Weight, what did you say?

My never ending journey to lose weight! Or so it seems. I don't remember when I last wrote about it. I was determined to lose all the baby weight because it took me FOUR YEARS to do it last time. And then I promptly got pregnant again. Sooooo ...
Either age or having two babies made me realize that I need to love and accept my body for what it is and for its realistic potential.
Let me share my history. For a very long time, I desired to be back at the weight when I was at my smallest. Well, I've been a size 2 only 3 times in my life -
1. I caught mono from the first boy I ever made out with and then he broke my heart. Not the healthiest of diets.

2. My college boyfriend and I broke up during my sophomore year and it happened to be an epic break up. It occurred over 3-4 excruciatingly long months that caused me to lose sleep, lose my appetite and lose all sense of self-worth. Oh, and I smoked a lot of cigarettes and drank a lot of coffee. An even worse diet, yes?
3. I just got my graduate degree and was starting my first professional, full-time job. I was stressed. Again, not exactly a long-term solution.
But life got better, a lot better, and I got comfortable. Content. Happy. Fluffy.
I'm 36 years old and have done various diets for 11 years. I've done Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, Atkins Diet and the Dukan Diet. I should point out that I was at my current desired weight when I did WW, hoping to lose 10 lbs and once again be at the "skinniest I had ever been in my life" weight.
That's right, I was at my goal weight back then and thought I was chubby. I desperately wanted to be 10 lbs lighter. I often hear I'm not alone in this phenomenon of wishing to go back to a weight that, at that time, wasn't good enough.
Fast forward to 2009 when I got pregnant and gained 30 lbs. Not bad, right? Pretty average, even though I'm only 5'1". But then I couldn't get it off. I lost 20 lbs. rather quickly but the last 10 were sticking to me like glue. Then it crept up to 15 lbs.
What. The. Hell.

It stayed like that for a long time. Years. And I was uncomfortable. Sure, there was a vanity issue - I wasn't used to being this size. But I was also unhealthy. I was eating poorly, not exercising regularly and I just felt like I was in a rut. Then, in 2013, I was introduced to Purium by a few FB friends who weren't even friends with each other! They just happened to be doing the cleanse at the same time. Out of desperation, I asked one how to buy it and I did. No research, no taste test, I just did it. I did a full cleanse and then a couple of half ones and lost the remaining weight and then a few more pounds. I was actually at my wedding day weight. Still not what was my dream weight but I hadn't seen that number since 2008 so I happily took it and liked it! Then, as I mentioned, I got pregnant.

I didn't want to take another four years to lose the baby weight. I loooove my babies and I wanted to also love my body. In addition to Purium, I also decided to do JumpStartMD. I needed help to change my views on eating because, honestly, I didn't and sometimes still don't have a healthy attitude. I preferred processed food and really didn't care for fresh vegetables. Purium helped a lot with this but I needed in-person assistance to be held accountable because my old habits are so strong. JumpStartMD focuses on health rather than merely weight loss. They evaluated everything about me - my body fat, muscle, blood and blood pressure to figure out what my healthiest weight should be. It made me more at peace with my determined goal because it had everything to do with health and far less to do with vanity or insecurity. They also re-evaluate me throughout the process to make sure I don't lose muscle mass but, rather, fat.
I've lost 5 lbs. with JumpStartMD. My goal weight still seems a bit aggresive just because I haven't seen that # in a decade. I've also found that every single pound has been a struggle. I am very proud to have lost those 5 lbs because they were HARD. And I managed to do some of it during the holidays which is unheard of for me. So even though I merely have 5 lbs to go, it's going to be very challenging. But I'm giving it my all because I didn't even think I could get to where I am right now. 

I've learned and continue to learn how to make healthier choices. I've learned to love my body even though certain things make me cringe, like my stretch marks. I used to think this kind of stuff was hokey or hippy-dippy but when I saw my own body change like rashes going away when I ate better, I realized it was the truth. It might be the wisdom that comes with getting older but I've learned that I have to be careful what I'm letting in my body because it really does have serious consequences or benefits later in life. 

I think that my obsession with my weight has turned to a healthy passion to eat and feel better. I love me some chocolate and I don't think that's ever going to change. But I'm finally happy with how I'm going about losing weight and feeling really good about it. Here's to getting rid of the LAST FIVE POUNDS.

Frustrated ... but who's fault is that?

So I've been kicking my rear end three times a week for almost a month now. I am exercising and pushing myself now more than I have before. I really do like my bootcamp sessions and feel like I'm doing a really good thing for myself.
But I have yet to lose weight. And who's fault is that?
I thought I would lose a little bit of weight just by exercising. But I haven't been doing such a great job in the food area so I gained a bit and now I'm about even. And I can't help but be pissed off because what the HELL happened to my body in the past 10 years?
Back in college, I would eat cheese pizzas w/ ranch dressing, full fat white mochas WITH hazelnut syrup, Regular Cokes and whatever other trash I consumed before, between and after classes. I now drink non fat lattes, diet cokes, Weight Watcher pizzas and whatever other no fun stuff exists out there. Yet I'm heavier now than I was then. Was it the smoking? The tons of walking throughout the day? The stress? What's changed?
I am going back to my old habit of writing down what I eat. Because it just doesn't work when I don't do that. I haven't written for a while about diets and things like that because it's not all that I think about. But after nearly a month of vigorous workouts multiple times of week, I realize that there's no way around it. I have to eat better.
Maybe it's because I'm irritable right now but it totally blows. Because I like going out for Japanese, Thai, Filipino and just eating out, in general. I love Chocolate. Oh my gosh how I love chocolate (it even got a shout out in The Man's vows to me.) I love breaking bread with friends and celebrating over meals. I love to drink. Drinking makes me eat. Ahhhh ... OK. I promised myself that I would only allow myself a few entries to bitch about weight and food. Because, over all, I am a happy person. I joke with The Man that we've gained weight because we are in a loving and happy relationship. (It's true, though. We are pretty freakin' comfortable.) I know I'm pretty healthy and I work out regularly now. But I know I have to make changes because this, what I'm doing NOW, is not working for me.

