Preschool to TK

Dear Bun,

It's been all about your baby brother lately, hasn't it? You've been such a good sport. I don't sense jealously, rather, just you trying to figure out how you fit.
Yesterday was your first day at your after school care. It's a big deal since you will spend about 6 hours there every weekday once I go back to work. Anyway, one of the teachers, the one who picks you up from TK, stopped us when he saw us park and walk to the entrance.
He told us that you are one of the sweetest, most polite TKers he has met. He said you have wonderful manners and use "please" and "thank you" more than any other TKer he's come across. He ended it by telling us, "Whatever you're doing, you're doing right."
We felt so proud as we walked away. But the credit doesn't just go to us. The village who helps raise you deserves credit too. It started with (and is still!) me and your Daddy, includes your Papa & Nana, included Monique (your first day care provider), then your preschool teachers and now includes your TK & after school teachers.
Most of all, YOU deserve credit. You've always had this sweet, quiet and reserved way about you. You don't command a room, rather, you work it;) Maybe that's not even accurate. Because you genuinely care about people. You want everyone to "be your best friend" and even though people perceive you as shy, I've seen you walk up to kids and ask them to play with you.
You're confused and rightfully hurt when you encounter a child who doesn't want to be your best friend or play with you. You know what? They're loss. Because they will not find a truer friend than you. And when you do make those friends, like your friend Dylan, and I see how kind and loyal you are to one another, it fills my heart.
Like your daddy told you yesterday when you shared how one girl didn't want to be your best friend, you definitely don't have to be friends with everyone. In fact, you won't be friends with everyone. But the friends you will make are going to be great. You have so much love and light in you. Your family and friends are blessed to have you in our lives.
I know it's not easy some days. You want attention and we're giving a lot to your baby brother. Not to mention we give him a lot of our patience too! But know that we LOVE you and are such a treasure.
Love you, baby.

- Posted using BlogPress via iPhone

My schedule is dictated by a 1 month old

What?! The Bean is already 1 month? My schedule couldn't be more simple yet time is just flying by.
I wish I blogged more. But it's hard to fit in. I remembered how much down time there was while on maternity leave. I stupidly (mis-)remembered it as free time. I had plans of small fixer upper home tasks, organization and cleaning I wanted to do.
Barely any of it has happened because my time is not my own. But you know what? I'm BLESSED. Even though it's just now that I'm only spotting (oh, the bleeding. And soreness!) And my chest just finally starting to get used to being "workin' boobs" (People hardly talk about how painful it is in the beginning to breast feed, which is a shame because a woman needs to prepare herself!) All of this is worth it. Because I feel absolutely blessed we were able to have one more child.





- Posted using BlogPress via iPhone

39 Weeks, part 2

Goodness, it's so hard to finish this birth story with two children.
I labored for a total of 22 hours. As I mentioned, 5 hours were without an epidural. I'm not going to lie, it hurt like a mo'fo'. Then I got blissed out for a while. Ahhh.
Some time during the day, I experienced back labor pains for the first time in my life.
HOLY S***. That was a whole new pain I had never experienced. It got to be so bad that one of my nurses contacted the anesthesiologist. He came in and said that he could provide a stronger dosage that would help. Unfortunately, it lasted for only a little while and then the back pain would r-a-g-e again.
I had great nurses who, with the help of The Man, would turn me on my side. I felt a bit like a rotisserie chicken. But whatever it took for me to get maximum benefit from my epidural, right? Hellz yah. The Man and my mom continued to be my side, only leaving to eat or to use the restroom. Thankfully, I wasn't hungry. Probably due to the drugs although the IV drip probably also helped. At least with the thirst.
Around 4:00 PM, in the 21st hour, a nurse said I was finally ready to push. I have to say, I was so relieved because I still worried things were going to go down like last time - after all the laboring, I would only be a few centimeters dilated and it would be all for naught. Again. But nope, my nurse said I was ready to push!
But I was confused. Where was everyone else? I know a cesarean section is major surgery and that's why I had a room full of doctors and nurses. But seriously, just one nurse? I didn't say anything because I was merely curious, not alarmed. And, of course, I was also just plain exhausted. Later, The Man would tell me he thought the same thing. "Uh, my wife is going to start pushing. Where IS everybody else?"
But we were tired. So we did what we were told to do. He held one leg while the nurse held the other. My mom patted my hair and shoulder while I rested between pushes. And, by golly, I pushed with all my might. Well, as much might as I could provide with no feeling from my diaphragm down. It was a lot like one saw on the movies - woman bearing down and pushing with all her might.
Oh, one of the challenges of having an epidural for 17 hours? No food or drink except for water. On the plus side? When one is pushing, the less likelihood of pooping while pushing.
I pushed for nearly an hour. Sometime during that hour, another nurse joined us. I have to say, I knew nurses were bad asses but I didn't know that they had to also manage and facilitate the vaginal births. Hats off to them, they've really got huge jobs that encompass just about everything. I think when The Bean's head was crowning, one of the nurses got the midwife.
Maybe too much time has passed - it's now been 17 days - but I can't remember all the details. For instance, I wish I remembered the two nurses names but I don't. The midwife's name, however, is on The Bean's hospital birth certificate so I know I can at least find that out. She had visited me from time to time to check on me but I hadn't seen her much during my visit. Anyhow, I remember the midwife came in at the very end of my labor and took over. She told me when to push and minutes later, I heard the Bean cry.

