View on religion

Oh boy. Not at all easy to answer.
Here's the thing - I truly believe the religion I grew up with helped shape me into a good person. I lived in a middle to low income area and high school was a mix of kids. I could have gone down a dark road but I didn't. My parents were very strict so I'm sure that helped. But the fear from religion helped a lot.
That's the thing, though. There was a lot of fear. And guilt. A LOT.
I know most religions encourage their parish to recruit outsiders into their faith. And to marry within their faith. But there was a lot of talk of damnation for those who did not end up on the righteous path. And I always had a problem with that since my dad is Catholic.
I had attended regularly from 1986 to 1996. I remember wanting out as soon as I graduated from high school. I had been part of the choir and was even a choir organist but used college as an excuse to remove all responsibilities. Holding those different positions was considered an honor and I'm certain my mom was ashamed when I stepped down from those duties.
Truth be told, I don't remember much of the teachings of my former religion. I do remember being resentful when I went to church because I didn't agree with many of the sermons. And my attendance was less and less ... the only reason I went for so long is because of my mom. It was really important to her. But, just like they preached, if you were only there physically but not mentally, it didn't count. And it's true, it didn't count.
Fast forward to now. I still believe in God. And I would like to be part of a church again. I want my daughter to have God in her life and to have a belief. We're seriously considering my husband's religion and would like to find a church in our area. But have we done something about it yet? No.
I also have questions. And I would love it if someone who has a strong faith could help me with the answers.
I know there is a God. But I don't understand why there is so much brutality in this world. Why are innocent women and children being raped? Why are people being tortured? Why are innocent people being killed?
These are the kind of stories that seem to be occuring more and more: http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/connecticut_doctor_whose_family_eWPz3N9foeiSbXiWwlizKJ
http://www.contracostatimes.com/richmond-school-homecoming-rape/ci_16620274?nclick_check=1
I know there is good in this world. And I know that I am very blessed. But what I've yet to understand is that even though God exists, these atrocities occur. Why?
And I am serious. If you have strong faith, consider yourself religious and go to church, I would really appreciate it if you responded.

Views on drugs and alcohol

If we're talking about my future conversation w/ my daughter regarding this subject - "Don't do it!"
If only it were that easy.
Alcohol is pretty fine. It takes very little to achieve a temporary euphoria, especially since I don’t drink nearly as much as I did in my 20s.
When I was in my 20s, it helped me loosen up when I was in social settings. I hadn't partied at all in teens and hardly at all during college. So when I turned 21, I was probably as rigid as a, well, you fill in the blank. It would probably be fitting.
Alcohol also helped create fun. I mean, there had to be other stimuli like friends and being out on the town (because by myself and in a dark room does not make for a good time.) Alcohol also helped ease the tension of stressful jobs.
I like alcohol. Of course, as I get older, I'm more aware and scared of drunk drivers. In my 20s, I guess there is a feeling of invincibility. I just didn't think much of harm being caused to me. I had other things to worry about. Or I was just naive. Now, I worry about things like drunk driving because I worry about harm being cause to those I love like my husband, baby, parents and family.
Drugs. Oh boy. I am going to probably be in the minority (and when I write minority, I mean all by my lonesome) when I say I don't like marijuana. Before I get stoned (the literal, not figurative) for taking away people's rights (although I don't think it's legal yet, is it?) I'm not opposed to other people smoking it. I see it along the same lines as alcohol. It's just not for me. When I tried it in my youth (early 20s), I felt like I was going to hurl and I just wanted everything to stop spinning. After the third time of feeling the exact same way, I gave up. I don't care what anyone else said, it is not relaxing, it is not fun and it was a horrible way for me to spend a perfectly good evning.
There you have it. My views on drugs and alcohol. By the way, I had a FULL glass of wine this evening and it was deeeeee-lightful!

Where I would like to be in 10 years

I would like to be in a happy marriage. I would like my child (or children, if I have any more) to be healthy and happy. Actually, the same for all my loved ones - husband, parents, siblings, pups, other family and friends. I hope to have a nice home in a nice school district:) I hope to still be surrounded by lovely people who make up my circle. I hope to be fulfilled w/ myself and my relationships. I hope to have a career that I can be proud of and enables me to make a positive impact in my community. I hope to have a job that gives a voice to the underserved and/or underrepresented. I hope my employer, my organization, is also admireable. I hope to still have the desire to be content without being complacent. I hope to be present so I can always enjoy and be grateful for my blessings and not want for the unnecessary. I hope I'm a good person. A good wife, mama, daughter, sister, friend, colleague, supervisor, employee, and even stranger.
I hope to be happy.

