What's the difference between graduating college & having a baby?

I swear I wrote this already but, when I looked back on my entries, I couldn't find it. So either I thought I wrote about it but didn't or I'm just a lousy researcher now.
You may or may not already know this but I have a dream about my college years at least once a week. Every time I wake up, I'm a little sad because I realize that those days are long gone. Then I feel guilty. I mean, do I wish I could go back and relive those days? Are those days the best years of my life?
Luckily, the answer is yes and NO.
Yes, I sometimes wish I could relive those days. At that time of my life, everything and anything seemed possible. I'm certain it was the most liberal, thought-provoking time in my life. But it was also a sheltered time because I wasn't worried about a mortgage, bills and health insurance. Mom and Dad were footing the bills. I was allowed to concentrate on my studies, what I wanted to become, falling in love and where I would live after graduation. Essentially, planning my adult life.
I've already written about what I would do over. I loved university life for so many reasons. In addition to what I've written already, it was the first time I felt like I belonged. Specifically, when I started taking courses in my major. College also introduced me to all types of people. This was such a breath of fresh air since high school was stifling. Who knows, maybe high school was filled with diverse people but it felt like we were all just trying to survive by hiding what made us different and just trying to be as mainstream as possible. In college, being unique was celebrated and, sometimes, the more unique the better! Within reason ;) I miss a lot of things. I miss that sheltered environment - being on the brink of the "real world" without having to deal with real world situations, I miss the incredibly liberal and thought-proking environment and I miss the diversity.
While I loved this time of my life, I'm happy to write that these were not the best years. How sad would that be? I would be pretty depressed if the best time of my life peaked in college. I love so much of my life now than ever before. I am truly in love and have found my partner in life. This is the happiest I've ever been with another person. I don't miss that feeling of loneliness, unhappiness or uncertainty when it came to love earlier in my life. I'm incredibly happy with The Man, The Bun & The Pups. I love our little household, my beautiful family and friends. I've been blessed to be surrounded by incredible people.
I think I also have a much better appreciation for those I love. I try my hardest to not take them for granted and show them the patience, love and help they deserve. I think I'm much better at prioritizing (although I could always be better) and I try extremely hard to be in the moment. Also a work in progress. But I didn't have the mindset or perhaps the maturity to think about things like that in college.
So, knowing a huge reason that I loved university life is because I loved the endless possibilities of what I could become once I graduated, why am I TERRIFIED of having another baby?
Yes, yes, it is old news that I'm open to having another baby. After two-going-on-three years of being adamantly against it, I am embracing the thought of having another child. But that doesn't stop me fretting over the unknown. But what's great about having a blog is being able to reflect. And, because I'd like to think I'm also self-aware, I know that that's my thing. I am somewhat of an anxious person. I am a worrywart. I worry about how our schedules will change once The Bun has to start going to school. Or if her day care provider or grandparents can't take care of her anymore. Of course, I also worry at the thought of trying to balance my already chaotic life with another child in it. I worry about basically anything upsetting the harmonious balance we have right now. But, as we all know, anything can happen. People can get sick. One of us can get laid off. Life happens. So why can't I embrace the unknown the way I could when I was graduating college?
Thought-provoking stuff, huh? ;)
That's how I'm going to think about life moving forward. Not just about children but any change, in general. I mean, I'm sure I'm romanticizing my college years. I know I freaked the eff out back then, as well. But, in the spirit of living in the moment and living without regret, I'm going to embrace the unknown. Because, as I get older, I have become more anxious (if that's possible) about change. Change & the unknown mean having no control. And that scares the bajeezus out of me. But, that's no way to live. That's not how I want to live.
Love and gratitude. That's how I want to be and how I want to live life. And yes, I think I'm turning into a big ol' hippie.

How is it almost three days until Christmas??

As soon as Thanksgiving rolled around, I pulled out the Christmas decorations. I paced myself but decorations were up by the second week of December. I created a Christmas gift list and completed 90% of it by mid-December. I also had greeting cards out around the same time. I made a TON of cookie dough the first week of December so all I would have to do is take them out of the freezer and stick in the oven.
Then I got caught up in life again. And NOW it's three days until Christmas.
I still have to:
- buy 1 more gift (for my brother)
- cook the rest of the damn cookies I had made last month
- buy more cookie containers because I had low-balled the amount I needed even though I had made a list
- clean the house (vacuum the 2nd floor, clean all the bathrooms, dust, kitchen counter tops but The Man will probably clean the tile)
- deliver the cookie gifts to recipients (Doggie Doc, Chiropractor, Yoga Studio, and my brothers roommates & caregivers)
- cook a couple dishes for our post Christmas lunch w/ out of town family
- buy ingredients for said dishes
- fold a $hit ton of clothes that have been piling up for two weeks (I'm great at keeping up with washing clothes, terrible about folding and putting away)
- pick up Christmas Day lunch (thankfully purchased)

