What happened to blogging more?!

I promise I have good reasons. Primarily - work. This is my second busiest time of the year. But I think I'm actually driving more than I do in the fall the busiest time for me. I shat you not when I write that I average over 120 miles a day. Last week, I drove more than 200 miles every time I got into my car. Serious. While the workload hasn't actually been a ton, it's the driving that has been taxing. So when do I have time to take care of the administrative portion of my position like updates via email, email responses and data entry? When I get home. Thus no other computer-oriented tasks gets done. Because, by then, I'M done. Busy, busy, busy!
But I'm happy to announce that there were other reasons why I was so busy - I've been offered a new job in my company! It's funny, everything fell into the right place. Since I got back from maternity leave, I had been looking for a new position. I had been in my old one for three years and that made me a seasoned veteran. Because folks just don't stay too long for one reason or another.
I have many reasons why I wanted to move into another role. But, overall, it was just time. I applied to internal positions. I applied to external positions. I had been on over 10 interviews this past year. But for one reason or another, it just didn't work out. Let me be completely honest - a few I turned down but the rest either weren't offered the job or I didn't move on to the second round interviews. And to be brutally honest, just about all the jobs outside of my company were ones I didn't care for once I had the initial interview. Very similar to a bad first date :) Good on paper but just not a love match in person.
But this particular position. This one just fell into place. It was within my current company. Yesssss. I've mentioned this before but I want to be the type of person that has a long career in one company and, if I had my druthers, retires from that company. I know, I know, our generation isn't known for that nor are companies known for allowing that. Truly, in general, there is no longer that employee/employer loyalty that had existed in our parents' generation. But there are sometimes exceptions to this. And there's something said to the benefits that go along with seniority. Like PTO, retirement and all that jazz.
So going back to how this everything about this felt right. One of the jobs I was offered took a total of FOUR months from first interview to offer. There were good reasons as to why it took so long and, in the end, it was a good thing because it gave me plenty of time to process if this job was a good fit. And for one reason or another, it wasn't. But this new job, from start to finish, was two and a half weeks from interview to offer. For me, it was the right location, a position with desirable job expectations & salary, bosses with good reputations and opportunity for career growth. For them, it was the right time, someone with the right work experience, someone with the right history & background who had actually worked in the territory and, yes, someone with a good work reputation. At least, I'm pretty sure!
I think what was most exciting was that the hiring managers didn't feel compelled to wait for several more applicants for comparison. Although, I would have completely understood - the whole eggs in one basket kind of thing. But it was nice to know they were very confident about me. In their words, they were pleased with my responses during the interview, my work history, and felt like I would be an ideal fit for the position. Plus I had taken the initiative to inquire before the job was posted so that was a bonus in their eyes. Plus, I'm sure they want to fill it ASAP so there is very little vacancy time and there is only a small ripple in their otherwise seamless transition.
I know it won't be a perfect position. I'm sure after being in my current role for nearly four years, there will be a few hiccups and goodness knows, I will need to learn new things and learn them fast. But I think that's what makes it also exciting. I'm really looking forward to being back in an office and working with a team. I have been solo and in the field for quite some time! But I am grateful. Ask me four years ago ... shoot, ask me last year and this is not where I thought my career would be headed. But it is a welcomed unplanned event in my life and I'm looking forward to it.

View on religion

Oh boy. Not at all easy to answer.
Here's the thing - I truly believe the religion I grew up with helped shape me into a good person. I lived in a middle to low income area and high school was a mix of kids. I could have gone down a dark road but I didn't. My parents were very strict so I'm sure that helped. But the fear from religion helped a lot.
That's the thing, though. There was a lot of fear. And guilt. A LOT.
I know most religions encourage their parish to recruit outsiders into their faith. And to marry within their faith. But there was a lot of talk of damnation for those who did not end up on the righteous path. And I always had a problem with that since my dad is Catholic.
I had attended regularly from 1986 to 1996. I remember wanting out as soon as I graduated from high school. I had been part of the choir and was even a choir organist but used college as an excuse to remove all responsibilities. Holding those different positions was considered an honor and I'm certain my mom was ashamed when I stepped down from those duties.
Truth be told, I don't remember much of the teachings of my former religion. I do remember being resentful when I went to church because I didn't agree with many of the sermons. And my attendance was less and less ... the only reason I went for so long is because of my mom. It was really important to her. But, just like they preached, if you were only there physically but not mentally, it didn't count. And it's true, it didn't count.
Fast forward to now. I still believe in God. And I would like to be part of a church again. I want my daughter to have God in her life and to have a belief. We're seriously considering my husband's religion and would like to find a church in our area. But have we done something about it yet? No.
I also have questions. And I would love it if someone who has a strong faith could help me with the answers.
I know there is a God. But I don't understand why there is so much brutality in this world. Why are innocent women and children being raped? Why are people being tortured? Why are innocent people being killed?
These are the kind of stories that seem to be occuring more and more: http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/connecticut_doctor_whose_family_eWPz3N9foeiSbXiWwlizKJ
http://www.contracostatimes.com/richmond-school-homecoming-rape/ci_16620274?nclick_check=1
I know there is good in this world. And I know that I am very blessed. But what I've yet to understand is that even though God exists, these atrocities occur. Why?
And I am serious. If you have strong faith, consider yourself religious and go to church, I would really appreciate it if you responded.

