Video by The Man:
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
How cute is she?
My little girl. What a gift. I think God knew what I could handle and gave me one of the easiest going babies ever. I feel blessed. Sure, I wake up in the middle of the night, and my schedule is dictated by her but I get to look at THIS.
So, to quote her auntie, "How cute is she? Sooooooo cute."
Merry Christmas, baby girl.
Monday, December 14, 2009
After Birth
I wrote a post all about the details of my experience after SB was born. And I realized that it could be discouraging to those, like myself, who have concerns about labor and delivery. Or misconstrued as extremely negative.
I love my baby with all my heart. She is AMAZING and yes, I believe she is THE BEST BABY in the entire world :) But I wish someone had sat me down and told me, "You may not have the Hallmark experience most moms talk about. You may be extremely terrified of your baby at first and not want to hold her. And that's OK." Then again, maybe I would have looked at the person like they had three legs and tell them to step back.
It's a tricky thing. When I was nine months pregnant, I didn't want to hear anything negative because I was already scared about the labor and delivery, I didn't need to think of what would happen when I took the baby home! I just wanted to hear how well I was handling the pregnancy (at least, to others) and how excited people were for me. I recently had a conversation with a mom who reminded me that she had, indeed, told me how hard a baby could be. She said, "Don't you remember? I told you it was going to be really really hard. And I told you that I personally thought the infant stage sucked and it was the part of having a child that was the toughest for me. Remember?" That's right. She DID say that! And then I remembered thinking, "What the HELL is wrong with her?! I don't want to hear that right now. I'm PREGNANT!"
Well, perhaps the delivery of her message lacked finesse. Or tact. But she was right. She had tried to warn me.
Most moms who I talked to throughout my pregnancy told me how wonderful it was going to be for me. They made me feel like I was joining an elite group. That being a mommy would be the best thing in the whole wide world. And I'm grateful for them saying that to me because, being all big and emotional, it's what I needed to hear. There is, though, this other part that I didn't really know about.
The first week after giving birth, I think I was still stunned from surgery and a bit loopy from pain medication. The second and third weeks were extremely difficult. I definitely did NOT have Hallmark moments with Sticky Bun. I cried every day, sometimes several times a day. I would wake up, look at my baby in her co-sleeper, and be terrified that she would wake up and start crying. And when she would cry, I would feel bad that I couldn't soothe her. Like I had let her down and every time it proved I wasn't meant to be a mom. I was more than happy to let my sister, mom, husband or anyone close to me hold her because they would probably do a better job.
Another horrible hormonal mind f*ck (because, really, I don't know what else to call it) I had was that I truly and honestly thought that my marriage was doomed. I sincerely believed that we were on our way to getting a divorce because how would it ever survive my crying and sleep deprivation? I was convinced that the love of my life would eventually leave me. It didn't help that I hardly saw my husband because his work shift changed right after I gave birth and he was now working from 3pm to 12am.
I could go on and on about the depressing things I thought. But I won't. That is in the other entry I wrote. And I'm keeping that entry so I never forget. IF I decide to have another child, I want to remember what I had gone through before to prove that it really does get better, even though, at the time it doesn't feel like it will. I also want to read that entry when I'm trying to decide if we should try again to have another:) I don't want to forget anything and I want to make the best decision possible when that time comes around again. I guess I could say I want to make an informed decision.
I am so glad that things eventually got better. One weekend, I stopped crying. And I didn't want to get too excited because I wasn't sure if my hormones would go out of wack again. But, thankfully, they didn't. I was able to think positively and I was able to see and believe that The Man was in it for the long haul. I realized that I should take the help my mom was offering and that it didn't mean that I was an awful mom by doing so. I was able to enjoy time with my baby.
I feel so bad for mommies that get the Baby Blues (what I had) or Post Partum Depression. Because you always hear how being a mommy is the best thing that could ever happen to a woman. And when you don't have those feelings that you're supposed to feel a week after taking home your baby, you feel GUILTY, freakish, and question what the hell is wrong with you. In addition to feeling like you have no skills to protect let alone mother your baby. And then all the feelings you have outside of having a baby, like marriage and self image. At least, that's how I felt with Baby Blues. I can't even imagine going through PPD.
My point? Since I'm sort of drilling in the despression over and over again. Don't be dismayed if you end up having these feelings. Don't be afraid or ashamed to seek help. I didn't want to talk to anyone about it but my Sister convinced me to go to a Mommy group. And to also talk to my OB-GYN. My doc, in turn, asked that I talk to a psychologist. Yes, by the time I saw her, things were much better. But if I had PPD, then I could have received counseling and/or medication.
Also, sympathize with new mommies. Don't judge her because her baby is in an ugly, mis-matched outfit. And missing a sock. Or she's in that mommy sweats outfit looking a bit sloppy. And her hair looks like hell. As long as she and her baby looks healthy, kudos to her. Because it is true - nothing rocks your world harder than having a baby. They have either just have their vaginas ripped to shreds or had their womb (skin & muscle) cut open and innards taken out and then put back in. For sure their hormontes are raging. And THEN they're given this baby that needs so much all the time. Yes, motherhood is beautiful. I truly believe that. But it is also one of the hardest things if not THE hardest thing a woman has to go through because it's a challenging process that starts with 10 months and then the really hard work begins. But I hear it's pretty rewarding ... and nine weeks into it, I agree.