I cried when I heard his cry.
Even though I had an epidural, I still more lucid than when I gave birth to The Bun. This is the part that is bitter sweet. The moment when I heard him cry, I was so moved. I looked at The Man and I felt like we, with God, had done something miraculous. I wish I had felt that moment with The Bun. I remember feeling detached from the experience, glad that The Man felt moved by her birth but I had very little emotion. It felt unreal and I was so doped up and out of it. The only thing that makes me feel less guilty is knowing that The Bun doesn't have memories of that experience.
After I heard The Bean's cry, the midwife and nurses vigorously rubbed him down and placed him on my chest. He was so little! It was hard to believe he was 7 lbs. 3 oz. and 20 inches long. He looked itty bitty like The Bun! But he wasn't. While he was by no means huge, my lady parts told me otherwise as my midwife took several minutes to stitch me up. How many stitches? She didn't say and I was too chicken to ask.
 Thankfully, recovery was a lot different from my first pregnancy. I was able to leave the hospital one day after giving birth. They have a policy in which the mother and baby have to stay at least 24 hours after the birth. I recalled not getting a ton of rest after my first delivery but, because we had made it known we were interested in leaving the next day, we got extremely little rest. We have hospital staff coming into the room just about every hour, sometimes more during regular business hours. It was ridiculous. But in addition to the 24 hour policy, we also had to stay because it took a while for me to get feeling back in my legs. I couldn't go to the bathroom unassisted for quite a while. When I thought everything was fine and kind of dismissed the nurse's request (more like demand) that I contact them if I need to use the restroom, I almost fell from the toilet onto the floor. My right leg, the one taking the longest to regain feeling, just gave out on me. So yes, after that experience, I pressed the call button every single time I needed to use the loo.
I know I'm not giving all the details like I did with The Bun's. For instance, I didn't write about how I didn't recover feeling back in my legs until about 12 hours after I gave birth. And how when they moved me from Labor & Delivery to Post Partum, I swear I had the smallest nurses who thought they could transfer me by a wheelchair. But when they realized I couldn't move myself AT ALL and there was no way they could lift with their 95 lbs bodies, they had to move me by bed. And even that was a freakin' s-show because they eventually had to transfer me onto another bed. And all I could do was lie there and try to pull myself  up with my arms which was a joke because I have very little upper body strength.
But at least it's done. For the most part. I wanted to write down The Bean's birth before I plum forget everything. Currently, I'm waking up every 2-3 hours every night to feed and we have that same schedule during the day. I'm thankful God blessed me with a good pregnancy, labor and healthy baby so I try to keep that top of mind when I'm bone weary:)


- Posted using BlogPress via iPhone

39 weeks.

