Things haven't been terribly busy, I've just been lazy. I'm back to my regular routine for the most part. I can't seem to form paragraphs in my head (go 11 years of public education!!) so I'll just write by topic.
Does it feel any different: Yup, still getting asked this question! And while our day to day lives are still the same, you know what? It is a little different. I have a whole new feeling of contentment. And now he's a little more worried, at times. Like he realized that he didn't know exactly where I went when I go to yoga and knitting. He had an idea but he didn't know the address. He said recently, "You know, maybe you should write down your schedule somewhere, with addresses. What if you go missing and I call the police and I have no idea where to tell them to look?" Valid point but something he never worried about before. It's sweet. Of course, one could be negative and think, 'You didn't give a crap when I was you girlfriend??' Luckily, that's not me:)
Career: If you followed the depressing saga that was my last job, you know that I was miserable. I think that experience has helped me, though, to realize what I want, what I'll put up with and what will make my walk out the door. My current job is challenging, sometimes difficult and every so often a pain in my ass. But I still I love my job. At the last place, unfortunately, I had doubts within the first two months. I have been with my current company for over a year and still love it.
I have an expected 35% growth from last fiscal year and have exceeded everybody's expectations. My territory has done better than what my boss and colleagues (and me!) thought it would do. Of course I work very hard. But with my position, things can still blow up in my face and go down the pooper. So I am very happy - and relieved - by how I will end this fiscal year. What was kind of a cool thing is that my supervisor's boss, a senior VP, recently asked to be one of three presenters at our training academy this summer! I'm a bit nervous because I don't like telling people what they should do or what I think will make them successful, especially to folks who have been in the position longer than me. I suppose it's all in the delivery. But I'm excited that I was asked! It's not all sunshine and roses, believe me. But it's really good. Of course, the little sunshine squasher in me is thinking, 'You've got to do the same thing all over again in July!' That makes me shudder a little. But I push those thoughts away.
Working out: Oh boy, if there is one thing I've let go of is this task! Two months out prior to the wedding, I was doing cardio 3x a week, power yoga 2x a week and weight resistance 3x a week. Can you believe that?! And if you did the math, no I'm not exaggerating and putting in an eight day week. I would do cardio before vinyasa yoga. I woke up at 4:50am to be at the gym by 5:45am!!! Now I'm sure there are some gym buffs out there who go much earlier or do much more. But for me, for MY standards, I was kicking my own ass. I lost a total of 7 lbs and while I didn't hit my goal, I was happy to have gotten to that point.
And then there's me POST wedding. Ah hmm, well .... let's just say that I need to self motivate because I'm getting a little too comfortable. I knew that I couldn't keep up the crazy schedule prior to the wedding. I mean, I could but realistically, I knew I wouldn't. So the new routine is to do cardio 2x a week, yoga 2x a week and strength training 2x a week. Riiiiight ... last week I did everything just once. And "Yayy me!" for going to the gym. But I have to admit that I'm disappointed in myself. I can do better. I can BE better. So this is something I have to work on.
Baby: So guess whaaaat?! Just kidding :) I love The Man. He has changed so much in the way he communicates to satisfy his wife's needs. Umm, I'm positive there are delusional men out there who think, 'She has two degrees in communication but she won't expect ME to communicate.' Idiots. Anyway, we broached the baby topic while on our honeymoon. Actually, it was me looking around our beautiful surroundings while we were laying out and I started to worry. How can we do this if we have a baby? How can we afford this? How can we enjoy this if we can afford to bring baby with us? Do I want to bring baby with us??
Oh yes, not a melt down but a little bit of a freak out. So I asked him, "Hon, how can we go on vacations like this if we have a baby?" He said, "We can't." And then I said, "Remember how I wanted to try next year? Well, I'd like to push it back. I want to go on a few more mini moons with you before we have a baby." He said that he wanted us to be financially stable, have a home and a few more things before we have a child so it was fine by him. Thank goodness we are on the same page! Of course, because I have a naughty sense of humor, every so often I'll hug him and whisper, "Let's forget about what we talked about and have a baby." He'll pretend to push me away and say, "Stop that! Are you taking your pill?" Hehehe. My sister knows that I am also waiting (and hoping!) that my maternal instincts will kick in in the next couple of years. Luckily the puppies have been good yet gentle training.
So that's all I can think of for now. I desperately want to go on another vacation - Hawaii or Mexico (I've been hearing great things about the all-inclusive resorts!) But we have to wait a little bit, let our bank accounts recuperate and all that good stuff. I'm happy that I have no more of the post vacation blues, though! Just enjoying being with The Man, the puppies and my every day life. I'm a very happy woman.