I want to go to sleep and believe a fairy will take care of all of this for me. Don't get me wrong, I love the holidays. I just don't know how time got away from me.
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12/23 update at 10:17 PM.
buy brother's gift - done!
buy cookie containers - done!
bake all cookies - done!
fold clothes - I found out that we have SEVEN loads of laundry waiting to be folded and put away. SEVEN!! I figured this out by the number of dryer sheets I found in the huge pile of clothes. Thankfully, most are done. All that is left is The Man's clothes (I put away his underwear and socks)
cookie delivery - almost all done

Still got to clean house (ughhhhh), pick up Christmas meal and buy ingredients for post Christmas day. Still a lot of stuff but feeling pretty good. Just NOT looking forward to cleaning the bathrooms, vacuuming the stairs (I don't mind even flooring but stairs are a pain in the rear) and whatever else neeeds to be cleaned. But I love me some Christmas so I'm gonna get 'er done!

Because I have to be all-around mushy, not just Mommy mushy

I think I’ve written a little about this before. I like certain movie genres. I won’t watch romance, tragedies, romantic tragedies, thrillers or depressing documentaries (well, PBS does suck me into those unknowingly) because I want to be entertained. And by entertain, I mean laugh and feel happy at the end. I don’t want to bawl buckets. I probably wrote this already but I outright REFUSE to watch The Notebook.
That leaves romantic comedies, comedies, and action. I’m sure there are more but those are the ones I will watch. My favorite, however, are the romantic comedies. I’m a sucker for those. But they have to be good. They have to be smart, not so predictable yet generally happy movies. I recognize that this is hard to achieve without being formulaic. But that’s why they get paid the big bucks, right? Here’s the thing. I’m also the person who generally dislikes love songs. I find them sappy and just a bunch of noise. I have exceptions like anything sang by Boyz II Men but I think that’s more nostalgia than anything else.
“You’re picky!” you say. “That doesn’t make any sense!” Well, it doesn’t have to because I know what I like and that in itself makes perfect sense to me. It’s just my preference, my taste. As I get older, however, all romantic comedies don’t cut it anymore. I think it’s the whole predictability factor. Here is a list of the ones I love off the top of my head:
• Waitress
• Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind
• Stranger than Fiction
And thanks to The Man, I’m adding one more to the list:
• Crazy Stupid Love
I love this movie! It’s smart, funny and unpredictable. Best of all, it left me feeling good about life. THAT is entertainment to me. The best part? I saw a bit of my relationship in this movie. And maybe that’s why I love certain movies – I can identify with aspects of them and it makes me appreciate what I have even more. Without giving too much away, I will say, no, it wasn’t the cheating part. It was the scene in which two of the characters talk the entire night. They stayed up and instead of just getting down to business, they end up getting to know each other and laughing almost the entire time. And yes, start to fall in love. It is a romantic comedy, after all.
I had that. I still do. Minus the staying up the entire night because sleep is a valuable commodity in my household. But the laughing. Oh, we do plenty of laughing. Our life couldn’t be labeled exciting and there are plenty of mundane tasks we do. But The Man makes me laugh a lot. And I know that I make him laugh with my antics. I can honestly say our house is filled with a lot of love and laughter. I treasure that. I don’t take it for granted and, if anything, I’m paranoid we will lose it one day. Life can be difficult. There are many challenges and stressful situations and they can cause two people to forget to appreciate and love each other.
In addition to the good writing and acting, this is why I love the movie so much. It reminds me why I love The Man and why I love and treasure our life together. Those moments, those talks and laughing fits, are so important and desired enough that they were put into a movie. And I have that. Of course, having a hot hubby also helps. (This will only make sense if you’ve seen the movie.) When Emma Stone’s character says Ryan Gosling’s character looks photoshopped, I remember thinking almost the exact same thing when I saw The Man. Mmm-hmm, I have quite a few things to appreciate in my life. I’m not bragging, I’m appreciative.

Christmas Cards - tardy but DONE!

I am the woman who has had her card in her recipents' hot little hands by the day after Thanksgiving. Not this year, though. Oh well, done, nevertheless!!!
Now I have to make labels, stuff, stamp and send. So really, I'm only 20% done. Dang.

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