I evidently have panic attacks. And NO, it's not self-diagnosed, I sought out a professional!
Working for the company that I do, I am very aware of my health, specifically my heart. For the past couple of weeks, I've been getting mild chest pains at night. It would happen when The Man and I are laying in bed, watching television. It felt abnormal, but I would forget about it in the morning thus forgetting to make an appointment. I would then remember at night.
Two days ago, I began to have these pains and shortness of breath in the morning while driving. It certainly served as a big ass reminder that I meant to see my physician. I decided to call Kaiser to make an appointment. Yesterday I saw my physician. She said that if it was a heart problem, my breath wouldn't coincide with my palpitations. The doc still requested an EKG and blood work.
Got the results and everything looks A-OK.
WTF - Panic Attacks?
Before I went to the lab, the doctor and I discussed this and she said that even though I'm not more stressed than normal, I could still have them. I am grateful that I'm not a walking time bomb and about the keel over and have a heart attack. But I kind of feel like a fraud. I mean, what the hell am I panicking about? Luckily, they aren't affecting me in any way other than mild chest pains and needing to catch my breath at times. But I hope they go away. Because, seriously, What The Hell?!
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
I did it! And it felt SO GOOD!
I didn't know a diplomatic way of deleting folks on my Facebook. Or what to use as the cut off point. I mean, sure, keep the family and good friends, of course. And, of course, there are people I would obviously delete for good reasons. But what about all those in between people? Like the high schoolmates I haven't seen or talked to in over 12 years? Wouldn't I have to keep all since they ran in the same circle? And I didn't DISlike the guy I only talked to a few times over 10 years ago because of my ex-boyfriend. But I also don't anticipate ever carrying on a conversation with him. Ever. What to do?
I started ALL OVER. I didn't discriminate - I deleted ALL my friends. And now I know.
I don't have to accept everyone. I also don't have to seek out every single person I ever ran into in my 30 years. (Umm, it goes w/o saying, if you have access to this blog, I certainly WANT to be connected to you.) I was tired of being a Pokemon and I was disgusted w/ the fact that I was a Pokemon collector myself. I sure as hell don't talk to 143 people in an even somewhat-moderate basis.
I have to say, it feels pretty darn good to start a new!
I started ALL OVER. I didn't discriminate - I deleted ALL my friends. And now I know.
I don't have to accept everyone. I also don't have to seek out every single person I ever ran into in my 30 years. (Umm, it goes w/o saying, if you have access to this blog, I certainly WANT to be connected to you.) I was tired of being a Pokemon and I was disgusted w/ the fact that I was a Pokemon collector myself. I sure as hell don't talk to 143 people in an even somewhat-moderate basis.
I have to say, it feels pretty darn good to start a new!
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Workin' nine to five ...
I figured it's okay to write a little bit about work since this is a private blog now. I meant to post last week and write about my good news. See, I was so happy a couple of weeks ago because I found out something really fantastic on our affiliate conference call. We have them quarterly, when all the offices and telecommuters call in and are informed how we're doing nationally and the affiliate level (California, Nevada & Utah.) Anyway, I'm listening while driving - on a headset, of course, because I'm no dummy - and they announce a couple of prestigious awards. No, I did not get one of them. But then they announce the participants of this year's Leadership class. This was something started two years ago by our Executive Vice President. Employees are nominated by their supervisors and from those nominations, 12 people out of the entire affiliate are chosen. In their words, "The concept of the program was derived from our desire to recognize individuals throughout the affiliate who, in addition to making exceptional contributions to the organization, also role model the leadership capabilities which will propel us forward. It's designed to facilitate focused attention on nurturing leadership potential while challenging individuals to develop the talent of others."
I did get this:) And I was so excited for several reasons. First of all, I was really honored that my supervisor nominated me. It feels good to know my boss thinks I have potential. This also showed she really listened to me. She had asked what I wanted in terms of career growth during my year end evaluation last year. I told her that it is very important for me to continuing learning because it keeps me stimulated and challenged me.
Secondly, I know that since it's the program's third year, more nominations than ever before were made for these 12 slots. I also know for a fact that I don't generate the most revenue, largely due to my territory. Many of my colleagues very talented and hard working individuals. Quite a few are able to produce numbers me and my territory could only dream of having one day! So to be recognized among so many phenomenal people really rejuvenated my passion for my job and the company. This also reaffirmed that the organization, indeed, recognizes other abilities and specialties in addition to "showing them the money". I'm so happy and grateful for that.
Lastly, it's because I truly believe what I told my boss. I love to learn new things. But having a full time job makes me shamefully complacent and unmotivated to explore education opportunities. So to have the opportunity given to me by my company is absolutely amazing.
On top of all that, our raises finally kicked in! Due to the economic climate, my company made the decision to freeze any raises that were earned in July until January. Since this decision prevented any lay offs, I couldn't really get upset. But thank goodness they finally kicked in! Things were basically sunshine and roses.
Then, two days ago, I found out the my largest account - which is actually an umbrella for several smaller accounts - decided that they couldn't be my client this year, after all. Understandably, the economy and proposed state budget cuts are freaking them out (there really isn't a better term because they really are freaked out) and they feel they need to save every penny. And I really mean it - I UNDERSTAND. But I am losing 25% of the total income I brought in last year. See, even though I knew it was going to be a pretty hard year, I counted on the fact that I would at least generate the same amount of revenue that I did last year. I sought out all my clients at the end of the fiscal year to get recommitments for this year. Then I worked hard to bring in new accounts, more than making up for the ones I couldn't renew. I even projected that I would have an increase this year, just not a large one. Now I am missing 1/4 of last year's revenue. I will have a very difficult time reaching last year's numbers. Pretty improbable since I would have to have NONE of my other accounts drop. Attrition of some kind is always a factor and I would have to have zero attrition in order to achieve last year's numbers.
Basically, no matter what I do, I will not get a good end of the year evaluation. Because my job, and I knew this when I took it, is primarily evaluated on the revenue I bring in. Sure, I can be a great employee. I could even score top notch marks on every other aspect of my position. And maybe my boss will give me a perfect evaluation. But it won't matter. Because 80% of my review is if I made an increase from last year's numbers. If I do not make an increase or, at the very least, reach last year's revenue, I will automatically get a poor review.
How's that for royally effed?
I still love my job. And I'm very thankful to HAVE a job. It's just, well, I have the competitive side of me. The side that wants to be one of the best and, HELL YAH wants to beat my last year's self, is really disappointed. I will continue to work hard. I will continue to give my job my all. But in the back of my mind, I will know that no matter what I do, I will not do nearly as well as last year and that my evaluation will be sub par. And that blows.
So there you have it. Regarding work, I had a really great week two weeks ago. And then I had a crappy end of the week just two days ago. But any way you slice it, I am happy to be working.
I did get this:) And I was so excited for several reasons. First of all, I was really honored that my supervisor nominated me. It feels good to know my boss thinks I have potential. This also showed she really listened to me. She had asked what I wanted in terms of career growth during my year end evaluation last year. I told her that it is very important for me to continuing learning because it keeps me stimulated and challenged me.
Secondly, I know that since it's the program's third year, more nominations than ever before were made for these 12 slots. I also know for a fact that I don't generate the most revenue, largely due to my territory. Many of my colleagues very talented and hard working individuals. Quite a few are able to produce numbers me and my territory could only dream of having one day! So to be recognized among so many phenomenal people really rejuvenated my passion for my job and the company. This also reaffirmed that the organization, indeed, recognizes other abilities and specialties in addition to "showing them the money". I'm so happy and grateful for that.
Lastly, it's because I truly believe what I told my boss. I love to learn new things. But having a full time job makes me shamefully complacent and unmotivated to explore education opportunities. So to have the opportunity given to me by my company is absolutely amazing.
On top of all that, our raises finally kicked in! Due to the economic climate, my company made the decision to freeze any raises that were earned in July until January. Since this decision prevented any lay offs, I couldn't really get upset. But thank goodness they finally kicked in! Things were basically sunshine and roses.
Then, two days ago, I found out the my largest account - which is actually an umbrella for several smaller accounts - decided that they couldn't be my client this year, after all. Understandably, the economy and proposed state budget cuts are freaking them out (there really isn't a better term because they really are freaked out) and they feel they need to save every penny. And I really mean it - I UNDERSTAND. But I am losing 25% of the total income I brought in last year. See, even though I knew it was going to be a pretty hard year, I counted on the fact that I would at least generate the same amount of revenue that I did last year. I sought out all my clients at the end of the fiscal year to get recommitments for this year. Then I worked hard to bring in new accounts, more than making up for the ones I couldn't renew. I even projected that I would have an increase this year, just not a large one. Now I am missing 1/4 of last year's revenue. I will have a very difficult time reaching last year's numbers. Pretty improbable since I would have to have NONE of my other accounts drop. Attrition of some kind is always a factor and I would have to have zero attrition in order to achieve last year's numbers.
