31 Weeks.

Dear Bean and Bun,

Today I was able to take a break from work and go on a walk (yay!) like a good pregnant mama. Even though this song is relatively new, it reminded me of my college days - We are Young by F.U.N. It makes me think of songs like Closing Time by Semisonic (that's definitely more my era):
Tonight
We are young
So let’s set the world on fire
We can burn brighter than the sun

Tonight
We are young
So let’s set the world on fire
We can burn brighter than the sun

This song reminds me of college because it talks about how we are going to take the world by storm. There is a time in your life where you will feel like the world is your oyster and you can and will accomplish anything! My babies, you probably wonder why I'm even bringing this up. When you are old enough to read this, or better yet, understand where I'm coming from, you will see me simply as "mom". You won't think I was ever cool enough to go out bar-hopping, flirt with guys or basically capable of having any fun. It will hurt, but I get it. I still question if your Nana ever had the kind of fun that I would consider my kind of fun.
I decided to write to you guys instead of my normal writing to no one in particular because as I was walking my two miles and listening to this song, I thought, "Man, my life is different." Keep in mind that I was walking pretty slow and it felt like my uterus was going to drop out from under me at any moment. No, babies, I don't blame you at all. I feel absolutely blessed to be pregnant with you, Bean. The discomfort just comes along with the territory.
Anyway, I was listening to the song and rubbing my sore belly thinking about how different my life was 12 years ago. I reminisced how much smaller my body was and how I wish I appreciated it more. I thought about how my belly (while never hard) was taut, my figure was cute and why didn't I work it more? I was self-conscious about how it was more soft than muscular but I shouldn't have cared! I also thought about how I had a lot less worries because my world was smaller. I didn't have a mortgage, big bills or other lives to think about. Your papa and nana were strong and healthy so all this enabled me to be self-centered and concentrate on things like graduating, boys, friends, going out, and getting my first real job.
Babies, I admit, I do miss that body I had. Just because it was so small! A size 4, thank-you-very-much! But everything else ... see, babies, if I could have that life all over again over what I have now, I wouldn't. Because while I have such fond memories, I wouldn't have grown as a person. There is something to be said about youth. Being young is lovely! But I'm also so very happy now. There were parts to my early 20s I certainly don't miss. I hated dating! I was terrible at it. I feel so blessed that I met your daddy when I was just 22-going-on-23 years old. Not everyone gets to meet their soul mate so early in life. Some are blessed to meet their life partners at a younger age. But I believe God introduced me to your Dad when he did because I needed  a few hard life lessons to appreciate a good man when one was finally introduced to me. Otherwise, I might have taken him for granted.
I also appreciate you grandparents more because of you two. I regret to write that even now, I think I take Nana & Papa for granted at times but I try very hard to always appreciate them. That's what happens when you have fantastic parents - that level of awesomeness becomes an expectation. Well, when you, The Bun, came into my life, I realized just how selfless and giving my parents were and are to me. They were and are always, always there for me. I had no doubt that when I needed them, I could count on them. I thought that's how everyone's parents are but, sadly, this isn't the case. I never, ever needed for anything. They always provided.

Thirteen years ago, I thought I wanted to go into broadcast journalism. In fact, that’s what I was studying when I met your dad. Fast forward to now, I work for a Catholic college preparatory school and currently have 10 years of non-profit work under my belt. What?! Back then, I had no interest, whatsoever, in mission-based work. Yet here I am. And I love it. I tried going back into for-profit briefly but it wasn’t for me. My career has had many twists and turns but I am very happy where I am now. Who would’ve thought? Certainly not me but I am absolutely content.

What I’m trying to say is that I think back to my youth fondly. And maybe you will find me reminiscing when I’m elbow-deep in poop, tears and/or dirty laundry about my good old days. I will also always wish and strive for the body I had in my early 20s. But, and this is the most important and biggest “but”, know that you two, Daddy, the pups, Nana & Papa and our wonderful family and friends make up what I believe are the best days of my life. I feel absolutely blessed to have as lovely of a little girl as you, Bun. You are so amazing to me because you are just filled with love, goodness, sass and good humor. Bean, we’re excited to get to know you! But for right now, I feel so blessed to be able to carry you because I didn’t think I could have a baby again.

You both are miraculous. And, even when I’m irritable or upset, never doubt that you are loved. Utterly and completely. 

Bean, your big sister is so excited for you to join our family.

I hope you two will be lovey dovey and each other's best friend.

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Bun-lish. And a 30 weeks update.