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Saturday, May 24, 2008
THE video
We finally have our wedding video! This was the last piece we were waiting from our photography/videography company and we were so excited to finally receive it. I've been kind of a lazy blogger ... I want to write about our honeymoon because it was our first time in Kauai (and at a five star resort!) but The Man keeps making videos so it's just easier to post those. Of course THIS video is from our videographer. He separated into three parts – highlights, ceremony, and interviews. I won't post the footage from the ceremony because it's about ten minutes long and it's embarrassing for The Man and me to watch. The first clip is highlights from the entire wedding. The whole sha-bang in four minutes – I love that :) The second clip, the interviews, may be interesting to just family members. We asked that people tape messages to us. We had quite a few shy people in the bunch, my parents included, but the folks who did get on the video were really sweet. Be warned, my friends affectionately used the words, "VJJ" and "poon" .. and I didn't expect anything less. (Yes, these were the women I used to say exchange inappropriate words with on a daily basis.) Jon was a little confused on how they used these words. He had thought he understand what they meant but then they used it them in a completely different context. I had to explain that not only are they synonyms for lady parts and replacements for curse words but also terms of endearment. Hehe. Anyway, all messages were all touching and The Man's mom at the end was probably the only one who almost made me cry. About that - the slideshow, the photographs and even the video didn't make me shed a tear. The only reason I can think of is that although I am usually a weeper, the self-conscious side of me was stronger. I couldn't help notice how I sounded, when my make up got smeared, and the unflattering shots where I looked chubbier ... so no crying for me! I'm just a harsh critic of myself which, I think, prevents me from getting completely mushy over anything. Despite that, I have to admit that I am over the moon about everything our photographers and videographer gave us and I am so happy we chose them to document such an important day in our lives. I think The Man looks absolutely handsome and I am just beaming with happiness and love. See? Mushy :)
Wedding highlights:
Interviews:
**Please let me know if it's difficult to view footage on vimeo. The Man likes it because it's a whole lot clearer than YouTube but I don't know if it's a pain to view things. 5/25/08 update: I've gone ahead and changed to YouTube. I can't be having stuff cut out at the end! :P
Wedding highlights:
Interviews:
**Please let me know if it's difficult to view footage on vimeo. The Man likes it because it's a whole lot clearer than YouTube but I don't know if it's a pain to view things. 5/25/08 update: I've gone ahead and changed to YouTube. I can't be having stuff cut out at the end! :P
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
The Man's on a roll ...
he's gone and made a couple more videos of our wedding and honeymoon. What's great about posting it on this blog is that you can choose to to view them rather than us sitting you in front of our TV and making you watch. All the while watching you watch them so you have to then pretend you are captivated. If you want to see them - great. If not, we'll never know :) They aren't nearly as crazy as the "Death March Monday" video but if you've got some time ... check them out.
The first one is highlights of our honeymoon and has an upbeat tone. The Man, for whatever reason, chose a Michael Jackson song. Cracked me up. Then the second is a little more sappy (his words, not mine.) I think it's sweet but it may be a bit slow for anyone that wasn't there. Or just doesn't care. Unless you're emotionally invested, it just may not mean as much. Anyway, here you go!
Gil and LizaDawn's Honeymoon snippet from Gram on Vimeo.
More of the honeymoon from Gram on Vimeo.
The first one is highlights of our honeymoon and has an upbeat tone. The Man, for whatever reason, chose a Michael Jackson song. Cracked me up. Then the second is a little more sappy (his words, not mine.) I think it's sweet but it may be a bit slow for anyone that wasn't there. Or just doesn't care. Unless you're emotionally invested, it just may not mean as much. Anyway, here you go!
Gil and LizaDawn's Honeymoon snippet from Gram on Vimeo.
More of the honeymoon from Gram on Vimeo.
Monday, May 19, 2008
Let's go back to the wedding reception for a minute ...
My sister gave a very sweet and touching Matron of Honor speech. She is a very good public speaker (even though she will protest and say she isn't) so she committed her speech to memory. The brother-in-law wrote his speech down but wasn't able to print it out - he was having problems with the hotel's business center and it wouldn't work. Just like The Man, his brother finished the speech the day of the wedding so that was probably why he was pressed for time. But, luckily, he DID write it down ... so I can share it with you :)
Best man speech
Hello. First of all, thank you to everyone who helped this special occasion possible and thank you to all the friends and family for being present here today.
For all of for those of you who couldn’t tell by our uncanny resemblance, I am Gil’s younger, better looking brother, Marvin.
Umm to be honest, I’m terribly nervous and I’m horrible at making speeches. Today I considered bailing out instead of making this speech. Then, I thought to myself: “You know what you need Marvin. You need courage. The courage that firefighters posses to run into a burning building or the same courage it takes to marry the likes of my brother, Gil. “I’d like this moment to thank LizaDawn. Who will forever be a source of inspiration for the meek in our hour of despair. You will continue to have a tremendous influence in our daily struggles. We thank you.
Now for a poem. This isn’t an ordinary poem as it lacks any fundamentals of poetry like iambic pentameter, grammar and other pointless things.
To Gil, my little flower has finally blossomed. My, have you grown so much. Your petals seem to touch the sky signifying your passage beyond your insecurities and inadequacies proving that you no longer need alcohol to get women into bed. With this union you assured me that you are a heterosexual. Believe me, I had my doubts but I think the security guards at the gym might need a bit more convincing before they allow you back into the men’s locker room. Well now’s your chance Gil. Bloom, my little flower, bloom.
On a more serious note, Gil and LizaDawn do make beautiful couple. Being single and, yes, I am single, I hope to find a friendship and love as rare as these two share. I wish them all the best. Your happiness is our happiness. You had better remember this as my mouth will never utter such sappiness again.
To finish I’d like to welcome LizaDawn to the family, as now she is the prettiest one in the family… second to me, of course.
Best man speech
Hello. First of all, thank you to everyone who helped this special occasion possible and thank you to all the friends and family for being present here today.
For all of for those of you who couldn’t tell by our uncanny resemblance, I am Gil’s younger, better looking brother, Marvin.
Umm to be honest, I’m terribly nervous and I’m horrible at making speeches. Today I considered bailing out instead of making this speech. Then, I thought to myself: “You know what you need Marvin. You need courage. The courage that firefighters posses to run into a burning building or the same courage it takes to marry the likes of my brother, Gil. “I’d like this moment to thank LizaDawn. Who will forever be a source of inspiration for the meek in our hour of despair. You will continue to have a tremendous influence in our daily struggles. We thank you.