Basically, no matter what I do, I will not get a good end of the year evaluation. Because my job, and I knew this when I took it, is primarily evaluated on the revenue I bring in. Sure, I can be a great employee. I could even score top notch marks on every other aspect of my position. And maybe my boss will give me a perfect evaluation. But it won't matter. Because 80% of my review is if I made an increase from last year's numbers. If I do not make an increase or, at the very least, reach last year's revenue, I will automatically get a poor review.
How's that for royally effed?
I still love my job. And I'm very thankful to HAVE a job. It's just, well, I have the competitive side of me. The side that wants to be one of the best and, HELL YAH wants to beat my last year's self, is really disappointed. I will continue to work hard. I will continue to give my job my all. But in the back of my mind, I will know that no matter what I do, I will not do nearly as well as last year and that my evaluation will be sub par. And that blows.
So there you have it. Regarding work, I had a really great week two weeks ago. And then I had a crappy end of the week just two days ago. But any way you slice it, I am happy to be working.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Irony ... stupidity?
As I write on this blog that is WIDE OPEN to the internet, I realize that there is quite an irony to my entry. Here's the thing ... I have this short-term memory, I think. There was a reason I got my ass off of Friendster. Then I wasn't so active on MySpace. And now there's Facebook. That damn thing is addicting. We all know why - you can peek into people's lives without talking to them (yes, voyeurism) as well as reconnect with people you drifted away from and just another way to keep an already strong relationship. Great, right? Right.
Well, because I'm not completely mentally disabled (to what extent I AM disabled, I'm not sure) I won't go into the specific incident and it's nothing big but I realize now that I like NOT being connected to everyone that has come in and out of my life. I know that I can be dramatic (or as the Filipinos like to call it - OA) but I sincerely think I'm pretty good about keeping drama out of my life. Sure, I like to observe it every so often because, well, it makes thing lively. But I keep my circle very small so I don't have it IN my life. I don't mean to be ironic. Or is it contrary? Or just effin' complicated? See, I am a friendly person. I like meeting with people and chatting with folks. But I also like to keep things compartmentalized. And I like to keep a routine and I like no drama IN my routine. Anyway, thanks to my friendliness and thanks to Facebook, it's not exactly that way anymore. Nothing big happened, but I thought, "Maybe I should delete my FB account." I know, it's only as personal as you make it so I could put absolutely nothing personal about me on it. But it's also the self-restraint that I do NOT possess and that I look up people that I should avoid.
Ahhh, I don't know. Still thinking about what to do.
Well, because I'm not completely mentally disabled (to what extent I AM disabled, I'm not sure) I won't go into the specific incident and it's nothing big but I realize now that I like NOT being connected to everyone that has come in and out of my life. I know that I can be dramatic (or as the Filipinos like to call it - OA) but I sincerely think I'm pretty good about keeping drama out of my life. Sure, I like to observe it every so often because, well, it makes thing lively. But I keep my circle very small so I don't have it IN my life. I don't mean to be ironic. Or is it contrary? Or just effin' complicated? See, I am a friendly person. I like meeting with people and chatting with folks. But I also like to keep things compartmentalized. And I like to keep a routine and I like no drama IN my routine. Anyway, thanks to my friendliness and thanks to Facebook, it's not exactly that way anymore. Nothing big happened, but I thought, "Maybe I should delete my FB account." I know, it's only as personal as you make it so I could put absolutely nothing personal about me on it. But it's also the self-restraint that I do NOT possess and that I look up people that I should avoid.
Ahhh, I don't know. Still thinking about what to do.
Saturday, January 03, 2009
Just had to add my favorite 2008 exchange w/ my husband, Jon
Me: "Hon, did you grow up on a farm or a ranch?"
Jon: "A house! Would you quit trying to make me sound Country?!"
Me: "OK, fine. Where did you play when you were growing up?"
Jon: "On a ranch."
I just stared at him until he started cracking up.
Mmm-hmm.
Although I tease him, I keep telling him that I'm being affectionate when I call him my Country Boy. He was proud of his dad's ranch and *shhhhhh, don't tell him* I actually think it's really cool that he's Country. It's different from my Ghetto Suburbs background. And when I think of "Country" I think of this -
But I think HE thinks that I'M thinking of this -
Jon: "A house! Would you quit trying to make me sound Country?!"
Me: "OK, fine. Where did you play when you were growing up?"
Jon: "On a ranch."
I just stared at him until he started cracking up.
Mmm-hmm.
Although I tease him, I keep telling him that I'm being affectionate when I call him my Country Boy. He was proud of his dad's ranch and *shhhhhh, don't tell him* I actually think it's really cool that he's Country. It's different from my Ghetto Suburbs background. And when I think of "Country" I think of this -
But I think HE thinks that I'M thinking of this -
Thursday, January 01, 2009
Goodbye 2008 ... Why helllllo there, 2009!
This blog was started before my birthday. And then I got sick. And then Christmas beat me over with a stick. And then I got lazy and procrastinated. So here we are, kicking off 2009 - with a late, leftover entry :)
In 2008, a couple of big things happened. I got married! I completed one year in my job! (I didn't think this was a big feat until my last job which I hated a mere few months after I started - so now I celebrate completing a year.) I turned the bit 3-0! Let's start with that, shall we?
Sure, being in my 20s and looking kind of young always felt like a handicap in the "real world." I was seen as a kid at times and I hated it. Before anyone slaps me, please know that I have a new appreciation for looking youthful and now treasure it. I also realize that when I make a dumb ass decision now, versus back in my 20s, I'm now going to be seen as just a dumb ass adult instead of being dismissed as being a naive kid or young adult. Just as well.
Sure, being in my 20s and looking kind of young always felt like a handicap in the "real world." I was seen as a kid at times and I hated it. Before anyone slaps me, please know that I have a new appreciation for looking youthful and now treasure it. I also realize that when I make a dumb ass decision now, versus back in my 20s, I'm now going to be seen as just a dumb ass adult instead of being dismissed as being a naive kid or young adult. Just as well.
Oh my goodness ... getting married TO THE RIGHT GUY FOR ME was such a fantastic time in my life. People will ask me, "Do you like being married?" and I feel like I have to add a little detail because, yes, I like being married to The Man. But it wasn't like I was ready to take the first proposal tossed at me. And being a serial monogamist, I have been in a previous relationship that wasn't healthy for either one of us. If my ex and I had gotten married, we would either be in years of counseling (best scenario ... no really, BEST), divorced, or in a terrible marriage and cheating on each other (worst scenario ... and pretty realistic.) Getting married was not a goal. Getting married to The Man was absolutely something I really wanted and feel very blessed that we stumbled upon each other and worked. So having what ended up to be the wedding of my dreams last year was awesome. It probably helped that we were on vacation for two weeks in one of my most favorite places and we had a total of three weeks off from our day to day schedules. It was all around a wonderful and memorable time and my favorite of 2008.
Have I accomplished everything I wanted to do by the time I turned 30? What DID I want to do?
Depending upon which part in my 20s someone would have asked me, the answer regarding my career would have been different. I never dreamed of working in non-profit and fund raising. But when I tried something other than that I realized that this is where I belong. I found out quickly that I was not up to event planning or broadcasting (even though I had three internships and a degree in that field.) Or Sales. Although I am very happy professionally, in terms of my career, I would have to say no, I haven't accomplished what I wanted to do by now. Because, at 30, I would have really liked to already have discovered where my passion lies ... then I could say if I wanted to be in upper management. Or in human resources. Or be in marketing. But at least being in the right industry is a good start. But I need to discover what my passion is so I can steer my career in a clearer direction.
I'm happy that I found the person I'm supposed to be with and started a life with him. I didn't consider it a goal to be married by 30 but I think it was just an expectation that I had. Like graduating from high school. I expected that I would have found the right guy by this time. Wonder if I put more or less pressure on myself? In any case, lucky for me, it happened. Not because I think it's bad to be single. But because I'm a TERRIBLE dater. I hate dating! It was so painful for me.
That pesky yet relevant yearly resolution regarding weight. Oh boy. Well, what's funny is that I'm much more comfortable in my skin now than when I was younger. And I was definitely thinner in my early and mid 20s. Well, it's like this. I wish I had appreciated what I had looked like when I was younger. And I have always done something - hula, yoga, personal training. But I found myself not motivated enough to work out during a period of time last year, using my busy work schedule as an excuse in mid August, September and October. It got to a point where I was disgusted with myself because I wasn't doing ANYTHING. I had been interested in this particular boot camp close to my house but put it off. And put it off. I finally checked it out. I've been going for over two months and it is the best thing I've done for my health and well being in a very long time. Of course, I hope that I will slim down as a result of working hard in boot camp! So while I am content with my body and health, I am in the PROCESS of being where I want to be :)
As for the other things like buying a home or traveling more when I was younger, a little part of me does wish I had done those things in my 20s. But I had/have a happy life. I'm really quite content. I don't think I have any true regrets other than appreciating more the time I had with all the people that I love. It's taken me some time to live in the moment and not wish for things I don't have. That's probably the only thing I would do over.
So hello 2009! I hope you're as good to me as your sista-girl, 2008. Feel free to even be better ... if you want :)
PS: We are putting off taking down our Christmas decorations until this weekend. The Man commented that it feels like we had just put them up! That's what happens when we get sick for a week. Effin' Flu.
