Sunday, November 25, 2007

I adore San Francisco

I am a gal from the 'burbs. I grew up in the suburbs and plan on raising a family there, too. But I've always admired San Francisco, like a pretty piece of jewelry. I could see it from across the bay when I was little girl and it just seemed so exciting and grown up.
I lived, worked, and studied in San Francisco for about five years. I don't pretend to know the city like the back of my hand - the way my native San Franciscan friends do or the ones that have lived there for a long time. But I am a lifetime admirer and today reminded me of that.
Today I visited a friend who lives in the Sunset district. We had breakfast near Ocean Beach. I forgot how much I loved the Sunset district. I was always there because of school and would sometimes kill a big gap of time between classes at Ocean Beach. I forgot how nice it was to be so close to the ocean. I could smell the salt in the air and it was cool without being too cold - perfect for walking around.
Then we drove to the Marina district to walk the pups and window shop on Chestnut and Union Streets. I also forgot how fun it is to leisurely walk and shop in the Marina district. The shops had their Christmas decorations up and it made me so happy! I also love browsing in shops that are only in San Francisco. People were out in their Uggs and stylish sunglasses, eating at yummy restaurants, shopping or walking their pooches :) It wasn't as busy as it usually can be during the weekends so I enjoyed walking on the bustling but not over crowded sidewalks. I also enjoyed how many places let pups inside so their owners can shop. So lovely!
I often forget how much I love being in San Francisco. Living 45 minutes away often feels like a different world and seems to make it too cumbersome of a trip to make. There are so many reasons to stay away - horrible parking, too cold, some places are dirty and funky, The Man isn't a fan of the city, and it's kind of a hassle with two dogs! But it's visits like the one I had today, especially during the holiday season, I remember why I adore San Francisco. It's such a beautiful place with so much diversity among its people, sites, food, and merchandise. I admit, I miss living, working and studying in the city! But I'm very thankful to live in the Bay Area where it's only a 45 minute trek to such a wonderful place.

Saturday, November 24, 2007

Stuffed, bored and uninspired

I think I'm coming down with a cold (my nose has been running all day and now my throat hurts.) I want to go out but in my (small) pool of friends, the only ones that want to go out live in the city and I don't feel up for the drive.
Yes, I'm feeling lazy.
So I thought I would blog but I really don't have anything to say. I mean, I have a lot of little things I've been thinking about but they don't really tie together and nothing that I feel enough passion about to structure a whole entry around.
So here I am: uninspired, bored, stuffed from T-Day and stuffy. I think I just miss The Man. He's with his family this long weekend and I've come to realize that he is my social life. Yup. Just him. Hehehe
It's OK. I really don't mind. I have friends. It's just when I do an inventory of my dear friends, they are all either married or with kids. Or both. These factors make it hard for any of them to be able to go out for cocktails. Well, the ones that live close by.
*Sigh*
I'm thinking about opening a bottle of wine and having a party of one. My other thought is to do a chocolate run because I am craving.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Engagement Pictures

Scanned at work so it may not be the best quality ... but at least you can see them!

Just click the X twice on Stevie if he is distracting (he won't go away but he'll minimize.)

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Drunk blogging .... it's been a while

I feel a little guilty writing a drunk post after writing such a sincere entry. But the drink posts are far and few between so I'm going to anyway because I am motivated. I am motivated because I like to write about things that happen in my life. Hopefully to laugh about it later and think, "Hahaha, that wasn't funny then but it's funny now."
Here's the thing - the Man went home for the weekend and let me stay in the Bay Area (he usually likes me to go with him.) Around 8:00pm, I decided that I wanted to go out. Sort of. I wanted to go out near by and do something low key. So I called my cousin Rome because he's usually up for a good time. Sure enough, he proposed we go to a restaurant/club and promised it would be low key.
He brings a few friends and we go to this lounge in Fremont. Rome and I go to the bar and I see this girl that looks familiar. For the life of me, I don't know why she looks familiar. Then I realize, "Hey, I think that's my exboyfriend's girlfriend." I tell Rome and he is willing to mosey on over to her and ask. Because I've had one drink and I'm curious. After we get our drinks, we turn around and BAM.
There is my exboyfriend.
I can't explain it. It's not like I have strong feelings for him anymore. It's more like seeing a long lost classmate. That you weren't really friend with. You aren't sure you want to say hi but it's too late because you locked eyes.
Oh SNAP.
Yes, we said hi and we talked for a little bit. In case you've never had this run in let me tell you what it's like. Here is this person you used to love. This person who knew you inside and out a long time ago. But doesn't know you from a bucket of water now. It's strange.
I ended up drinking three more rum-and-diet-cokes. Because, at that time, it felt like the best thing to do when dealing with an awkward situation. A few things to note:
1. I was wearing my wedding ring and he did admire it
2. He introduced me to his girlfriend who I must give props to because she handled meeting an exgirlfriend VERY well.
3. I drank 4 rum and diet cokes total and ended up having to vomit in the restroom (but I somehow mustered up enough grace to clean myself up)
4. Yes, I realize that I'm one foot into the 30s age group and that I should know better. But between my cousin who can drink like a fish and play tennis at 7am the next day and having only a couple of exes so when I run into them, it's kind of shock, I think I can be excused for the party foul.
5. I didn't learn from the last time I drank with Rome that he is way too dangerous for me to party with
6. Enough time has passed that we can actually be friendly and I think this was the first time I wasn't super sarcastic.
It feels like it's been a lifetime since we broke up ... it's been six years. During this time I've always been 100% sure that it was the best thing for us to do, that we needed to break up because we were NOT meant to be.
But hot damn, it's still awkward as hell when we run into each other. Thank goodness for alcohol. Even if I had to flush some of it down the toilet.