Now for a poem. This isn’t an ordinary poem as it lacks any fundamentals of poetry like iambic pentameter, grammar and other pointless things.
To Gil, my little flower has finally blossomed. My, have you grown so much. Your petals seem to touch the sky signifying your passage beyond your insecurities and inadequacies proving that you no longer need alcohol to get women into bed. With this union you assured me that you are a heterosexual. Believe me, I had my doubts but I think the security guards at the gym might need a bit more convincing before they allow you back into the men’s locker room. Well now’s your chance Gil. Bloom, my little flower, bloom.
On a more serious note, Gil and LizaDawn do make beautiful couple. Being single and, yes, I am single, I hope to find a friendship and love as rare as these two share. I wish them all the best. Your happiness is our happiness. You had better remember this as my mouth will never utter such sappiness again.
To finish I’d like to welcome LizaDawn to the family, as now she is the prettiest one in the family… second to me, of course.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Leisurely hike, my @ss
The Man wanted to do several adventurous things while we were on vacation. No problem, I said. Kayaking, ziplining and ATV - sounds like fun. "Oh hon," my new husband said, "I'd like to go on an adventure trail but it's all day. Don't worry, the book says it's easy. Takes an hour and a half to get to and it's faster going back down the mountain."
Evidently, easy is subjective. I should have raised more questions when I saw we were packing 128 oz of water, a compass and snacks. Also keep in mind that I am very clear about my likes and dislikes. More power to you if you enjoy camping. I do not. I am much better at beaches and regional parks – places that the city or county are in charge of maintaining. I am not good in the wilderness. By wilderness, I mean the jungle.
After four hours of hiking, we were at the secret tunnel. We couldn't go through and continue, though, because it was going to be dark in a couple of hours and we needed to be done before then or else we would be in complete darkness. I broke down crying three times. I mean, all out, hyperventilating sobs. I'm not proud, it was what it was. I was exhausted, cold, wet, muddy and had fallen numerous times. It got to the point where I was scared of everything because I was falling left and right. To be fair to The Man, the book did mark this trail as easy. And the book also said it would be muddy for only the first 150 yards. It was muddy the ENTIRE TIME. I wore sneakers but lost traction from all the mud gathered in the treads. And sometimes I lost my sneakers in the mud. But we finished in 6 1/2 hours. We made it back to the car right after sunset so there was still a little light left.
Honestly, I hated this hike. I prefer nicely paved or packed trails ... like Diamond Head. I was so tired but this was really important to him and something that he wanted us to do so, by golly, I wasn’t going to quit. We were going to find that damn tunnel! And with the help of his compass, going on wrong trails that lead us back to where we started and running into poor strangers who bought the same guidebook as us, we finally found that ugly tunnel. The Man felt bad that I was bruised, bitten and scratched (and hating life!) so I got a spa treatment the next day ... on him!
Anyway, The Man documented our hike and made a video. Unfortunately, there was no way I could hike and hold the camera so there's no footage of him :( But I told him within the first 10 minutes, I would have slipped and smashed his camera against a rock so it was for the best. You will see from his editing that he has a kooky sense of humor. Yes, I love my husband.
Death March Monday HD from Gram on Vimeo.
PS: At the end, he mentioned that I couldn't sleep that night. It's true! I kept dreaming that I was falling, slipping or tripping. My body would jerk and I would gasp, "Honey! I fell!" And he laughed and said I was dreaming. This happened at least four times during the night.
Evidently, easy is subjective. I should have raised more questions when I saw we were packing 128 oz of water, a compass and snacks. Also keep in mind that I am very clear about my likes and dislikes. More power to you if you enjoy camping. I do not. I am much better at beaches and regional parks – places that the city or county are in charge of maintaining. I am not good in the wilderness. By wilderness, I mean the jungle.
After four hours of hiking, we were at the secret tunnel. We couldn't go through and continue, though, because it was going to be dark in a couple of hours and we needed to be done before then or else we would be in complete darkness. I broke down crying three times. I mean, all out, hyperventilating sobs. I'm not proud, it was what it was. I was exhausted, cold, wet, muddy and had fallen numerous times. It got to the point where I was scared of everything because I was falling left and right. To be fair to The Man, the book did mark this trail as easy. And the book also said it would be muddy for only the first 150 yards. It was muddy the ENTIRE TIME. I wore sneakers but lost traction from all the mud gathered in the treads. And sometimes I lost my sneakers in the mud. But we finished in 6 1/2 hours. We made it back to the car right after sunset so there was still a little light left.
Honestly, I hated this hike. I prefer nicely paved or packed trails ... like Diamond Head. I was so tired but this was really important to him and something that he wanted us to do so, by golly, I wasn’t going to quit. We were going to find that damn tunnel! And with the help of his compass, going on wrong trails that lead us back to where we started and running into poor strangers who bought the same guidebook as us, we finally found that ugly tunnel. The Man felt bad that I was bruised, bitten and scratched (and hating life!) so I got a spa treatment the next day ... on him!
Anyway, The Man documented our hike and made a video. Unfortunately, there was no way I could hike and hold the camera so there's no footage of him :( But I told him within the first 10 minutes, I would have slipped and smashed his camera against a rock so it was for the best. You will see from his editing that he has a kooky sense of humor. Yes, I love my husband.
Death March Monday HD from Gram on Vimeo.