That pesky yet relevant yearly resolution regarding weight. Oh boy. Well, what's funny is that I'm much more comfortable in my skin now than when I was younger. And I was definitely thinner in my early and mid 20s. Well, it's like this. I wish I had appreciated what I had looked like when I was younger. And I have always done something - hula, yoga, personal training. But I found myself not motivated enough to work out during a period of time last year, using my busy work schedule as an excuse in mid August, September and October. It got to a point where I was disgusted with myself because I wasn't doing ANYTHING. I had been interested in this particular boot camp close to my house but put it off. And put it off. I finally checked it out. I've been going for over two months and it is the best thing I've done for my health and well being in a very long time. Of course, I hope that I will slim down as a result of working hard in boot camp! So while I am content with my body and health, I am in the PROCESS of being where I want to be :)
As for the other things like buying a home or traveling more when I was younger, a little part of me does wish I had done those things in my 20s. But I had/have a happy life. I'm really quite content. I don't think I have any true regrets other than appreciating more the time I had with all the people that I love. It's taken me some time to live in the moment and not wish for things I don't have. That's probably the only thing I would do over.
So hello 2009! I hope you're as good to me as your sista-girl, 2008. Feel free to even be better ... if you want :)
PS: We are putting off taking down our Christmas decorations until this weekend. The Man commented that it feels like we had just put them up! That's what happens when we get sick for a week. Effin' Flu.
Monday, December 29, 2008
End of the year survey ... courtesy of Cyn!
Where did you being in 2008?
(What kind of sentence structure is that?!) I was and still am at my new job that isn't so new anymore. But it's still new to me because it's only been a year and a half!
What was your status by Valentine’s Day?
In a loving and secure relationship ... and broke ass because were saving for a wedding!
Did you have to go to the hospital?
Not to be checked in or anything. For my annual lady appointment - yes.
Did you have any encounters with the police?
One sort of flirted w/ me a while back. Made an old gal feel young for a quick second ;)
Where did you go on vacation?
Oahu & Kauai
What did you purchase that was over $500?
Hmm. Stuff. (I don't want to answer, especially since I sometimes live beyond my non profit means)
Did you know anybody who got married?
Yes. A few!
Did you know anybody who passed away?
Yes, unfortunately.
What sporting events did you attend?
None. I go for the food, alcohol and yapping so it's less expensive if I just go to a friend's house for all that ;)
What concerts/shows did you go to?
Dave Matthews Band
Describe your birthday.
I was sick. My head felt cloudy and I was coughing and stuffed up. I had to go to meet w/ a couple of clients and then passed out on cold meds when I got home. Happy 30th baby!
What was one thing you thought you would never do but did in 2008?
Hike in a GD jungle.
What has/have been your favorite moment(s).
Predictably, our wedding and honeymoon. Both were pretty fantastic.
Any new additions to the family?
Nope.
What was your best month?
Tough call. December is usually my favorite month of the year because of birthdays and Christmas. But April was very awesome because we were on vacation for nearly 2 1/2 weeks in one of my most favorite places (and we got married to boot:)
Who has been your best drinking buddy?
My friend, Marisa. She drinks about the same as me so we are definitely intoxicated but we're hardly ever sloppy. And, knock on wood, never a hot mess!
Made new friends?
Yes. Not necessarily brand new but new drinking buddies!
Favorite Night out?
That's difficult! I guess the one in January where I threw a girl's drink out and told the guy holding it, "You are never anyone's drink bitch. Least of all, hers!" That ended a bit rough, though (yes, vomiting was involved.) But I have a lot of favorite night ins w/ The Man :)
Any regrets?
One small one - not enjoying every moment of our wedding. I was a bit stressed prior to our wedding day and wish I could have let loose and enjoyed some moments w/ all the family.
What do you want to change in 2009?
I'm w/ Cyn - being more financially stable. And the ol' weight thing. But it's more like I want to get back to a certain size.
Overall, how would you rate this year?
A-
Have any life changes in 2008?
Yes. Stated several times above so I won't mention it AGAIN!
Change your hairstyle?
No. I still have long hair. But I've slowly gone back to my natural hair color!
Get a new job?
Nope. I'm very thankful for the one I have!
Do you have a New Year’s resolution?
See "what I want to change" question.
Did anything embarrassing?
Oh I'm sure I have but I want to keep it buried in the dark recesses of my mind.
Get married or divorced?
Yup. And nope.
Be honest, did you watch American Idol?
Yes.
Start a new hobby?
Is boot camp a hobby? I did start that. And love it! I'm still sad that I had to stop yoga due to my shoulder. Booooooooo.
Been snowboarding?
Not in YEARS.
Are you happy to see 2008 go?
I'm indifferent. Unless I could relive certain moments, there isn't much use in holding on to the time.
Drank starbucks in 2008?
Why not ask me if I took a breath in 2008, too?
Been naughty or nice?
I think both. - Ditto!
What are you wishing for in 2009?
Success in our marriage. Success professionally. Success personally. Success financially ... plain ol' Success!!!! Oh, and love, happiness and good health for all my family and friends.
(What kind of sentence structure is that?!) I was and still am at my new job that isn't so new anymore. But it's still new to me because it's only been a year and a half!
What was your status by Valentine’s Day?
In a loving and secure relationship ... and broke ass because were saving for a wedding!
Did you have to go to the hospital?
Not to be checked in or anything. For my annual lady appointment - yes.
Did you have any encounters with the police?
One sort of flirted w/ me a while back. Made an old gal feel young for a quick second ;)
Where did you go on vacation?
Oahu & Kauai
What did you purchase that was over $500?
Hmm. Stuff. (I don't want to answer, especially since I sometimes live beyond my non profit means)
Did you know anybody who got married?
Yes. A few!
Did you know anybody who passed away?
Yes, unfortunately.
What sporting events did you attend?
None. I go for the food, alcohol and yapping so it's less expensive if I just go to a friend's house for all that ;)
What concerts/shows did you go to?
Dave Matthews Band
Describe your birthday.
I was sick. My head felt cloudy and I was coughing and stuffed up. I had to go to meet w/ a couple of clients and then passed out on cold meds when I got home. Happy 30th baby!
What was one thing you thought you would never do but did in 2008?
Hike in a GD jungle.
What has/have been your favorite moment(s).
Predictably, our wedding and honeymoon. Both were pretty fantastic.
Any new additions to the family?
Nope.
What was your best month?
Tough call. December is usually my favorite month of the year because of birthdays and Christmas. But April was very awesome because we were on vacation for nearly 2 1/2 weeks in one of my most favorite places (and we got married to boot:)
Who has been your best drinking buddy?
My friend, Marisa. She drinks about the same as me so we are definitely intoxicated but we're hardly ever sloppy. And, knock on wood, never a hot mess!
Made new friends?
Yes. Not necessarily brand new but new drinking buddies!
Favorite Night out?
That's difficult! I guess the one in January where I threw a girl's drink out and told the guy holding it, "You are never anyone's drink bitch. Least of all, hers!" That ended a bit rough, though (yes, vomiting was involved.) But I have a lot of favorite night ins w/ The Man :)
Any regrets?
One small one - not enjoying every moment of our wedding. I was a bit stressed prior to our wedding day and wish I could have let loose and enjoyed some moments w/ all the family.
What do you want to change in 2009?
I'm w/ Cyn - being more financially stable. And the ol' weight thing. But it's more like I want to get back to a certain size.
Overall, how would you rate this year?
A-
Have any life changes in 2008?
Yes. Stated several times above so I won't mention it AGAIN!
Change your hairstyle?
No. I still have long hair. But I've slowly gone back to my natural hair color!
Get a new job?
Nope. I'm very thankful for the one I have!
Do you have a New Year’s resolution?
See "what I want to change" question.
Did anything embarrassing?
Oh I'm sure I have but I want to keep it buried in the dark recesses of my mind.
Get married or divorced?
Yup. And nope.
Be honest, did you watch American Idol?
Yes.
Start a new hobby?
Is boot camp a hobby? I did start that. And love it! I'm still sad that I had to stop yoga due to my shoulder. Booooooooo.
Been snowboarding?
Not in YEARS.
Are you happy to see 2008 go?
I'm indifferent. Unless I could relive certain moments, there isn't much use in holding on to the time.
Drank starbucks in 2008?
Why not ask me if I took a breath in 2008, too?
Been naughty or nice?
I think both. - Ditto!
What are you wishing for in 2009?
Success in our marriage. Success professionally. Success personally. Success financially ... plain ol' Success!!!! Oh, and love, happiness and good health for all my family and friends.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
A different kind of Christmas
After being together for six years, this will be The Man's and my first Christmas together. With his family living roughly 2 1/2 hours away, it made it impossible to be able to see both families on the same day - so we've always separated. This year we will be together. This makes me happy because Christmas is my absolute favorite holiday. Ever.