My sweet sweet girl. You are growing up too fast. I've been meaning for months - yes, months! - to write about the adorable sayings you have because you outgrow them so fast. For instance, when you were a wee little toddler, you would say, "Ahh-bah!" We guessed you were trying to say your name but we could only guess.
A couple of things you said this past year -
"Renever?" for "Remember?" and I can't help but respond, "I renever!" Because it just charms me to pieces.
"Disdappeared" instead of "Disappeared." I don't know where that additional D came from but, again, it makes me smile. You are so, so cute.
I'm sure there are more and I'll add them when I "renever."
Other things I want to remember and have you know:
You tell me how much you love Jin-Jin, a boy at school. It's quite sweet. You share a cubby with him and I think started school around the same time. He didn't speak a lick of English when you met him but Miss Amy said you guys took to each other immediately. You tell me and Daddy how you love him so much and want to marry him. You tell us how you hug him as well as other "best friends". Girlfriend, you have a lot of best friends! You love Daisy B, Daisy H, Cameron, Kylie, Daniel, and I'm sure there are others. Again, I can't remember. (Notice a theme? FYI: Your mama didn't always have a sketchy memory but becoming a mama and then getting pregnant has pretty much wiped out my ability to remember just about anything that doesn't have to do with us getting through our day.) Miss Amy also says you are the most popular girl in school. Now, know that is never going to be a goal. I don't expect nor want you to be the most popular. But it is what it is - Miss Amy said that you are so friendly and sweet that just about all the kids take to you. There's also a boy who is extremely popular to but - you guessed it - I don't remember his name!
Anyway, I kind of wondered if Miss Amy was exaggerating but in the mornings, when I drop you off kind of late and most of the kids are already there, I swear you are like Norm from Cheers. We walk in and a bunch of kids say, "Yay! Ava's here! Hi Ava!" and "Hey everyone, Ava's here!" I kid you not. Then at least two kids come up to you and hug you.
Daddy wonders if we should have put you in preschool earlier instead of a home day care because you are a bit reserved or shy. But it seems like you are doing just fine. It takes you a little bit to warm up to people or situations but it's OK. I would rather have you be a bit cautious than throw yourself into any and all situations. I like that you observe and wait a little bit. I guess because that is what makes you, YOU.
I love you so much. We love you so much. (Oh boy, do you have Daddy wrapped around your little chubby finger! Of course, you are totally Daddy's girl:) I know, that's stating the obvious but as you grow older, you become more and more lovely. You are thoughtful, funny, smart, clever and absolutely beautiful inside and out. I feel so blessed to have a daughter like you. You are such a kind person and I want us to continue to nurture that. Your heart is so pure. I know that you will grow older and, with that, naturally comes a loss of innocence as years go by. But if we can help you to be a strong woman as well as everything you currently are, well, that would be wonderful. I LOVE YOU.

Us out to breakfast for Mother's Day.

You with your furry sisters.

You wanted to have your drink in the photo because you liked it so much.
You may have a career in product placement;)

30 Weeks Update Oh man, I'm really feeling it. I'm so tired lately and feel h-u-g-e. It's hard to believe I've got 8-10 weeks to go. On one hand, we need the time to prepare our home because the baby's room is nowhere near ready. Our old bed frame is in there and man, is it a big bed frame! The crib is still disassembled and in the garage. Most importantly, we still have no name for you! Dear Bean, whatever are we going to call you? We just can't find a name we're passionate about. We've gone through family names, biblical names, names we simply like. But we can't find one where we love enough and is important enough to use as your name.  On the other hand, 10 weeks seems like a long time to wait for you. I am pooped, Bean. You have been a lovely pregnancy, quite honestly. Other than the lack of sleep and (this is TMI) having a flow problem when going #1. Let me be frank, I don't know why but there is absolutely no pressure when I go to the bathroom so it's like a slow drip. But those are minimal complaints. No morning sickness, gestational diabetes, no skin issues, and no back issues (I do go to the chiropractor to combat aches and pains, though!) I am, however, extremely tired. I work full-time but I thought that since I hardly travel, it wouldn't be a big deal. But all I want to do now is sleep on the weekends and in the evenings because I am spent after being at work all day/week. This last stretch is proving to be a challenge. Again, though, I feel blessed to have had a great pregnancy up until now. So here we are, you in utero and your big sister all cute-ified for her class photos:)

I love you both so much.

28 & 29 weeks

Whoops! I'm really behind.
Well, these photos are the perfect illustration of how Bay Area temperatures went from the low 60s to the 90s in just one week. It is h-o-t right now.

28 weeks: Quite chilly just one week ago. 

29 weeks: We took this early in the morning which is the only reason we had sweaters!

The Bean and I are growing quite steadily. When I posted the second photo on FB, I half jokingly wrote that I was close to eclipsing my daughter's face. There's some truth to that.