Views on drugs and alcohol

If we're talking about my future conversation w/ my daughter regarding this subject - "Don't do it!"
If only it were that easy.
Alcohol is pretty fine. It takes very little to achieve a temporary euphoria, especially since I don’t drink nearly as much as I did in my 20s.
When I was in my 20s, it helped me loosen up when I was in social settings. I hadn't partied at all in teens and hardly at all during college. So when I turned 21, I was probably as rigid as a, well, you fill in the blank. It would probably be fitting.
Alcohol also helped create fun. I mean, there had to be other stimuli like friends and being out on the town (because by myself and in a dark room does not make for a good time.) Alcohol also helped ease the tension of stressful jobs.
I like alcohol. Of course, as I get older, I'm more aware and scared of drunk drivers. In my 20s, I guess there is a feeling of invincibility. I just didn't think much of harm being caused to me. I had other things to worry about. Or I was just naive. Now, I worry about things like drunk driving because I worry about harm being cause to those I love like my husband, baby, parents and family.
Drugs. Oh boy. I am going to probably be in the minority (and when I write minority, I mean all by my lonesome) when I say I don't like marijuana. Before I get stoned (the literal, not figurative) for taking away people's rights (although I don't think it's legal yet, is it?) I'm not opposed to other people smoking it. I see it along the same lines as alcohol. It's just not for me. When I tried it in my youth (early 20s), I felt like I was going to hurl and I just wanted everything to stop spinning. After the third time of feeling the exact same way, I gave up. I don't care what anyone else said, it is not relaxing, it is not fun and it was a horrible way for me to spend a perfectly good evning.
There you have it. My views on drugs and alcohol. By the way, I had a FULL glass of wine this evening and it was deeeeee-lightful!

Where I would like to be in 10 years

I would like to be in a happy marriage. I would like my child (or children, if I have any more) to be healthy and happy. Actually, the same for all my loved ones - husband, parents, siblings, pups, other family and friends. I hope to have a nice home in a nice school district:) I hope to still be surrounded by lovely people who make up my circle. I hope to be fulfilled w/ myself and my relationships. I hope to have a career that I can be proud of and enables me to make a positive impact in my community. I hope to have a job that gives a voice to the underserved and/or underrepresented. I hope my employer, my organization, is also admireable. I hope to still have the desire to be content without being complacent. I hope to be present so I can always enjoy and be grateful for my blessings and not want for the unnecessary. I hope I'm a good person. A good wife, mama, daughter, sister, friend, colleague, supervisor, employee, and even stranger.
I hope to be happy.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

Maybe I'm peculiar but I actually really like assignments!

Maybe that's why I like academia so much. I like having creative freedom but can appreciate a little direction. Below is a 30 day challenge my friend, Tel, posted on her website which was borrowed from another blogger. My interpretation is to answer all the questions but I'm realistic. I'm going to make it a 90 day challenge for me :) Because it's still my blog.
1st assignment: Your current relationship. Easy.


I'm married. I've been married for going-on-three years. I'm happily married. And relieved about it, I suppose. What's the divorce statistic - 50%? We dated for six years before we married so I'm hoping we got all the kinks out of the way ;)
What else can I say? It hasn't been all sunshine and roses. Overall, though, it's been and continues to be quite lovely. I feel like we have a healthy relationship. We're supportive of each other, loving, kind, and it's definitely a partnership.
I admit, I've always seen myself being married. But I wasn't one to get into a relationship just to be in one. I have very high expectations of a partner. Probably because I'm not a very trusting person so I expect the person to be exceptionally trustworthy. If not, it's not going to work - I can't work. Because many of us have been in those kind of relationships, the kind in which it's like CSI, dating- style.
"Who just texted you at this late hour?"
"Hey, who's hair tie is this in your car?"
"Who's that girl I can hear in the background? Who's with you?"
"What was just on your computer screen? Why did you click out so fast?"
I don't need that. It's not exciting, it's never worth it and, quite frankly, it's exhausting. And heart breaking. At least, for me.
But I'm going off topic. What's MY relationship like. Well, it's not like that. There's a lot of trust. And even though my husband is amazing, it took a while for me to have this level of trust because I had been burned before. I mean TOASTED. Yes, I had some baggage. As for him, I don't think he had someone as affectionate as I. If I can remember, I don't think any of his girlfriends have been his best friend either. Our relationship was something we both never had before.
There's a lot of trust. And love. We make each other laugh a lot over silly, every day things. He's my best friend.