Updates and such

1. Work, work, work - pluggin' away. Still love my job but BOY am I tired! Looking forward to things slowing down a bit around Christmas.
2. Dirty confession - all decor but the Christmas tree(s) are up. I did it the first weekend of November! I'm holding out on playing X-mas music until Thanksgiving so that The Man doesn't leave me.
3. Work it out - I think I'm in my 4th week of Bootcamp. I LOVE it. Let me be clear, I do not love waking up in the morning and knowing I'm going to get my ass kicked. I kind of dread it, to be quite honest. But I love how I feel afterward because I know I totally kicked my own ass and pushed myself to the limit. I don't have the drive or discipline to do that on my own so I really like the trainer. He manages to motivate without being a douche. A rare and honorable trait.
4. Eating - working on it. I start off so well with my bowl of oatmeal in the morning and it somehow goes to hell in a handbasket (what the hell IS a handbasket?) by the end of the day. Ahhh ... it's always something, right?
5. No go on the Yoga :( I'm sad about this one. My chiropractor told me to lay off of it for a while. When I did, my shoulder got so much better. I really liked yoga, it made me feel good and accomplished and it always challenged me. But I like my left shoulder better so no more yoga for a while.
6. Facebook - Well, isn't that just a time sucker? While I'm on it a lot less, it is a great go to when trying to kill time or just do a brain numbing activity. But isn't it interesting the people and stuff you find out about??
7. Married life - I was trying to remember the last time someone asked me, "How's married life?" and just when I was going to write that it's been a while, I remember that my parents' neighbor just asked me that this morning :) But I think we're officially no longer newlyweds. Awwww ... that was a fun title. The Man is great. He is very stressed out at work and it's hard for him not to bring it home. I feel bad because he does a great job of not taking it out on me or the pups (I'm telling you, if you're stressed, hug a puppy - it works in this household!) But work does affect his attitude in the sense that it's really hard for him to be completely happy and carefree. I wish I could help him on that :( I wish I could light a bag of the pups' poo and shove it in his supervisor's mailbox. But I won't. Because that isn't classy. And it can get a person arrested.
8. Christmas cards - we are giving it a go next week and trying to take pictures. But if you get a lovely card with a wedding photo, don't be surprised!
9. The big 3-0 - for the longest time, I've been looking forward to this milestone. Now, I don't know. I'm not really "freaking out" but I'm having some serious reservations about this new chapter. I think I've accomplished quite a bit but (and how dumb is this) I also think about what I haven't done. And how much I wish I had done. But I'm pretty sure I'm not depressed about the whole thing ... just thinking about it too much!
All right, that's it. Again, I miss reading you guys but I suppose I can't be hypocrite and expect y'all to write if I haven't been doing much of the same. So write!

Oh lazy days ...

Happy to report that I now have a doctor with small hands. 

It's been really hard for me to get back to the great eating and exercising habits that I had prior to the wedding. And then my minor medical problem really uninspired me to do anything other than sleep and eat. 

But I'm healthy again and have no excuses. Time to get serious again! 

We had a very chill 4th of July. We ate at my parents' house and then went home with the puppies. I miss seeing fireworks but I'm not a big fan of fighting crowds and leaving the pups at home. Hope you had a good one!

Thankful list:

1. Having a petite doctor

2. A husband who sometimes surprises me with breakfast ( like today!)

3. a very clean laundry mat to wash comforters (in preparation for Pooks and her Hubs!)

4. 7 On Your Side - will explain once everything is resolved

5. muscular legs - haven't been hitting the gym so thank goodness there are some muscles somewhere!!

