Pee in my cheerios. And a $48 torture contraption.

DAMMIT! The beautiful, gorgeous, and thick yoga mat that I bought is USELESS! I had inherited my old mat so I have never gone mat shopping before. I checked the reviews on Amazon and everyone loved it. So why, OH WHY, did my mat fail me when I took it to class? I'm not a huge perspirer but I was losing traction on my hands and feet. Seriously, my groin muscles should not hurt when I'm in warrior positions (but they did because I fought not to end up in the splits.) I even gave it one more chance at another class but I was slipping and sliding so much that I turned the mat over, hoping to get more traction. I didn't. OK, so I'm not crying but how annoying! Anyway ...
I bought my wedding undergarments today at Nordstrom. First I tried on Spanx. OH LAWDEEE!!! Those are some intense pieces of underoos! It was the first time I regretted choosing a sheath for a wedding gown rather than a puffier dress. I wouldn't have to deal with underwear lines with a nice tulle and petticoat number! Spanx definitely did the job, keeping everything in. But My main concern was lines and making sure my dress didn't go up my butt (something I didn't even think about until my Sister mentioned it. And, let's face it, it's pretty funky when you see a gal's butt practically munching on the dress. Nasty, I know but what a visual, hm?) Anyway, I was able to see the lines from the Spanx through my dress. Well, that defeated the whole purpose of getting bodyshape wear. (Under my dress, it looked like I was wearing biker shorts, Steve Urkel-style.) I should also mention that Spanx are HOT. I needed someone to fan me after getting into one of those contraptions. And then wearing it over a period of time? How was I going to survive in Hawaii?!
Then my friend unearthed the Body Wrap from another rack - she had mistakenly thought she had worn Spanx at her wedding but it was actually Body Wrap. Ooh! It was a much lighter fabric (imagine panty hose verses biker shorts.) But when she gave this undergarment to me, it looked like it could fit a toddler. No lie, it was about a foot and a half long. Then she told me that it will actually stretch from the bottom of my bra to a little below my knee. Serious?

Yes, oh yes, that is the Body Wrap. Pretty sexy, right? But I honestly can't knock it. It's light, it doesn't roll down (I hope!) and it keeps everything in order. It doesn't necessarily slim me down but it holds everything in place. Plus, since it ends below my knees, there are no lines on my dress. Of course the first thing I did when I got home was show The Man. I held it up and said that this is what I'm going to be wearing under my wedding gown and we would be makin' babies after he saw me in this.
He looked at it, a little confused at first (it looks like it could may one of our puppies) and said, "How much did it cost?" I pretended I didn't hear.
Whooohooo! One more thing checked off the To Do list!