20 Questions to wrap up 2010 (borrowed from Cyn)

1. What was the single best thing that happened this past year?

Hmm, that's soo hard because I can't choose just one specific thing. The Bun turning 1 was huge because we accomplished our first year of parenting. Not only did we "survive" but our marriage continues to be strong, our love and friendship continues to be strong and, let's face it. Our household, between the Bun and the two pups, is a buttload of cuteness.

2. What was the single most challenging thing that happened?

Oh boy. Being in the moment. Not letting dissatisfaction in one area of my life cloud or affect the other, not to mention more wonderful, areas of my life. Again, not sure if that qualifies as "single".

3. What was an unexpected joy this past year?

My parents showing me all over again just how wonderful they are. Not that they ever stopped being wonderful but I think they were so consistently great that I took them for granted and sometimes focused too much on their faults. (The shame!) But having a baby and they being so active in her life showed me them in a different light. Being a parent myself now most definitely helped put things in perspective.

4. What was an unexpected obstacle?

Outside influences who disappointed me thus discouraged me. I think the influences also affected who I was becoming. It's still an obstacle.

5. Pick three words to describe 2010.

Love, Family, Growth.

6. Pick three words your spouse would use to describe your 2010 (don’t ask them; guess based on how you think your spouse sees you)

Mama, sleep, adult

Can I just say I have no idea what the three words would be but I figured one would have something to do with me being a parent. Another would have to be about me getting more sleep because I was a different person when sleep-deprived. I wasn't myself. Maybe it was the hormones too. But with sleep I am a better ME. And the last would be about me being more of a grown-up because there really was no other choice!

7. Pick three words your spouse would use to describe their 2010 (again, without asking)

Work, stress, love

Work because he worked a lot. So much so it led to the second word. Stress. He tried so hard to be a great employee as well as be a great father and husband but it was too much. And the money wasn't worth it. Love because I love him A LOT. Hopefully he knows that!

8. What were the best books you read this year?

Oh boy, I have to check my Kindle and get back to this. I really liked The Help but I think I read it in 2008. And the Girl w/ the Dragon Tattoo series.

9. With whom were your most valuable relationships?

My husband, my parents, family and friends. I've learned to treasure them more and I hope that I do better at not taking anyone or anything for granted in 2011.

10. What was your biggest personal change from January to December of this past year?
Being a workin' mama! So that started sometime in February. I count my blessings that I was able to ease into it more so than other mamas because I have a home-based office. I was able to transition from being at home to being out in the field most of the day at pretty much my pace. The first day working from home and not having The Bun with me was really odd. But we all figured it out pretty easily. I may have shed a couple of tears the first day but it all ended up pretty good.

11. In what way(s) did you grow emotionally?

Oh man, again, it revolves around me becoming a mama. It is life changing to always care for someone who will always need your love and attention. I think I learned a lot in 2010 but continue to learn to adapt as she grows because she is always changing so her needs also change! And I continue to figure out how to be a better person. That means to myself, as a wife, daughter, sister, friend, employee, colleague and even stranger. It is not an easy task.

12. In what way(s) did you grow spiritually?I didn't grow spiritually...I hope this to be a new years resolution - I think I'm with you, Cyn.

13. In what way(s) did you grow physically?

Humph. Unfortunately that hasn't changed. I still have the pesky 10 lbs to lose from my pregnancy. Of course, I'm hoping to do something about that. I'm 20 lbs from when The Man and I first met. Yes, holy $*#t is right. I'm not so much focused on the numbers anymore, though. I care more of how I feel. I want to feel energetic and sleek. Not so much like a jigglypuff.

14. In what way(s) did you grow in your relationships with others?
I hope that I show my appreciate for others better and more often. Particularly my parents!