It probably has a lot to do with my Daddy who loves him some Christmas. And my mom, who is not a big holiday person, just goes along for the ride with her two crazy Christmas fanatics. Anyway, this is also my first Christmas (ever) away from my parents. And I feel funny about it. I also will miss being with Sister, The Boy and WGD this year but we've already has Christmases apart. It's hard to explain because it's not like they were ever truly gung ho about it. The decorations consisted simply of a Christmas tree and lights outside. My dad even stopped cooking so we would pre order a Christmas meal from a local grocery store. But even though Christmas at my parents' house is really low key, being with them is all I know.
So I'm a little sad. What's funny is I probably am thinking way more it than my parents! They're not overly sentimental folks. And I don't want The Man to take it the wrong way because I love him very, very much.
Anyway, I'm still very much looking forward to Christmas and I am very happy to be with The Man during my most favorite time of the year. I know that we will create new Christmas traditions ... like two Christmas trees! :) I just wish I could "have my cake and eat it too" and be with my family, as well.
It probably has a lot to do with my Daddy who loves him some Christmas. And my mom, who is not a big holiday person, just goes along for the ride with her two crazy Christmas fanatics. Anyway, this is also my first Christmas (ever) away from my parents. And I feel funny about it. I also will miss being with Sister, The Boy and WGD this year but we've already has Christmases apart. It's hard to explain because it's not like they were ever truly gung ho about it. The decorations consisted simply of a Christmas tree and lights outside. My dad even stopped cooking so we would pre order a Christmas meal from a local grocery store. But even though Christmas at my parents' house is really low key, being with them is all I know.
So I'm a little sad. What's funny is I probably am thinking way more it than my parents! They're not overly sentimental folks. And I don't want The Man to take it the wrong way because I love him very, very much.
Anyway, I'm still very much looking forward to Christmas and I am very happy to be with The Man during my most favorite time of the year. I know that we will create new Christmas traditions ... like two Christmas trees! :) I just wish I could "have my cake and eat it too" and be with my family, as well.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Out cold (kind of) last week.
Wow. That bug going around is a DOOZIE.
Two Sundays ago, The Man and I took Christmas pictures. That afternoon, he was a sweaty mess. The next day, I had a lighter version (a distant cousin of the Man's virus, perhaps?) that knocked me off my feet. In a bad way.
In one part of the house, we had The Man trying to break his fever, hacking and coughing and cuddling the heater in the living room ... and no, I'm not exaggerating. He was curled up as close to the heater as possible that I was worried he would singe some part of his clothing. He was sweating like no other but felt really cold. He also didn't want to soak through the sheets (again) or get me sick so he opted to sleep in the living room, spooning the heater. I felt so bad for him but couldn't take care of him because, in the other part of the house, I was stuffed up, trying to sleep off what I think I had a cold which later turned into the flu. At first, I thought it was manageable. What's a cold, right? Except when I drove around for work that Monday, I felt like I had taken doses of drowsy night time medication. Which I hadn't. I had coffee and everything but I felt drugged and couldn't shake it off. And it got worse each day.
The kicker is that his mom and little brother had planned to stay with us Tuesday through Friday because she was getting medical treatment in the Bay Area. I'm sure my poor mother in law (and it probably wasn't that great for his little brother) was not excited to see that we were both sick, especially since she was easily suseptible to illness. She ended up making us two types of soup while she was here and asked the bare minimum of us because we were so sick. She was pretty awesome. And the little brother entertained himself with video games. Pheww!
And my birthday ... oh, what an uneventful day that was! On top of being sick, I lost three accounts that day. So professionally, I was already in a bad mood. In addition to that, I had four client meetings all over the East Bay, in Pleasanton, Alameda and Berkeley. I felt so crappy that I rescheduled the first and last meeting of the day to be over the phone so I wouldn't spread my sickness. (I couldn't help the other two appointments - hope I didn't infect them!) People asked me, "Where is your hubby taking you for your big day?" NOWHERE. I just wanted to pass out in a NyQuil and Theraflu haze. I know, probably slightly dangerous but I was congested and just plain miserable.
I adore Christmas and normally seize the opportunity to decorate the house all holiday-like. We didn't have a tree until Sunday because we were in no condition all last week to get one. While we felt better by last Sunday, we still weren't the picture of perfect health and he and I were a dizzy and sweaty mess by the time we bought it, set it up and decorated it. We actually needed a nap.
Now today, Tuesday, we're both much better. Well, The Man woke me up with his hacking and coughing but I'm hoping that it's just residue and not a relapse. Ahhhhhh ... stupid bug. I also hauled rear end yesterday to get out our greeting cards, over 200 because I also sent them out for work!! Boo. I feel so behind on the holidays. Not to mention, I feel a little jipped from at least a week of waking up to beautiful Christmas cheer. But I'm determined to enjoy the time we have left and am even on the search of keeping with tradition and trying to find a mini Douglas Fir for our bedroom. As The Man likes to mention, if something happens once (like getting two Christmas trees for my birthday last year) and I happen to like it, it now becomes TRADITION. Who doesn't want to wake up to the soft glow of Christmas lights, the smell of a little Christmas tree and little puppies cuddling with you in the morning? (Because he gets up a little earlier than me, The Man lets our puppies out of the kitchen so I can wake up to puppy kisses, or being stepped on by puppies, each morning:)
Two Sundays ago, The Man and I took Christmas pictures. That afternoon, he was a sweaty mess. The next day, I had a lighter version (a distant cousin of the Man's virus, perhaps?) that knocked me off my feet. In a bad way.
In one part of the house, we had The Man trying to break his fever, hacking and coughing and cuddling the heater in the living room ... and no, I'm not exaggerating. He was curled up as close to the heater as possible that I was worried he would singe some part of his clothing. He was sweating like no other but felt really cold. He also didn't want to soak through the sheets (again) or get me sick so he opted to sleep in the living room, spooning the heater. I felt so bad for him but couldn't take care of him because, in the other part of the house, I was stuffed up, trying to sleep off what I think I had a cold which later turned into the flu. At first, I thought it was manageable. What's a cold, right? Except when I drove around for work that Monday, I felt like I had taken doses of drowsy night time medication. Which I hadn't. I had coffee and everything but I felt drugged and couldn't shake it off. And it got worse each day.
The kicker is that his mom and little brother had planned to stay with us Tuesday through Friday because she was getting medical treatment in the Bay Area. I'm sure my poor mother in law (and it probably wasn't that great for his little brother) was not excited to see that we were both sick, especially since she was easily suseptible to illness. She ended up making us two types of soup while she was here and asked the bare minimum of us because we were so sick. She was pretty awesome. And the little brother entertained himself with video games. Pheww!
And my birthday ... oh, what an uneventful day that was! On top of being sick, I lost three accounts that day. So professionally, I was already in a bad mood. In addition to that, I had four client meetings all over the East Bay, in Pleasanton, Alameda and Berkeley. I felt so crappy that I rescheduled the first and last meeting of the day to be over the phone so I wouldn't spread my sickness. (I couldn't help the other two appointments - hope I didn't infect them!) People asked me, "Where is your hubby taking you for your big day?" NOWHERE. I just wanted to pass out in a NyQuil and Theraflu haze. I know, probably slightly dangerous but I was congested and just plain miserable.
I adore Christmas and normally seize the opportunity to decorate the house all holiday-like. We didn't have a tree until Sunday because we were in no condition all last week to get one. While we felt better by last Sunday, we still weren't the picture of perfect health and he and I were a dizzy and sweaty mess by the time we bought it, set it up and decorated it. We actually needed a nap.
Now today, Tuesday, we're both much better. Well, The Man woke me up with his hacking and coughing but I'm hoping that it's just residue and not a relapse. Ahhhhhh ... stupid bug. I also hauled rear end yesterday to get out our greeting cards, over 200 because I also sent them out for work!! Boo. I feel so behind on the holidays. Not to mention, I feel a little jipped from at least a week of waking up to beautiful Christmas cheer. But I'm determined to enjoy the time we have left and am even on the search of keeping with tradition and trying to find a mini Douglas Fir for our bedroom. As The Man likes to mention, if something happens once (like getting two Christmas trees for my birthday last year) and I happen to like it, it now becomes TRADITION. Who doesn't want to wake up to the soft glow of Christmas lights, the smell of a little Christmas tree and little puppies cuddling with you in the morning? (Because he gets up a little earlier than me, The Man lets our puppies out of the kitchen so I can wake up to puppy kisses, or being stepped on by puppies, each morning:)
Sunday, December 07, 2008
Ohhh SNAP. Christmas pictures!!
I love, love, love my husband. Our only planned amateur photo shoot (we were going to have his little brother take the pictures) was rained out. I worried because I had no idea how we would have another willing and able person around when we were available to take pictures. But The Man had no doubt he would be able to take care of business with his trusty tripod and our little canon camera.
We woke up this morning and took the pups to Alameda. Poor guy, he was feeling under the weather but he put a brave face on because he knew how much I wanted pictures for our holiday cards. It was colder than a mother effer but by golly, he did it. He's so talented! And I have to add that he was missing the piece that attached the camera securely to the tripod so it was balancing precariously the entire time :)
We could NOT figure out how to get the puppies to look at the camera.
Our dogs couldn't be less interested in what we were doing.
