vivid as it was five years ago. Bless their little hearts, I miss them.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Aww, thanks!

I struggled to get to my yoga class today. (When I write "struggle", I really mean it - for almost 20 minutes, I was convincing myself to get my bumm moving to make it to my 7:15am class. Yup, I gotta leave my home by 6:40am!!!) Anyhow, after class was finished, one of my classmates asked me if I was also a yoga instructor. Thinking she was being funny, I laughed and said no. But then she told me she was serious. She thought, because of my flexibility, I was an instructor. Hot damn! What a compliment. I mean, she's smoking crack because I can be stiff as a board. But still, it made my morning.

You probably figured it out by now. I'm easy. To flatter. You can tell me, "Hey, those are great shoelaces" or "You sure fold paper pretty." And as long as you're being sincere, I'll be flattered. Kinda sad but true!

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Let's play a game called

"HOW TACKY CAN YOU BE???"

*Names & relationships have been changed to protect the guilty. And me.*

I have a nice relationship with my old professor, Dr. Mahbad. I was her student a few years ago and have known her for almost three years now. While we aren't friends, I have the deepest respect for Dr. Mahbad. She's one of the youngest yet most influential professors at the university. She's witty, professional, intelligent and likeable. She would invite us grad students to her house at the end of each semester for dessert and drinks. I took four classes taught by her so I had been to her house several times. Even after graduating, she still invites us to dinner during the holidays. Dr. Mahbad and I meet for coffee often and she gives me advice and serves as somewhat of a mentor.


Last week, after a recent visit with Dr. Mahbad, I noticed that she seemed stressed out. Her recent promotion has added a lot more responsibility and I saw it was taking a toll on her. I decided to buy her a little present - a basket of Bath & Body Works products with a card saying that she's a wonderful professor and to hang in there. I took it to the university on Friday morning and left it with her secretary.

A couple of days passed and I didn't hear anything. Oh well, no one's perfect so I didn't think much of it. Today, I was in the city for a conference so I stopped by the university to see if Dr. Mahbad was in better spirits. Before going to her office, I had to pass the secretary's desk. Her secretary wasn't there but I noticed that the basket was still on her desk. Well that explained why I haven't received a thank you. She hasn't received my gift yet! But that's weird, how can you not notice it? I stepped closer and saw a card affixed to it, in Dr. Mahbad's handwriting, that read, "To: Dr. Fwuksi-Happy Belated Boss's Day!" There was also a sticky note to her secretary to drop the basket off at Dr. Fwuski's office today.

She regifted my gift.

I didn't know how to react. For some reason, I felt embarassed. For her, for me, for the entire situation. I gave that gift because I wanted to cheer her up and let her know that she was appreciated. She went and slapped a card on it and bam! It was now a gift from her to Dr. Fwuksi. The only way I can describe how I felt is like this - my intentions and well wishes were cheapened and stepped on. Don't get me wrong. I mean , c'mon, I've regifted, you've regifted, we've all regifted. But to SEE my gift regifted ... that's just, well, tacky.

I left the office without saying hello. I went home and saw that Dr. MahBad e-mailed me a thank you note. Well, at least she remembered to do that. Of course, I had to call one of my friends, Yahn, who's also a former student of Dr. Mahbad's. When I finished my story, Yahn said, "Are you fuckin' kidding me??" And then tried to comfort me. "Well, you can think of it like this: You gift was SO nice that she thought it was good enough for her boss." I probably muttered a cuss word in return. When Yahn figured out that I wasn't pissed or hurt, she said, "If I were you, I wouldn't buy her another GD thing again. She fuckin' sucks at gifts." (This is true. She's terrible at giving gifts, too.) So I won't. She'll get an e-mail greeting or maybe a card but never again a gift. We're not friends but I still respect her and I'll never know when I'm going to need a reference.

I don't believe that regifting is bad. But for crap's sake, don't regift in the same environment in which you receive. Not at work, in the same circle of friends or within a family. And more importantly, don't get caught. Like I said, I'm not mad, upset, or even hurt anymore (it passed pretty quickly.) But the whole thing is still pretty moded. And tacky.

Monday, October 17, 2005

Speaking of hula ...

It is one of my most FAVORITE things. I love hula. I think it's moving, graceful, romantic, and simply beautiful. So I am sooooo excited about this weekend!

