Live and learn

I just got checked.

It’s hard to hear criticism about yourself. Admittedly, it is not easy to hear it from those I love, including The Man. I try hard not to get defensive but I think about all the things I do for our family and I feel unappreciated when I hear “constructive criticism”.

But I also know that any good relationship has open communication. Marriages are one of the oldest, closest relationships that a person can be part of. I know that is merely an opinion but it’s mine. I see how a marriage can deteriorate when people stop talking to each other and stop knowing how to communicate with one another. I see how manners displayed to strangers are extended to spouses. I also understand how the person you love most can also hurt you the most so it’s much easier to harden one’s self and not allow vulnerability in a relationship.

I don’t want to be in that kind of marriage.

Funny enough, all those examples are things that I’ve done at one time or another. My marriage is considered quite young, too! We’ve been married five years and dated exclusively six years prior to that. I know that I used to be a lot more open and communicative before. I choose to not address issues or discuss my feelings as much because I want to keep the peace AKA not fight or because I just don’t want to know.

Serious.

I remember thinking, “I’m not even going to ask what the hell that was about it because I don’t want to know.” I just wanted to sleep. Or eat. Or relax. Anything other than talk because I was certain we would fight. Now, let me just say that I think I’m in a relatively healthy marriage. I love my husband so much and close friends compliment our relationship. But it certainly isn’t perfect. I would be delusional after making such statements earlier.

My point is that it’s hard to hear the not so great stuff about yourself. And yesterday I was lamenting that I didn’t understand why The Bun seemed so distant with me lately and all over her Daddy. I know he’s great stuff and he’s my favorite person tooJ But I seriously felt like chopped liver and even an innocent bystander made a joke about it a couple of days ago.

When I made a comment about it last night, The Man said that we needed to bond more. My reply was something like, “What? How could we bond more?” He responded that we don’t play. We hang out, we watch TV and when she does watch TV, I’m on the phone. So we’re next to each other, he said, but we’re not interacting.

Ouch.

But true. I’ve lacked energy lately after work and I just want to relax. It’s so easy to give into her request to put on a Disney movie and just veg out. But we weren’t having quality time. When I did have spurts of energy, I do chores because I feel guilty that the house is mess. When I shared that, The Man said, “It’s OK. Just play with her. That’s a better use of your time.”

I did get a little defensive but I didn’t say anything. I let what he said digest and knew with a minute that he was right. I think what helped was his delivery, too. I’ve often told him that sometimes he talks to me like one of his employees. I think that style has served him quite well at work but it doesn’t feel like a partner is talking to me, but a rather bossy boss. So his communication style when telling me this truly helped a lot. So much so that I wrote him a note the next day letting him know that a) he’s right b) not to give me $#*t because I said that he’s right and c) I appreciated the way he told me.

I decided this morning that we were going to play tonight, even if I was absolutely beat. I was going to summon the energy and we were going to have fun! I told her this morning that she would get to pick between making a card (her current favorite craft) or baking. She chose baking. So we’ll go grocery shopping and pick a mix that she wants to make. I’m all for making things from scratch but since she’s gotten a real independent streak, I think the minimal amount of work is best at this moment.

Yes, I got checked. But I’m glad that I was able to recognize, learn and grow from it. I want to be the best wife, mom, daughter, friend, and professional I can be. It's exhausting but I have to try my best. 

Look what The Bun was up to when I got home! Have to do a quality check when she's not looking but I'm so proud of my little girl!

The Bun is FOUR

Oh my goodness, where does the time go? I know, I've got to stop saying that but my baby, once so small now barely a toddler reminds me of this just about every day. 