PS: At the end, he mentioned that I couldn't sleep that night. It's true! I kept dreaming that I was falling, slipping or tripping. My body would jerk and I would gasp, "Honey! I fell!" And he laughed and said I was dreaming. This happened at least four times during the night.
Thursday, May 08, 2008
The day we tied the knot
I'm going to just post our DOLs and not describe the day because I could never do it justice ... at least, in my eyes. I loved every moment of it and couldn't have asked for a better wedding ceremony and reception.
I had written my declaration of love a while back because I didn't want to have to worry about it as the day drew closer. The Man used a different approach and finished writing it the night before. But you'll find that mine cracks a lot of jokes while his was pretty deep. He worried that it would be too sappy and didn't really like it. He had no idea that he would have many of my female relatives in tears! He didn't make me cry but it wasn't a bad thing. We have good communication in our relationship but rarely are we completely serious with each other. So all those pictures of me smiling are actually because of his declaration of love - it was very different and special from how we usually talk to one another. (The one time I cried during the ceremony was when my declaration because a little more serious - that's what I get for showing my softer side!) Anyway, I will post mine first and then his because I think his is better :)
My Filipino Matt Damon, happy six year anniversary. What better way to celebrate than getting hitched? I think I’ve been pretty good about making sure you know you are loved. And I do love you very much for so many reasons. I love you for your sense of humor. You make me laugh so much. I always tell you that I wish I wrote down the funny things we say to each other because we always seem to forget. But I always remember that you make me smile. For instance, you make me laugh because you can never remember more than five words to any song and all the melodies sound exactly the same. Yet somehow I can usually guess what song your singing. Also, your imitation of Korean, Japanese, Mexican and Australian accents get muddled into one indistinct accent. How? I don’t know. But they do. What’s even funnier is that your imitations of Filipino and Indian accents are even worse – they sound exactly the same. I also think the voices you give to Piko and Pili are funny. Thank you for letting me know in their own words that they are neglected by me. These are just a few of the many things you do that make me laugh.
I love you because you are patient. For example, goodness knows that you and I clash when it comes to home repair. That’s what I get for being involved with someone who is so handy around the house. It’s a blessing because it’s so wonderful to be with someone who can repair things, build things or make things better. It’s a curse because I don’t remember ever signing up for an apprenticeship. Which brings me back to you being patient. I know you expect only as much as you expect from yourself. But what you get from me, especially regarding home repairs, is far from perfection. But I give you credit! I see the vein bulging in your forehead. I see your brows furrowed in frustration, but then, with a strain your voice, you just tell me yet again that I need to watch how you paint a door so I can copy your method to ensure there are no streaks. Which leads me to another reason why I love you …
You know how to compromise. I no longer have to do home repair because I am in charge of cleaning the house. I can’t begin to tell you how much I love you for that! I love you because you are comforting. When I am sick, you either buy or rent a romantic comedy because you knew they made me feel better. Even though you don’t enjoy them nearly as much as I do. When I was having a really hard time with work, you would make me hug a puppy because you said it would make me feel better. It did! And when you know I am feeling really down, you would make me drop everything and go to the beach. Going to the beach almost always cheer me up. Other times, it was just your company that would soothe me and make me feel better.
What you may not know, because we joke around so much and are very sarcastic with each other is how much admiration I have for you. You are a wonderful person. I admire your values, morals, intelligence and overall character. You are amazing. You have so much goodness in you and you continue to amaze me. You are so devoted to your family and loved ones. And that has even carried over to my family. You probably don’t know this but when you show concern for my parents’ well being or worried about something in their home, I see how you share your love and concern for those who are so very important to me. And that inspires me. You make me want to be a better person. I see how you express your goodness through your actions and you make me want to strive to be just as an amazing person as you are. I think you are truly an exceptional person. There are not enough words to express just how much I am in love with you. I have loved the six years we have been together and I look forward to the 100 more years of joking, laughing and loving. And no home repair.
-------------------------------------------------
I still remember the first time you and I met at a friends house. You walked in and I thought you looked so much different from anyone else. A few minutes after arriving, you told this funny story about a cockroach in a way that only you could. Your eyes lit up, your hands danced in the air while you talked and your body shook with laughter and excitement. That cockroach story did it for me. You had this personality that really drew me to you and I had hoped that I’d run into you again. When we eventually began our relationship, we would talk all night long about everything and anything. I looked forward to knowing everything about you because we had so many things in common. We made sure to make time for one another every day. Each night, you wanted me to give you a new and different reason that I loved you. So every day it became a tradition that I end every nightly conversation with “I love you because”.
I love you because you’re my best friend. I love you because you make me a better person. I love you because you believe in me more than I believe in myself. I love you because you know how to comfort me if I start to turn green with anger. I love you because you’ll never let us walk without holding hands. I love you because you’ll never let us go to bed angry. I love you because talking to you makes a bad day feel O.K. I love you because it makes me laugh when you can’t stop yourself from eating chocolate. I love you because you’re beautiful, hardworking, intelligent and driven. I love you because you’re still humble, modest and reserved. I love you because you accept all my faults and compliment all my strengths. I love you because you still look at me the way you did when we first started dating. I love you because I can always trust you. I love you because I can depend on you to constantly remind me to do things that I may be putting off. I love you because we can laugh at so many things together. I love you because you take of and respect your family. I love you because sometimes you slip and talk to me like I’m one of your girlfriends but I know you do that because you’re so comfortable with me. I love you because you are willing to get your hands dirty with me even though I know you’d rather be knitting. I love you because you are the first to forgive, the first to want to communicate and the last to hold a grudge. I love you because I have so many reasons to love you, to appreciate you and to be thankful for you. I look forward to spending the rest of my life with you, sharing my thoughts with you, caring for you, protecting you, laughing with you, appreciating you, having kids with you and growing old with you.