This pregnancy has, in just about every way, been different than my first. There were little and significant differences - my skin changed for the better instead of for the worse, my hair was drier this time around rather than voluminous, I didn't get morning sickness, I didn't have gestation diabetes, and while I had the same weight gain, I showed a lot more this time around.
It's so funny. I couldn't remember how far along I was with The Bun before I gave birth. Thanks to this little blog, I see that I was in my 38th week. This time around, I was wondering if I would be going past 40! The Bean appeared to be very comfortable, resting high in my uterus and I wasn't having any contractions, Braxton-Hicks or real.
Funny how things just fall into place or happen for a reason. The Man had been working crazy hours, doing double shifts and it looked like it wouldn't stop until I gave birth. On Monday, July 21st, he had worked a full day and planned to go back around 10 PM, the usual as of late. Instead of resting, though, he accompanied me to pick up The Bun at preschool. Ordinarily he wouldn't do that but I was doing my friend a favor and meeting one of her customers at a local coffee shop to give him some product samples on her behalf. (She lives in Hawaii so, clearly, couldn't do it herself.) I felt safe enough since we were meeting in a public place but The Man didn't like the idea that his whole family - wife, daughter and son-in-utero - were going to meet a stranger so he came along.
We picked up The Bun from school and then went to one of our favorite local coffee shops to wait for the guy. We ended up eating dinner because the guy was stuck in traffic. Once he got there, I gave him the sample and we quickly headed home. The Bun's bedtime is supposed to be at 7:30 PM but it takes us a while to get her ready for bed.
We parked our van in our reserved spot and started to walk to our home. Just steps away from the van, I felt a warm sensation and wondered briefly if I just lost control of my bladder. I looked down and didn't see anything running down from my shorts or running down my legs but the sensation continued. I felt my bottom and it was wet. Ohh, that's right.
"Hon," I said and The Man turned. "Hon, I think my water broke."
"Are you serious?" He later told me he asked that because he didn't see anything running down my legs so I must have been joking.
"Yup. I'm pretty sure my water just broke."
We both paused and looked at each other. I had not experienced my bag of waters naturally breaking so this was new to both of us. I can't remember word for word what he said but essentially it was something like, "OK, let's go."
Honestly, I didn't read any books this time around. I did have two pregnancy apps, one free and one purchased, that sent me reminders and notifications of what to expect. But that had been the extent of my preparation and research. Luckily, I did remember that if I wasn't experiencing contractions, it was a good indicator that I had time to do things like take a shower.
While The Bun and I showered, The Man made calls to his work. He had to cancel the work that was scheduled for tonight as well as talk to his boss and the man who would take over while The Man goes out on paternity leave. The Bun figured out that something was going on and I did my best to explain to her that the baby was coming so mama and daddy had to go to the hospital. She didn't quite understand why she couldn't join us (insert super cute sad face) but she could tell that it wasn't the time to negotiate.
We drove to my parents house so we could drop off The Bun with my dad and pick up my mom who wanted to be there for the birth. (My dad emphatically said he would rather take care of his granddaughter. I'm guessing the waiting and the blood made going to the hospital unappealing to him.) By this time, my contractions were significant enough for me to start timing them. They were roughly six minutes apart.
Our new hospital had just opened in June. Oh, the luck! This one had all the great new nurses from the old hospital but all the perks of an updated facility - all private rooms, free wi-fi, yadda yadda. The Man, being the man, wanted to do a dry run last weekend so we were familiar on where to park, what floor to be on and where to check in. Unfortunately, they weren't giving tours yet so we knew what to do ... up until checking in to Labor & Delivery.
It was quiet anti-climatic. I thought that they would be in more of a hurry since my water broke and I was having contractions. Nope. The OB-GYN was performing a cesarean section and the mid-wife was working with a patient in critical condition. The nurse said I was going to have to labor on my own for a little bit since I was still in the beginning stages.
I was first put in an admitting room that wasn't bad at all. It was small but big enough to fit a bed and seats for my mom & The Man. There was a good sized flat screen TV ... but they made you watch 3-4 hospital videos about the new facility and care before you could watch TV. It's not terrible but isn't distracting enough when one is weathering contractions.
After the midwife delivered a baby, she was able to check on me. Specifically, check the fluid from my pad in my panties (I know, TMI but part of the story so and isn't this whole entry TMI?) to make sure it was my water breaking and not something else. Of course it was so I was admitted.
I was then moved to this HUGE room, twice maybe even triple the size of the holding room, complete with a warming station for the baby, special lights in the ceiling I just knew were pretty much spotlights aimed right for my lady parts when it was time, and a good sized bathroom. I later realized that it's also big enough to walk around so one doesn't have to walk and labor in the halls.
Evidently at Kaiser, if you're having a standard birth, you are assigned a midwife. If you're pregnancy is considered high risk, you get a doctor. This time, I had a mid-wife. I'd normally be totally fine with that EXCEPT I suspect that this specific midwife didn't like pain relief medication. Because when I told her I wanted an epidural (remember, I had started to have stronger contractions in the holding room), she told me that she doesn't recommend an epidural until I was at least 5 centimeters dilated because an epidural could delay my labor. At that time, I was only at 2 1/2.
I went on to have about five hours of labor with no epidural. Maybe it's needless to say but I'm going to say it - I was miserable. In the type of person that always goes for the pain relief and not try mind over matter or ride the pain out or any of that other nonsense. Yup, I wrote nonsense.
Eventually, there was a shift change and the new midwife introduced herself. I remember her frowning when she saw I was in pain. She asked me if I wanted an epidural and I told her I was told I had to wait until I was 5 centimeters. She then said that my comfort was a priority so if I wanted an epidural, I should get one. And she went and immediately contacted the anesthesiologist. Unfortunately, I was having strong enough contractions that it was challenging to get the epidural in me. Along with the anesthesiologist, there was a nurse assisting him. She was quite militant and kept sternly telling me they I cannot move when the doctor started because he needed me to be very still. When a contraction would start, she would reprimand me before I did anything that I MUST not move.
Ordinarily, when I'm in a vulnerable state, I tend to default to a meek character. But she was really ticking me off by proactively reprimanding me before I even did anything that I finally snapped, "I'm NOT moving!" She looked butt hurt and said she was only trying to help because it's a delicate procedure. But I didn't care, she had pissed me off.
What a world of difference! Once I got the epidural coursing through my body, it was like night and day. Although I wasn't allowed any food or drink except water, it was heavenly. I could relax, I could even sleep. In fact, when The Man wanted to take a photo of us, I could even calmly reapply my eyeliner beforehand!
Heavenly.

