31 Weeks.

Dear Bean and Bun,

Today I was able to take a break from work and go on a walk (yay!) like a good pregnant mama. Even though this song is relatively new, it reminded me of my college days - We are Young by F.U.N. It makes me think of songs like Closing Time by Semisonic (that's definitely more my era):
Tonight
We are young
So let’s set the world on fire
We can burn brighter than the sun

Tonight
We are young
So let’s set the world on fire
We can burn brighter than the sun

This song reminds me of college because it talks about how we are going to take the world by storm. There is a time in your life where you will feel like the world is your oyster and you can and will accomplish anything! My babies, you probably wonder why I'm even bringing this up. When you are old enough to read this, or better yet, understand where I'm coming from, you will see me simply as "mom". You won't think I was ever cool enough to go out bar-hopping, flirt with guys or basically capable of having any fun. It will hurt, but I get it. I still question if your Nana ever had the kind of fun that I would consider my kind of fun.
I decided to write to you guys instead of my normal writing to no one in particular because as I was walking my two miles and listening to this song, I thought, "Man, my life is different." Keep in mind that I was walking pretty slow and it felt like my uterus was going to drop out from under me at any moment. No, babies, I don't blame you at all. I feel absolutely blessed to be pregnant with you, Bean. The discomfort just comes along with the territory.
Anyway, I was listening to the song and rubbing my sore belly thinking about how different my life was 12 years ago. I reminisced how much smaller my body was and how I wish I appreciated it more. I thought about how my belly (while never hard) was taut, my figure was cute and why didn't I work it more? I was self-conscious about how it was more soft than muscular but I shouldn't have cared! I also thought about how I had a lot less worries because my world was smaller. I didn't have a mortgage, big bills or other lives to think about. Your papa and nana were strong and healthy so all this enabled me to be self-centered and concentrate on things like graduating, boys, friends, going out, and getting my first real job.
Babies, I admit, I do miss that body I had. Just because it was so small! A size 4, thank-you-very-much! But everything else ... see, babies, if I could have that life all over again over what I have now, I wouldn't. Because while I have such fond memories, I wouldn't have grown as a person. There is something to be said about youth. Being young is lovely! But I'm also so very happy now. There were parts to my early 20s I certainly don't miss. I hated dating! I was terrible at it. I feel so blessed that I met your daddy when I was just 22-going-on-23 years old. Not everyone gets to meet their soul mate so early in life. Some are blessed to meet their life partners at a younger age. But I believe God introduced me to your Dad when he did because I needed  a few hard life lessons to appreciate a good man when one was finally introduced to me. Otherwise, I might have taken him for granted.
I also appreciate you grandparents more because of you two. I regret to write that even now, I think I take Nana & Papa for granted at times but I try very hard to always appreciate them. That's what happens when you have fantastic parents - that level of awesomeness becomes an expectation. Well, when you, The Bun, came into my life, I realized just how selfless and giving my parents were and are to me. They were and are always, always there for me. I had no doubt that when I needed them, I could count on them. I thought that's how everyone's parents are but, sadly, this isn't the case. I never, ever needed for anything. They always provided.

Thirteen years ago, I thought I wanted to go into broadcast journalism. In fact, that’s what I was studying when I met your dad. Fast forward to now, I work for a Catholic college preparatory school and currently have 10 years of non-profit work under my belt. What?! Back then, I had no interest, whatsoever, in mission-based work. Yet here I am. And I love it. I tried going back into for-profit briefly but it wasn’t for me. My career has had many twists and turns but I am very happy where I am now. Who would’ve thought? Certainly not me but I am absolutely content.

What I’m trying to say is that I think back to my youth fondly. And maybe you will find me reminiscing when I’m elbow-deep in poop, tears and/or dirty laundry about my good old days. I will also always wish and strive for the body I had in my early 20s. But, and this is the most important and biggest “but”, know that you two, Daddy, the pups, Nana & Papa and our wonderful family and friends make up what I believe are the best days of my life. I feel absolutely blessed to have as lovely of a little girl as you, Bun. You are so amazing to me because you are just filled with love, goodness, sass and good humor. Bean, we’re excited to get to know you! But for right now, I feel so blessed to be able to carry you because I didn’t think I could have a baby again.

You both are miraculous. And, even when I’m irritable or upset, never doubt that you are loved. Utterly and completely. 

Bean, your big sister is so excited for you to join our family.

I hope you two will be lovey dovey and each other's best friend.

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