Weight, what did you say?

My never ending journey to lose weight! Or so it seems. I don't remember when I last wrote about it. I was determined to lose all the baby weight because it took me FOUR YEARS to do it last time. And then I promptly got pregnant again. Sooooo ...
Either age or having two babies made me realize that I need to love and accept my body for what it is and for its realistic potential.
Let me share my history. For a very long time, I desired to be back at the weight when I was at my smallest. Well, I've been a size 2 only 3 times in my life -
1. I caught mono from the first boy I ever made out with and then he broke my heart. Not the healthiest of diets.

2. My college boyfriend and I broke up during my sophomore year and it happened to be an epic break up. It occurred over 3-4 excruciatingly long months that caused me to lose sleep, lose my appetite and lose all sense of self-worth. Oh, and I smoked a lot of cigarettes and drank a lot of coffee. An even worse diet, yes?
3. I just got my graduate degree and was starting my first professional, full-time job. I was stressed. Again, not exactly a long-term solution.
But life got better, a lot better, and I got comfortable. Content. Happy. Fluffy.
I'm 36 years old and have done various diets for 11 years. I've done Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, Atkins Diet and the Dukan Diet. I should point out that I was at my current desired weight when I did WW, hoping to lose 10 lbs and once again be at the "skinniest I had ever been in my life" weight.
That's right, I was at my goal weight back then and thought I was chubby. I desperately wanted to be 10 lbs lighter. I often hear I'm not alone in this phenomenon of wishing to go back to a weight that, at that time, wasn't good enough.
Fast forward to 2009 when I got pregnant and gained 30 lbs. Not bad, right? Pretty average, even though I'm only 5'1". But then I couldn't get it off. I lost 20 lbs. rather quickly but the last 10 were sticking to me like glue. Then it crept up to 15 lbs.
What. The. Hell.

It stayed like that for a long time. Years. And I was uncomfortable. Sure, there was a vanity issue - I wasn't used to being this size. But I was also unhealthy. I was eating poorly, not exercising regularly and I just felt like I was in a rut. Then, in 2013, I was introduced to Purium by a few FB friends who weren't even friends with each other! They just happened to be doing the cleanse at the same time. Out of desperation, I asked one how to buy it and I did. No research, no taste test, I just did it. I did a full cleanse and then a couple of half ones and lost the remaining weight and then a few more pounds. I was actually at my wedding day weight. Still not what was my dream weight but I hadn't seen that number since 2008 so I happily took it and liked it! Then, as I mentioned, I got pregnant.

I didn't want to take another four years to lose the baby weight. I loooove my babies and I wanted to also love my body. In addition to Purium, I also decided to do JumpStartMD. I needed help to change my views on eating because, honestly, I didn't and sometimes still don't have a healthy attitude. I preferred processed food and really didn't care for fresh vegetables. Purium helped a lot with this but I needed in-person assistance to be held accountable because my old habits are so strong. JumpStartMD focuses on health rather than merely weight loss. They evaluated everything about me - my body fat, muscle, blood and blood pressure to figure out what my healthiest weight should be. It made me more at peace with my determined goal because it had everything to do with health and far less to do with vanity or insecurity. They also re-evaluate me throughout the process to make sure I don't lose muscle mass but, rather, fat.
I've lost 5 lbs. with JumpStartMD. My goal weight still seems a bit aggresive just because I haven't seen that # in a decade. I've also found that every single pound has been a struggle. I am very proud to have lost those 5 lbs because they were HARD. And I managed to do some of it during the holidays which is unheard of for me. So even though I merely have 5 lbs to go, it's going to be very challenging. But I'm giving it my all because I didn't even think I could get to where I am right now. 

I've learned and continue to learn how to make healthier choices. I've learned to love my body even though certain things make me cringe, like my stretch marks. I used to think this kind of stuff was hokey or hippy-dippy but when I saw my own body change like rashes going away when I ate better, I realized it was the truth. It might be the wisdom that comes with getting older but I've learned that I have to be careful what I'm letting in my body because it really does have serious consequences or benefits later in life. 

I think that my obsession with my weight has turned to a healthy passion to eat and feel better. I love me some chocolate and I don't think that's ever going to change. But I'm finally happy with how I'm going about losing weight and feeling really good about it. Here's to getting rid of the LAST FIVE POUNDS.