- Posted using BlogPress via iPhone

38 weeks and my bag is packed.

Oh me oh my. Well, I'm only a week behind now:p I'm actually on my 39th week but haven't taken a photo yet.
This is the Bun and my 38th photo from last week:

How cute is she? She loves that bear. That bear has "SF State" monogrammed on it in purple. She calls him, "Berry Blueberry". Or maybe it's "Beary Blueberry". In any case, I think it's quite clever.
I have a bag packed and in my car for the "just in case" scenario. Just in case I'm at the doctor's and she decides I need to be admitted, like last time. Or just in case my water breaks in the middle of the night and I go into labor. Although, I must say, Baby Boy seems extremely content. Like, we're-going-to-go-past-40-weeks content. No false or real contractions in sight.
Here is his going home outfit:
Nothing fancy but it's so soft and I like that it has snaps versus a zipper. I learned from The Bun that snaps are better because I could keep her top covered while I changed her diaper. Very important when you have a skinny baby with no fat to keep her warm! Although, again, doesn't seem like this baby is going to have the same issue:p I pray he is a healthy baby but of slight weight. Someone in my church recently gave birth to a 11+ lbs baby girl. I think that would rip me to shreds.
- Posted using BlogPress via iPhone

And I was doing so well! 35, 36 and 37 weeks.

Ah, crud. I was really happy with how I got back into the swing of things regarding my blog. And then I fell off the wagon.
What can I say? Other than I got even more tired, busy with wrapping up the j-o-b before maternity leave and kick starting my network marketing business.
I know ... what?! Who decides to start a business in her 9th month? THIS chick. Seriously, though. I decided to be more involved and give it a go even though it's probably the craziest time to do so. I've never done anything like this before but I really love the products and am truly grateful to have them in my life. I genuinely believe they made me be healthier by eating better, all while reaping the added benefits like weight loss. Anyway, I can say a lot more but it would sound like a sales pitch. Let me just say that the health products made such a positive impact on me that I moved forward even if it seemed like a crazy time to explore this new venture!
All these things and LIFE (my lovely family, friends and regular routine) caused me to drop a ball - this blog.

35 weeks.

36 weeks.

37 weeks. Taken today!

The Bun is a GREAT sport. She often doesn't feel like taking photos. Correction: She doesn't feel like taking 10-15 shots until her vain mama finds one that she likes! But she gets into it and we eventually have some great ones, like the most recent one. Her smile is beautiful.

This is my first week of maternity leave. I had my doctor's appointment today (moving forward, weekly, until I give birth). There was a big part of me that was nervous it would be deja-vu. I worried that I would be admitted due to preeclampsia and have to have a c-section again. Fortunately, all was fine with my check-up and I was free to go about the rest of my day. 

Every day I pray that The Bean is healthy physically and mentally. I'm anxious and excited to meet him, knowing that the day will be life-changing ... and painful. I told The Man that if I got a solid week of rest (unlike my first pregnancy in which I was admitted to the hospital on my very first day of maternity leave!), I would be OK if he came a week or two early. The Man, however, does not feel prepared and wants our little guy to arrive on time, no later and definitely no earlier;)

34 weeks.

Posting a week late. I completely forgot. I've been working at work. Then, when I get home, I'm 1) napping 2) getting in some family time 3) chores/errands 4) network marketing 5) futzing

But here are some cute pictures:

Big Sister shirt from my friend, Stacey.

Our Week 34 photo submission.

The Bun and friend modeling kimonos made of scarves (the preschool director's daughter is very creative.)

Now they're modeling saris (told you she was creative.)

I don't know what this is but it's another look created by scarves.

Basically, this post has turned into a page showing off the cuteness of The Bun!

- Posted using BlogPress via iPhone

33 weeks.

Oh boy, he's coming very soon:) It's exciting and frightening all at the same time.
Here are this week's photos. I can only upload them through the blogger mobile app so I can't tell which one I picked for Facebook until they're already uploaded. I believe it's the second photo:

Bean, isn't your sister adorable?

<7 weeks to go!