15. What was the most enjoyable part of your work (both professionally and at home)?

Although it was my worst financial year w/ my company, my boss saw that it was out of my control since I was on leave for more than 1/3 of the year. She recognized my efforts, the strategies I worked hard to put into place so that my leave would be seamless. Of course, outside influences greatly impacted my plans and, inevitably, my fiscal year. But my boss asked that I receive a small increase and her request was approved. I was really happy about that because I knew it was a tough year for the entire organization so any increase, not matter how small, was a very pleasant surprise.

16. What was the most challenging part of your work (both professionally and at home)?

Reconciling the old me with being in a new role - mama. And I don't think role is even the appropriate word but I can't think of anything better. Because it's more than a job. It's more than a title. I still am who I am but now there's this whole new element that is part of me forever. What do I call that? I'm still the same person but my life is completely different now. Anyway, trying to figure all that out and make decisions that are still best for me yet also best for my family. And sometimes what's best for me isn't best for my family so I have to think about the greater good. Because my family is my greater good.

17. What was your single biggest time waster in your life this past year?

Facebook! But I've also reconnected with some really treasured old friends. So I put the blame on the user rather than the product. Although if they get me hooked on Farmville or MafiaWars, I will swear that they are striving to be the reigning time suckers of society.

18. What was the best way you used your time this past year?

Bath and bedtime rituals with The Man and The Bun. Spending time chatting w/ my parents when I drop off and pick up The Bun from their home. Going on a minimoon to Hawaii w/ The Man before returning to work. It was all good stuff.

19. What was biggest thing you learned this past year?

Having a baby is one of the biggest decisions you can make. I mean, I already knew that. But, and I think this goes with just about anything that has to do with being a parent, you know but you don't really know until you actually have a child. Sure, you may have observed from other people or being around family members. But you don't really know until you're in it. I don't care what you think. You don't know the half of it until you're a parent yourself. Now where was I? Oh yes, I am so glad I waited because I surely wasn't ready when I was younger. I'm also very glad we finally made the choice when we did because she is pretty amazing. And seeing my parents enjoy their time w/ her is priceless. We were incredibly blessed with good timing on this decision :)

20. Create a phrase or statement that describes 2010 for you.

Strive for contentment without complacency. Yup, I actually made that up and yes, that's what I've decided to be my mantra.

Family

The Man has a few favorite old photos of his family. One that has always meant a lot to him is of him and his dad in his dad's work truck. I think The Man is around 2 years old in the photo. For months now, he's mentioned how he wants to recreate the photo w/ The Bun. Of course I thought it was a grand idea. My husband has fond memories of his father. He, unfortunately, only got to spend 14 years with his dad before he passed away. So he treasures those memories and these photos with his father.
Well, we decided yesterday that we were going to take the time to finally do it. And I love how the photos turned out. The Man looked through them all and found the one that best matches his old photo. It's funny. I know it's just a photo. But I'm so glad we took the time to do it because I know it makes The Man very happy. I know he wishes there were more photos of him and our baby so I think this helps make up for it.
The top photo is of The Man w/ his Dad (his dad wearing a work hat) in his dad's work truck. The bottom, The Bun w/ The Man wearing his hard hat and in his work truck.


My absolute favorite:


I can't help it. It has all our babies :)

Christmas came and went!

Oh my goodness, I can't believe it's over. It felt like we JUST put the tree up. Well, we kind of did.
I love the holidays. And while this year flew by I loved it just the same. The Bun was showered with love. And I don't mean with just gifts (although my hand hurts from all the thank you notes I had to write on her behalf.) It was so nice seeing everyone in the holiday spirit. Sure, there was some times when I was stressed out but, over all, it was a great Christmas season. The one thing I would change? That my parents aren't getting older. Although I was in no way shape or form ready to be a parent 10 years ago, I wish my parents were a bit younger so they could enjoy even more their time w/ The Bun. And, selfishly, so that they would be here a lot longer.
Seeing my parents w/ The Bun is really something. It warms my heart and makes me appreciate them so much more. Sure, sometimes they criticize my parenting (and you bet that I snap back) but I know it's out of love. They love her sooooooo much. Their love is almost unbelievable. It's so strong that I want her to have it around for a good long time. Of course, they are also pretty upstanding parents to me. And I'm grateful that their love has now included The Man. I'm so thankful and blessed.
There you have it. I'm sure my parents have no idea how much I appreciate them. Well, OK, that's not necessarily true. They have some idea because I try to show it and tell them as much as possible. But still, they probably don't have an idea of the extent of my gratefulness to them.
And The Man! He's so great. You know, I actually think he would make a good stay-at-home Dad. We joke about it but in all seriousness, I think he would be pretty damn good. But seeing how he's the bread winner, that's not going to happen. Poor guy, I think he missed his calling.
Anyhow, I know I'm veering off topic. I feel blessed. I am grateful to be surrounded by love and support. I pray every day and thank God for all my blessings and I try to be a good person. I know I fall short on many occasions but I think my New Year's resolution is going to be that I try harder and that I be more grateful.
Oh, and yes, of course I would like to drop 20 lbs. but I'm concentrating on my deeper resolution :)

Contentment ... unachievable?

