I don't think this makes me a bad mama but ...

... I looooooove this pout! Love, love, love it. It makes me say, "Awwww honey!" and shower her with kisses. Then her pout is gone! It usually appears and goes away so quickly that I thought I would never be able to capture it in a photo. And sure, rather than comforting her right away this one time, I picked up a camera. But now I have this expression captured forever :)

Updates and such

The Bun turned 4 months old this week. Wow. While she is still so little, it feels like she's been around for much longer because I can't really remember how every day life was like without her.
She still favors her right hand (she thinks it's really cool every time she sees it) but she knows she also had a left one now. And The Bun has this habit of rubbing them together like she's devising this evil plan to take over the world.
Really.
The Bun also has quite the kung fu baby grip. It hurts terribly when she feels like grabbing skin or hair. Other than that, she just likes to feel things and that isn't so bad.
In one week and a day, I go back to work. We all know the many feelings I have about that.
The Man and I are doing well. But he's been having to deal with property drama (with a home he bought prior to our marriage) and it has been extremely stressful. I feel so bad for him and it affects the quality time he has w/ The Bun. Instead of being able to spend time with his daughter, he has to call or email many folks and it eats up much of the evenings. Plus it puts him in a bad mood which I don't blame him because it really is stressful. He by no means takes it out on me or the baby but who wouldn't want to see the person she loves in a GOOD mood? Plus that leaves me alone to take care of the baby. But other than that, we are doing well and I'm thankful.
The pups have been baaaaaad lately. I think it's just one but unless you catch her in the act, we have to assume it's both. Two weeks ago, one of the peed upstairs on the carpet. Last week, someone pooped downstairs on the carpet. Yesterday, I found pee in the middle of the hallway. Also on the carpet. I have been absolutely furious because it's ME who discovered these crimes so it's ME who has to clean them. Mad, mad, mad. I haven't gotten physical (one, because unless the pup is caught in the act, she won't have any idea why I'm punishing her and two, I don't know which one did it!) but there has been a whole lot of yelling. LOTS. Yes, they are my furry babies but dammit I hate cleaning up that kind of stuff, especially on carpet!
Anyway, got to get ready for my Mommy group before she wakes up. I want to enjoy every little moment we have of bonding before going back to the j-o-b.

Roughly two weeks left ...

and then mama's back to the j-o-b. Although it feels like time has just flown by, crazily enough, I also can hardly remember my routine without The Bun. So going back to work seems so foreign to me right now.
I know most mommies go through this. But it truly feels like I'm entering a whole new chapter in my life. I'm not necessarily sad, I think it's more bittersweet. I know that I need to earn my keep ;) But I feel like Bun and I just figured things out and now it's going to be changed up again. I didn't realize how much I actually enjoy predictability until I had a baby.
She is teaching me so much. Patience, selflessness, love - even at 3 in the morning.
She's even taught me to not be so anxious ... who would have thought? But a person can only listen to her baby monitor at full volume for so long. It also helps that Bun is a snorter so I am oddly comforted by her snoring in the wee hours of the morning :)
OK, I lied. Well, unintentionally. As I'm writing this, I am getting sad. Part of me wants to go back to work and have that part of me that existed before I was a mommy. The part that helped define me - a working woman contributing to society. But I also want to be the person who sees The Bun's firsts FIRST. I want to be the person who plays with her in the morning and helps intoduce the new day to her. The person who showers The Bun with kisses after each diaper change.
But it will be OK. We will have new adventures. New routines. New milestones. And boy oh boy, I loooooooove my mom and am so grateful to her and her willingness to do pro-bono daycare:) She is awesome.