This year we celebrated her birthday in a place we knew she would love. Admittedly, this is not mama's happiest place on earth. In fact, I'm sure I've said it somewhere on this blog that I don't care for Disneyland. I don't hate it, in fact, if it had 1/4 of the daily visitor population, I would probably love it. But it doesn't it. It's not relaxing whatsoever. They certainly did a spectacular job making it magical but the crowds really do me in. I would take a nearly deserted beach any day.
But this isn't my birthday, this is The Bun's. So away we went to the magical kingdom!
We didn't stay at a fancy hotel. My requirements were that 1) it was clean 2) had a shuttle service 3) had a full complimentary breakfast 4) Wasn't going to break the bank. The Hampton Inn did the trick!
I don't like the idea of lining Paris Hilton's pockets (in fact, I did look to see if the Hiltons still profit from the Hilton hotel chains but I couldn't figure it out in my brief internet search so I just gave up.) But this hotel got good Yelp reviews and met my aforementioned requirements.
We were all very happy with our accommodations. The staff were helpful and the rooms were nice. Nana & Papa could go with us to Disneyland but leave when they wanted to, catching the shuttle back to our hotel. Granted, the walk from the front of Disneyland to where the shuttle picked us up was a bit ridiculous for the elderly but they were great sports. Papa rented the motorized wheelchair so he could keep up and Nana even took a spin when he grew tired and wanted to rest. She drove the wheelchair just as slowly as she walked because (I think) she was terrified of running someone over but at least she wasn't exhausted.
The only thing I would change about our trip is spending more time in California Adventure than Disneyland. We only had three days and almost didn't go to CA because we hadn't covered all of Disneyland. But on our last day after lunch, we decided to check it out. So glad we did! I don't know if there are less people there or the way they build that park is to make it feel like there are less people but it was far more roomy. I could breathe a little better and not feel like I was riding on someone's heels and vice versa.
I was under the impression that CA was more adult-like but there were plenty of things for The Bun to ride and see. If we go back, we would reverse our time, spending two days in CA and then one day in Disneyland. The water & lights show, World of Color, was so beautiful! My aunt told my mom about it so we made it a point to check it out. We lucked out because we knew nothing about fast passes (didn't realize that going to D-land ten years ago made me a novice!) but found a spot we could view the show. The Bun was a bit antsy waiting the 15 minutes before it started but it was well worth it. So beautiful. I think I may have liked it more than her! Anyway, if we go back, we want to spend way more time exploring California Adventure because we only scratched the surface.
Here are some of my favorite photos:

So happy to be in the park. And gussied up in a dress her Nana almost forgot she bought! (Had to do the maternity hairband trick to make it fit but it worked!) Best of all, she felt like a princess.

A rare photo of the grandparents. They were so happy to see their granddaughter happy.

Princess Tiana? Well, we weren't going for that look but she keeps being called her so I guess we'll take it! So funny because a little girl passed us in line and said, "Hi Tiana!" and my girl frowned and said to me, "I'm not Tiana, I'm Ava!"

This was birthday dessert #1 at the Carnation Cafe. We figured it was OK for her to wear her birthday button all three days since it was her birthday celebration:)

In Tomorrow Land, there is an Iron Man area . This was the only place The Man asked we go see so we had to check it out! Here The Bun is virtually getting fitted for the Iron Man suit. Because a princess can be a super hero too.

Guess Papa also likes Minnie because he snuck in for a photo opp!:) 
The birthday girl wanted to rock a gown all three days but I only remembered to bring two. I think Nana was disappointed in me. Yes, she does own a third ball gown. Got to thank Nana for keeping The Bun fabulous.

She loved Minnie so much, we fell in line again the next day. I think The Bun wanted to take a photo with Minnie when she was dressed in her best and because it was her actual birthday:)

Loved that Mickey gave her a bow and his attendee said, "Your Majesty, we wish you a very happy birthday!"

Not sure if she knows who Daisy is but she has two friends named Daisy in preschool so she wanted a photo.

Birthday dessert #2 and #3:) (We didn't know they give a complimentary birthday dessert.) This was at the Blue Bayou next to my favorite ride, Pirates of the Caribbean. Not sure if it's a repeat because it was quite pricey but am glad we dined there for The Bun's birthday lunch.

We knew that her pal was going to be in Disneyland at the same time but we made no plans to meet up because we knew we would be busy with our families. But we ran into her, anyway! The Bun's bud is in the middle (her mom is one of my closest friends) and the little cutie on the left is her cousin. Small world, I used to work with her mom!

Wondered if there would be tears but she was perfectly fine packing up and heading home. She definitely had a great birthday

Even though vacations are no longer stress free, I have to say that this one was the least stressful. Maybe because she's older or because we chose to drive instead of fly but this trip could certainly be a repeat if she wants to go back for her birthday next year. The Man and I truly had a good time. It was so nice to spend time with her and be able to include her Nana and Papa too. I know they treasure moments like these. I definitely do. 

Our baby girl is FOUR. I was all fine and good until she told me the night we returned from our trip, "Mommy, I don't need a diaper anymore. I'm four!" And would you believe that made me cry? Of all things, THAT made me think time is about to fast forward and she would next choose an out-of-state university. (Of course, reality smacked me over the head the next morning because while she said she didn't need an overnight diaper anymore, me doing laundry first thing this morning said otherwise.) Ah, I love her so much.