I love my baby with all my heart. She is AMAZING and yes, I believe she is THE BEST BABY in the entire world :) But I wish someone had sat me down and told me, "You may not have the Hallmark experience most moms talk about. You may be extremely terrified of your baby at first and not want to hold her. And that's OK." Then again, maybe I would have looked at the person like they had three legs and tell them to step back.
It's a tricky thing. When I was nine months pregnant, I didn't want to hear anything negative because I was already scared about the labor and delivery, I didn't need to think of what would happen when I took the baby home! I just wanted to hear how well I was handling the pregnancy (at least, to others) and how excited people were for me. I recently had a conversation with a mom who reminded me that she had, indeed, told me how hard a baby could be. She said, "Don't you remember? I told you it was going to be really really hard. And I told you that I personally thought the infant stage sucked and it was the part of having a child that was the toughest for me. Remember?" That's right. She DID say that! And then I remembered thinking, "What the HELL is wrong with her?! I don't want to hear that right now. I'm PREGNANT!"
Well, perhaps the delivery of her message lacked finesse. Or tact. But she was right. She had tried to warn me.
Most moms who I talked to throughout my pregnancy told me how wonderful it was going to be for me. They made me feel like I was joining an elite group. That being a mommy would be the best thing in the whole wide world. And I'm grateful for them saying that to me because, being all big and emotional, it's what I needed to hear. There is, though, this other part that I didn't really know about.
The first week after giving birth, I think I was still stunned from surgery and a bit loopy from pain medication. The second and third weeks were extremely difficult. I definitely did NOT have Hallmark moments with Sticky Bun. I cried every day, sometimes several times a day. I would wake up, look at my baby in her co-sleeper, and be terrified that she would wake up and start crying. And when she would cry, I would feel bad that I couldn't soothe her. Like I had let her down and every time it proved I wasn't meant to be a mom. I was more than happy to let my sister, mom, husband or anyone close to me hold her because they would probably do a better job.
Another horrible hormonal mind f*ck (because, really, I don't know what else to call it) I had was that I truly and honestly thought that my marriage was doomed. I sincerely believed that we were on our way to getting a divorce because how would it ever survive my crying and sleep deprivation? I was convinced that the love of my life would eventually leave me. It didn't help that I hardly saw my husband because his work shift changed right after I gave birth and he was now working from 3pm to 12am.
I could go on and on about the depressing things I thought. But I won't. That is in the other entry I wrote. And I'm keeping that entry so I never forget. IF I decide to have another child, I want to remember what I had gone through before to prove that it really does get better, even though, at the time it doesn't feel like it will. I also want to read that entry when I'm trying to decide if we should try again to have another:) I don't want to forget anything and I want to make the best decision possible when that time comes around again. I guess I could say I want to make an informed decision.
I am so glad that things eventually got better. One weekend, I stopped crying. And I didn't want to get too excited because I wasn't sure if my hormones would go out of wack again. But, thankfully, they didn't. I was able to think positively and I was able to see and believe that The Man was in it for the long haul. I realized that I should take the help my mom was offering and that it didn't mean that I was an awful mom by doing so. I was able to enjoy time with my baby.
I feel so bad for mommies that get the Baby Blues (what I had) or Post Partum Depression. Because you always hear how being a mommy is the best thing that could ever happen to a woman. And when you don't have those feelings that you're supposed to feel a week after taking home your baby, you feel GUILTY, freakish, and question what the hell is wrong with you. In addition to feeling like you have no skills to protect let alone mother your baby. And then all the feelings you have outside of having a baby, like marriage and self image. At least, that's how I felt with Baby Blues. I can't even imagine going through PPD.
My point? Since I'm sort of drilling in the despression over and over again. Don't be dismayed if you end up having these feelings. Don't be afraid or ashamed to seek help. I didn't want to talk to anyone about it but my Sister convinced me to go to a Mommy group. And to also talk to my OB-GYN. My doc, in turn, asked that I talk to a psychologist. Yes, by the time I saw her, things were much better. But if I had PPD, then I could have received counseling and/or medication.
Also, sympathize with new mommies. Don't judge her because her baby is in an ugly, mis-matched outfit. And missing a sock. Or she's in that mommy sweats outfit looking a bit sloppy. And her hair looks like hell. As long as she and her baby looks healthy, kudos to her. Because it is true - nothing rocks your world harder than having a baby. They have either just have their vaginas ripped to shreds or had their womb (skin & muscle) cut open and innards taken out and then put back in. For sure their hormontes are raging. And THEN they're given this baby that needs so much all the time. Yes, motherhood is beautiful. I truly believe that. But it is also one of the hardest things if not THE hardest thing a woman has to go through because it's a challenging process that starts with 10 months and then the really hard work begins. But I hear it's pretty rewarding ... and nine weeks into it, I agree.
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