... since I last wrote. I can't go into too many details but, basically, I've had a personal project going on for two months. I tried very hard to not let it affect my work and home life but I only succeeded in one so my home life suffered a bit. If it all shook out well, it would have been worth it in the long run.
But it didn't.
I'm so disappointed and don't think I have the energy, emotion and certainly time to start all over again. My family is most important. Not to mention my mental health:p
I'm thankful for all the other blessings I have in my life. I'm thankful my loved ones are still here and I've not suffered through deaths or devastating illnesses. I'm trying to maintain a positive perspective because I know there is so much good in my life.
But.
I'm so tired of being disappointed and feeling like a failure. I hate feeling second rate or just plain not good enough. I'm so tired of having to compromise my happiness and feeling of fulfillment for security.
Ready for the pity party? I received the news of said project's failure, MY failure, on my birthday. I stayed in bed and cried for most of the day.
See, it's not only about this particular project. It was the accumulation of all the many disappointments I've had this year. While I've also had many blessings, I was overwhelmed by just how many kicks to the groin (punches to the boob?) I've felt this year.
Ive prayed for patience. and understanding. i know better things are in store but when? Do I continue to try? I am usually a woman of action but I'm wondering if I'm supposed to wait for something to fall into lap. Not how I typically roll but I can't continue to do this. I'm exhausted putting forth all this effort to only be smacked down. Stick a fork in 2012. Please.
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