A lazy blogger, I do make

Things haven't been terribly busy, I've just been lazy. I'm back to my regular routine for the most part. I can't seem to form paragraphs in my head (go 11 years of public education!!) so I'll just write by topic.
Does it feel any different: Yup, still getting asked this question! And while our day to day lives are still the same, you know what? It is a little different. I have a whole new feeling of contentment. And now he's a little more worried, at times. Like he realized that he didn't know exactly where I went when I go to yoga and knitting. He had an idea but he didn't know the address. He said recently, "You know, maybe you should write down your schedule somewhere, with addresses. What if you go missing and I call the police and I have no idea where to tell them to look?" Valid point but something he never worried about before. It's sweet. Of course, one could be negative and think, 'You didn't give a crap when I was you girlfriend??' Luckily, that's not me:)
Career: If you followed the depressing saga that was my last job, you know that I was miserable. I think that experience has helped me, though, to realize what I want, what I'll put up with and what will make my walk out the door. My current job is challenging, sometimes difficult and every so often a pain in my ass. But I still I love my job. At the last place, unfortunately, I had doubts within the first two months. I have been with my current company for over a year and still love it.
I have an expected 35% growth from last fiscal year and have exceeded everybody's expectations. My territory has done better than what my boss and colleagues (and me!) thought it would do. Of course I work very hard. But with my position, things can still blow up in my face and go down the pooper. So I am very happy - and relieved - by how I will end this fiscal year. What was kind of a cool thing is that my supervisor's boss, a senior VP, recently asked to be one of three presenters at our training academy this summer! I'm a bit nervous because I don't like telling people what they should do or what I think will make them successful, especially to folks who have been in the position longer than me. I suppose it's all in the delivery. But I'm excited that I was asked! It's not all sunshine and roses, believe me. But it's really good. Of course, the little sunshine squasher in me is thinking, 'You've got to do the same thing all over again in July!' That makes me shudder a little. But I push those thoughts away.
Working out: Oh boy, if there is one thing I've let go of is this task! Two months out prior to the wedding, I was doing cardio 3x a week, power yoga 2x a week and weight resistance 3x a week. Can you believe that?! And if you did the math, no I'm not exaggerating and putting in an eight day week. I would do cardio before vinyasa yoga. I woke up at 4:50am to be at the gym by 5:45am!!! Now I'm sure there are some gym buffs out there who go much earlier or do much more. But for me, for MY standards, I was kicking my own ass. I lost a total of 7 lbs and while I didn't hit my goal, I was happy to have gotten to that point.
And then there's me POST wedding. Ah hmm, well .... let's just say that I need to self motivate because I'm getting a little too comfortable. I knew that I couldn't keep up the crazy schedule prior to the wedding. I mean, I could but realistically, I knew I wouldn't. So the new routine is to do cardio 2x a week, yoga 2x a week and strength training 2x a week. Riiiiight ... last week I did everything just once. And "Yayy me!" for going to the gym. But I have to admit that I'm disappointed in myself. I can do better. I can BE better. So this is something I have to work on.
Baby: So guess whaaaat?! Just kidding :) I love The Man. He has changed so much in the way he communicates to satisfy his wife's needs. Umm, I'm positive there are delusional men out there who think, 'She has two degrees in communication but she won't expect ME to communicate.' Idiots. Anyway, we broached the baby topic while on our honeymoon. Actually, it was me looking around our beautiful surroundings while we were laying out and I started to worry. How can we do this if we have a baby? How can we afford this? How can we enjoy this if we can afford to bring baby with us? Do I want to bring baby with us??
Oh yes, not a melt down but a little bit of a freak out. So I asked him, "Hon, how can we go on vacations like this if we have a baby?" He said, "We can't." And then I said, "Remember how I wanted to try next year? Well, I'd like to push it back. I want to go on a few more mini moons with you before we have a baby." He said that he wanted us to be financially stable, have a home and a few more things before we have a child so it was fine by him. Thank goodness we are on the same page! Of course, because I have a naughty sense of humor, every so often I'll hug him and whisper, "Let's forget about what we talked about and have a baby." He'll pretend to push me away and say, "Stop that! Are you taking your pill?" Hehehe. My sister knows that I am also waiting (and hoping!) that my maternal instincts will kick in in the next couple of years. Luckily the puppies have been good yet gentle training.
So that's all I can think of for now. I desperately want to go on another vacation - Hawaii or Mexico (I've been hearing great things about the all-inclusive resorts!) But we have to wait a little bit, let our bank accounts recuperate and all that good stuff. I'm happy that I have no more of the post vacation blues, though! Just enjoying being with The Man, the puppies and my every day life. I'm a very happy woman.

SICK

I am a weenie when I'm sick. Usually I just try to sleep for a couple of days and, for the most part, it goes away. Not this time.
I have been sick since Thursday night.
I slept through a beautiful weekend. I saw the sun through the drapes but was too congested and my throat was too sore for me to care.
And then it GOT WORSE on Monday. So I saw my doctor and she recommended I take it easy for a couple of days.
I feel like I'm behind at work. I had to reschedule four meetings to when I am less or not contagious.
I haven't worked out since Thursday. I cancelled my training session on Friday. Backed out of yoga on Sunday. Cancelled another session on Monday. Didn't go to yoga today. For a gal that has been committed to working out six days a week, I feel like a blob. A snotty, congested, bleary-eyed blob. Who finally has the right medication.
Bless the codeine.

Boring post but a necessary question

How do you go about changing your name?
I know some of you have done this and I'm too lazy (I'd like to say busy but I'm putting in the time to write this post, right?) to look up the procedure of how one changes one's name.
I'd like to get the ball rolling since I think it's a lengthy process, right? I thought it was something I could do in one day but Kim had made mention of waiting for something to clear in order to finish. Was it SS# then driver's license? I have no idea.
Anyway, if you could let me know, that would be great. Especially if I can get started now. I will be sad if I need to get a wedding license first.
PS: I really like my trainer! She is 2/3 my size (seriously, I did the math and I really think she is 2/3 my weight) and a sprite lookin' thing and really motivating me! I'm also calorie counting which is easy sometimes, difficult when eating home cooked meals. I have 1,900 calories and, man, do I blast through them!

Wedding, weight and whatever else ...