This Saturday, I'm going to
Na Lei Hulu's "The Hula Show." The reason why this halau is spectacular is because 1) they have extremely talented and gifted dancers and 2) their Kumu's creativity. They perform all facets of hula: kahiko (ancient), auana (modern) and then the company's trademark style, hula mua. They dance hula to contemporary music like their signature piece performed to Tony Bennett's "I Left My Heart in San Francisco." The Kumu also implements hip-hop, creating a hula to Eminem's music. And there's even a hula to Cyndi Lauper's "True Colors," which is a tribute to the Kumu's gay drag queen Uncle Emile. How can you not love that????

Saturday is going to be gorgeous. My day will start with a light and healthy lunch with Tel. Then we're having one hour massages (oh yes, this is a pampering day, my friends) then we get dolled up and attend the luau before the show (now you know why we had a light lunch.) We will then end the night enjoying a wonderful two hour performance at the Palace of Fine Arts.
My ideal girls' night out.

I bought my ticket to this show over two months ago to raise my spirits. I've been a little bummed because this is the first year in four that I will not be going to Hawaii. I know it's nothing tragic but it has become a very nice tradition. Anyway, The Man and I agreed that we should save $ which means no expensive vacations. I don't know about you but my job causes me to need - like Whitney & Bobby need their fix - a required tropical vacation (mandated by my sanity) and this "no Hawaii" has been rough. I visited my friend in Colorado and had a fantastic time in Washington to see Sister but my WORK FUNK prevailed and I need more.

Two weeks ago, my friend Maria presented an idea. She planned on going to Hawaii with her boyfriend for a wedding. She asked me if I would go to keep her company while her bf played with his friends. I declined. Shoot, if The Man and I weren't going, why would I go for some stranger's wedding? But then she said that she would leave a few days earlier if I went. Dang. I really need to save money. But doesn't saving my sanity take precedence?? I told her I would consider it if we could find a great deal on a hotel and car rental.

(Oahu, 2004)

We did. My flight is booked and I will be going to the Aloha State in a month and a half. From now on, I will bring bag lunches to work and drastically cut back on my Starbucks. (On the bright side, this will help me lose the 10 lbs I've been trying to shake off.) I will NOT buy any new clothes, shoes or purses *oh lawdee* I will cook for The Man as an alternative to us eating out *son of a biscuit* This is all worth it to be able to go to Hawaii.

I'm going to Oahu on a shoestring budget. The hotel is crap and the car is crappier. But who cares?? I'm going to explore the island, sunbathe, and drink*. I am so excited! It's a lovely birthday gift to myself.

*If you want to be intoxicated but not consume a lot of empty calories, I recommend Rum & Diet Cherry Pepsi. The Cherry flavoring overpowers the rum and the calories are only from the alcohol (2 oz=130 calories.) Just call it "the SFHulaGirl" :) It's quite delicious and feels fantastic.

Friday, October 14, 2005

It's time for a change

"SFHulaGirl" will no longer do. Although I've danced for five years, I haven't gone to a class in five months (I'm currently halau-less but I will find a new one!) and I no longer live or work in the city. It was perfect name a couple years ago and is still fine for all my hula yahoo groups, but not good for this little journal of mine.

My first choice was "Firecracker" because it felt right. Taken. "Spitfire" also seemed fitting but I'll be honest. Having "spit" in my name just wasn't appealing. I'm out of ideas. I don't want something too cutesy, sexy, snatchy or dirty. And although I'm quite fond of the word, vaganus, it falls under the "too dirty" category.

I'm throwing it out there now. Got any ideas? Please be kind, clean and simple. But feel free to be creative! If we can't think of anything, I'm keeping "SFHulaGirl." But at this moment in time, my username seems fraudulent.


*I considered "Little Manila" but I might catch some heat for that.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Is it the message or the messenger?

At work, I've somehow obtained the title of "The Girl with the Dirty Mouth." Now wait a minute, I must defend myself!

(Don't worry, I've learned from other people's mistakes, I'm not going to go off about work. In fact, I actually like my job ... most of the time.)

In any case, one of my coworkers today said to another, "Watch out, Lulu has a dirty mouth." And I replied, "C'mon! I can't possibly be worse than Jacky or Maria!" Jacky & Maria talk about everything, from penises to poop, skanks to pricks, and everything in between. Granted, I have said "vagina" in a management meeting but that isn't vulgar.