I had written my declaration of love a while back because I didn't want to have to worry about it as the day drew closer. The Man used a different approach and finished writing it the night before. But you'll find that mine cracks a lot of jokes while his was pretty deep. He worried that it would be too sappy and didn't really like it. He had no idea that he would have many of my female relatives in tears! He didn't make me cry but it wasn't a bad thing. We have good communication in our relationship but rarely are we completely serious with each other. So all those pictures of me smiling are actually because of his declaration of love - it was very different and special from how we usually talk to one another. (The one time I cried during the ceremony was when my declaration because a little more serious - that's what I get for showing my softer side!) Anyway, I will post mine first and then his because I think his is better :)
My Filipino Matt Damon, happy six year anniversary. What better way to celebrate than getting hitched? I think I’ve been pretty good about making sure you know you are loved. And I do love you very much for so many reasons. I love you for your sense of humor. You make me laugh so much. I always tell you that I wish I wrote down the funny things we say to each other because we always seem to forget. But I always remember that you make me smile. For instance, you make me laugh because you can never remember more than five words to any song and all the melodies sound exactly the same. Yet somehow I can usually guess what song your singing. Also, your imitation of Korean, Japanese, Mexican and Australian accents get muddled into one indistinct accent. How? I don’t know. But they do. What’s even funnier is that your imitations of Filipino and Indian accents are even worse – they sound exactly the same. I also think the voices you give to Piko and Pili are funny. Thank you for letting me know in their own words that they are neglected by me. These are just a few of the many things you do that make me laugh.
I love you because you are patient. For example, goodness knows that you and I clash when it comes to home repair. That’s what I get for being involved with someone who is so handy around the house. It’s a blessing because it’s so wonderful to be with someone who can repair things, build things or make things better. It’s a curse because I don’t remember ever signing up for an apprenticeship. Which brings me back to you being patient. I know you expect only as much as you expect from yourself. But what you get from me, especially regarding home repairs, is far from perfection. But I give you credit! I see the vein bulging in your forehead. I see your brows furrowed in frustration, but then, with a strain your voice, you just tell me yet again that I need to watch how you paint a door so I can copy your method to ensure there are no streaks. Which leads me to another reason why I love you …
You know how to compromise. I no longer have to do home repair because I am in charge of cleaning the house. I can’t begin to tell you how much I love you for that! I love you because you are comforting. When I am sick, you either buy or rent a romantic comedy because you knew they made me feel better. Even though you don’t enjoy them nearly as much as I do. When I was having a really hard time with work, you would make me hug a puppy because you said it would make me feel better. It did! And when you know I am feeling really down, you would make me drop everything and go to the beach. Going to the beach almost always cheer me up. Other times, it was just your company that would soothe me and make me feel better.
What you may not know, because we joke around so much and are very sarcastic with each other is how much admiration I have for you. You are a wonderful person. I admire your values, morals, intelligence and overall character. You are amazing. You have so much goodness in you and you continue to amaze me. You are so devoted to your family and loved ones. And that has even carried over to my family. You probably don’t know this but when you show concern for my parents’ well being or worried about something in their home, I see how you share your love and concern for those who are so very important to me. And that inspires me. You make me want to be a better person. I see how you express your goodness through your actions and you make me want to strive to be just as an amazing person as you are. I think you are truly an exceptional person. There are not enough words to express just how much I am in love with you. I have loved the six years we have been together and I look forward to the 100 more years of joking, laughing and loving. And no home repair.
-------------------------------------------------
I still remember the first time you and I met at a friends house. You walked in and I thought you looked so much different from anyone else. A few minutes after arriving, you told this funny story about a cockroach in a way that only you could. Your eyes lit up, your hands danced in the air while you talked and your body shook with laughter and excitement. That cockroach story did it for me. You had this personality that really drew me to you and I had hoped that I’d run into you again. When we eventually began our relationship, we would talk all night long about everything and anything. I looked forward to knowing everything about you because we had so many things in common. We made sure to make time for one another every day. Each night, you wanted me to give you a new and different reason that I loved you. So every day it became a tradition that I end every nightly conversation with “I love you because”.
I love you because you’re my best friend. I love you because you make me a better person. I love you because you believe in me more than I believe in myself. I love you because you know how to comfort me if I start to turn green with anger. I love you because you’ll never let us walk without holding hands. I love you because you’ll never let us go to bed angry. I love you because talking to you makes a bad day feel O.K. I love you because it makes me laugh when you can’t stop yourself from eating chocolate. I love you because you’re beautiful, hardworking, intelligent and driven. I love you because you’re still humble, modest and reserved. I love you because you accept all my faults and compliment all my strengths. I love you because you still look at me the way you did when we first started dating. I love you because I can always trust you. I love you because I can depend on you to constantly remind me to do things that I may be putting off. I love you because we can laugh at so many things together. I love you because you take of and respect your family. I love you because sometimes you slip and talk to me like I’m one of your girlfriends but I know you do that because you’re so comfortable with me. I love you because you are willing to get your hands dirty with me even though I know you’d rather be knitting. I love you because you are the first to forgive, the first to want to communicate and the last to hold a grudge. I love you because I have so many reasons to love you, to appreciate you and to be thankful for you. I look forward to spending the rest of my life with you, sharing my thoughts with you, caring for you, protecting you, laughing with you, appreciating you, having kids with you and growing old with you.