The reduced hours at work help. I try to sleep as soon as I get home so that I'm not a tired mess when it's time for me to pick up The Bun from preschool. Or when she gets home because The Man picked her up from her grandparents. These little naps help so much.
My nights have gotten worse. I used to be able to go right back to sleep when I would wake up but now I stay up for hours. Last night, I took a Benadryl (something I had done before but didn't want to depend on so stopped) and it helped a lot. It's supposed to be perfectly safe for pregnancy so I'm going to start it again. Sleep has also been affected because The Man has had to work a double shirt, going back at night. Since I'm such a light sleeper now, I tend to wake up when he gets home because the pups make such a ruckus. He tries to prevent this by sleeping downstairs and that helps a little. It reminds me of my first pregnancy. The Man didn't work a double shift but his scheduled changed to swing so he would come back very early in the morning. The pups would lose their $hit and everyone would be awake after midnight.
I also have to be careful of my hormones. I'm more emotional and paranoid but I keep it in check by thinking through all my feelings before acting out on them. I think this has saved me just about every day:p I don't want to perpetuate the stereotype of women because off their rocker during their woman time but it's a bit like that. It's like the most hormonal PMS day, every day. But being aware of it helps so I can rationalize my thoughts rather than just act out. Admittedly, the one emotion that's hard to control is anger so it's challenging for me to prevent snapping at someone, especially if it's because I'm snapping back in response of being attacked. Yes, I tend to want to cut a b****.
I'm a worry wart about what matters most to me - my marriage - but The Man is really good at showing me how he loves me through his actions so I focus on that rather than what I perceive as "problems." I also worry about my relationship with The Bun, my parents, as well as worry about my career but, again, I try hard to keep my paranoia in check.
Doctor says I'm tracking perfectly. The Bean's heartbeat is strong and so are his kicks! Have a minor infection but nothing over the counter meds can't fix, said the doctor, so I'm not worried. Again, just excited and nervous;)
-Posted using BlogPress via iPhone

32 weeks: 8 months!

Oh me, oh my, I am soooo tired. I know, I'm even annoying myself by how much I say and write it. But if I could sleep for the remaining <8 weeks, I totally would. Alas, that isn't feasible when you have a little girl, 2 pups and a hubby.
I posted the photo below and someone on FB said it looks like The Bun is blowing up a balloon.
Yep, that seems about right.

She is too cute. And such a trooper! I owe her a Mama/Daughter outing.

- Posted using BlogPress via iPhone

False alarm and exhaustion

I had a little bit of a scare this past weekend. On Saturday night, after a nap, I got out of bed a little too quickly because The Bun was calling me. I felt like a little ol' biddy because as soon as I got up, My side really hurt. I didn't think I could actually hurt myself getting out of bed (I thought I had decades before that would be my reality) but it happened. The pain, while still there, did subside and I was able to fall asleep a couple of hours later.

On Sunday morning, my side was sore but I got up before The Man and The Bun. I attempted to do the laundry but my left side hurt even more. Enough that I had to stop and lie back down. But the pain didn't go away, in fact, lying down made it worse. The Man heard my sounds of discomfort and asked me in a whispered voice if I was OK. I told him that it really hurt to move. He looked concerned and asked if I thought the baby was OK. I decided to call my health plan's advice line rather than tough it out because if the baby wasn't OK, I would feel terrible.

I went into The Bun's room around 7:00 AM and spoke to the advice line nurses. They thought everything was probably fine because the pain was on my side and not my front but because I hadn't felt the baby move since I woke up, it was best I go to Labor & Delivery Triage to make sure I was OK.

I do not have the fondest memories of L&D Triage. It's where I went when my doctor (on my FIRST day of maternity leave w/ The Bun!) told me that I would have to be admitted because I had preeclampsia. The hospital, in general, has been a tough place to go to given my visits in 2012. But when else do you go to the hospital except when you feel crummy? Can't fault them for the bad experiences. I was hoping, though, this wouldn't be another one added to the bunch.

In the end, all was well. Phew. They hooked me up to a machine to monitor The Bean's heart beat which we heard, loud and strong. The nurse chastised me after hearing that I hadn't eaten. I was a bit defense, saying it was 6-7 AM when I called and I wasn't hungry at the time. After I got juice and crackers, I felt regular movement from the Bean. (Duly noted that if I want to kick baby's bum in gear, I have to eat!)

They said that I could take Tylenol but that rest would be the best for my side pain. The doctor suspected I strained a ligament and said that I have to remember to take it easy. She said it could take up to 48 hours to feel back to normal. But after a day of rest, I felt great. Big thanks to The Man and The Bun for giving me that day to stay in bed!

I thought it would be smooth sailing since my first and second trimesters were pretty much cake. But once I hit the 30 week mark, I really slowed down. I'm tired all the time and feel a lot bigger (I've maybe gained a pound in the past two weeks.) On my last appointment, my doctor said my test results were normal and suggested I take more iron. She also said that, if possible, I should try to go on leave earlier than I intended. She suggests at the end of June rather than mid-July. I have to talk to HR because I'm not sure if that affects my benefits. See, my one year anniversary is July 15th and to qualify for full maternity benefits, I have to be at my job for a year:/

I hope I qualify because I am exhausted. I finally told my boss because it was really getting to me. I admit I was a little afraid to say something but it helped that there was another pregnant person in my department who altered her schedule mid-way through her second trimester. I asked to do the same but I'm well in my third. My boss said I could work up until 3 PM (instead of 5 PM) and work from home one day a week. I hope this helps.