So why is it a big deal when I say something a little off key? Because it's not expected of me. People look at me and think I'm this harmless, innocent-looking, five-foot nothing little girl (it doesn't help that I do look younger than my age.) I'm also friendly, smile a lot, and generally have a pleasant disposition. Of course, I do let loose when I'm more comfortable around people. But it's really not so bad.

I curse a little but I also use alternative words to convey my feelings. Instead of the b-word, I like to say, "snatch." I know, I know, some people think it's worse but I just like how it sounds. I also like to make up words, like vaganus (vuh-jay-ness.) [I don't care what the urban dictionary says, the true and only real definition of "vaganus" is: "The result of giving birth-when the outer skin of the vagina rips, temporarily leaving the anus & vagina as one hole." I know this really doesn't happen but that's besides the point. I've heard too many birthing stories, which has heightened my already sky-high fear of the whole pregnancy process.] So at work, when I feel like dropping the f-bomb but shouldn't, I blurt out, "vaganus." I find it to be a satisfying substitute for many curse words. But I'm getting off topic.

I have coworkers who say A LOT worse than I do. But I think people expect it from them. When they look at me, they don't think I have that kind of crudeness in me. So when I DO say something a little bit colorful, there's practically a collective *gasp* in the room.Oh c'mon! You already know that I'm feisty, why are you so surprised when I blurt out something? Evidently, when I talk, birds should chirp, Bambi should prance in front of me and butterflies should flutter about.

Well, I can't always be Miss Merry Sunshine and happy-go-lucky. And even when I am in a good mood, why can't I talk the way Joe Shmoe talks? I believe I'm a genuinely nice person but I am no disney character. I'm not always going to be G-rated. Like Britney said, "I'm not that innocent." (Holy crap, is that the codeine cough syrup talking? I can't believe I just quoted the Brit-Brit.)

Friday, October 07, 2005

Miserable & Cable-less

This cough will NOT go away. Monday was a 1/2 work day, went to work Tuesday & Wednesday, another 1/2 day on Thursday and I've just thrown in the towel and stayed home today. Called the Kaiser Care line and evidently NyQuil is NOT the way to go. Now I'm doped up on Robitussin and drinking vitamin water.

Normally, not having cable isn't a big deal. I'm hardly home during the week and, having cable in the past, I know if I did have cable I would watch TV ALL. THE. TIME. So what am I watching right now? "Cheaters." Dang, I thought this show was only on after midnight. It was either that or "The View" and I can't stand their bickering. So yesss, "Cheaters." What a piece of television work. The premise - people suspecting their signficant others are cheating on them call the show, "Cheaters." The show's producers then send their investigators to spy on the suspect and, of course, they air the people that are, in fact, cheating.

Do you know any couple who's been on "Cheaters?" I bet the answer is no. I have a hard time believing that these people are for real and personally think they're actors (much like the folks on Springer.) Maybe it's my optimism but I truly believe the people on this show are actors because it would be a real shame to have real life couples that are this sad and pathetic.

Oh pllleeeeaaase let there be something more interesting to watch for the rest of the day. Or hopefully I'll pass out before being subjected to more crack TV.

PS: Have mercy, I just accidently swallowed my brand new Halls lozenge. I've never "accidently swallowed" anything, not even gum! Ten minutes later ... I can STILL feel it in my throat. Criminy. I'm a mess.

Monday, October 03, 2005

What's Your Guilty Pleasure?

I am home, doped up on NyQuil. It's noon and I'm watching a show that was once one of my guilty pleasures ... "Starting Over" on NBC. If you haven't seen it, imagine Real World but everyone is 30-50 years old and it's run by life coaches & therapists. And the participants are all women. Ohh yahhh, it's a recipe for fun.

I can't help it and I won't apologize! Sure, there's always someone crying in each scene but that's the beauty of it. Right now one of the participants, Cheryl, is talking about how her family wanted a boy. When she was born, her sisters went around the neighborhood and told them about their new baby brother, "Little Earl." As an adult, when Cheryl acts out and isn't faithful to her husband or treats him badly, the life coach said it's her "Little Earl" coming out. Her life coach wants "Big Cheryl" to overcome "Little Earl." How f%&^ed up is that??? (I won't even go into how wrong it is to call a woman "Big" anything.)

I also confess to watching "Veronica Mars." Hey now! It's better than the O.C. or any other teenybopper show.