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Maybe I'm peculiar but I actually really like assignments!

Maybe that's why I like academia so much. I like having creative freedom but can appreciate a little direction. Below is a 30 day challenge my friend, Tel, posted on her website which was borrowed from another blogger. My interpretation is to answer all the questions but I'm realistic. I'm going to make it a 90 day challenge for me :) Because it's still my blog.
1st assignment: Your current relationship. Easy.


I'm married. I've been married for going-on-three years. I'm happily married. And relieved about it, I suppose. What's the divorce statistic - 50%? We dated for six years before we married so I'm hoping we got all the kinks out of the way ;)
What else can I say? It hasn't been all sunshine and roses. Overall, though, it's been and continues to be quite lovely. I feel like we have a healthy relationship. We're supportive of each other, loving, kind, and it's definitely a partnership.
I admit, I've always seen myself being married. But I wasn't one to get into a relationship just to be in one. I have very high expectations of a partner. Probably because I'm not a very trusting person so I expect the person to be exceptionally trustworthy. If not, it's not going to work - I can't work. Because many of us have been in those kind of relationships, the kind in which it's like CSI, dating- style.
"Who just texted you at this late hour?"
"Hey, who's hair tie is this in your car?"
"Who's that girl I can hear in the background? Who's with you?"
"What was just on your computer screen? Why did you click out so fast?"
I don't need that. It's not exciting, it's never worth it and, quite frankly, it's exhausting. And heart breaking. At least, for me.
But I'm going off topic. What's MY relationship like. Well, it's not like that. There's a lot of trust. And even though my husband is amazing, it took a while for me to have this level of trust because I had been burned before. I mean TOASTED. Yes, I had some baggage. As for him, I don't think he had someone as affectionate as I. If I can remember, I don't think any of his girlfriends have been his best friend either. Our relationship was something we both never had before.
There's a lot of trust. And love. We make each other laugh a lot over silly, every day things. He's my best friend.

20 Questions to wrap up 2010 (borrowed from Cyn)

1. What was the single best thing that happened this past year?

Hmm, that's soo hard because I can't choose just one specific thing. The Bun turning 1 was huge because we accomplished our first year of parenting. Not only did we "survive" but our marriage continues to be strong, our love and friendship continues to be strong and, let's face it. Our household, between the Bun and the two pups, is a buttload of cuteness.

2. What was the single most challenging thing that happened?

Oh boy. Being in the moment. Not letting dissatisfaction in one area of my life cloud or affect the other, not to mention more wonderful, areas of my life. Again, not sure if that qualifies as "single".

3. What was an unexpected joy this past year?

My parents showing me all over again just how wonderful they are. Not that they ever stopped being wonderful but I think they were so consistently great that I took them for granted and sometimes focused too much on their faults. (The shame!) But having a baby and they being so active in her life showed me them in a different light. Being a parent myself now most definitely helped put things in perspective.

4. What was an unexpected obstacle?

Outside influences who disappointed me thus discouraged me. I think the influences also affected who I was becoming. It's still an obstacle.

5. Pick three words to describe 2010.

Love, Family, Growth.

6. Pick three words your spouse would use to describe your 2010 (don’t ask them; guess based on how you think your spouse sees you)

Mama, sleep, adult

Can I just say I have no idea what the three words would be but I figured one would have something to do with me being a parent. Another would have to be about me getting more sleep because I was a different person when sleep-deprived. I wasn't myself. Maybe it was the hormones too. But with sleep I am a better ME. And the last would be about me being more of a grown-up because there really was no other choice!

7. Pick three words your spouse would use to describe their 2010 (again, without asking)

Work, stress, love

Work because he worked a lot. So much so it led to the second word. Stress. He tried so hard to be a great employee as well as be a great father and husband but it was too much. And the money wasn't worth it. Love because I love him A LOT. Hopefully he knows that!

8. What were the best books you read this year?

Oh boy, I have to check my Kindle and get back to this. I really liked The Help but I think I read it in 2008. And the Girl w/ the Dragon Tattoo series.

9. With whom were your most valuable relationships?

My husband, my parents, family and friends. I've learned to treasure them more and I hope that I do better at not taking anyone or anything for granted in 2011.

10. What was your biggest personal change from January to December of this past year?
Being a workin' mama! So that started sometime in February. I count my blessings that I was able to ease into it more so than other mamas because I have a home-based office. I was able to transition from being at home to being out in the field most of the day at pretty much my pace. The first day working from home and not having The Bun with me was really odd. But we all figured it out pretty easily. I may have shed a couple of tears the first day but it all ended up pretty good.