She's writing about weight AND her wedding again?! Jeezus!
Hey, if you're thinking that, I don't blame you. I would think that too. But here's the thing. Whatever I'm doing right now, it is NOT working because I'm not seeing results. Power yoga 2x a week, gym 2x a week, Jenny Craig ... it's not working. I keep going back to my I-Hate-My-(Old)-Job weight. I thought that if I went from doing practically nothing to doing the things I listed, I would go back to my standard weight. I am not secure enough to reveal the number but I will tell you it's a 13 lbs difference. And I'm not talking about going back to my skinniest. I think that isn't reasonable just now (FYI: that's a 21 lbs difference) but I think that the weight I am now, the most I've ever weighed to date, is now my standard weight - my plateau, if you will. I mean, I've changed my eating habits and have taken the initiative to work out more has not made a difference.
As I was explaining to my cousin, I want to be at my best for the wedding. Not the skinniest I've ever been but what I'm accustomed to being. Or what I was a year and a half ago. I'm uncomfortable where I am now. I realize that I was "letting myself go" and allowing myself to get away with it because (and this is horrible) I have a man and am in a good relationship. I'm not on the dating scene and I don't need to impress anyone. Part of the reason The Man is wonderful is he never makes me feel bad. In fact, he swears he cannot tell the difference between me now and me two years ago. And I figured, well, if he's happy with me, I'M happy with me. But I'm not. I miss fitting into my clothes. I miss feeling decent in a bathing suit. I miss feeling fit.
So I got a personal trainer. This was a difficult decision because I've always thought that it was a frivolous expense. I mean, I can push myself to work out. Why should I pay a person or a gym to push me? But I know I'm just not motivated enough to do more than what I'm currently doing. So I went to my gym and signed up for a trainer to train with from now until a couple weeks after the wedding. I'm also calorie counting (something I refused to do in the past because it's a pain in the ass!) because I am obviously eating more calories than I am burning. The wedding was a good wake up call. But what helped me make this decision was that I am doing it for me. Not because Jon wants me to look like I did when I met him (which, by all means, wasn’t spectacular) but I felt better about myself. What’s hard to swallow – almost harder than the fact that I’m not losing this weight on my own – is the expense. But check it out. My mom gave me a document last week, saying that I probably didn’t know it was missing but I may want it. It was a check from my old job.
WHAT?!
OK, my head must have been up my ass when I received it because I remember receiving it. I got this check two months after I left my old job. I remember that I was surprised to receive a check two months later so I had called an old coworker who quit the same time as me. She explained to me that it was the last bonus I earned before I left. All this time, I thought I had deposited it but I hadn’t. I left it at my parents’ house and forgot about it. No, I was (and am still) not in the position where I can just forget about money. But I was already at another job so I had a steady paycheck coming in. And, like I said, my head must have been up my ass. Anyway, nearly a year later, I deposited the check (yes, it’s still good!) And the hard earned money that I plum forgot about is now paying for personal trainer.
As for the wedding, there is still no news about the dress but I am in communication with the boutique. It’s coming from China to New York and she is calling the New York dress manufacturer every week to find out the date it’s coming in. I don’t understand this kooky bridal dress industry but I’m hoping that it will be in soon. I’m worried but I keep telling myself that it’s almost prom season so if worse comes to worse, Mama is looking for a white prom dress. (No, it doesn’t make me feel a ton better but I’m trying to not freak out.) My ceremony location emailed me to remind me that my checklist is due and that we need to schedule a 60-90 minute phone conference this month to discuss the details. I was a very surprised at first (I told The Man this and I think that’s a huge reason why I got the flowers) because I thought we would be handling everything through email and, if need be, phone calls. But I realize that this is excellent customer service and I am more than happy to comply with a phone conference. That is scheduled at the end of this month.
Last thing – voting. I am proud to say that I voted yesterday. I don’t know much about politics but I have to say that these are exciting times. I honestly thought I would be much older before I would see a minority and a woman vie for a party nomination. It’s truly incredible. If only one of them was gay, then it would be a liberal's dream come true :) Seriously! (And before anyone tells me that Hillary is quite conservative, I already know that. I'm just stating that it's fantastic that we have a woman and a black man being taken under consideration for the Democratic nomination.) I think that this is the most I’ve ever been excited about an election. Well, there have been post-elections that have evoked strong emotions from me - when Bush was re-elected and when Schwarzenegger was elected as governor. Anyway, I voted. I feel like I’m entitled to complaining if I want because I exercised my right to vote. Complaining to random people and not voting doesn’t mean squat because how can you make a difference if you don’t vote?
That’s all the updates for now.

Even smaller random bits

Finally, some progress! Down 1.6 lbs! Am I the only one that winces when she gets on the scale and even before the number pops up? Just wondering.
I've been going to the gym more often (well, more often than never which is progress.) I still feel a little out of place in the weights area but I'm over the whole meat market atmosphere. I love that most of the women at my 24 Hour Fitness wear big ol' shirts and sweats. Before, there were a lot of sportsbra-only wearin' chicks. I'm not a hater - it's just intimidating! Like I said, if I weighed my dream weight, I would walk around buck NEKKID.
OK, I would wear heels.
I forgot to mention in a survey that my most favorite job ever was my job at Bare Escentuals. I briefly worked at the Embaradero location (right in the Financial district of SF) and it was glorious! It wasn't in a mall so we opened at 10:00am and closed by 6:00pm each night. The shop was more boutique-y than other stores so it was super easy to clean and we would get out, at the latest, 7:00pm. Oh, I also got 50% OFF all the make up. I know, such a random fact about me but I can't believe I forgot to mention this as one of my jobs. My gosh, I would still be working there if it paid the bills.
I'm going drinking tomorrow night in the City. Oooh-doggee. Going out and partying in San Francisco is very rare for me so when it does happen, I get a little tingly. I'm hoping for a nice buzz and no heaving on the sidewalk. Because that would be very 21 of me. I remember talking to someone and saying how it was acceptable and EXPECTED of friends to take turns puking and/or taking care of one another. I admit that I would now glare at my friends and fight the urge to kick them. I hate cleaning/smelling/seeing puke. Anyway, I'm going out a girlfiend for her birthday so The Man is staying at home with the pups (he really really did not want to go.)
I hope you all have a lovely weekend!
PS: I had to add this ... I was reading some entries that I wrote last year around this same time. I was so unhappy because of work. The rest of my life was dandy but I was so miserable at my old job. I am very thankful for my new career (it still feels new!), my husband-to-be, wonderful family and friends. Oh, and pups, of course! I feel at peace and am very thankful for that.