Good enough - we'll take it!
Poor guy, he is sick and shivering the whole time. And if there hadn't been fog, you would be able to see San Francisco and the Bay Bridge in the distance. But there was. So you don't!
Looks romantic. But we're both thinking, "Did the camera take the picture yet?" And again, no San Francisco skyline :(
Hauling the dogs back to the car and getting our frozen rear ends back home! (I think Gil FINALLY understands why I love the car seat warmers so much!!!)
I was hoping to be one of those annoyingly on the ball people who sent out their Christmas cards right after Thanksgiving. But now I'm just part of the normal geeky crowd who loves to send holiday cards made up of pictures of themselves.
I freakin' LOVE this season! HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!!!
PS: Poor hubby. He had cold sweats that night and a fever. He ended up calling sick on Monday ... he thinks someone sneezed in his food when we ate out on Saturday night!
We woke up this morning and took the pups to Alameda. Poor guy, he was feeling under the weather but he put a brave face on because he knew how much I wanted pictures for our holiday cards. It was colder than a mother effer but by golly, he did it. He's so talented! And I have to add that he was missing the piece that attached the camera securely to the tripod so it was balancing precariously the entire time :)
We could NOT figure out how to get the puppies to look at the camera.
Our dogs couldn't be less interested in what we were doing.
Good enough - we'll take it!
Poor guy, he is sick and shivering the whole time. And if there hadn't been fog, you would be able to see San Francisco and the Bay Bridge in the distance. But there was. So you don't!
Looks romantic. But we're both thinking, "Did the camera take the picture yet?" And again, no San Francisco skyline :(
Hauling the dogs back to the car and getting our frozen rear ends back home! (I think Gil FINALLY understands why I love the car seat warmers so much!!!)
I was hoping to be one of those annoyingly on the ball people who sent out their Christmas cards right after Thanksgiving. But now I'm just part of the normal geeky crowd who loves to send holiday cards made up of pictures of themselves.
I freakin' LOVE this season! HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!!!
PS: Poor hubby. He had cold sweats that night and a fever. He ended up calling sick on Monday ... he thinks someone sneezed in his food when we ate out on Saturday night!
Friday, November 28, 2008
Honeymoon stage
I went through this honeymoon stage when I first "got with" The Man. It was all sunshine and giggles. No, seriously, I had a huge fat crush on him and he nearly walked on water ... to me. I carved out this big ol' pedestal just for him and gleefully slapped his rump upon it. Of course, it faded. I mean, it turned into true love and I love him madly. But the stage was over when the relationship had to deal with real issues like going through the second year hump. Or accidentally walking into the restroom immediately after the love of your life blew it up. You know what I mean.
Then there was our real honeymoon after we got married. Well, for me, it was the time when we got back from Hawaii and had to live in the real world. Spending three weeks together, all day every day reminded me of why I fell in love. And it probably helped that we shared this life changing moment in our lives like a wedding ceremony. But I had this crush again and I even kind of disgusted myself. I remember thinking on my first day back at work, "Holy CRAP. I really miss him. Like high school crush, can't think of anything else because I miss him too much missing him. Ugh!! What is wrong with me?!" And I was so happy when he came home and I just wanted to cuddle the whole evening. Of course, we acclimated to the real world and that slowly faded away. And that's OK. Because I know that I love him and he loves me.
But every so often, he does something that makes me slip back into that honeymoon or crush phase where I just want to kiss him all over and cuddle him like he was my own personal teddy bear. Like when I got a text this morning from him while he was staying at his mom's house that read, "I kept waking up to look for you next to me. Love you."
Yahh ... like THAT.
Then there was our real honeymoon after we got married. Well, for me, it was the time when we got back from Hawaii and had to live in the real world. Spending three weeks together, all day every day reminded me of why I fell in love. And it probably helped that we shared this life changing moment in our lives like a wedding ceremony. But I had this crush again and I even kind of disgusted myself. I remember thinking on my first day back at work, "Holy CRAP. I really miss him. Like high school crush, can't think of anything else because I miss him too much missing him. Ugh!! What is wrong with me?!" And I was so happy when he came home and I just wanted to cuddle the whole evening. Of course, we acclimated to the real world and that slowly faded away. And that's OK. Because I know that I love him and he loves me.
But every so often, he does something that makes me slip back into that honeymoon or crush phase where I just want to kiss him all over and cuddle him like he was my own personal teddy bear. Like when I got a text this morning from him while he was staying at his mom's house that read, "I kept waking up to look for you next to me. Love you."
Yahh ... like THAT.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Frustrated ... but who's fault is that?
So I've been kicking my rear end three times a week for almost a month now. I am exercising and pushing myself now more than I have before. I really do like my bootcamp sessions and feel like I'm doing a really good thing for myself.
But I have yet to lose weight. And who's fault is that?
I thought I would lose a little bit of weight just by exercising. But I haven't been doing such a great job in the food area so I gained a bit and now I'm about even. And I can't help but be pissed off because what the HELL happened to my body in the past 10 years?
Back in college, I would eat cheese pizzas w/ ranch dressing, full fat white mochas WITH hazelnut syrup, Regular Cokes and whatever other trash I consumed before, between and after classes. I now drink non fat lattes, diet cokes, Weight Watcher pizzas and whatever other no fun stuff exists out there. Yet I'm heavier now than I was then. Was it the smoking? The tons of walking throughout the day? The stress? What's changed?
I am going back to my old habit of writing down what I eat. Because it just doesn't work when I don't do that. I haven't written for a while about diets and things like that because it's not all that I think about. But after nearly a month of vigorous workouts multiple times of week, I realize that there's no way around it. I have to eat better.
Maybe it's because I'm irritable right now but it totally blows. Because I like going out for Japanese, Thai, Filipino and just eating out, in general. I love Chocolate. Oh my gosh how I love chocolate (it even got a shout out in The Man's vows to me.) I love breaking bread with friends and celebrating over meals. I love to drink. Drinking makes me eat. Ahhhh ... OK. I promised myself that I would only allow myself a few entries to bitch about weight and food. Because, over all, I am a happy person. I joke with The Man that we've gained weight because we are in a loving and happy relationship. (It's true, though. We are pretty freakin' comfortable.) I know I'm pretty healthy and I work out regularly now. But I know I have to make changes because this, what I'm doing NOW, is not working for me.
But I have yet to lose weight. And who's fault is that?
I thought I would lose a little bit of weight just by exercising. But I haven't been doing such a great job in the food area so I gained a bit and now I'm about even. And I can't help but be pissed off because what the HELL happened to my body in the past 10 years?
Back in college, I would eat cheese pizzas w/ ranch dressing, full fat white mochas WITH hazelnut syrup, Regular Cokes and whatever other trash I consumed before, between and after classes. I now drink non fat lattes, diet cokes, Weight Watcher pizzas and whatever other no fun stuff exists out there. Yet I'm heavier now than I was then. Was it the smoking? The tons of walking throughout the day? The stress? What's changed?
I am going back to my old habit of writing down what I eat. Because it just doesn't work when I don't do that. I haven't written for a while about diets and things like that because it's not all that I think about. But after nearly a month of vigorous workouts multiple times of week, I realize that there's no way around it. I have to eat better.
Maybe it's because I'm irritable right now but it totally blows. Because I like going out for Japanese, Thai, Filipino and just eating out, in general. I love Chocolate. Oh my gosh how I love chocolate (it even got a shout out in The Man's vows to me.) I love breaking bread with friends and celebrating over meals. I love to drink. Drinking makes me eat. Ahhhh ... OK. I promised myself that I would only allow myself a few entries to bitch about weight and food. Because, over all, I am a happy person. I joke with The Man that we've gained weight because we are in a loving and happy relationship. (It's true, though. We are pretty freakin' comfortable.) I know I'm pretty healthy and I work out regularly now. But I know I have to make changes because this, what I'm doing NOW, is not working for me.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Updates and such
1. Work, work, work - pluggin' away. Still love my job but BOY am I tired! Looking forward to things slowing down a bit around Christmas.
2. Dirty confession - all decor but the Christmas tree(s) are up. I did it the first weekend of November! I'm holding out on playing X-mas music until Thanksgiving so that The Man doesn't leave me.
3. Work it out - I think I'm in my 4th week of Bootcamp. I LOVE it. Let me be clear, I do not love waking up in the morning and knowing I'm going to get my ass kicked. I kind of dread it, to be quite honest. But I love how I feel afterward because I know I totally kicked my own ass and pushed myself to the limit. I don't have the drive or discipline to do that on my own so I really like the trainer. He manages to motivate without being a douche. A rare and honorable trait.
4. Eating - working on it. I start off so well with my bowl of oatmeal in the morning and it somehow goes to hell in a handbasket (what the hell IS a handbasket?) by the end of the day. Ahhh ... it's always something, right?
5. No go on the Yoga :( I'm sad about this one. My chiropractor told me to lay off of it for a while. When I did, my shoulder got so much better. I really liked yoga, it made me feel good and accomplished and it always challenged me. But I like my left shoulder better so no more yoga for a while.