Monday, May 05, 2008
Day before the wedding & a shout out to The Man
Tuesday morning we decided to have a welcome breakfast to replace the normal rehearsal dinner. I had a couple of reasons for this. One, we were having a luncheon reception for our wedding so I didn't want the rehearsal dinner to be nicer or more formal that that. And two, it was less expensive. Well, scratch that. We were able to offer more food at the same price if we went with breakfast. And because I know my family, as with most Filipinos, they were very happy because it was a breakfast BUFFET.
Ahhh-yahhhhhhh.
Just kidding. I mean, not about the buffet because it was actually quite nice! Of course, I'm bias. Maybe my sister or cousin can give a review ;) The Welcome Breakfast was at the Palm Terrace restaurant located in the Turtle Bay Resort. The food was quite yummy with the selection of fresh tropical fruit, french toast, bacon, omelets ... all the good stuff. We have 29 guests that day because a few were either flying in that day or had already planned to do something else but it was still a pretty good turn out. For many of them, it was the first time they had been at the resort and they really enjoyed the scenery.
I wish we had been better about fluttering from table to table and conversing. But we weren't. The Man is shy and I'm much better in a small group setting than a large one. Oh well, I don't think our families minded ... at least I hope they didn't! We made sure we at least greeted everyone and thanked them for coming. We just weren't able to hold conversations with every person and I kind of regret that. They all chowed down and thanked us for hosting the breakfast so we figured people were happy!
After the breakfast we had our rehearsal. It was interesting because we were doing it without our reverend, hotel coordinator and the ceremony location. The reverend said that he didn't think we would need him due to it being such a small wedding. Plus, because it was on North Shore, he would have to charge us a travel fee of $100, I think. OK - never mind that. And our coordinator wasn't joining us because it would cost us $150.00 to have her one hour. And we were rehearsing outside of the Pavilion and not in it because it would cost $600 to rent it for the rehearsal. Can you imagine? $850.00 just to rehearse for a 15 minute ceremony. Goodness! I asked my two friends to lead us and walk us through the motions and if they thought anything looked unusual or awkward, they could change it.
You would think it would be easy to get people to gather in the lobby when we all just had breakfast together. It was like herding cats, people. My two friends, my sister, my mom and dad, his mom, and his brother ... good lawd, I thought we were never going to start! Someone had to go to the bathroom, then another, then my dad wanted to go to the bathroom ... up in his hotel room! When we finally got it together to do the run through, most of my relatives stuck around to watch us. And as my sister mentioned, many of them were wondering why I was going to have my wedding outside of the Pavilion rather than in it (we didn't take the time to explain so I'm sure it was a pleasant surprise for them when they saw the next day that the wedding was being held inside, after all!) I remember I thought it was really cute how my dad wasn't sure about the process of giving my hand. "Kiss your cheek, shake Jon's hand and then give your hand to him? Or kiss your cheek, give your hand and then shake Jon's hand with my other hand?" Who knew the process was a bit complicated? I was even forgetting to kiss him before he gave my hand ... such small details that can end up making a difference! After several tries, and much input from my friends and the crowd, Jon and my dad figured it out so it didn't look like we were all doing a secret handshake ;)
As for the rest of the day, Jon and I separated - he stayed in the room on the laptop and I went to the pool and chatted with my relatives and then walked around with my sister and cousin. Remember those declarations of love? Well, one of us hadn't written them yet and one of us was very stressed out trying to finish them. So I visited with family and friends. In fact, he needed the entire day so in the evening, I went with some friends for sushi in Hale'iwa (FYI: Bonsai Sushi is pretty good!) to give one of us more time to finish his DOLs. Hee hee, I'm just giving him a hard time now ... I was much nicer at the time because he was seriously stressed out!
No pictures from the breakfast, the rehearsal or with my relatives (umm, cousin, please also send me digital copies of your pics!) But I do have a bad ass picture of the sunrise from our hotel room:
Ahhh-yahhhhhhh.
Just kidding. I mean, not about the buffet because it was actually quite nice! Of course, I'm bias. Maybe my sister or cousin can give a review ;) The Welcome Breakfast was at the Palm Terrace restaurant located in the Turtle Bay Resort. The food was quite yummy with the selection of fresh tropical fruit, french toast, bacon, omelets ... all the good stuff. We have 29 guests that day because a few were either flying in that day or had already planned to do something else but it was still a pretty good turn out. For many of them, it was the first time they had been at the resort and they really enjoyed the scenery.
I wish we had been better about fluttering from table to table and conversing. But we weren't. The Man is shy and I'm much better in a small group setting than a large one. Oh well, I don't think our families minded ... at least I hope they didn't! We made sure we at least greeted everyone and thanked them for coming. We just weren't able to hold conversations with every person and I kind of regret that. They all chowed down and thanked us for hosting the breakfast so we figured people were happy!
After the breakfast we had our rehearsal. It was interesting because we were doing it without our reverend, hotel coordinator and the ceremony location. The reverend said that he didn't think we would need him due to it being such a small wedding. Plus, because it was on North Shore, he would have to charge us a travel fee of $100, I think. OK - never mind that. And our coordinator wasn't joining us because it would cost us $150.00 to have her one hour. And we were rehearsing outside of the Pavilion and not in it because it would cost $600 to rent it for the rehearsal. Can you imagine? $850.00 just to rehearse for a 15 minute ceremony. Goodness! I asked my two friends to lead us and walk us through the motions and if they thought anything looked unusual or awkward, they could change it.