11. In what way(s) did you grow emotionally?

Oh man, again, it revolves around me becoming a mama. It is life changing to always care for someone who will always need your love and attention. I think I learned a lot in 2010 but continue to learn to adapt as she grows because she is always changing so her needs also change! And I continue to figure out how to be a better person. That means to myself, as a wife, daughter, sister, friend, employee, colleague and even stranger. It is not an easy task.

12. In what way(s) did you grow spiritually?I didn't grow spiritually...I hope this to be a new years resolution - I think I'm with you, Cyn.

13. In what way(s) did you grow physically?

Humph. Unfortunately that hasn't changed. I still have the pesky 10 lbs to lose from my pregnancy. Of course, I'm hoping to do something about that. I'm 20 lbs from when The Man and I first met. Yes, holy $*#t is right. I'm not so much focused on the numbers anymore, though. I care more of how I feel. I want to feel energetic and sleek. Not so much like a jigglypuff.

14. In what way(s) did you grow in your relationships with others?
I hope that I show my appreciate for others better and more often. Particularly my parents!

15. What was the most enjoyable part of your work (both professionally and at home)?

Although it was my worst financial year w/ my company, my boss saw that it was out of my control since I was on leave for more than 1/3 of the year. She recognized my efforts, the strategies I worked hard to put into place so that my leave would be seamless. Of course, outside influences greatly impacted my plans and, inevitably, my fiscal year. But my boss asked that I receive a small increase and her request was approved. I was really happy about that because I knew it was a tough year for the entire organization so any increase, not matter how small, was a very pleasant surprise.

16. What was the most challenging part of your work (both professionally and at home)?

Reconciling the old me with being in a new role - mama. And I don't think role is even the appropriate word but I can't think of anything better. Because it's more than a job. It's more than a title. I still am who I am but now there's this whole new element that is part of me forever. What do I call that? I'm still the same person but my life is completely different now. Anyway, trying to figure all that out and make decisions that are still best for me yet also best for my family. And sometimes what's best for me isn't best for my family so I have to think about the greater good. Because my family is my greater good.

17. What was your single biggest time waster in your life this past year?

Facebook! But I've also reconnected with some really treasured old friends. So I put the blame on the user rather than the product. Although if they get me hooked on Farmville or MafiaWars, I will swear that they are striving to be the reigning time suckers of society.

18. What was the best way you used your time this past year?

Bath and bedtime rituals with The Man and The Bun. Spending time chatting w/ my parents when I drop off and pick up The Bun from their home. Going on a minimoon to Hawaii w/ The Man before returning to work. It was all good stuff.

19. What was biggest thing you learned this past year?

Having a baby is one of the biggest decisions you can make. I mean, I already knew that. But, and I think this goes with just about anything that has to do with being a parent, you know but you don't really know until you actually have a child. Sure, you may have observed from other people or being around family members. But you don't really know until you're in it. I don't care what you think. You don't know the half of it until you're a parent yourself. Now where was I? Oh yes, I am so glad I waited because I surely wasn't ready when I was younger. I'm also very glad we finally made the choice when we did because she is pretty amazing. And seeing my parents enjoy their time w/ her is priceless. We were incredibly blessed with good timing on this decision :)

20. Create a phrase or statement that describes 2010 for you.

Strive for contentment without complacency. Yup, I actually made that up and yes, that's what I've decided to be my mantra.

Family

The Man has a few favorite old photos of his family. One that has always meant a lot to him is of him and his dad in his dad's work truck. I think The Man is around 2 years old in the photo. For months now, he's mentioned how he wants to recreate the photo w/ The Bun. Of course I thought it was a grand idea. My husband has fond memories of his father. He, unfortunately, only got to spend 14 years with his dad before he passed away. So he treasures those memories and these photos with his father.
Well, we decided yesterday that we were going to take the time to finally do it. And I love how the photos turned out. The Man looked through them all and found the one that best matches his old photo. It's funny. I know it's just a photo. But I'm so glad we took the time to do it because I know it makes The Man very happy. I know he wishes there were more photos of him and our baby so I think this helps make up for it.
The top photo is of The Man w/ his Dad (his dad wearing a work hat) in his dad's work truck. The bottom, The Bun w/ The Man wearing his hard hat and in his work truck.


My absolute favorite:


I can't help it. It has all our babies :)