6. Facebook - Well, isn't that just a time sucker? While I'm on it a lot less, it is a great go to when trying to kill time or just do a brain numbing activity. But isn't it interesting the people and stuff you find out about??
7. Married life - I was trying to remember the last time someone asked me, "How's married life?" and just when I was going to write that it's been a while, I remember that my parents' neighbor just asked me that this morning :) But I think we're officially no longer newlyweds. Awwww ... that was a fun title. The Man is great. He is very stressed out at work and it's hard for him not to bring it home. I feel bad because he does a great job of not taking it out on me or the pups (I'm telling you, if you're stressed, hug a puppy - it works in this household!) But work does affect his attitude in the sense that it's really hard for him to be completely happy and carefree. I wish I could help him on that :( I wish I could light a bag of the pups' poo and shove it in his supervisor's mailbox. But I won't. Because that isn't classy. And it can get a person arrested.
8. Christmas cards - we are giving it a go next week and trying to take pictures. But if you get a lovely card with a wedding photo, don't be surprised!
9. The big 3-0 - for the longest time, I've been looking forward to this milestone. Now, I don't know. I'm not really "freaking out" but I'm having some serious reservations about this new chapter. I think I've accomplished quite a bit but (and how dumb is this) I also think about what I haven't done. And how much I wish I had done. But I'm pretty sure I'm not depressed about the whole thing ... just thinking about it too much!
All right, that's it. Again, I miss reading you guys but I suppose I can't be hypocrite and expect y'all to write if I haven't been doing much of the same. So write!
2. Dirty confession - all decor but the Christmas tree(s) are up. I did it the first weekend of November! I'm holding out on playing X-mas music until Thanksgiving so that The Man doesn't leave me.
3. Work it out - I think I'm in my 4th week of Bootcamp. I LOVE it. Let me be clear, I do not love waking up in the morning and knowing I'm going to get my ass kicked. I kind of dread it, to be quite honest. But I love how I feel afterward because I know I totally kicked my own ass and pushed myself to the limit. I don't have the drive or discipline to do that on my own so I really like the trainer. He manages to motivate without being a douche. A rare and honorable trait.
4. Eating - working on it. I start off so well with my bowl of oatmeal in the morning and it somehow goes to hell in a handbasket (what the hell IS a handbasket?) by the end of the day. Ahhh ... it's always something, right?
5. No go on the Yoga :( I'm sad about this one. My chiropractor told me to lay off of it for a while. When I did, my shoulder got so much better. I really liked yoga, it made me feel good and accomplished and it always challenged me. But I like my left shoulder better so no more yoga for a while.
6. Facebook - Well, isn't that just a time sucker? While I'm on it a lot less, it is a great go to when trying to kill time or just do a brain numbing activity. But isn't it interesting the people and stuff you find out about??
7. Married life - I was trying to remember the last time someone asked me, "How's married life?" and just when I was going to write that it's been a while, I remember that my parents' neighbor just asked me that this morning :) But I think we're officially no longer newlyweds. Awwww ... that was a fun title. The Man is great. He is very stressed out at work and it's hard for him not to bring it home. I feel bad because he does a great job of not taking it out on me or the pups (I'm telling you, if you're stressed, hug a puppy - it works in this household!) But work does affect his attitude in the sense that it's really hard for him to be completely happy and carefree. I wish I could help him on that :( I wish I could light a bag of the pups' poo and shove it in his supervisor's mailbox. But I won't. Because that isn't classy. And it can get a person arrested.
8. Christmas cards - we are giving it a go next week and trying to take pictures. But if you get a lovely card with a wedding photo, don't be surprised!
9. The big 3-0 - for the longest time, I've been looking forward to this milestone. Now, I don't know. I'm not really "freaking out" but I'm having some serious reservations about this new chapter. I think I've accomplished quite a bit but (and how dumb is this) I also think about what I haven't done. And how much I wish I had done. But I'm pretty sure I'm not depressed about the whole thing ... just thinking about it too much!
All right, that's it. Again, I miss reading you guys but I suppose I can't be hypocrite and expect y'all to write if I haven't been doing much of the same. So write!
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Veteran's Day
There are more men and women buried in Arlington Cemetery from our current war than any other war.
I'm going to hug my daddy sometime today (he served in the Navy until he had a heart attack) and The Man (he was in the National Guard.)
I'm going to hug my daddy sometime today (he served in the Navy until he had a heart attack) and The Man (he was in the National Guard.)
Friday, November 07, 2008
Poor neglected Blogger ...
I was already on My Space so I refused to go on FaceBook. Sister convinced me I would like it and, well, you know the rest. It's addicting! Reading about people I haven't talked to in a while, getting the instant gratification of messaging or writing Wall-to-Wall ... oh sweet jeezus, it's like milk chocolate truffles to me. ADDICTING!
And poor Blogger. I've been reading but haven't been posting. Still busy at work and so much easier to just check FB, you know? But, like blogger/FB friend Anna wrote, there is something to be said about it also being a popularity contest. And I agree - I sometimes feel like a Pokemon card. People want to connect just to connect and I never hear/read a peep from them. I'm just another notch, I suppose. It's kind of irritating and I want to start deleting people. But for right now, I'm OK. Because I have my little blog. While it is open to the public (for now), this is where I reserve the more meaningful entries and the closest thing to a journal. No, it hasn't escaped my memory that I wrote two entries about shoes. Hey, I was excited about comfy shoes! Anyway, back to why I love blogging. Granted, because it is public, I'm not going to air out my dirty laundry and tend to be a bit vague. But it's been good to me so far. And the little group that I belong to (I hate using "audience" because I feel like it then implies that I'm writing to gain popularity versus writing to see if people can relate, sympathize or admit they have no idea where the hell I'm coming from) is perfect for me.
But I noticed that many of you have gone MIA, too. How come? I think you all were on FB before me so probably aren't as big of FB-junkies :) Work? School? Life? I hope everyone is doing well. I miss reading you! Well, hopefully I'll be treated to some of your good holiday pictures soon. About that, I have to get on the ball and learn how to use The Man's camera. It's been a while since I've had pictures! And we need to take some photos for our Christmas card soon. Ugh, about THAT - The Man wants to use wedding photos for our greetings card and I'm so tempted to do that. I mean, we are trying to get our money's worth out of those pictures plus they were taken professionally so we know that they look good! But it will have been eight months since the wedding and I don't know if there's ettiquete about that but maybe they're too old? Plus the pictures don't include the pups. And we have to have the pups! Ah, we'll see. I think if I can't get my act together, we may have to use wedding pictures but my preference is for us to take one soon. Very soon. But with what time? We then need to have someone with us available to take the pictures when The Man and I are available (he's been and will be out of town on the weekends.)
Where has the time gone?!
And poor Blogger. I've been reading but haven't been posting. Still busy at work and so much easier to just check FB, you know? But, like blogger/FB friend Anna wrote, there is something to be said about it also being a popularity contest. And I agree - I sometimes feel like a Pokemon card. People want to connect just to connect and I never hear/read a peep from them. I'm just another notch, I suppose. It's kind of irritating and I want to start deleting people. But for right now, I'm OK. Because I have my little blog. While it is open to the public (for now), this is where I reserve the more meaningful entries and the closest thing to a journal. No, it hasn't escaped my memory that I wrote two entries about shoes. Hey, I was excited about comfy shoes! Anyway, back to why I love blogging. Granted, because it is public, I'm not going to air out my dirty laundry and tend to be a bit vague. But it's been good to me so far. And the little group that I belong to (I hate using "audience" because I feel like it then implies that I'm writing to gain popularity versus writing to see if people can relate, sympathize or admit they have no idea where the hell I'm coming from) is perfect for me.
But I noticed that many of you have gone MIA, too. How come? I think you all were on FB before me so probably aren't as big of FB-junkies :) Work? School? Life? I hope everyone is doing well. I miss reading you! Well, hopefully I'll be treated to some of your good holiday pictures soon. About that, I have to get on the ball and learn how to use The Man's camera. It's been a while since I've had pictures! And we need to take some photos for our Christmas card soon. Ugh, about THAT - The Man wants to use wedding photos for our greetings card and I'm so tempted to do that. I mean, we are trying to get our money's worth out of those pictures plus they were taken professionally so we know that they look good! But it will have been eight months since the wedding and I don't know if there's ettiquete about that but maybe they're too old? Plus the pictures don't include the pups. And we have to have the pups! Ah, we'll see. I think if I can't get my act together, we may have to use wedding pictures but my preference is for us to take one soon. Very soon. But with what time? We then need to have someone with us available to take the pictures when The Man and I are available (he's been and will be out of town on the weekends.)
Where has the time gone?!
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Heart Breaker or Heart Ache-r?
Being sick has its disadvantages. The obvious is, well, being sick. And, of course, if you're like me and totally useless when ill then there's having to take time off work to lay in a NyQuil-induced coma.
And FaceBook didn't exactly help me any. Because when I am sick and in bed all damn day, there is nothing to do except look up people that should be left in the past. But I can't help myself. AND DON'T EVEN FAKE IT BECAUSE I KNOW I'M NOT ON MY OWN. Friendster, MySpace and FaceBook are convenient ways for us to keep tabs on the people we no longer talk to or make us think back of all the people who crossed our paths just to see what they've been up to since we last saw them.