Complete thoughts? Pshhhhhht!

Well, random complete thoughts - yes. Thought-out paragraphs - a big fat NO.
I loved visiting Sister, WGD and The Boy. I'm sure that having a guest is not the most relaxing thing for them but I was plenty relaxed. We knit, we played, we worked out ... we even went out for some drinks! I love where they live and completely understand why travel magazines tote it as a resort community (but I do love the granola and boondocks of it all, too!!!)
I'm frustrated. I've been working out a lot more and keeping a food diary and haven't lost a pound. And nope, my clothes are looser. To make matters worse, The Man and I measure our waists and we both were s-h-o-c-k-e-d. Talk about facing up after being in denial - "Oh, these jeans are a tad snug but I'm sure my waist has changed only a centimeter." Riiiiight.
Despite being frustrated, I am still a happy person. I am very excited to be getting married. I am almost as excited to be on vacation for three weeks! I haven't taken that long of a vacation while working since ... never! I've either been in between jobs or in school. I feel a tad bit naughty.
Been struggling with the whole name change thing but think I've finally made a decision. Professionally, I'd like to stick with my maiden name. I haven't asked them, though, if I will be forced to change it since I'll be changing it on my SS# and driver's license. But I'd like to be able to keep it my maiden name at work. Everywhere else, I will be Mrs. Ramirez. I'm hoping that being sorted alphabetically by last name is a practice that has been left at school. Random, right? To go from A to R may be a bit jarring, though. I liked getting whatever it was over with first!
The Man just bought his barong for our wedding. (Why he was measuring his waist and had inspired me to measure mine - I'm such a dumb ass.) A friend of mine didn't want her husband to wear one because she thought it looks like a doily. After she pointed that out, I kind of agree. But I still think it's beautiful because it's part of our culture. Plus he will be so much more comfortable than wearing a suit!
I still love my job. It's challenging but I am very happy. I grit my teeth when I say, "Money isn't everything" but I really do believe it.
I'm sad about Heath Ledger. I wasn't his number one fan but I admired his work. He was in one of my favorite movies, 10 Things I Hate About You. Ironically, I think it was his least favorite. Anyway, I suppose it's just yet another example that money isn't everything. But it's not an example that I'm happy to display as proof. He was a dad - poor kid.
I'm getting married in eleven weeks. Unbelievable. I know it's life changing yet there won't be much that will be different in my day-to-day routine. Yet I'm so excited and know that it means so much.

Operation: Damn Good in the Wedding Dress

I went to the gym today!
Can I get an Amen?!
I'm sure I don't have to describe how hard it is to psych myself in the morning to go to the gym. First of all, The Man has rubbed off on me. I hated, HATED, how he would press the snooze button every freakin' morning. Now I do that!!! Not only that, I'm actually WORSE than him, pressing the snooze button far more times than him now. (Pay back's a biatch, though, right? Heehee!) Anyway, it's very hard to get myself out of bed, into gym clothes and out the door. But I'm determined now. Because I want to look Damn Good in my wedding dress.
What's funny is being in other friends' weddings never inspired me to work out. I mean, I wanted to but than I would just think, "Well, it's all about the bride, right? No one will be looking at me." So back to sleep I would go. Not even my trips to Hawaii really inspired me to tone and shed a few pounds. I have to say that my own wedding day is a pretty strong motivation for me. Seriously, the last time I was this motivated was senior prom. And that was because my date was 5'6" and weighed only TEN POUNDS more than me. I was determined not to look like a bowling ball next to his pin-sized figure. (Looking back, I should have just gotten another prom date but I was 17 years old and a little dim at the time. No, I'm not shallow enough to just dump the date because of his thin figure, the boy had some baggage. But that is an entirely different post that probably doesn't need to be written.)
I don't want anyone to think that I'm working out for two hours and being all gung-ho. I'm there for a little under an hour, running for 25 minutes and then doing sit ups and weights for the remainder of the time. I know that's not exactly boot camp but I know it's better than what I was doing before. Which was nothing. I'm also not resorting to celery sticks and water. But I am writing down what I eat so I'm more aware of my eating habits. I'm also doing Power Yoga again!!!! I missed it so much and have been doing it for a little over two months.
So I say ... "Bring it on, twelve weeks!" I am determined to look good on our wedding day. Plus, like I wrote before, we're going to be in Hawaii so I would like to look my best. Of course, I'm hoping that all these good habits I'm training myself to do will carry over when I get back from our wedding so it doesn't all go to hell in a hand basket (whatever that means.)
Wish me luck!!!

Needing a little motivation and inspiration ...