When The Man and I were dating, he said he didn't think I would ever be content. I always wanted something more. I have to say, though, that when we moved into our home and had our baby, I was pretty darn satisfied. I didn't want for anything.
Then I went back to work. I realized that I did want something more. I wanted to grow. I think of work as an extension of my education. I was in school for what seemed to be forever. And when I got a job, I knew that I saw advancement as being the same as moving onto the next grade or degree. I know it's not the same thing but that's how I view it.
And now I've been doing the same thing for almost four years. I'm ready for a change but I don't know if it's possible in the same organization. And I'd like to stay in the same organization. But I feel pigeon-holed. I thought about going back to school for certain courses that pertain to my profession. But with a baby, it's not feasible. I mean, it's certainly doable but I don't think it's fair to The Man. And there's no guarantee that it will lead to career advancement.
So I view the rest of my life. I'm very happy. I have a great marriage, a great kid and great family and friends. Seriously, all that is great. And I wonder if it's selfish or unreasonable to want a great career too. I mean, when does the wanting stop?! Am I never satisfied? That would be a sad thing. So that's why I focus on other points of my life because I'm so very grateful. If things switched around and I had a great career but wanted more in my marriage, child, family and friends, I would be seriously depressed. So ... do I need a good smack in the rear? Or is it OK that I feel this way?
I'm not depressed about my current situation. As I mentioned, I'm grateful for my wonderful family, home and personal life, in general. But I would like to have career growth and I would like my opportunities to expand. (I won't go into detail about what I've done to try and do this because discussing the j-o-b is crossing a line I'm not willing to cross! But know that I've made attempts that for one reason or another haven't come to fruition.)
I am blessed in so many ways that I feel selfish for not being content. I'm not rich by any means but I don't want to be like a lottery winner lamenting that he wished he won the megamillion jackpot. Anyway. It's late. And I'm babbling. I just wanted to share this with the one or two people that still read this :) Oh, by the way, Cyn. I tried to comment two different times on your last entry and I don't think it went through. But I swear I'm reading!

What happened?

I heard today that blogs are dying and it's primarily because of social networks like Facebook and Twitter.
My blog barely has a pulse.
I used to get irritated when people said, "I don't have time to _____" (fill in the blank) because I thought, "No. You're choosing not to MAKE time for ______."
I stand by my irritation. I still think it's true. And I admit, I haven't made time for blogging. Because it's so much quicker to write a one sentence update and upload a photo than it is to sit and think about stringing together several thoughts. Plus, I have many more friends and family on FB than I do on this. Sure, it's an open blog but I don't freely give my address to everyone. If they stumble upon it, fine. But they would be hard pressed to located it.
Anyway.
It's my favorite time of the year. And for whatever reason, I haven't really made the time to enjoy it! I remember the last time I felt this way was when I was at a job I didn't like and it drained all my energy. I don't know what it is this year. I suppose it's going to a wedding the first weekend of December and then it was my birthday weekend last weekend so we went out. But still, I don't know where the time goes.
But finally, FINALLY, the tree is up. For some reason, that seals the deal for the Christmas vibe. At least, for me. We had wreaths up but it just wasn't complete without the tree.
I love this time of the year. The Bun is old enough to hopefully enjoy it too. The Man asked for a demotion at work so he's leaving and coming home at a decent hour. Best of all, he's in a good mood and a lot less stressed. I know, it sounds funny that he would ask to be demoted but I worried about his health and basically well-being. While he was a good enough man to leave any frustration at work, he still carried a lot of that stress inside of him. And he was working crazy long hours and missing out The Bun's "firsts" of things like crawling up the stairs.
Thankfully, he was able to request a demotion and still have a job. And I'm thankful to be employed too. Our lives will never be perfect but I'm so very thankful for everything we have.
OK, so I've got to jet and get the baby ready to go. So no proof reading or anything! See? That's why I have a problem w/ blogging. I know that it's going to tick me off when I look back and see errors or wish I had written a thought a different way.
But my blog still has a pulse.

We have a Christmas Card!

Christmas Cookies Christmas

Make a statement with Shutterfly Christmas photo cards.

View the entire collection of cards.