And then, of course, because my mind can never just REST and always has to be busy even if it's to think of things that are useless or irrelevant to my happy life today, I wondered if the people I remembered and thought to look up did the same with me. And that's friends, enemies, old coworkers, old sorority sisters, ex-boyfriends and ex-crushes. But see, with me, I haven't had that many men in my life prior to The Man. And it's not something I regret, it just made me think.
I only have one ex-boyfriend and two significant crushes in my life. And a couple of guys that caught my eye. But that is it. Crazy isn't it? I mean, I've only had two serious boyfriends and I married one of them so there ya go. It is very easy for me to remember the past relationships because there were not that many in my life, making the few that occurred significant moments in my life.
And, because I just had way too much time lying in bed trying to breathe without coughing, I realized that the roles they had in my life were probably a lot more important and significant than the role I played in theirs. Because if there are, say four men that made a strong impact in your life, you are going to remember them. But if there was that one woman out of 15, well, you're going to kind of remember her and when you had gone out with her in your life. Maybe.
I'd like to think I'm memorable. I'd like to think I broke a heart or two. How morbid is that?! I may have bruised a couple of egos in my day. But I'm pretty sure I wasn't a heart breaker. I didn't let too many guys in my life (out of fear, already being in a relationship, and sometimes just too damn picky) so I can remember when I went out with these fellows and most of the details of the relationship. Although out of the four, two were just very long, twisted crushes where I gave them entirely too much power that, luckily, they had very little idea they had it because, unluckily, I was inept in expressing my feelings making me a pro (not that I realized it then) at sending mixed signals. But that huge flaw is another entry all together.
My point is that I am not a heart breaker. I am a heart ache-r. I've had my heart break or ache at least four times by two men who probably didn't even know they did it. And I don't mean I was necessarily in love. I just mean that period where you're sobbing uncontrollably in your pillow and you can't eat or sleep because you feel like your heart has been smashed by a hammer. And yes, The Man is counted in that four ... and obviously we made up. Thankfully I figured out how to articulate my feelings with him!
Although I complain about how busy my work keep me, I'm relieved to be throwing myself back into something where I can use my restless mind for good rather than drivel like wondering if I made an impact on the lives that made an impact on me. But if you have the time, think about it ...
Are you a heart breaker or heart ache-r? It's kind of a trip.
I talked to a friend about this and how ridiculous I felt for even thinking about this because I am in a beautiful and wonderful relationship and love my husband with all my heart. Why am I thinking about past relationships? Well, it really isn't about the men and "what if." I know exactly "what if" and dodged some potentially horrible relationships and lived through a tumultuous one. I am blessed to be with the best of the best. It's more of an ego thing, I suppose. And I know it's great to be a confident woman who knows her self worth. But I also don't mind the humbleness of it all that, well, just because someone was once important to you, your significance in their life may not be the same. And it's truly OK.
Unless you are sick and have way too much to think about and you kind of wished that you had been a heart breaker!
And FaceBook didn't exactly help me any. Because when I am sick and in bed all damn day, there is nothing to do except look up people that should be left in the past. But I can't help myself. AND DON'T EVEN FAKE IT BECAUSE I KNOW I'M NOT ON MY OWN. Friendster, MySpace and FaceBook are convenient ways for us to keep tabs on the people we no longer talk to or make us think back of all the people who crossed our paths just to see what they've been up to since we last saw them.
And then, of course, because my mind can never just REST and always has to be busy even if it's to think of things that are useless or irrelevant to my happy life today, I wondered if the people I remembered and thought to look up did the same with me. And that's friends, enemies, old coworkers, old sorority sisters, ex-boyfriends and ex-crushes. But see, with me, I haven't had that many men in my life prior to The Man. And it's not something I regret, it just made me think.
I only have one ex-boyfriend and two significant crushes in my life. And a couple of guys that caught my eye. But that is it. Crazy isn't it? I mean, I've only had two serious boyfriends and I married one of them so there ya go. It is very easy for me to remember the past relationships because there were not that many in my life, making the few that occurred significant moments in my life.
And, because I just had way too much time lying in bed trying to breathe without coughing, I realized that the roles they had in my life were probably a lot more important and significant than the role I played in theirs. Because if there are, say four men that made a strong impact in your life, you are going to remember them. But if there was that one woman out of 15, well, you're going to kind of remember her and when you had gone out with her in your life. Maybe.
I'd like to think I'm memorable. I'd like to think I broke a heart or two. How morbid is that?! I may have bruised a couple of egos in my day. But I'm pretty sure I wasn't a heart breaker. I didn't let too many guys in my life (out of fear, already being in a relationship, and sometimes just too damn picky) so I can remember when I went out with these fellows and most of the details of the relationship. Although out of the four, two were just very long, twisted crushes where I gave them entirely too much power that, luckily, they had very little idea they had it because, unluckily, I was inept in expressing my feelings making me a pro (not that I realized it then) at sending mixed signals. But that huge flaw is another entry all together.
My point is that I am not a heart breaker. I am a heart ache-r. I've had my heart break or ache at least four times by two men who probably didn't even know they did it. And I don't mean I was necessarily in love. I just mean that period where you're sobbing uncontrollably in your pillow and you can't eat or sleep because you feel like your heart has been smashed by a hammer. And yes, The Man is counted in that four ... and obviously we made up. Thankfully I figured out how to articulate my feelings with him!
Although I complain about how busy my work keep me, I'm relieved to be throwing myself back into something where I can use my restless mind for good rather than drivel like wondering if I made an impact on the lives that made an impact on me. But if you have the time, think about it ...
Are you a heart breaker or heart ache-r? It's kind of a trip.
I talked to a friend about this and how ridiculous I felt for even thinking about this because I am in a beautiful and wonderful relationship and love my husband with all my heart. Why am I thinking about past relationships? Well, it really isn't about the men and "what if." I know exactly "what if" and dodged some potentially horrible relationships and lived through a tumultuous one. I am blessed to be with the best of the best. It's more of an ego thing, I suppose. And I know it's great to be a confident woman who knows her self worth. But I also don't mind the humbleness of it all that, well, just because someone was once important to you, your significance in their life may not be the same. And it's truly OK.
Unless you are sick and have way too much to think about and you kind of wished that you had been a heart breaker!
Thursday, October 23, 2008
I give you ...
The Knox!
OK ... this is the last shoe on my wishlist, all named in honor of the kids adopted/made by that beautiful but bat $hit crazy woman. Who just admitted what everyone already knew which is she did, indeed, make the moves on her current boyfriend while he was still married. Oh, I know he's not blameless by any means and I hope he ages badly. But that's another entry.
Back to the shoes - Cute, huh?
So I caught a cold from my boss. I don't really blame her, though, because I could feel it in my body that I was fighting something, especially every morning. But I was able to shake it off for a while and took Vitamin C on a daily basis. But then I had a two hour meeting with my boss while she was sick and I couldn't fight off the bug anymore.
When I get sick, I'm just about useless. And if I try to go-go-go, I just stay sick for a longer amount of time. So I called in sick today. And laid in bed all freakin' day. Normally, that would not neccessarily be a bad thing but I couldn't really enjoy it since I'm sick. I basically drowned my sorrows and sickness in NyQuil.
And it bought me three hours of sleep :)
Saturday, October 18, 2008
I'm fine, how are you?
Still pluggin' away at work (and yes, although it makes sad that anytime I drop my Gs I think of Sarah Palin, I have to stay true to form) but it's much better. Easier? Heyyyyylllllz no! But I am much more accustomed to my schedule and have made peace with it.
Throughout the years, I've learned that very rarely do The J-O-B duties change for any given position. So either I have to adapt and make peace with it or I have to leave because whether it's me or someone else in the position, the job is always going to be the job. Kind of profound, isn't it? Or maybe not. It seems like a simple enough concept but we can be stubborn people. We think that we can just do what we really like or what we're really good at and then, because we have proven ourselves, we can shove off what we don't like to other people.
On that rare occasion, it sometimes works. Typically, though, we have to be in the job for several years and prove to be moderately successful in all facets of the position (including the one we want to get rid of) before we can negotiate removing the duties we don't care for ... and we better have a damn good argument why. But most of the time, whether we like it or not, we have to take the whole job description and own it. The parts we love, the parts we hate - all of it.
It's funny, I didn't think this entry was going to go this way. I was actually going to post pictures of the shoes I liked from Sofft that I'm planning to slowly add to my shoe collection the way Angelina adds kids to her household. But I've witnessed and continue to witness people who are struggling with accepting important parts of their job. And it's sad to watch because, in the end, I know that the job description will win. I mean, I've been on both sides. At my last job, I knew right away that I didn't like it. But I tried to convince myself it would work because I liked the people I worked with. But man, I hated my job and Sundays nights my stomach would hurt because I knew I would have to through another week of unsatisfying work. Now I never tried to change the job so that I only did what I wanted because I knew what the job entailed - I just didn't know how much I would dislike it. And because I knew the job wasn't going to change for me, I had to make the very difficult decision to leave it for the unknown.
