See what I mean?

You can't braid a baby's hair:

I know this isn't the best french braid but I didn't want to scare her by pulling on her hair too much or making it too tight. This is, however, the first time that she a) stayed still long enough for me to complete it and b) had hair long enough to be french braided.
I know it's silly but, for so long, I've only been able to do a couple of things because her hair was so wispy and short. In other words, she's had baby hair forever.
Until now.
Now she is a little girl who can have braided hair. Wow. Feels like it's all of sudden even though it's been happening before my very eyes.
I can't say it enough. She is a constant reminder that life is short, time is fleeting and if I concentrate too much on the future or tasks that seem important at the time (but really aren't), I could miss so much.

Thankful I turned to the World Wide Web to write a semi private journal

Nope, that wasn't meant to smack of sarcasm. It's true.
My blog is public but I use nicknames which is why I wrote, "semi-private." A little dellusional, I admit, considering I post easily recognizable photos and situations (if one knew me.) I am truly thankful, however, that I got into writing a blog because I've recorded so many important things in my life. My only real regret is not taking the time to do it lately because of the instant gratification appeal of Facebook and because life has gotten a lot busier than when I first started. In AUGUST 2005.
That's right, two thousand mutha effin' five! (I don't know why getting ghetto for a quick second seemed appropriate but it did.) I can't believe I've had this teeny tiny sliver of the internet since then. And, after reading the first entry, I realize that I've kept the same profile photo this whole time! I can't help it. Even after all these years, I like it.
Do you read your old entries? It may seem narcissistic but I enjoy reading them. For instance, I decided to read all the entries labeled "getting hitched" because getting married was one of the happiest times of my life! And a year or so ago, I remember reading all the "sticky bun" entries because I wanted to recall what it had been like for me.
I'm so glad that I've kept a journal. I love this journal1 Reading those past entries made me remember just how much I treasure this little sliver and I want to be better about writing regularly. I know, time and time again I've written this as have many of my other blogger friends. It just seems like so much more of a challenge, doesn't it? As we get older, more responsibilities accrue and, particularly with kids, our time is no longer just "our" time. One of my faults? Sometimes I'm just to stinkin' tired by the time my baby goes to sleep that I just veg out and forget everything else.
Well, I want to live life to its fullest. And while sitting in front of a computer writing isn't always the best use of my time, I will make more of an effort to write about what I love, what I want to change, what I want to do and what makes me happy. (And, on occasion, what grosses me out. Like there appears to be a quite a few entries about bodily fluids. Ick.) Because having these entries to reflect upon years later is pretty awesome. Particularly when special moments in my life occur and those small details I took the time to write about then would have been all but forgotten. But, luckily, they won't be.
Thank you, Blogger. Thank you, fellow bloggers, for inspiring me to keep at it even though it feels like we're dwindling. And thank you World Wide Web for letting me have this teeny tiny place for my thoughts.

Scared

The Man and I know we want another child. We both know that having a sibling is an amazing experience and if we're able to give that to the Bun, we should. And our deadline of when we want to start trying again is fast approaching.  The Man is good to go but I've got a bunch of nerves.
What I'm scare of :
Failing as a mom - I'm scared that my patience is not infinite and that I will turn into the person that snaps at her husband and/or kids. I don't ever want to be that woman. I'd like to believe I'm pretty simple in my needs and one of them is having downtime. The other is sleep. Those two factors make a drastic difference in my attitude and both are practically non existent when one is a new mom.
Strain on my marriage - Maybe we won't snap at our kids. But I've seen couples become less lovey dovey because it takes effort. Or they're just downright mean to each other. I will admit, there are times when The Man and I are short with each other or have gotten into fights that really weren't necessary. We get more sleep now because The Bun sleeps through the night but it was rough when we were lacking rest.
Money - We're not rich. Having another baby scares the bajeezus after me because our budget is just so. Any additions are going to cause us to move from comfortable to tight. At the very least.
Body - Oh boy, it took nearly two years for me to lose the baby weight. And while my body is not the same shape, I'm overjoyed I was able to do it. But I'm still 8 lbs from goal weight which is the weight I was for most of my 20s. My weightloss has been very challenging. Every pound makes a difference on my 5'1" frame. I've written this before but I believe in the whole theory of bodies having "fat memory" and the longer I hold onto this weight, the more my body believes this is my normal weight and the harder it is to get these pounds off. Having another baby will not make this easier.
Career - I used to be able to easily work late or on the weekends. I used to have no problem taking on additional work that took additional time. I could easily volunteer for things or make time to get my work done. Now it is very difficult to work after hours and, if I can swing it, it takes a bit of planning. Even with a strong support system consisting of my husband, parents and Ava's day care! How crazy will it be with another baby? Stupid crazy. How will I be able to excel in my career if I'm going to spread myself even thinner?!
Time - There already seems to not be enough of it. 
These are just a few of the worries that I can recall. And for each "objections", I've either heard the rebuttle or have said it myself. Note that it does NOT help when people tell me women have been doing this since the beginning of time. But what does help me is to draw upon the examples and experiences of those around me. I see my family and friends sucessfully balance this crazy juggling that most mothers do.
Also, when it comes down to it, I try to always remember the adage, be in the moment. I don't want to waste any time fretting about what I want but don't have or what could be but isn't. It's hard because I'm a planner. And a worrier. I want to make sure I do everything to be sucessful. And, if I'm not sure, it seems like a big risk. I've discovered that when it comes to things like this, sometimes you have to just do it. And that scares the $*#% of me because I don't want anything to blow up in my face. The unknown, the things I have no control over, is so scary to me.
But I was scared to have The Bun. And the joy she has brought to our lives, the appreciation she has instilled in me ... all the stress and worry is worth it. She has made me a more giving, loving, and over all better person. Along with my husband and parents by showing me what LOVE looks like. And they all really have done that! Plus, she is growing up to be an awesome kid! (Another worry - how will I ever be blessed to have another baby as awesome as her? It's not possible! See? Worry, worry, worry.)
Yup, I'm still scared. Dare I say, scared $%^#less. It's true. I'm scared to fail, I'm scared to wreck the current wonderful life I have, I'm scared of so many things. But there is something inside of me that says that if we are able to have another child, we should do it.  Believe me, I can have a conversation all by myself that goes around and around indefinitely and even though I've pretty much talked myself out of it, what it comes down to it is being scared of the unknown. And that's no way to live. I would have never fallen in love w/ The Man. I would have never chosen my career. I would have never left my home.
So we're going to just do it. Or, at least, try. (Not yet, though, so no emails please!!!!) Call me bat$%^# crazy but that's the plan. Well, don't call me bat$%^# crazy but I would understand why you would think it.