... and having three months until my wedding is just the gentle push kick in the ass I need.
Holy smokes, that's 12 weeks. TWELVE WEEKS.
I haven't talked about Jenny Craig in a while because, while I'm still in the program, I've been terrible about sticking to it during the holidays. I also got sick which was the perfect excuse to stop working out.
Well, sweet baby Jeezus (thanks for putting that into my vocabulary, Pookie!) it's time to get SERIOUS! Mama Lu needs to get toned and slim for the Big Day. Because I was the brilliant mastermind who convinced her significant other that it would be FAB-YOO-LEZZ to get married in Hawaii. Well, that means running around half nekkid (well, tanks and shorts or a bathing suit is being half or more nekkid.)
So I'm pushing myself to be better at working out and eating less crap. Remember how I wrote about bacon? NO BACON!
I better look A-M-A-Z-I-N-G in my wedding pictures if I'm giving up bacon. You may be wondering, "What about Jon? Don't you care what JON looks like in the photographs?!" Look. The Man is gorgeous. I think he can either work out or do nothing and he will still look super duper handsome in our pictures. I also better look amazing because I'm going to the gym. I no likee the gym! But I'm going. Because it's good for me. OK, let's be real. Because I'm getting the kick in the ass that our wedding is coming in twelve weeks.
Sweet Baby Jeezus.
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12:00pm update - I went to the gym! I decided to run, do some sit ups and squats. I felt SO MUCH BETTER after I worked out ... like I accomplished something! I just have to remember how that feels when I have that argument with myself if I should go to the gym. Whooohooo! Now I just got to do the same thing tomorrow. And the next day. Ooh doggie.

Clearly not a model

We took our engagement pictures yesterday. My sister found our photographer among four other choices (Thanks, Sister!), I narrowed it down to two and had Jon make the final decision - he feels included and I'm happy with either decision - Win/Win. We picked Santa Cruz for the location because it's always been a favorite place for us to visit and we're getting married on/near the beach so there's kind of a theme.
We wore what seems to be what every other couple in the universe wears when shooting on the beach - white collar shirts and jeans. I almost changed last minute because I'm not keen on white collar shirts but The Man really wanted us to wear the uniform ... so I did. I hate wearing crispy fabric.
We ended up having fun. The photographer was very nice and tried to make us at ease. He wanted us to be natural (ironic since we have never cuddled on wet sand nor make it a habit of being affectionate in front of a stranger but I get where he was going with it all) and The Man, a shy individual, even felt comfortable with him. Best of all, the photographer incorporated the puppies so we hope to have at least one good picture with the girls! I opted to wear my hair down which was pretty tricky considering the wind was whipping it all over the place. But I don't like how I look in photographs wearing a bun or ponytail. The one thing I was worried about is he never "fixed" us - never adjusting hair or clothing out of place so I'm really hoping that nothing was askew or funky because we will certainly have captured it.
Side note - while I was able to fit into the bridesmaid dress from six years ago, I did find out that I gained weight! Yes, I got cocky when I found out I had lost a good amount of weight at My JC meeting two weeks ago and am now paying the price. Anyway, I worried about looking chubby, especially in our seated poses. Bless the photographer for putting me in a lot of poses behind a sitting Jon and giving him a hug so I didn't have to worry about sucking in my tummy. I love those poses!!!!!
After we were done and headed home, The Man and I talked about how we hope we took nice pictures. We're a little worried because we seriously haven't ever taken a picture where we both felt like, "Hot damn, we look good!" but the photo shoot is done and it's up to the hands of our photographer. OK, I am more than a "little worried" because, whileI don't mind posing for pictures (that's all fine and good and even fun,) I get anxious thinking about what the pictures will look like. (I suppose that's why I like digital - "Oh that's a horrible picture!" DELETE. "Ahhh.") I'm not photogenic. And I'm not writing that hoping someone will argue with me and write back, "But you are!" because I know the truth. I throw away or delete all the pictures I hate and only show photos I like. Don't you? So it's a little more nerve wracking knowing you paid money for someone to take your photo and it's ugly. Oh well. At least it's one more thing crossed off of our To Do list! Hallelujah.

More wedding, work and pictures ... finally!

I should be better at posting but all my pictures are on my personal computer and I always use my work laptop. So I've been putting it off.

Wedding - my Sister has been awesome. She was worried she wasn't earning the title of bad ass MOH (OK, I add the "bad ass" and she just says "Matron of Honor") but she has been fantastic! Check it out:
- She negotiated with the photographer and I just put down the deposit. She loooooves his work and since her eye for photography is better than mine, I trust her. She was so enthusiastic that they had a rate I could work with that it was infectious and now I'm super happy too :)
- We pretty much have a videographer because the photographer has added that component to his business (unless the DVD sample they mail out to me is terrible so fingers crossed!)
- We also have the reverend that I wanted (didn't negotiate but that's OK. And Sister is the one who contact him first to make sure he was available and had a decent rate.)
- Sister has initiated contact with a musician recommended by J.A. so cross your toes for that. Oh, just cross everything and hope everything will all pan out.
- After that, she will be tackling hair and make up stylists!
Sister is even trying to help with stuff that stuff I didn't ask her to which is very sweet of her. I'm trying to figure out what I want as a head piece because I don't want a veil. I'm not sure if I want a haku (head lei) like I had for my graduation ceremony or a rhinestone head wreath (like a tiara but, well, a head wreath.)

I'm so ticked at myself. I was at my JC consultation two weeks ago (I"ll get to that in a minute) and I was flipping through O Magazine. I saw these crystal sandals that I thought were cute. "That might be cute for the wedding!" But I figured I would find something like it on the internet. My 'tarded self did not think to write down the maker or rip out the ad. Side note: No, I wouldn't have felt guilty because I pay good money for JC and yes, I feel like I am entitled to rip out an add from a magazine, if I choose. Call it wrong or right, but that's how I feel. Yet I didn't! And OF COURSE I haven't found them anywhere because I don't know the name! I bet you're thinking, "Well just go on Oprah's O Magazine website, silly." I did. But it was an AD not an article so it's not on there :( I just went on to Zappo's last night, though, and bought three sandals to see which I liked best because, just like Nordstrom, they have an outstanding return policy. Another side note: How scary is it that my credit card company just called me today about "suspicious activity" on my credit card and they're really not suspicious because they are all purchases from me! Ay-yi-yi. My poor pocket book. So hopefully one of those sandals will work out. I have a feeling I will probably fall in love with the one that costs twice as much as my dress because that's just how it works out, right?

