I have a colleague who lost her husband a couple of years ago. I didn't know her then but I know that it still hurts. She has a tough time during those big events/anniversaries - their marriage, his birthday, the week and day of his death. Those are all tough times for her.
He was her soul-mate.
Today I heard her on the phone and, shortly after she hung up, her soft cries turned into sobs. Another coworker asked from her own office if she was OK. She couldn't answer, she was crying so hard. I got up and went into her office. Her head was resting in her folded arms which were on her desk and she was sobbing into them.
I was at a loss. Some people want to be left alone and untouched. Other people want company and a hug. I didn't know what to do other than pat her back. Other coworkers came in and offered to get her water and tissue. We just didn't know what to do.
When she could talk, she let us know that the organization who handles organ donations called because they received a thank you note from a family. They wanted to know if they could mail it to her. I could tell that this literally took her breath away. That this outreach made the loss of her husband fresh, like it just happened. She couldn't get through relaying the phone conversation without breaking down crying again.
I hate it when people take other people's sorrow and try to make it their own. I try really hard not to do this because I dislike it so much. But tears sprang in my eyes because I can only imagine how much pain she was feeling and I felt terrible. I can only imagine how hard it is to keep trucking along and then something you don't see coming can just knock you off your feet again.
My marriage isn't perfect but I love The Man so much. He's my soul-mate. It's not hard to imagine how she must feel. But that's all it is - just an imagined feeling. Her pain is far greater and deeper. I wish I could help her feel better but that's impossible. So just like the rest of my colleagues, I helplessly tried to comfort her knowing that it will hardly make a dent.
I hope that she can find some sort of solace and that, miraculously, it somehow gets a little bit easier.
1 comment:
so sad. what can we do, as friends, when someone we know and care for loses their loved one. Their ONE. ?? I don't know. We struggle with this same thing, with our friend, who lost his wife. I don't know if there is a right answer, but just being there, to support them, however they need, I think that's the only thing we can do. :(
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