You would think it would be easy to get people to gather in the lobby when we all just had breakfast together. It was like herding cats, people. My two friends, my sister, my mom and dad, his mom, and his brother ... good lawd, I thought we were never going to start! Someone had to go to the bathroom, then another, then my dad wanted to go to the bathroom ... up in his hotel room! When we finally got it together to do the run through, most of my relatives stuck around to watch us. And as my sister mentioned, many of them were wondering why I was going to have my wedding outside of the Pavilion rather than in it (we didn't take the time to explain so I'm sure it was a pleasant surprise for them when they saw the next day that the wedding was being held inside, after all!) I remember I thought it was really cute how my dad wasn't sure about the process of giving my hand. "Kiss your cheek, shake Jon's hand and then give your hand to him? Or kiss your cheek, give your hand and then shake Jon's hand with my other hand?" Who knew the process was a bit complicated? I was even forgetting to kiss him before he gave my hand ... such small details that can end up making a difference! After several tries, and much input from my friends and the crowd, Jon and my dad figured it out so it didn't look like we were all doing a secret handshake ;)
As for the rest of the day, Jon and I separated - he stayed in the room on the laptop and I went to the pool and chatted with my relatives and then walked around with my sister and cousin. Remember those declarations of love? Well, one of us hadn't written them yet and one of us was very stressed out trying to finish them. So I visited with family and friends. In fact, he needed the entire day so in the evening, I went with some friends for sushi in Hale'iwa (FYI: Bonsai Sushi is pretty good!) to give one of us more time to finish his DOLs. Hee hee, I'm just giving him a hard time now ... I was much nicer at the time because he was seriously stressed out!
No pictures from the breakfast, the rehearsal or with my relatives (umm, cousin, please also send me digital copies of your pics!) But I do have a bad ass picture of the sunrise from our hotel room:
I think the sun rises were one of the highlights of my days. While The Man was asleep, I would grab the newspaper outside of our hotel door. Then I would make a cup of coffee and sit on our balcony, read the paper and watch the sun rise. I know, I am a 65 year old woman trapped in a 29 year old body. But it was seriously absolute bliss for me!
The Man also did a time lapse thingee of the same sunset. It's beautiful. I only wish we knew how to use our mic so you can hear the waves (we had our camera in a waterproof shell so we could take under water. Unfortunately, it greatly muffled the audio.) So if you've got time to check it out:
No editing capabilities yet ... we're working on it! So you will have to watch this in boring silence. I can't wait until I can edit, add music and do all that fun stuff with our videos!
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OK, I have to also give a shout out to The Man. We were together for 21 days, often times the entire day with no breaks! Why is this significant? We didn't fight the entire time! I know, we've had a few vacations now where we didn't fight, thank goodness, but 21 days is a long time to be together all the time. Miracle of miracles ... no fighting! Sure, I broke down crying several times during our adventure hike (oh, don't you worry, there will be a whole entry on that) but we got along very well on our entire trip. In fact, I think it was our best vacation to date. It probably helped tremendously that we have lived together for a while but it was really awesome. And the whole experience just reignited my big ol' crush on The Man. I actually missed him today while he was at work and I worked from home. Good lor', what am I ... 15?! So big ups to The Man for being one kick ass hubby! Oh, and Cyn, you had asked if anything was different now that we are married and I didn't have an answer for you. I asked The Man and he said that not much has changed. But when we refer to each other as "husband" and "wife", it feels like we're playing around. And he's kind or right ... it does! We are adjusting to the new titles. I've slipped and called him "my boyfriend" a couple of times.
Saturday, May 03, 2008
First two days in Hawaii
We arrived in Honolulu on Sunday, April 13th. That day also happened to be our six year anniversary! Anyway, due to the changes in our airlines, we were not checking into our hotel room at the Turtle Bay Resort as planned. Our new flight included a layover in LAX so we spent most of Sunday traveling. We had appointments all morning on Monday so it would be silly of us to drive to North Shore at night only to come back to Honolulu the very next morning. Instead of driving to where our wedding would take place, we made our way to the Holiday Inn Waikiki.
Here's the thing - I am not above staying at a Holiday Inn. I think I have a few friends who wouldn't step foot into one and I totally understand. But that's not me. I've stayed at many hotels and my only requirement is that it's clean. Hell, the last time I was in Hawaii I stayed in a room that smelled slightly of urine (my over active imagination made me think that frat guys had occupied the room before us and one of them had gotten so drunk that they peed somewhere on the carpet. Kind of gross but whatever.) But you know what? My friend and I just dealt with it because the room was clean and we were hardly in the room except to sleep and shower. Anyway, my point is that while I'm not above staying at places like the Holiday Inn ... it just wasn't part of the original plan. But we adapted because it was the reasonable thing to do.
The Man and I had checked in by 8:00pm. Thank jeebus, it was a very clean room. But unlike all my other vacations in Hawaii, I was not relaxed. Our first appointment on Monday was at 6:00am in Pearl City. Serious. We didn't want to have to leave North Shore on Tuesday so the only way I could fit all our appointments comfortably was to set our wedding license appointment at 6:00am. I had never been to Pearl City so we didn't know how long it would take for us to get there from Waikiki. We set our alarm for 4:30am. The Man, bless his heart, knew this was not the time to futz around and was really good about getting ready on time. I know, it sounds crazy but our internal clocks were still three hours ahead so it wasn't soooo bad. Anyway, this is what our Monday looked like:
6:00am - Appointment with the wedding licensee in Pearl City
9:00am - Appointment with the wedding photographer in Waikiki (he thought it was at 10:00am so we ended up meeting them at 9:30ish.)