Speaking of dress, the dress shop ordered a sample of the dress I think I want (remember, I tried on something similar by a different maker so there's no guarantee that this dress will fall on me the same way) and it should be in by next weekend. I'm so scared! I hope it looks good because the three Nordstrom dresses were HIDEOUS on me. I looked either pregnant or too busty. Ick.

One last bit of wedding news and then that's it. Wedding-ed out yet? Thanks to J.A., I FINALLY have an on site wedding coordinator! My ceremony site is the same place she had her wedding ceremony. She recommended her old on site coordinator when I told J.A. how I'm in limbo between the Sales and Catering people. I called the gal and she said that she would find my file and assign my event to her. Yippeee!! It was so frustrating not being able to move forward with room rates (because there are supposed to be special "wedding" rates for me and my guests) and not being able to discuss the details of my ceremony. Because, if you couldn't tell already, I just want to get all the planning over with as soon as possible so I don't have to think about it until April.

Jenny Craig - Not sure if it's the food or the work stress but I've lost a total of seven pounds between WW and JC and I have 11 more to get to my goal! I'm not making time to exercise so I'm really depending on the program. It's about nine months since I've been this weight (I'm not sure exactly when I got to my heaviest but I remember I finally got on the scale last April after months of avoiding it and saw that I had blown up since my last weigh in.) I'm certain that having a date to work towards also helps drive my desire to lose the weight.

Work - I thought I would want to write about it but I don't. Nothing much has changed since I last wrote. It's still stressful and I think about it a lot. I'm still working long hours and on the weekend but I love it 10x more than my old job so I suppose it's not that bad.

And finally! Here are some pictures on our day trip to Santa Cruz for The Man's 30th birthday -
I don't know why he always has to make a face. I told him that the odds were hard enough of us both looking good in one picture and that he was just making it slim-to-none with his funny faces. (I think he's still handsome in the picture but I can't tell him that because he would just get a big head:)
Aren't our kids cute? They really are our kids. I mean, we can't handle the human kind yet but Piko and Pili are prepping us. And it's sort of scary just how much we adore them. The Man just bought those sun shades that suction cup to the passenger side windows so the puppes won't get hot in the backseat. See, told you. The Man and I also talk about how our puppies make us temporarily forget about our stress from work. They really do!
I thought this was a really cute picture because, while the day was overcast, it was still humid. So Pili just collapsed right next to the water bottle. What you can't see is that she next rested her chin on the side and stuck her tongue out to drink the water. Oh, I just realized you can also see the poop bags. Ignore the poop bags.
I still think it was a beautiful day even though it was overcast. The beach, along with our puppies, help put Jon* and me in better moods. I think both are therapeutic. Yet free! :) So that's how we spent The Man's 30th birthday. I know Pookie is thinking right now, "Uh-uh! I know how Jon releases his stress - freakin' Kung Fu movies!" She's right. But the puppies and beaches are something I can actually enjoy.

All right, that's most of the stuff going on in my little ol' world right now. Hope all is good with you!!

*I'm with Kim - I can't get used to the Jun/Jon changed either! So I told Jon that it was going back to Jon and he said that it's not neccessarily wrong. Evidently his family writes Jon, Jun or John. Well damn. So it's back to Jon y'all!

Health & Nutrition

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
5. Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

Having to get creative

I bought this pedometer last weekend.
I attended my regular Sunday morning WW meeting and noticed that this girl was wearing the pedometer. She is only one around my age at the WW meeting so we usually sit together. I don't even know her name but she seems pretty cool.
"Hey, do you like that?" I whispered. (We should be paying attention to the meeting. But there's this lady who is not the leader that loves to try and co-lead every time. I try to ignore her.)
"Yah, it's great! You should get it. It tracks your activity points.And it's really easy to use!"
It looked cheap to me but if she likes it, then OK. So I got one. It clips on so it kind of looks like a very small pager. It's pretty cool. It cost $20 and tracks my steps, distance, has the time, can also be a stopwatch and tracks activity points.
But yesterday, I was wearing a form fitted skirt and a blouse that ended several inches below my waist. And the directions said that it has to be right side up so I can't clip it upside down to the bottom of my blouse.
So where the hell do I clip it?
After staring at the pager-looking thing and looking at where I can put it (should I clip it to my shoe? No, I might look like a convict.) I clipped it front and center of my bra. My shirt was dark so there was no visible bump from the pedometer.
And it worked!
I walked about 3,500 steps. I think I'm supposed to be around 9,000. See? Good to know!
I don't know how it will log when I run on a treadmill but I'm going to give it a go today.
So if you ever decide to buy one that isn't a wristwatch and you're wearing an outfit that doesn't permit you to clip it on your waistband, now you know where else you can hide it.
You didn't think I was going to put it anywhere else, did you?