Now I'm at a job that, over all, I love. Of course there are parts that I wish I didn't have to do but I'm at peace with having to do them. As I mentioned, though, there are others who try to reshape a position that was well established before they ever came on and isn't going to change even if they leave. I'm not just talking about people who do the same thing as me because I see it in many other areas. And rather than trying to adapt, there is a resistance. And I know that the inevitable will come when they realize that the description will always win and it's hardly ever pretty or peaceful.
Goodness, I didn't mean for this to be a morbid post! It really isn't. It's just an observation I've been thinking about for a few days now.
Anyway ... shoes!
The Maddox
The Sahara
The Pax
The Shiloh
The Vivienne
I guess I need to find one more that I like and call it the Knox! Wow, she has more kids than shoes that I've been eyeing for work. Jeez.
Throughout the years, I've learned that very rarely do The J-O-B duties change for any given position. So either I have to adapt and make peace with it or I have to leave because whether it's me or someone else in the position, the job is always going to be the job. Kind of profound, isn't it? Or maybe not. It seems like a simple enough concept but we can be stubborn people. We think that we can just do what we really like or what we're really good at and then, because we have proven ourselves, we can shove off what we don't like to other people.
On that rare occasion, it sometimes works. Typically, though, we have to be in the job for several years and prove to be moderately successful in all facets of the position (including the one we want to get rid of) before we can negotiate removing the duties we don't care for ... and we better have a damn good argument why. But most of the time, whether we like it or not, we have to take the whole job description and own it. The parts we love, the parts we hate - all of it.
It's funny, I didn't think this entry was going to go this way. I was actually going to post pictures of the shoes I liked from Sofft that I'm planning to slowly add to my shoe collection the way Angelina adds kids to her household. But I've witnessed and continue to witness people who are struggling with accepting important parts of their job. And it's sad to watch because, in the end, I know that the job description will win. I mean, I've been on both sides. At my last job, I knew right away that I didn't like it. But I tried to convince myself it would work because I liked the people I worked with. But man, I hated my job and Sundays nights my stomach would hurt because I knew I would have to through another week of unsatisfying work. Now I never tried to change the job so that I only did what I wanted because I knew what the job entailed - I just didn't know how much I would dislike it. And because I knew the job wasn't going to change for me, I had to make the very difficult decision to leave it for the unknown.
Now I'm at a job that, over all, I love. Of course there are parts that I wish I didn't have to do but I'm at peace with having to do them. As I mentioned, though, there are others who try to reshape a position that was well established before they ever came on and isn't going to change even if they leave. I'm not just talking about people who do the same thing as me because I see it in many other areas. And rather than trying to adapt, there is a resistance. And I know that the inevitable will come when they realize that the description will always win and it's hardly ever pretty or peaceful.
Goodness, I didn't mean for this to be a morbid post! It really isn't. It's just an observation I've been thinking about for a few days now.
Anyway ... shoes!
The Maddox
The Sahara
The Pax
The Shiloh
The Vivienne
I guess I need to find one more that I like and call it the Knox! Wow, she has more kids than shoes that I've been eyeing for work. Jeez.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
A stone's throw away from 30.
Another incident that made me realize I am welcoming this new milestone in my life (in addition to purchasing TWO pairs of Naturalizer shoes earlier this year) ...
I saw a lady walking to BART wearing white tennis shoes while her sensible heels were tucked away in her bag. Ordinarily, I can't help but pass judgement. Not necessarily about the woman but the style. "Jeezus, that does nothing for her outfit." And then, "I wouldn't be caught DEAD wearing white tennies with a work outfit."
As I get older, though, I notice I am having stronger thoughts about the women traipsing about in spiked / spice girl high heels versus the women in sneakers. Because at least with the women in sneakers, I totally get where where they're coming from. A long time ago, I had been the little 20-something wearing really high and really cute heels. But no more!
Yes, I still have opinions of the unattractiveness of the Easy Spirits over nude pantyhose ensemble. But, if I had to choose, I would begrudgingly pick that over the just-chop-off-my-feet-now-because-I'm-in-so-much-pain high heels. Because I would be limping something terrible by the end of the day. Of course, thinking that it's so much cooler, I have always opted for the flip flops and had my not so sensible heels in my bag. For my job, however, changing from flip flops to heels and then back again multiple times throughout the day just isn't reasonable.
While I am hoping with all my might that I won't become one of them, I am a little uneasy that I fully understand the concept of throwing cuteness to the wind in order to be able to walk comfortably for an entire day.
Will this be me one day?
I didn't realize how much I walked on a daily basis for work until I wore the wrong heels and tore up my feet. My poor toes. I was in so much pain that at the end of the day, I immediately went online and bought the Sofft high heels I had been eyeing but thought to be a little pricey. My feet definitely sent a clear message to me that day and I'm awaiting my stylish yet comfortable Sofft shoes. If you haven't checked this brand out, they have a bigger selection than Naturalizer and Aerosoles of cute shoes.
Yes. This obviously is an important topic for me and required thorough research. I even interrogated a couple of colleagues who told me they had Sofft shoes to ensure that I was making a wise investment. One said, "Seriously, girl. They're like walking on pillows." Yes, Sofft shoes are THAT good. (They should really pay me for this entry.)
Saturday, October 04, 2008
My body is NOT a wonderland
I decided to see a chiropractor through a local chiropractic college a few months ago because of my shoulder. I really liked her (she has since graduated and moved back to LA) and was open to her holistic approach because she was really passionate about it without being preachy. The two things she was concerned about was my intake of aspartame and birth control pills. Aspartame has been hard to kick. It's in a lot of things that I like so I'm slowly (and I mean SLOWLY) taking that out of my diet. I am a huge fan of Crystal Light and consume it all day long. So we'll see abut kicking the aspartame. Birth control, on the other hand, is easy. You just stop. I have been on the pill for six years straight, ten years total. I had a one year break after four years because my ex-boyfriend and I broke up. I wasn't doing anything to merit a pregnancy scare and I knew that mixing birth control pills and cigarettes were dangerous. So of course I gave up the birth control. I loved Marlboro Menthol Ultra Lights. (Yes, I have a dreamy look on my face just thinking about it.) But anyway ... back to the chiropractor. She told me that if it was at all possible, I should stop taking the pill because of all the hormones and it's just healthier for my body to stop. Hmm. I thought about it and shared this information with The Man. While we are not trying to have a baby right now, getting pregnant now by accident versus getting pregnant, oh, while I was in college and broke ass, is pretty different. There are other methods of birth control, as well. So the pill and I have broken up.
My body is NOT happy. I have been off the pill for two weeks. This past week my body decided we were fighting and I had cramps for the entire week. Damn. I completely forgot that a wonderful side affect of being on birth control pills was that I stopped having cramps. They used to be so bad in high school that I would go home almost once a month. The school nurse and I were friends ... she knew that I wasn't trying to play her for a fool and I knew that she would only make me lie on that army cot they called a bed for 1/2 hour before letting me go home. I loved my school nurse. In addition to the cramps, I am angry to report that I have found three blemishes on my chin. I call them "blemishes" because it's a damn shame that I'm damn near 30 years of age and breaking out. WHAT THE EFF. This lovely side affect is something I did not forget and knew that my skin would turn on me once I was off the pill. I am not claiming I had a lovely complexion while taking birth control pills but I appreciated the mostly-clear face and am so sad that age has not remedied this problem. So here I am. Cramping steadily for seven days and starting to break out. But, by golly, I don't have any artificial hormones in my body! (I am muttering a bunch of curse words right now. By the way, did you know "the curse" is defined as informal menstruation? First of all, how appropriate. Secondly, what is informal versus formal menstruation?)
My body is NOT happy. I have been off the pill for two weeks. This past week my body decided we were fighting and I had cramps for the entire week. Damn. I completely forgot that a wonderful side affect of being on birth control pills was that I stopped having cramps. They used to be so bad in high school that I would go home almost once a month. The school nurse and I were friends ... she knew that I wasn't trying to play her for a fool and I knew that she would only make me lie on that army cot they called a bed for 1/2 hour before letting me go home. I loved my school nurse. In addition to the cramps, I am angry to report that I have found three blemishes on my chin. I call them "blemishes" because it's a damn shame that I'm damn near 30 years of age and breaking out. WHAT THE EFF. This lovely side affect is something I did not forget and knew that my skin would turn on me once I was off the pill. I am not claiming I had a lovely complexion while taking birth control pills but I appreciated the mostly-clear face and am so sad that age has not remedied this problem. So here I am. Cramping steadily for seven days and starting to break out. But, by golly, I don't have any artificial hormones in my body! (I am muttering a bunch of curse words right now. By the way, did you know "the curse" is defined as informal menstruation? First of all, how appropriate. Secondly, what is informal versus formal menstruation?)
I miss reading blogger and I miss writing. But from what I see, a lot of you have been MIA. What gives? Are you busy with work too? That's my main reason. And the discovery of FaceBook. What another time sucker that thing is ;)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)