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I left my 20-something year old heart in San Francisco

I've been sitting on this post for two weeks now. My only excuse is this: I was on break for a week and a half. I came back to work for a day and then attended a three-day work conference.
I'm still not completely caught up at work.
But I was very thankful to be sent to this conference. My last company was so strict with funds. They ran a very tight ship. Extremely tight. I had to plead my case for quite a few career development workshops I attended and paid for my own career-related business membership while at my old organization. I admit, it was often times frustrating but I understand. The organization comprised of mainly fundraisers so what they did for one, they would have to do for all. They offered internal online classes as a alternative but it just wasn't the same. Now I work for an organization and boss who find and present learning opportunities to me. And there's a budget for this, for career development. I love it. I'm a perpetual learner and would be a student for life if someone paid me to do it. (Alas, it is not a legit gig.)
What was also wonderful about attending this conference is my work also OK-ed me staying at the hotel where it was being held. The hotel was not cheap so it was awesome to enjoy a nice hotel in the financial district. Frankly, I dreaded the thought of getting up extremely earlier to drop off The Bun at preschool and then fight my way through the Bay Area morning commute and city traffic.
Because I had no commute and The Bean has me waking up early no matter where I sleep, I decided to take advantage of the opportunity and walk as the city was waking up:

Ferry Building.
(Not sure if it's just my computer but the photos are A LOT clearer if you click on them to view on full-screen.)

Walking along the Embarcadero.

My favorite bridge in the Bay Area because it holds so many memories.
Well, the island attached to it, to be exact.

The sun lighting up more of the Embarcadero.

I never grow tired of this bridge. I only wished I had caught the light installation.

Under the Bay Bridge. They are engineering marvels if you think about it, aren't they?

My attempts at panoramic. I just have no patience for it.

Forgive the excessive bridge photos. The sunrise was just so impressive and breathtaking in person.

My lovely yet overpriced room. Big thanks and a shout out to the J-O-B!

My second and last morning traipsing about the city. 

I liked the same path I took the morning before so I just did it again. That and it felt safe.

The other side of the Ferry Building. If the picture is too blurry, it reads, "Port of San Francisco". Or you can click on it to see it clearly in full-screen.

I know, I've got to get over this bridge! Well, I also liked how pristine the Embarcadero looked with its fanciful palm trees.

Another lovely sunrise.

In addition to needing my j-o-b's support, I also needed The Man's. He has to be at work by 7 AM so I arranged for The Bun to go to her former day care provider a little before 6 AM for two of these days. The Man didn't balk at all and got up super early to prepare himself and The Bun to get out the door by 5:15 AM. I'm very thankful to him for knowing how important going to this conference was to me and just making it work.

I try to not take things for granted. I know some people probably think, "What's the big deal? It was just a stupid work conference." But for me, it was so much more. It was my employer showing me just how important they think I am to the organization by investing in educating me. It was the educational benefit - I was surrounded by peers from universities who have triple to ten times the budget my little department of one has as well as college prep schools like mine who had much more established engagement and fundraising programs. It was an amazing learning experience! It was also my partner in life willing to be inconvenienced for a couple of mornings so that I could sleep in the city and not have to commute for three days in a row. It was having the opportunity to reunite with my old stomping grounds - a city where I used to go to go to school, live and work. It was all of this.

I could see San Francisco from the hills where I grew up. It seemed so exciting and metropolitan in comparison to the urban suburbs. SF was merely 45 minutes away from Hayward but it was a different world. A much more exciting and sophisticated world! I swore I would live there one day.
In my late teens and early 20s, I did. I attended university, had internships, lived and worked there. Even when I moved back to parents', I commuted to the city for my master's degree, more internships and jobs. I figured I would move back once I found a job. 

But then I fell in love with a boy who lived in the opposite end of the Bay Area. Literally. He lived 20 minutes away from the Gilroy outlets (if you live in the Bay Area, you know exactly what I mean.) I eventually grew to appreciate my side of the bay - in all honesty, because of convenience more than anything else!  I certainly loved it more than his section because I just never learned to enjoy it. No offense to South Bay lovers but, to me, it was really hot and had congested freeways. After graduation, I found a job on the Peninsula, and then the following job was based in the East Bay. With all of these factors, San Francisco just wasn't in the cards for me anymore. 

San Francisco represents quite a bit to me - a huge chapter in my life. When you live so close, there really isn't a good reason to spend the money to stay in the city.This is why it was so wonderful to be in a hotel for a few days as well as catch up with my friends during my conference breaks (I had three SF friends come out to see me for lunch and dinners and it was great!) My every day life keeps me so busy that it's hard to go anywhere other than work and home.  It was so nice catching up with old friends. And then it was nice to go home.

As lovely as my memories are of San Francisco, now I live in the 'burbs. I mean truly, it's a town. Despite not having any good restaurants in my town, I adore it. It's good for my family and close to my parents. My commute is now less than 20 minutes to my great job. I'm very happy. It's where I belong.

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27 weeks.

Argh! I have another post in progress but I don't know if I'll make it by tomorrow and that's the last day of my 27th week!
So here is my pregnancy post, super short and sweet:
I'm feeling a lot bigger now. The Bean/we definitely had a growth spurt. Those shoes in the photo were a nice thought and went well with the dress. They were on for maybe a half hour at work before I switched to flats:p
I'm certainly feeling the weight and it's causing me to slow down. The next 12-13 weeks are going to be a little bit of challenge only because I get pretty pooped easily. Still feeling grateful for a good pregnancy, though. What I'm experiencing isn't anything abnormal and I have a great support system. The Man & The Bun are tops. Even the pups don't give me trouble. Well, not too much trouble!

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