Frustrated

Maybe 20 points are just right for some people. To me, they aren't much.
I neglected to look at how many points a McGriddle had when I gave into a craving this morning. I thought, "It's probably six, maybe seven points."
It was 10.
I don't blame McDonalds or anything. I'm the one that didn't feel like having the oatmeal.
But that decision gave me only 10 points left for the rest of the day. And I eat way more at night than I do in the morning.
So now I've racked up 30+ points today.
Another frustrating thing ...
I came across an old WW weight log that I started when I had "re-joined" back in 2001. I remember thinking back then, "I've really let myself go." (I could do an entire blog of how your mind can really get messed up when you live with someone same height as you but a size 2 and thinks she's fat. I don't blame her, I'm just saying that it can mess with your head. No, not you, C!)
I also noticed when I was loading pictures onto Flickr that I have very few pictures of me or The Man from this year. We used to take tons of photos! I know it's because I've shied away from the camera this year. Because I'm uncomfortable when I see any pictures of me lately. Terrible.
Now I've joined WW, yet again, and I'd gladly give quite a bit of money to get to that weight. In fact, I AM giving quite a bit of money in an attempt to get to that weight off and hopefully lose more.
So frustrating.
I know. Don't give up. Work out and eat better.
What kills me is that I can't believe I'm still fixated on my weight. I've been self-conscious about my weight since I was a teenager! I just want to be content. So not only am I frustrated about the weight but I'm pissed that I'm frustrated about the weight.
OK, I had to write this all down or else my poor significant other would hear it.
I've got to check my pill pack. I MUST be getting my Power Week soon.
PS: I took down the link about what celebrities would look like if they were "normal" like us (but a tad trashy) because I don't want to be one of these people that feel better by making fun of or putting other people down. Even if it's just pretend. And even though they're super duper rich and beautiful. (But I won't stop reading perezhilton.com)

Pound for pound

I have been a VERY BAD WW girl.
Sure, I drink at least 64 oz of water a day.
I exercise 3-4 times a week.
But I also eat anywhere from 30-50 points a day. Especially when I work out. I get so hungry! Terrible considering my allotment is 20 points per day. Even with the flex points (that's the 35 points we get as cushion for you non-WW peeps) I'm still doing miserably.
This isn't good. I know it's not good. I even skipped last week's WW meeting because I was embarassed. Maybe even ashamed?
I can't seem to get on track. I know I should eat more vegetables and fruits but I'm failing at that. Instead, I eat chocolate, carbs and the yummy-but-oh-so-bad-for-you stuff.
What's strange is I'm more comfortable in my skin than I was when I was in college. But not THIS skin. I gained 10 lbs when I was at my old job and I can't seem to shake them off! I would love to lose 15-20 but if I can lose 10 lbs I will be able to fit into my cute clothes again.
OK, enough of the pity party. I just had to put it out there because I feel like I'm not owning up to my badness.
I want to do better. I have to do better. I NEED to do better. Because even though I'm doing all this damn working out and drinking like a GD camel, I'm not losing any weight. And I'm pissed. And it's not good to be walking around in public pissed.

Ooo-weee

This morning I ran four miles. FOUR!

This is a first for me. The most I've ever ran before is three miles. I think. I don't care much for running. That's a lie. I think running sucks. But I know it's good for me so I'm trying to get over the mind block. Thus the half-marathon. That and it's a good cause (donation link on the right side of the blog. I'm just sayin'.)

Scoff if you will but I'm proud of myself. I expected to do it in 1 hour and 20 minutes but I did it in 1 hour. I am so happy! I know I'm no gazelle but, for me, that is a GREAT time. Hot damn. (Now just 9 more miles to go!)

It almost, almost, makes up for the fact that I've gained back the 4 lbs I lost. But not quite. But I won't get into that because, when I think about it, it REALLY PISSES ME OFF.

On a completely different topic, I haven't put up a picture of the kids lately so here it is -

Stretch after squats

Or you'll be walking funny. And taking a lot of time to sit down. Something I learned from working out yesterday ... a little too late. Just thought I'd share the wisdom.
I had so much fun with Tel and Moberg! It was so nice to see Tel after all this time. Like boneheads, we talk more now that she's moved away than when she was here! But I'm glad we've been able to keep our friendship. It's been seven years!!
I have my car back now. While it's nothing to brag about it, my Pontiac Sunfire is a car that someone my age would drive. I'm happy to be reunited. (Although when I do retire, I'm sure I would feel safer behind an Oldsmobile. So never say never, right?)
No big plans this weekend. I'm training this Saturday for the marathon. (Haven't donated yet? There's a link on the right side of this blog!) And I have to garden because my dad is in the Philippines. He takes care of his garden and my garden because if he didn't, I would kill everything. Plants have a soft spot in my dad's heart. I won't even tell you what he wishes he could do to the stray cats that poop on his plants. I may save that for the next entry. Anyway, I wish I had his gift. But I don't. So simple things like watering, weeding and pruning do not excite me at all. I dread it as much as I dread cleaning the house. But even more so because there are BUGS.
Yesterday, Jon and I watered the plants (it takes two people and it still takes about an hour ... my dad has a ton of plants!) As I was unwinding the water hose, I came face to face with a yellow jacket nest.
Oh, SNAP.
"Hon!" I said. "Hon! Come here! Are they resting?!"
I could see the yellow jackets/ wasps (I am not ashamed to say I don't know the damn difference) resting on top of the little mound they built.
Imagine me, scared of bugs, and my one-handed boyfriend trying to spray the nest with bug spray (NOT my idea.) I wanted to stay the hell away but, of course, we will need to eventually use the hose so I guess Jon was right. But I had to hold the canister while he held the spray nozzle. I thought, "We are going to get stung. This is how dumb asses get stung."
Thankfully, we didn't. Jon soaked the heck out of the little nest and all the yellow jackets/ wasps fell and died.
This is huge reason why I don't like to garden. That and the getting dirty part. But mostly because of the bugs.