Weird, and I knew it even as it was coming out of my mouth

I went out to lunch with a few women from work the other day. Out of the five of us, four have children. And of the four, I was the only one with just one child.
As you know, I've made no attempts to hide my fear. I fear the physical part, the emotional part, the financial part - basically labor and everything after that. Yet here I am, tempted to have another. It's CRAZY TALK, I tell ya!
But here's the thing, the other women were saying that I should go for it. Even after the stories of how bonkers their kids drove them, the complete absence of sleep, and just the sheer exhaustion of it all, they all said I should have one more.
It's hard to explain but I came close to it when I saw the one gal without children, wide-eyed in disbelief. (She is getting married next week. We seem to be painting a crazy picture for her of what the next phase in her life will be.) I told her something along the lines of, "Having kids sounds nuts, doesn't it? I mean, most of the time I look forward to Mondays now because at least I get PAID to do that job!
Weekends aren't like how they used to be before children. They are exhausting. And sometimes hard. But here's the thing. If my husband and I still had all that free time to fart around like we did a few years ago, I think we would be longing for a baby. I would be wishing to have the life I lead now. Don't misunderstand, I love my free time. And I definitely NEED my free time - it's sometimes really hard without it. But we were ready and, quite frankly, it's not like our lives were awesome before the baby and now it sucks. It's just different and, more often than not, in a good way. We love her so much."
I don't know how clear I was for her. It may have still sounded nuts. But it's true. I wish for the free time I had before the baby. The freedom I had with my time and, for the most part, I owned my time. But was I doing anything that great or important with it? No. It was just nice to set the pace of my day or choose to spend it how I see fit. And when things are crazy at work or every so often I wish I could go with my friend to that impromptu outing, those instances are few and far between.
I guess what I'm saying is that the good often outweighs the bad. Sure, there are times when it's hard as hell. When I'm sick, the baby is sick, hubby is sick or pups are sick. When there is a hiccup in daycare or if we have to travel. [Side note: Vacations used to be relaxing but are now what I refer to ask work trips. Yah, admittedly, I do miss those kind of vacations. ] But most days, they are pretty good.
To sum it all up, I ask myself this question. (And if another mama were to answer it differently, I wouldn't judge. I would just be sad for her because, well, any regrets suck.) I ask myself, "Knowing everything I know, would I have chosen to be a childless couple? Or would I  have wanted to wait a little longer before having one?" and the resounding answer is NO. Nothing in my life before her would have been more fulfilling had I waited or decided not to have a baby. Our family is better because of her. I'm better because of her. Is it hard as hell? HELL yah but I would do it all over again, for sure. Um, except skipping all the nonsense I went through and just scheduled a C-section. That I would have certainly done over.
"So," you may be asking yourself, "does this mean you're off the pill and ready to start trying?" Um, no. But after all those many entries of how hard it is to be a mama, I surprise even myself by the fact that I would like to sometime soon.