Saturday, November 10, 2007

Thankful

I know I'm a bit early but it's not really about Thanksgiving. I woke up this morning full of thanks in my heart.
Honest, it's totally true.
I woke up with a content feeling and I thought, "Life is good." And I wanted to write about. Because it's so easy to complain about what I don't have but wish I did, the money I don't make but wish I did, the body I don't have but wish I did and the things I haven't done but wish I did. It's just too easy. I know complaining and venting are good outlets and help keep me sane but I also believe in balance. So since I woke up wearing my Mary Sunshine hat, I figure I would just go with it.
My parents and I finally have a great relationship. Well, we've had one for about five years now but it's been a long time coming. They are NOT the type of parents that ever wanted to be their kids' friends. Oh no, there was a clear parental line that they not only drew out but stuck an electric fence, to boot. They were some serious disciplinarians when I was growing up. (Who had an 11:00pm curfew when she was 19 years old? *Hands flailing* Me, over here! Me!!!) But they've loosened up - well, my Dad said he's old and too tired to fight:) - but they also remind me that they will always be there. When I hated, HATED, my old job, I finally let out my frustration during a coffee date with my dad. He then told me, "You will never be homeless or worry about about food. As long as we're alive you will always have a roof over your head. You shouldn't be at a job that causes so much stress and anxiety." How could I not almost cry when he said that? Even though he and my mom have stayed at their jobs that they have sometimes hated, they believed that I should find my happiness.
My sister is my best friend, knitting professor, and the person I love to visit most. It's so funny how you can be very different and, somehow, be very much alike. She is on the quiet side, likes to hide from parties and very very smart (I'm ashamed to admit that I don't know half the books she mentions and some of the words she says) but when we're together, we are loud, we laugh a lot and she tells me exactly what she's thinking. I love it! I have such a good time hanging out with her and she is so kind. For the first part of my life, she was my second mom. Now that I can trusted to go out in public and not accidently kill myself, I think she's felt she can be more of a friend. I know not everyone has a good relationships with their siblings so I am very thankful that my sister and I are tight like this! *fingers crossed*
Oh, The Man. He is a funny character. So serious and quiet. He HATES parties or places that require him to socialize. He is extremely independent and probably never ever talked to anyone as much on the phone as he talked to me when we first dated. He's also the type to bottle up his fury and release it when no one is watching. The Man, whether he realizes it or not, isn't comfortable showing emotion. I've come to understand that he rarely let's anyone into his world. He's polite and he'll do small talk, but he is very private and keeps to himself.
Somehow, he let me barge into his world. He let me in. I get to see him talk baby talk to our pups. I get to hear him sing terribly to a song while he's using the wrong words. I get to laugh at him, too, and he doesn't get embarrassed! He just sings louder :) For better and for worse, I see all his emotions. And when I really think about it, I think I'm the only one that does. He is also my best friend. He can read me like a book. He knows when I'm in a rotten mood or when I need a hug (although now he just sticks a puppy in my face.)
There are also so many things I'm grateful for in my life. I love my job and really like my boss. I have a job that lets me work from home most of the time. I'm grateful that my nine-year-old car is paid off and will drive it until it gives out! I'm thankful I'm able to rent a cute house with nice neighbors. I love my pups - they are tiny people with fur coats. I am very thankful to have free puppysitting. This is probably the most Mary Sunshine of all but I'm thankful that all my loved ones are safe and relatively healthy.
It's so easy for me to forget the good things in my life because I'm quite good at bitching about the things that irritate me or go wrong. There's just so much! hehehe ... but I want to recognize all the good in my life, too.