Other than that, I cant really complain. I feel very fortunate to have an all-around good pregnancy and pray every day that I'll be blessed enough to have a good labor and delivery, too.

31 Weeks.

Dear Bean and Bun,

Today I was able to take a break from work and go on a walk (yay!) like a good pregnant mama. Even though this song is relatively new, it reminded me of my college days - We are Young by F.U.N. It makes me think of songs like Closing Time by Semisonic (that's definitely more my era):
Tonight
We are young
So let’s set the world on fire
We can burn brighter than the sun

Tonight
We are young
So let’s set the world on fire
We can burn brighter than the sun

This song reminds me of college because it talks about how we are going to take the world by storm. There is a time in your life where you will feel like the world is your oyster and you can and will accomplish anything! My babies, you probably wonder why I'm even bringing this up. When you are old enough to read this, or better yet, understand where I'm coming from, you will see me simply as "mom". You won't think I was ever cool enough to go out bar-hopping, flirt with guys or basically capable of having any fun. It will hurt, but I get it. I still question if your Nana ever had the kind of fun that I would consider my kind of fun.
I decided to write to you guys instead of my normal writing to no one in particular because as I was walking my two miles and listening to this song, I thought, "Man, my life is different." Keep in mind that I was walking pretty slow and it felt like my uterus was going to drop out from under me at any moment. No, babies, I don't blame you at all. I feel absolutely blessed to be pregnant with you, Bean. The discomfort just comes along with the territory.
Anyway, I was listening to the song and rubbing my sore belly thinking about how different my life was 12 years ago. I reminisced how much smaller my body was and how I wish I appreciated it more. I thought about how my belly (while never hard) was taut, my figure was cute and why didn't I work it more? I was self-conscious about how it was more soft than muscular but I shouldn't have cared! I also thought about how I had a lot less worries because my world was smaller. I didn't have a mortgage, big bills or other lives to think about. Your papa and nana were strong and healthy so all this enabled me to be self-centered and concentrate on things like graduating, boys, friends, going out, and getting my first real job.
Babies, I admit, I do miss that body I had. Just because it was so small! A size 4, thank-you-very-much! But everything else ... see, babies, if I could have that life all over again over what I have now, I wouldn't. Because while I have such fond memories, I wouldn't have grown as a person. There is something to be said about youth. Being young is lovely! But I'm also so very happy now. There were parts to my early 20s I certainly don't miss. I hated dating! I was terrible at it. I feel so blessed that I met your daddy when I was just 22-going-on-23 years old. Not everyone gets to meet their soul mate so early in life. Some are blessed to meet their life partners at a younger age. But I believe God introduced me to your Dad when he did because I needed  a few hard life lessons to appreciate a good man when one was finally introduced to me. Otherwise, I might have taken him for granted.
I also appreciate you grandparents more because of you two. I regret to write that even now, I think I take Nana & Papa for granted at times but I try very hard to always appreciate them. That's what happens when you have fantastic parents - that level of awesomeness becomes an expectation. Well, when you, The Bun, came into my life, I realized just how selfless and giving my parents were and are to me. They were and are always, always there for me. I had no doubt that when I needed them, I could count on them. I thought that's how everyone's parents are but, sadly, this isn't the case. I never, ever needed for anything. They always provided.

Thirteen years ago, I thought I wanted to go into broadcast journalism. In fact, that’s what I was studying when I met your dad. Fast forward to now, I work for a Catholic college preparatory school and currently have 10 years of non-profit work under my belt. What?! Back then, I had no interest, whatsoever, in mission-based work. Yet here I am. And I love it. I tried going back into for-profit briefly but it wasn’t for me. My career has had many twists and turns but I am very happy where I am now. Who would’ve thought? Certainly not me but I am absolutely content.

What I’m trying to say is that I think back to my youth fondly. And maybe you will find me reminiscing when I’m elbow-deep in poop, tears and/or dirty laundry about my good old days. I will also always wish and strive for the body I had in my early 20s. But, and this is the most important and biggest “but”, know that you two, Daddy, the pups, Nana & Papa and our wonderful family and friends make up what I believe are the best days of my life. I feel absolutely blessed to have as lovely of a little girl as you, Bun. You are so amazing to me because you are just filled with love, goodness, sass and good humor. Bean, we’re excited to get to know you! But for right now, I feel so blessed to be able to carry you because I didn’t think I could have a baby again.

You both are miraculous. And, even when I’m irritable or upset, never doubt that you are loved. Utterly and completely. 

Bean, your big sister is so excited for you to join our family.

I hope you two will be lovey dovey and each other's best friend.

- Posted using BlogPress via iPhone

Bun-lish. And a 30 weeks update.