I just placed our order! We took a bunch of photos and came up with ... two. But hey, that's all it takes for a Christmas card, right? One (or two) photo you really like and are willing to send out to the masses. But man, the camera doesn't lie, does it? Because it's telling me I need to go on a diet:( The photos I chose were the most flattering for all of us. We actually had some more good ones of the humans but the pups were looking left. Or everyone but The Bun was looking at the camera. It really took quite a few shots. But yes, the ones that were taken of me that were unflattering were REALLY unflattering. Blech. I suppose it's a wake up call. Rude, nevertheless!
On a happier note, I'm really excited I ordered our holidays cards! Of course, the work is only half way done. Once I receive them in the mail, I've got to address, self-address and stamp them.
But, dammit, I'm already in the Christmas spirit! So when I do receive them and it's time to do the not-so-fun-part, I'm just going to throw on some holiday music and go to town! :)

Belated birthday wishes to my Bun

I know, I'm super late. But I don't feel too guilty because I wished The Bun a happy birthday on FaceBook, had a birthday dinner on her real birthday with The Man and my folks and then had a small but unintentionally expensive birthday party at the Oakland Zoo. This baby is LOVED.
Of course, there is that guilt I have because I've been meaning to post about her birthday. I did it for her furry sisters, for crying out loud. But I also did not throw parties for them so there's the trade off. We also had a really big scare with Piko, a visit from the in-laws and attempted to take holiday photos to get a leg up on the annual Christmas card. We've been busy.
I posted cute photos of her birthday festivities on FB - blogger is so neglected! Well, her birthday dinner. I've found that The Bun is hesitant to dig into cake with her hands which I find endearing. She's also easily alarmed by crowd and noise so we whispered/sang to her the birthday song. Just like all moms, my baby charms me to pieces. Her personality is showing more and more each day and she is one tough cookie with strong opinions. For a one year old. I shouldn't be surprised, I name her after my mom who is one of the toughest women I know. She is also still my very sweet baby and I appreciate the balance.
I so badly wanted to post the video The Man put together commemorating The Bun's first year. But he's been working overtime (much like when Ava was a fresh out of the hospital, ironically!) and hasn't had the time to finish it. Totally understandable, of course. So I'm going to post the commercial that The Man says captures how he feels about The Bun. And after he showed it to me, I could see what he meant. I'm impressed how a commercial can capture how it feels to be a parent because this will certainly be us.

Babies in fur coats

I intended my next entry to be about The Bun's first birthday. The Man is working on her video and I wanted to post photos from her actual birthday and her little get together.
Then, yesterday, an ordinary day turned into an extraordinary one when I came home to find vomit on the floor. I then turned the corner into the kitchen and found Piko lying next to her urine. She was less than a foot away from where she was supposed to go.
I knew something was terribly wrong.
I took her to our veterinary as an emergency visit. After waiting 1 1/2 hours, we were seen. And I was told she has Immune Mediated Hemolytic Anemia. Without going into a huge explanation, what I thought would be an expensive visit and pills to be taken at home ended up getting Piko immediately admitted, blood drawn and her red blood cell count monitored.
We hoped that we would be able to take her today. But her red blood cell count went down over 50%. So she's getting a transfusion with the hope that it will slow down her body's attack on itself and allow the meds to work.
This situation has brought both of us to tears. She is so sick. We want our furry baby healthy again so we can take her home where she belongs.

Getting wayyy ahead of myself

The Bun is not a year old yet but I'm already thinking of her education. And worried that it will be expensive. See, we live in a school district that I do not want The Bun to attend. I grew up in this school district. I have heard it's not any better than when I was a child and I believe it. I've already told The Man that we will either have to move when she is four years old or think about private school. See, I interact with educators on a daily basis. You better believe I was scoping out schools when The Bun was in the oven. That's right, she hadn't even been born yet.
I've already decided the city I wanted to move to if we had the option to go that route. But I actually like where I live. I like the location of our home, the neighborhood and the convenience of having many places and people near by. Plus, and this is a big plus, we can afford our home. I think that even with the equity we will have built from this home, we will only be able to afford a fixer upper in the city with a nice school district.
But then I discovered a somewhat near Charter school. I know, I know, charter schools have been in the news lately and are being hailed as the answer to bad public schools. But I jumped on that bandwagon a long time ago. And, be still my beating heart, this one goes all the way to high school.
So I called today. That's right. My baby girl isn't even a year old and I called. I found out some information and know that I need to start planning in a couple of years. But I can't help it, I really hope that we can get her into this school! To be able to have a great education for free from Kindergarten to 12th grade would be amazing. I'm more than willing to be an active participant and meet the demands they have on parents. Because she's worth it. And because if all the parents are meeting these expectations, we should be be able to create a desireable learning environment for our kids. A place that doesn't depend solely on the teachers to make an impact but everyone truly believes it takes a village to raise a child. Accountability, dammit.
Yes, I fall under whatever crazy parent category you may want to file me under. But that's what happens.

