Motherhood is...

powering through when I'm in a bad mood, depressed, tired, sad, and/or sick.
BB (before babies), the only way I got better was to rest. I mean, not-do-a-damn-thing-but-stay-in-my-bed kind of rest. This became impossible when I decided to be a mother. Even with my extraordinary village which includes The Man, my parents, school and after school program, a kiddo still needs to be roused, fed, clothed, entertained, and driven somewhere. Essentially, cared for. Would you believe it is easier to rest during the work week than on the weekends? Because during the work week, school and/or childcare is already in place. But on the weekends, it is a tag team effort between two parents (if one is fortunate to have a partner in this game) and there really isn't opportunity to rest unless a parent absolutely needs it.
Why do I mention this? I caught a wicked cold earlier this month which did a number on me. I was able to call in sick one work day but, because I just returned from maternity leave, I only took off that one day. When I don't load up on meds and pass out (my preferred version of rest), it takes longer for me to bounce back.
This morning, I felt the early symptoms of a UTI. As the day wore on, I could tell my UTI was getting worse. I tried cranberry vitamins and lots of fluid, to no avail. I called my healthcare provider in the afternoon to get meds. I knew it was going to go downhill fast. I would be doubled over in pain by nightfall.
Thanks goodness, my provider will push through a prescription without me having to see a doctor.
My husband, kids and I stopped by the pharmacy this evening and picked up my meds. Unfortunately, it takes a few hours to kick in. My discomfort grew and grew. But I powered through.
BB, I would've picked up the meds by myself, went home, and crawled into bed after two glasses of wine to numb the pain and help me sleep. Now, this mama has to remain coherent and sharp. My daughter is still under the weather and the baby still needs to be breastfed. There was no time for futzing.
Motherhood is ugly and beautiful, chaotic and serene, thankless and fulfilling, heartbreaking and abundant with love. It is incredibly ironic. Sometimes, I wonder what the hell I was thinking. Most times, I feel utterly blessed.
Tonight, as I lay next to my husband and am finally resting, I'm so very thankful to be my husband's wife and mama to two lovely kiddos. (The UTI is a mood killer, though.)


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