When The Man and I were dating, he said he didn't think I would ever be content. I always wanted something more. I have to say, though, that when we moved into our home and had our baby, I was pretty darn satisfied. I didn't want for anything.
Then I went back to work. I realized that I did want something more. I wanted to grow. I think of work as an extension of my education. I was in school for what seemed to be forever. And when I got a job, I knew that I saw advancement as being the same as moving onto the next grade or degree. I know it's not the same thing but that's how I view it.
And now I've been doing the same thing for almost four years. I'm ready for a change but I don't know if it's possible in the same organization. And I'd like to stay in the same organization. But I feel pigeon-holed. I thought about going back to school for certain courses that pertain to my profession. But with a baby, it's not feasible. I mean, it's certainly doable but I don't think it's fair to The Man. And there's no guarantee that it will lead to career advancement.
So I view the rest of my life. I'm very happy. I have a great marriage, a great kid and great family and friends. Seriously, all that is great. And I wonder if it's selfish or unreasonable to want a great career too. I mean, when does the wanting stop?! Am I never satisfied? That would be a sad thing. So that's why I focus on other points of my life because I'm so very grateful. If things switched around and I had a great career but wanted more in my marriage, child, family and friends, I would be seriously depressed. So ... do I need a good smack in the rear? Or is it OK that I feel this way?
I'm not depressed about my current situation. As I mentioned, I'm grateful for my wonderful family, home and personal life, in general. But I would like to have career growth and I would like my opportunities to expand. (I won't go into detail about what I've done to try and do this because discussing the j-o-b is crossing a line I'm not willing to cross! But know that I've made attempts that for one reason or another haven't come to fruition.)
I am blessed in so many ways that I feel selfish for not being content. I'm not rich by any means but I don't want to be like a lottery winner lamenting that he wished he won the megamillion jackpot. Anyway. It's late. And I'm babbling. I just wanted to share this with the one or two people that still read this :) Oh, by the way, Cyn. I tried to comment two different times on your last entry and I don't think it went through. But I swear I'm reading!
3 comments:
I think it's normal to want more in our career. Society praises success.
My question is, why do you want to advance? More money? more recognition? What really is driving you?
Just my opinion...I would much rather have a happy home.
Does work suck? Are the people awful? I would most certainly leave if that is the case, if not, I'd try my best to accept it for now.
Ava will only be this small for so long. Soon enough she will be 18 and you can go back to school. :) I went back for my MA when E was 10 months old. It was hard on ALL of us.
Maybe you answered my questions, but my sleep deprived brain is killing every loving brain cell in me!
Why? I want to grow. I want to "graduate" to another level and be challenged differently. Of course, money and recognition are quite nice and definitely things I would like.
I did answer your questions, sort of. I mean, to reiterate, I would much rather have a happy home than a cruddy home life and a thriving career. What I'm saying is - why can't we have both?
As for going back to school, that's not as important. I was just making a comparison of what advancing in my career is like. To me, it's like going on to the next degree. I mean, if I had my way and someone could PAY me to go to school, hands down, I would do it ;)
I believe you! I know you're reading.
Shabby Chic is right, i think its great that you want "more" in every aspect in your life. I never thought it was ever right to "settle" if that makes sense. Wanting to advance means you're one of the very few that actually loves what they do and you see it as education advancement..in a perfect society everyone should think of their career (and not j-o-b) as such!
I don't think its selfish at all..you're setting a wonderful example for Ava but yes of course, HOME wins priority for happiness. I would much rather have a happy home. You're very fortunate to have blessings in your life that relieve you from all the work *ish.
Hey, can't you take online courses? like one at a time at your own pace?
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