My sweet sweet girl. You are growing up too fast. I've been meaning for months - yes, months! - to write about the adorable sayings you have because you outgrow them so fast. For instance, when you were a wee little toddler, you would say, "Ahh-bah!" We guessed you were trying to say your name but we could only guess.
A couple of things you said this past year -
"Renever?" for "Remember?" and I can't help but respond, "I renever!" Because it just charms me to pieces.
"Disdappeared" instead of "Disappeared." I don't know where that additional D came from but, again, it makes me smile. You are so, so cute.
I'm sure there are more and I'll add them when I "renever."
Other things I want to remember and have you know:
You tell me how much you love Jin-Jin, a boy at school. It's quite sweet. You share a cubby with him and I think started school around the same time. He didn't speak a lick of English when you met him but Miss Amy said you guys took to each other immediately. You tell me and Daddy how you love him so much and want to marry him. You tell us how you hug him as well as other "best friends". Girlfriend, you have a lot of best friends! You love Daisy B, Daisy H, Cameron, Kylie, Daniel, and I'm sure there are others. Again, I can't remember. (Notice a theme? FYI: Your mama didn't always have a sketchy memory but becoming a mama and then getting pregnant has pretty much wiped out my ability to remember just about anything that doesn't have to do with us getting through our day.) Miss Amy also says you are the most popular girl in school. Now, know that is never going to be a goal. I don't expect nor want you to be the most popular. But it is what it is - Miss Amy said that you are so friendly and sweet that just about all the kids take to you. There's also a boy who is extremely popular to but - you guessed it - I don't remember his name!
Anyway, I kind of wondered if Miss Amy was exaggerating but in the mornings, when I drop you off kind of late and most of the kids are already there, I swear you are like Norm from Cheers. We walk in and a bunch of kids say, "Yay! Ava's here! Hi Ava!" and "Hey everyone, Ava's here!" I kid you not. Then at least two kids come up to you and hug you.
Daddy wonders if we should have put you in preschool earlier instead of a home day care because you are a bit reserved or shy. But it seems like you are doing just fine. It takes you a little bit to warm up to people or situations but it's OK. I would rather have you be a bit cautious than throw yourself into any and all situations. I like that you observe and wait a little bit. I guess because that is what makes you, YOU.
I love you so much. We love you so much. (Oh boy, do you have Daddy wrapped around your little chubby finger! Of course, you are totally Daddy's girl:) I know, that's stating the obvious but as you grow older, you become more and more lovely. You are thoughtful, funny, smart, clever and absolutely beautiful inside and out. I feel so blessed to have a daughter like you. You are such a kind person and I want us to continue to nurture that. Your heart is so pure. I know that you will grow older and, with that, naturally comes a loss of innocence as years go by. But if we can help you to be a strong woman as well as everything you currently are, well, that would be wonderful. I LOVE YOU.

Us out to breakfast for Mother's Day.

You with your furry sisters.

You wanted to have your drink in the photo because you liked it so much.
You may have a career in product placement;)

30 Weeks Update Oh man, I'm really feeling it. I'm so tired lately and feel h-u-g-e. It's hard to believe I've got 8-10 weeks to go. On one hand, we need the time to prepare our home because the baby's room is nowhere near ready. Our old bed frame is in there and man, is it a big bed frame! The crib is still disassembled and in the garage. Most importantly, we still have no name for you! Dear Bean, whatever are we going to call you? We just can't find a name we're passionate about. We've gone through family names, biblical names, names we simply like. But we can't find one where we love enough and is important enough to use as your name.  On the other hand, 10 weeks seems like a long time to wait for you. I am pooped, Bean. You have been a lovely pregnancy, quite honestly. Other than the lack of sleep and (this is TMI) having a flow problem when going #1. Let me be frank, I don't know why but there is absolutely no pressure when I go to the bathroom so it's like a slow drip. But those are minimal complaints. No morning sickness, gestational diabetes, no skin issues, and no back issues (I do go to the chiropractor to combat aches and pains, though!) I am, however, extremely tired. I work full-time but I thought that since I hardly travel, it wouldn't be a big deal. But all I want to do now is sleep on the weekends and in the evenings because I am spent after being at work all day/week. This last stretch is proving to be a challenge. Again, though, I feel blessed to have had a great pregnancy up until now. So here we are, you in utero and your big sister all cute-ified for her class photos:)

I love you both so much.

28 & 29 weeks

Whoops! I'm really behind.
Well, these photos are the perfect illustration of how Bay Area temperatures went from the low 60s to the 90s in just one week. It is h-o-t right now.

28 weeks: Quite chilly just one week ago. 

29 weeks: We took this early in the morning which is the only reason we had sweaters!

The Bean and I are growing quite steadily. When I posted the second photo on FB, I half jokingly wrote that I was close to eclipsing my daughter's face. There's some truth to that.