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Am I in the wrong job?

http://www.insidebayarea.com/ci_7354128
Hot damn! Who knew my little 'hood paid our civil workers so much?!?! Now I know that most of them probably deserve the cushy salary but 879 employees with salaries over $100,000?! This article only highlights 280 of them. Fishy, very fishy. It makes me think why the Haystack isn't a whole heckuva lot nicer.
Oh well. While their salaries are awfully pretty, I have no desire to do any of those jobs so I'll keep on truckin' with my gem of a job but not so gem of a salary. Hehe.
Thanks to the local paper for bringing it to everybody-and-their-mamas' attention :)

Monday, November 05, 2007

Dreams and do overs

Dreams are a funny thing, aren't they? Well, I remembered mine from last night, which doesn't happen too often, so I'm going to write it down before I forget. Oh, and Cyn, it was about YOU.
Hahaha, don't be alarmed. It was brief and nothing too odd. In my dream, we lived very close to each other in LA. Anyway, we talked on the phone about as much as we do now and we never saw each other. It was time for me to move back and we realized that we should have made a better effort to see each other and appreciated the fact that we lived close by. Then I woke up. See? Nothing embarrassing or crazy :)
I have very few regrets. Things that aren't necessarily earth changing but would have made an impact in my little world. But this dream reminded me of one thing I would like to do over. wished I had enjoyed university life more. Especially now that I have responsibilities! I wished I had taken advantage of living away from home and asked my roommates/friends to go on road trips. I met some incredible people in college but we were either too lazy or complacent to think to leave the campus. And if you knew what parking was like in San Francisco, you would know that we had a point not wanting to leave our sweet parking spots. Sounds stupid but it was such a pain in the ass arriving for class 45 minutes later and STILL being late for class because I couldn't find parking. But I also know that we could have taken public transportation. I think it would have been so fun to go on a trip with Cyn and Kim or a few of my sorority sisters. Or just done day explorations because we had the perfect schedules to do those kind of things! Now we have work schedules, errands and responsibilities.
I wish I had been a nicer child to my parents. I was a typical baby of the family so I was a little bit spoiled and a little bit bratty. They were pretty strict with me so I retaliated with lack of appreciation and lots of attitude. Since my teen years, I've learned to appreciate how truly wonderful they are and to be eternally grateful for their unconditional love, I say "I love you" whenever I see them and will probably be making up for punk ass attitude for the rest of my life. If I could do it over, I wouldn't have been embarrassed to go out with them, have shut them out, and would have asked to go on more family trips. I would have also been smarter and insisted to join a sports team when I was a freshman and pushed to have a job during high school (my parents thought both would distract me from school work) so I would have been out of the house more and we wouldn't have driven each other so crazy!
Another thing I would do over is how I treated my childhood pup, Chewy. This is actually a difficult confession because I still feel really, really feel bad. Chewy was a sweet dog that was neglected. He was an outdoor dog that hardly went inside because he wasn't potty trained. He certainly didn't have the comfort of sleeping with us upstairs. He was so sweet but wild because we didn't train him. Anyway, he led a depressing life. I got him when I was in 5th grade and was a decent owner up until the end of high school. Then he was hardly walked and stayed outside, no matter if it was raining or very hot. When I went to college, he hardly received any attention. He was fed, given water and that was it. While my parents liked Chewy, too, they didn't know how to deal with an untrained dog (which, ironically, was the result of our decisions.)
Yes, I'm a pet lover. And a dog may be just a dog to other people. But it makes me cry to think of how much he suffered outside, how lonely he must have been because he had a selfish teenager (then college student) as an owner. Dogs have so much love to give and they are entirely dependent on their owners for their quality of life. Oh lawdee, I must sound like Oprah. For a long time, I didn't want another dog after Chewy passed away. I knew that I was a crappy owner who wouldn't or couldn't devote the time a dog needed. Even my sister would remind me how much time a dog required whenever I entertained the idea about getting a new one.
Years later, I started to dating Jon and he wanted me to get a dog. I told him, "No! I'm not over the loss of my dog yet." Chewy passed away in 1999. I told you I have a lot of guilt. But The Man really wanted a Doberman and thought it would be good for me to have a companion when I'm home alone. But the guilt! He obviously wore me down and four years later, I have TWO pups. And obviously I had a say regarding the breed. What a difference maturity and help make in raising pups - it's like night and day! I'm a much better owner but I still regret how neglected my childhood pet was and wish I could do it all over. I loved him but, honestly, my parents and I had no business having a dog.
But I have plenty of "no regrets" too. To just go over a few, I don't regret my long term relationship with the boyfriend before The Man. Oh, you bet I wish I could have a do over of how we ended so I could have really socked it to him! But I don't regret that relationship because I think I learned a lot and that being in a relationship all throughout college kept me out of trouble. I know that I'm a better girlfriend from that experience. I don't regret attending a State university rather than a U.C. I admit I'm envious of those with degrees from UCLA and UC Berkeley, though, but I met so many fascinating people at SFSU and learned so much from my professors. I loooooved my university in case you couldn't tell :) I definitely, DEFINITELY, don't regret briefly leaving non-profit because that experience made me realize that I am meant to be in non-profit (but I do regret the I-hate-my-job weight that I gained!)
There's plenty more I could write about but these are just the things off the top of my head. I would ask what you would do over or what you do not regret but it's up to you to share.