Guess she can't be called The Bun for much longer

She's been out of the oven for nearly a year! Where did the time go? It was a tough labor. An even tougher post partum. And then the sleep deprivation. Wow.
But then there was also the first giggle. Her sweet demeanor right out the gate. Her personality coming through as she develops, getting bigger and stronger. The way she needs to be w/ me when she sees me in the room.
Admittedly, I sometimes miss the freedom to do anything. Or nothing:) My time feels borrowed because I have to shape my day around her. But the only time I really miss that freedom is when I'm sick. Because I'm a weenie when I'm sick:p But it's what you give up when you have a baby-selfishness:) I know, it sounds negative but it's not. I have friends who have held off because of that very reason. And I respect that.
My point? I'm blessed because The Bun is awesome. She has been rewarding me w/ little gifts. And big gifts, like sleep! These 11+ months have given me a greater appreciation for my husband, our families, and quite honestly, the good parents I've encountered. I also love to pieces my sweet, sweet baby girl. She amazes me and I think she is made up of all the best traits of me & The Man.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.0

Our littlest baby for three years ...

... before the hairless one came in and took over our world:)
Oh Pili. What an adventure with this girl. When we first took her home, I was scared we had made a mistake. She was so different from our first mild-mannered pup. And she kind of smelled like rotten eggs. I'll never forget that. And the first night she was home, she was kenneled just like Piko. UNlike Piko, she wasn't going to stand for it. She sounded like a screeching monkey and made such a racket! And, more than once, we had to extract her from her kennel and clean both Pili and her kennel because there was poop everywhere.
I'll be honest, I wanted to return her. We had family friends who went through the same pup place as us who didn't have a love match with pups they took home and returned them, eating the deposit fee. After the 3rd, 4th or 5th night of interrupted sleep (they all blended together), that sounded like a mighty fine idea. I was ready to throw in the towel. Pili was so much work - she kept all of us up, she was stinky and Piko seemed indifferent if we kept her or not. But The Man was insistent that we weather it out and see what happens.
Thank goodness we did.
Pili is so loving and sweet. She will lick your face until the cows come home ... whatever that means. Seriously, though, I wanted to see if she would get tired so I decided to see if I could just sit it out and see if she got tired. After over a minute had passed, I realized that she was going to win because I couldn't take it anymore. Too much love!
Pili is also pretty smart. If she had more disciplined parents, she would probably be able to do really cool tricks. She was attentive during obedient school and can somewhat be trusted off leash. But, just like every other parent, I don't trust the people (dogs) AROUND her. So she stays on leash most of the time.
They both have been so great around The Bun. And goodness knows she rocked their world just as much as she rocked mine ;) But it looks like Pili is determined to make The Bun her best friend. While Piko checks in, sniffs and stays a little bit before walking away, Pili no longer holds back now that The Bun is cruisin'. She licks her face (we monitor that because she can really give too much love sometimes) and tries to play with her! Pili will crouch down and bark because she wants to be chased. The Bun thinks this is hilarious and laughs. Most recently, she has started chasing Pili! Be careful what you wish for ;)
Happy 4th Birthday to our furry baby! I am so blessed to have a wonderful little family. Don't get me wrong, there is an unbelievable amount of poop generated by the three of them, sometimes cleaning gets overwhelming and I give up ... but they bring so much joy to The Man and me.

Happy belated 4th Birthday...I've been a bad puppy mama

My furry firstborn! Last week was her birthday and while I acknowledged her on a social network, I think she deserves a blog entry. Because she's my baby! :)

Little did we both know:
- she would get a little sister a month after Piko joined our family who we would nickname "monster" ... who Piko would grow to love in a torturer/victim sort of way.
- she would get her period even though I had asked the vet if we could do the surgery just less than a month before ("Oh no, she still has a ways to go before she gets her first period. She's still young and we don't want to be premature." Effer.)
- My dad would whisper to me, "She's become a little lady!"when he's the one that discovered Piko got her period. It's still one of my favorite quotes from my Dad.
- I would later have the audacity to bring home a hairless puppy that needed way more attention than the monster.

Piko is a great pup and is sort of the balance to her littler sister. She is affectionate but then has a little aloofness to her that reminds me of a cat. It's a gamble if she will come when you call her but when she decides it's time to give you some love, it's very very sweet.

