Oh boy. Not at all easy to answer.
Here's the thing - I truly believe the religion I grew up with helped shape me into a good person. I lived in a middle to low income area and high school was a mix of kids. I could have gone down a dark road but I didn't. My parents were very strict so I'm sure that helped. But the fear from religion helped a lot.
That's the thing, though. There was a lot of fear. And guilt. A LOT.
I know most religions encourage their parish to recruit outsiders into their faith. And to marry within their faith. But there was a lot of talk of damnation for those who did not end up on the righteous path. And I always had a problem with that since my dad is Catholic.
I had attended regularly from 1986 to 1996. I remember wanting out as soon as I graduated from high school. I had been part of the choir and was even a choir organist but used college as an excuse to remove all responsibilities. Holding those different positions was considered an honor and I'm certain my mom was ashamed when I stepped down from those duties.
Truth be told, I don't remember much of the teachings of my former religion. I do remember being resentful when I went to church because I didn't agree with many of the sermons. And my attendance was less and less ... the only reason I went for so long is because of my mom. It was really important to her. But, just like they preached, if you were only there physically but not mentally, it didn't count. And it's true, it didn't count.
Fast forward to now. I still believe in God. And I would like to be part of a church again. I want my daughter to have God in her life and to have a belief. We're seriously considering my husband's religion and would like to find a church in our area. But have we done something about it yet? No.
I also have questions. And I would love it if someone who has a strong faith could help me with the answers.
I know there is a God. But I don't understand why there is so much brutality in this world. Why are innocent women and children being raped? Why are people being tortured? Why are innocent people being killed?
These are the kind of stories that seem to be occuring more and more: http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/connecticut_doctor_whose_family_eWPz3N9foeiSbXiWwlizKJ
http://www.contracostatimes.com/richmond-school-homecoming-rape/ci_16620274?nclick_check=1
I know there is good in this world. And I know that I am very blessed. But what I've yet to understand is that even though God exists, these atrocities occur. Why?
And I am serious. If you have strong faith, consider yourself religious and go to church, I would really appreciate it if you responded.
1 comment:
I'm glad I read this blog because my girlfriend went through the same ordeal with her kids and she decided to get them confirmed. Anyways, I'm going to tell you how my mother raised me and what I plan to do with my kids.
When I was little, I went to Sunday Catholic mass just like any other Filipino kid being forced to get up in the morning and I never listened nor paid attention to what really went on. All I knew was dang, its early and my parents are making me go to church and if I don't I'm going to hell and they will spank me and give me loads of guilt if I throw a fit about going because WE ALL SHOULD GO TO CHURCH. My friends started going to sunday school and I wanted to go because they were doing all this "fun" stuff and I told my mom I wanted to do the same. And she gave me this talk, "do you really want to go? Go...if you want to really learn about God and Jesus Christ because if you don't play attention to what its all about, then why get confirmed? Go, when you are willing to learn about it but I'm not forcing you to go...whatever you learn about God through us (my parents) is enough" So, I said, okay then I wont go.
And, boy this really really shaped who I am! I'm totally agnostic. I'm not a hardcore practicing Catholic. And, Hubby and I are not confirmed and we are seriously thinking of doing it now for the reason because we want our kids to have some kind of discipline...some moral of what is right and wrong...that kind of stuff. I know its weird when I think of all that Catholicism al we ever really learned emotionally is GUILT. It really sux. However, I'm in a Catholic Community which is still a Catholic Church but not so hard core. Which is what I can embrace. I don't care to some folks if it isn't a TRUE Catholic Church (which my church I STILL a TRUE Catholic Church but I embrace a crowd within thats a Catholic Community). What I want my child to learn is about giving to others more needy, do right by others..things that the Catholic Community by getting involved with other kids who give back to the community AND to be surrounded by kids they grow up with who are essentially good kids because they will hang out with eachother and learn about themselves and teachings of God and Jesus Christ and apply it to their lives. Proof: my cousins have been in this program since they were 10 and they're teens and they are such wonderful respectful happy well rounded selfless people.
In college I took SO many philosophical religion classes to explore beliefs that I thought I'd NEVER consider my future kids to have some sort of religion, but I know for me, religion has its purpose and I hope to instill what I've posted above to my kids.
Hope this helps, we can always talk about it later =)
BUT, whatever you do...do it for your OWN kids NOT what any of the parents want!
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