Great, when I finally have a minute to write, I forget all the ideas that come to my head while driving.

Story of my life. I think of incredibly thought-provoking (or so I believe at the time) subjects and when I am finally in front of a computer and finally have a few minutes to jot them down, I can't think of a single one. Serious!
Well, we had a great time in Hawaii for The Bun's 2nd Birthday. All but the ending was fantastic. I wrote THREE PAGES, single typed to Hawaiian Airlines, regarding our return flight so why soil my little blog with anger and frustration?
I was right to assume it would not be relaxing. We also didn't explore like we normally would. But do I wish it had been anything different? Nope! Our little Bun had such a great time! She loved the beach. Loved, loved, loved it! Unfortunately, her mama and daddy didn't realize that the waves were a lot calmer just a few yards away. So while Bun loved it, she was also fighting for her life every time a wave came. Or so it seemed! She slept hard at night so I know she was working hard during the day:)
She also loved that we had adjoining rooms with her grandparents. LOVED it. What's funny is I forgot how much I, myself, loved it as a kid! She got a real kick out of being able to walk back and forth and visit with everyone. It was nice because it gave us a little relief to not have to watch her like a hawk all the time. And at night, bless my parents, they watched her while we walked around Waikiki. It was only for an hour or so at night but to have that little break each night was really nice. Just one of the many gifts my parents gave us.
I know she's wee little but I hope she remembers this because it was such a special vacation.

Why are sunsets so much prettier in Hawaii? Someone tell me the science behind this!

Our first evening and we just had to show her the water! Too bad it was already getting chilly.

I really wanted to take family portraits with the photographer from our wedding. I'm sentimental like that.



How beautiful is this? She loves her Nana & Papa.



It was hard to get good photos of her because she had little sleep compared to her normal 12 hours:(

She wanted to be done and be in the water already. Couldn't really blame her!

"What's up? Aren't we done yet?"

Had to get a few couple photos. Love him so much.

Can't believe she won't be this small forever.

So happy we were finally doing something she wanted to do! :)

The best we could do with The Pout!

See this right here? This is pure JOY.

Baby's 1st Luau :)

She was getting so much attention. I'm bias but she was pretty darn cute!

The Bun in her Super Suit (Daddy was concerned for her skin because while she is a brown baby, he didn't want to risk any burn! So she wore a hat, full length suit and water shoes:) w/ her studly Daddy.

Can't believe how fast it flew. Normally, 5 days in Hawaii just isn't enough for me. With all the money spent and the time it takes to travel, I like at least 7 days. But with The Bun and my folks with their physical limitations, 5 days was perfect. Plus, all the added costs like puppy boarding and The Man's non-paid Time Off, I totally get why people tend to stay home when they have families! Unfortunately, because our trip ended on a sour note, all of us were more than happy to be home and beyond exhaustion. Literally - we had been up for over 24 hours! But the upside is that we appreciate HOME and were happy to be back.
It was a lovely vacation in a beautiful location with The Bun absolutely surrounded by love. If I focus on that, there really isn't more that I could ask for.