Now you know. It's all out in the open and I may have lost cool points with you. But what can I say? You have to love me for ME!

Have some sympathy. I'm sick and coughing my head off :(

Saturday, October 01, 2005

Don't you love those surveys?

Read, comment, and then it's YOUR turn!
(All right, MsLips. Here it is...)
1) My uncle: Which one? I have A LOT. No really, I do.
2) Never in my life: waxed my bikini line
3) When I was five: I deeply loved Windy, my cabbage patch doll.

4) High School was: hella ghetto.
5) I will never forget: my senior year in college. LOTS of growing up in one year.
6) I once met: Robin Williams. He asked me to get his coat (I was working a charity event.) I don't care, he's freakin' hysterical.
7) There’s this guy/girl I know who: slobbers PUDDLES on my pillow.
8) Once, at a bar: I shouldered a guy like I was as big as him. He pissed me off!
9) By noon I’m usually: more than ready to go on my lunch break.
10) Last night: my friend made me two chocolate martinis and then we went to an intramural, slow-pitch softball game. Makes sense now, doesn't it?
11) If I only had: a gabillion dollars. Then maybe I could afford ONE house in the Bay Area. Ohhh, I'm not bitter.
12) Next time I go to church, I'll: be hearing Tagalog.
13) Terry Schiavo: was a very sad true story.
14) What worries me most: is failure.
15) When I turn my head left, I see: my remote.
16) When I turn my head right, I see: The Man. Drooling on my pillow. *sigh*
17) You know I’m lying when: you have a really bad haircut and I say it's not that bad. It's THAT bad.
18) You know what I miss most about the eighties: is the pegged jeans. I wouldn't need to get them hemmed! I could just fold and pin. Or staple.
19) If I was a character written by Shakespeare: I would make sure my flowing dresses were majestic. And flattering for petite women.
20) By this time next year: I hope to own a house.
21) A better name for me would be: Tallulah aka LuLu. Then I would feel comfortable wearing two buns in my hair.
22) I have a hard time understanding: close- or narrow-minded people.
23) If I ever go back to school I’ll: get an MBA or PhD from Stanford or Berkeley. Hey, I've already BEEN in school and it was such a struggle. It had better be worth my while to be (1) poor again and (2) having to spend a crap load of time researching and reading journal articles from microfiche. I DETEST microfiche and the microfiche viewer.
24) You know I like you if: I make dates with you. Dinner date, movie date, knitting date, wine date, workout date ... any date.
25) If I won an award: I would make sure my family was there to whoop it up with

me.
26) Darwin, Mozart, Slim Pickens & Geraldine Ferraro:

Darwin-Evolution and my pal from the 3rd grade
Mozart-piano and playing it for 8 years
Slim Pickens-my feeling about good men
Geraldine Ferraro-Google (sadly, what I had to do to find out who she was.)
27) Take my advice, never: perm your hair.

28) My ideal breakfast is: oatmeal with strawberries, blueberries, mandarin oranges and fatfree milk. Mmmm.
29) A song I love, but do not have is: "Smack My Bitch Up." I don't love it but it intrigues me (I have all the songs I love!)
30) If you visit my hometown, I suggest: you visit the Cal State East Bay campus because it's got a beautiful view of the Bay. But I do suggest you NOT visit the Dollar Store on Mission Blvd.
31) Tulips, character flaws, microchips & track stars:

Tulips-My mom's favorite flower
Character flaws-we all have them but you got to figure out what you can put up with
Microchips-(not a darn thing)
Track stars-steroid scandal
32) Why doesn't everyone: take a 30 minute nap in the middle of the day-Oh yes Cyn! I vote that we implement a Mandatory Siesta!
33) If you spend the night at my house: you better not leave shrapnel all over my toilet seat. Ewww. (Hasn't happened to me yet but my poor Sister has stories.)
34) I’d stop my wedding for: a medical emergency
35) The world could do without: Bush (Senior or Junior)
36) I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: eat poo.
37) My favorite blonde is: Drew Barrymore. Shoot, is she a brunette? Then Kelly Ripa. Dangummit, if she's not blond than I have no favorite blonds and a crapload of favorite undercover brunettes.
38) PAPER CLIPS are more useful than: folding paper - You said it, MsLips.
39) If I do anything well, it's: have a fun time just about anywhere I go.
40) And by the way, you should: all cut and paste, change the answers and let me read your responses.