I love my Piko and I can't believe she's only been with us for this long because it feels like she's been part of the family forever.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.4.9

Hey Baby

You're almost 10 months old. You are growing SO FAST now! And I'm not the greatest writer right now but I don't want to forget ...
1. You are crawling everywhere! Your little chub chub fingers LOVE electrical outlets (yah, your parents have quickly baby-proofed the plugs) and gone are the days where we could lie you in the middle of the bed, go to the bathroom and you would be lying in the same position:) Well, those days have been gone for a while. But we could get away with folding clothes on the bed while you lied or rolled around on the bed.
2. Nana & Papa taught you "Beautiful Eyes." This charms me to no end. See, I was taught this (batting eyes and blowing a kiss) when I was a baby and I would have never guessed that seeing you do this same silly thing would make my heart melt ten times over. Your dad keeps meaning to videotape you because you don't quite know how to bat your eyes. Or blow kisses. So it kind of looks like you have long blinks or a twitch and then you pucker your lips like you ate something sour. Oh. My. Goodness. So cute! And I know it's not just because I did it when I was little ... The Man thinks it's the cutest thing ever.
3. You can be a little dramatic. You fake cry but just when I think I know you're faking, you get riled up and then there are real tears. "Oh honey!" exclaims your mama! Talk about feeling like a bad mommy. I don't know if that's part of your game, baby girl, but you get picked up and cuddled within seconds ;) Well played, Bun.
4. You are a fantastic sleeper! I love you no matter what but, man, I really LIKE you for having great sleeping habits :) Of course, we stick to your bedroom routine as if we were getting paid to do it. But the PAY OFF (you sleeping through the night) is well worth it so we happily stick to your evening schedule.
5. The Great Teeth Fake Out. When you were around three months old, you had a white speck on your bottom gums. You were also drooling a lot in addition to your regular spitting up. Your dad and I thought a tooth was coming in. Your Nana swore a tooth was coming in. Even your day care provider seriously thought a tooth was coming in. Here we are, you at nearly 10 months of age, and no tooth. I don't mind because 1. I'm still breastfeeding and 2. you still have that sweet infant breath. But I know you're wishing you could join us at the dinner table.
Baby girl, in case you haven't figured it out yet, you have changed my life. I still have a hard time believing I'm a mom (maybe you will understand better when you're grown up.) It's not a bad thing but if you've read my previous entries, I'm not a woman who always knew she was going to be a mom. So knowing that I am yours and you are mine still blows my mind.
And I dread the time when you push me away because I am giving you too many kisses. But that's what you make me do. I see you and want to shower you with kisses and hugs. Especially when you first wake up. (You being a super chubby baby probably also makes you extraordinarily cuddly:)
Just like your dad, I think you bring out the best in me. I want to be a better person every day so that I'm good to you and you also have a good example while growing up. I LOVE YOU so much and you're STINKIN' ADORABLE.

Ode to the Bun

Sticky Bun, you are now nine months old. Just the other day, I had to lower your pack and play because you can pull yourself up to your knees and, sometimes, to your feet.
You are no longer bald in the back. I don't think you ever cared but it makes me happy.
You sleep so good now. I never take it for granted but, boy, do I feel it when you're having an off night!
You eat, eat, eat. And I LOVE those big ol' chubby cheeks you've got. It's became sort of your trademark.
You and I are very lucky I have a coworker/friend who had a daughter nearly a year older than you. She has been outfitting you for months, saving me money.
Although we are saving money there, I still have day care and other expenses so I've had to be an even better bargain shopper for my clothes. I've reintroduced myself to Old Navy. Now where to go for work clothes ...
Daddy wants another already. I just want to enjoy YOU for right now. Plus my c-section is still sore. True that.
Your nana and papa rock. We are very lucky to have them so close by and the fact they are willing to watch you part time during the week. Saves us a lot of money and, of course, we know that you are loved and cared for every minute you are there. (I'll worry about the spoiling factor later.)
You are wonderful. We love you so much. Sometimes it can be challenging but your Daddy is very supportive and very much an active parent. I love him lots. We're a good family.
And when you're in therapy as an adult for whatever reason, and you show your therapist this blog because it's caused you anxiety or embarrassment, don't forget that I wrote we love you and YOU'RE WELCOME for giving you a good family :)

Sinking in

1/3 of my colleagues are gone. One of my absolutely favorite team members was also let go.
We all know we shouldn't blog about work because it could be TROUBLE.
But this isn't an entry full of resentment, hostility or hate.
I'm just sad. Because many have been around for a long time and I've admired their work. I know times are tough and companies need to make tough decisions.
But man.