- Posted using BlogPress via iPhone

I left my 20-something year old heart in San Francisco

I've been sitting on this post for two weeks now. My only excuse is this: I was on break for a week and a half. I came back to work for a day and then attended a three-day work conference.
I'm still not completely caught up at work.
But I was very thankful to be sent to this conference. My last company was so strict with funds. They ran a very tight ship. Extremely tight. I had to plead my case for quite a few career development workshops I attended and paid for my own career-related business membership while at my old organization. I admit, it was often times frustrating but I understand. The organization comprised of mainly fundraisers so what they did for one, they would have to do for all. They offered internal online classes as a alternative but it just wasn't the same. Now I work for an organization and boss who find and present learning opportunities to me. And there's a budget for this, for career development. I love it. I'm a perpetual learner and would be a student for life if someone paid me to do it. (Alas, it is not a legit gig.)
What was also wonderful about attending this conference is my work also OK-ed me staying at the hotel where it was being held. The hotel was not cheap so it was awesome to enjoy a nice hotel in the financial district. Frankly, I dreaded the thought of getting up extremely earlier to drop off The Bun at preschool and then fight my way through the Bay Area morning commute and city traffic.
Because I had no commute and The Bean has me waking up early no matter where I sleep, I decided to take advantage of the opportunity and walk as the city was waking up:

Ferry Building.
(Not sure if it's just my computer but the photos are A LOT clearer if you click on them to view on full-screen.)

Walking along the Embarcadero.

My favorite bridge in the Bay Area because it holds so many memories.
Well, the island attached to it, to be exact.

The sun lighting up more of the Embarcadero.

I never grow tired of this bridge. I only wished I had caught the light installation.

Under the Bay Bridge. They are engineering marvels if you think about it, aren't they?

My attempts at panoramic. I just have no patience for it.

Forgive the excessive bridge photos. The sunrise was just so impressive and breathtaking in person.

My lovely yet overpriced room. Big thanks and a shout out to the J-O-B!

My second and last morning traipsing about the city. 

I liked the same path I took the morning before so I just did it again. That and it felt safe.

The other side of the Ferry Building. If the picture is too blurry, it reads, "Port of San Francisco". Or you can click on it to see it clearly in full-screen.

I know, I've got to get over this bridge! Well, I also liked how pristine the Embarcadero looked with its fanciful palm trees.

Another lovely sunrise.

In addition to needing my j-o-b's support, I also needed The Man's. He has to be at work by 7 AM so I arranged for The Bun to go to her former day care provider a little before 6 AM for two of these days. The Man didn't balk at all and got up super early to prepare himself and The Bun to get out the door by 5:15 AM. I'm very thankful to him for knowing how important going to this conference was to me and just making it work.

I try to not take things for granted. I know some people probably think, "What's the big deal? It was just a stupid work conference." But for me, it was so much more. It was my employer showing me just how important they think I am to the organization by investing in educating me. It was the educational benefit - I was surrounded by peers from universities who have triple to ten times the budget my little department of one has as well as college prep schools like mine who had much more established engagement and fundraising programs. It was an amazing learning experience! It was also my partner in life willing to be inconvenienced for a couple of mornings so that I could sleep in the city and not have to commute for three days in a row. It was having the opportunity to reunite with my old stomping grounds - a city where I used to go to go to school, live and work. It was all of this.

I could see San Francisco from the hills where I grew up. It seemed so exciting and metropolitan in comparison to the urban suburbs. SF was merely 45 minutes away from Hayward but it was a different world. A much more exciting and sophisticated world! I swore I would live there one day.
In my late teens and early 20s, I did. I attended university, had internships, lived and worked there. Even when I moved back to parents', I commuted to the city for my master's degree, more internships and jobs. I figured I would move back once I found a job. 

But then I fell in love with a boy who lived in the opposite end of the Bay Area. Literally. He lived 20 minutes away from the Gilroy outlets (if you live in the Bay Area, you know exactly what I mean.) I eventually grew to appreciate my side of the bay - in all honesty, because of convenience more than anything else!  I certainly loved it more than his section because I just never learned to enjoy it. No offense to South Bay lovers but, to me, it was really hot and had congested freeways. After graduation, I found a job on the Peninsula, and then the following job was based in the East Bay. With all of these factors, San Francisco just wasn't in the cards for me anymore. 

San Francisco represents quite a bit to me - a huge chapter in my life. When you live so close, there really isn't a good reason to spend the money to stay in the city.This is why it was so wonderful to be in a hotel for a few days as well as catch up with my friends during my conference breaks (I had three SF friends come out to see me for lunch and dinners and it was great!) My every day life keeps me so busy that it's hard to go anywhere other than work and home.  It was so nice catching up with old friends. And then it was nice to go home.

As lovely as my memories are of San Francisco, now I live in the 'burbs. I mean truly, it's a town. Despite not having any good restaurants in my town, I adore it. It's good for my family and close to my parents. My commute is now less than 20 minutes to my great job. I'm very happy. It's where I belong.

Posted using BlogPress via iPhone