11:30am - Hair & make up run through for me/ haircut for The Man
Afternoon - drive to Turtle Bay, check-in
3:00pm - Appointment with Turtle Bay Resort coordinator
We were HELLA busy our first full day. Yes, I wrote HELLA ... because it's true! But the reward was when we finally got to go to our hotel ...
Turtle Bay Resort is beautiful. It is the first four star hotel I've stayed in (I know I sound like a bumpkin but I told you my reasons.) I didn't tell many people but I chose this location from the feedback I received from close friends when I grilled them. I had never stepped foot on the resort but I knew I loved the beauty of the North Shore because I had been there many times. I had asked one friend who had attended a wedding at TBR what she thought. She told me she considered the resort for her own wedding but knew her family would want it to be in Waikiki. But she thought it was very pretty and definitely recommended it. Then I asked another friend who grew up there and he said that, hands down, that is the spot he would pick if and when he ever got married. He said, in his opinion, it was the nicest spot on the island. From those testimonials, and from the pictures I saw on the web, that is how I made my decision.
Another thing that you have to understand is that I just love being in Hawaii. I love it for a many reasons and it's why I go back year after year. For one, people celebrate their brown skin there. One too many cultures look down upon having dark brown skin and, unfortunately, have a society that aspires to be very fair or the lightest shade of brown possible (I know some of y'all have taken Asian American studies and we have talked about how horrible this is!) Hawaii also reminds me a lot of my favorite aspects of the Philippines - lush tropical beauty, friendly atmosphere, and, by physical appearance, I blend in! It was a nice change from many of the other places I've visited and have stuck out like a sore thumb. And just like the Philippines, the hospitality can't be beat (I should mention that The Man and I noticed during this visit just how many Filipinos work in hospitality - there are a lot!) and there is just a different pace - a little slower which is a lot nicer. Of course, what really did me in was the the few years that I danced hula. This made me appreciate the beauty and history of Hawaii because so many hulas and chants are about that - places in Hawaii, the appreciation of nature and the history of its people. My kumu made sure that we studied and understood the importance of each hula and chant and it really made a difference.
When we arrived at TBR, the front desk told us that our room was not yet ready. They apologized and said we could walk around for a little bit and then check back in with them. So The Man and I explored and saw that the resort was simply gorgeous. What I loved about TBR was how the property let the ocean be the main point of attraction. They kept the grounds very simple and clean yet made it look very natural. Here's what I mean:
OK, I included this picture because I'm wearing false lashes from the make up run through? I love false lashes!!!
So beautiful. I was so happy that I could barely contain myself. The Man was very happy because he saw it was the complete opposite of Waikiki which he cannot stand. My boy is a country boy at heart so he was quite pleased with the open space and lack of crowds. We checked in and were pleasantly surprised that we would be staying on the top floor - a guarantee for a beautiful view, I thought. We schlepped our bags to the room and that is when I completely fell in love with the place:
My friends asked the concierge to cover our hotel room with rose petals! They also left chocolate and coconut covered macademia nuts, passion fruit wine and an orchid lei! This wouldn't be the first time that my two close friends showed their fabulousness.
Can you believe this view? As soon as I opened the sliding glass doors, the sound of the waves filled the room.
A couple of minutes later, a bellboy brought up sparkling wine sent by the general manager.
I have never, ever had a room with an ocean view, much less an ocean view like this. Usually, my hotel scenery have been what I called "look left" views - I crane my neck out the window, look left, and in between two skyscrapers, I could see the ocean. And I was quite happy with that view! But this ... this was something else. I read somewhere that when TBR was taken over by it's the present owner, they had done a ton of renovations instead of demolishing and starting over. It was because if they did demolish the hotel, with the current laws, there is no way the state would let them build the new property so close to the water. So instead, they did over $70 million in renovations. And I completely understand. To be this close to the water is amazing. I visited my parents and my sister and both had spectacular views too.
I couldn't stop hugging and kissing The Man because I was so happy. This absolutely was the perfect place for our wedding.
Here's the thing - I am not above staying at a Holiday Inn. I think I have a few friends who wouldn't step foot into one and I totally understand. But that's not me. I've stayed at many hotels and my only requirement is that it's clean. Hell, the last time I was in Hawaii I stayed in a room that smelled slightly of urine (my over active imagination made me think that frat guys had occupied the room before us and one of them had gotten so drunk that they peed somewhere on the carpet. Kind of gross but whatever.) But you know what? My friend and I just dealt with it because the room was clean and we were hardly in the room except to sleep and shower. Anyway, my point is that while I'm not above staying at places like the Holiday Inn ... it just wasn't part of the original plan. But we adapted because it was the reasonable thing to do.
The Man and I had checked in by 8:00pm. Thank jeebus, it was a very clean room. But unlike all my other vacations in Hawaii, I was not relaxed. Our first appointment on Monday was at 6:00am in Pearl City. Serious. We didn't want to have to leave North Shore on Tuesday so the only way I could fit all our appointments comfortably was to set our wedding license appointment at 6:00am. I had never been to Pearl City so we didn't know how long it would take for us to get there from Waikiki. We set our alarm for 4:30am. The Man, bless his heart, knew this was not the time to futz around and was really good about getting ready on time. I know, it sounds crazy but our internal clocks were still three hours ahead so it wasn't soooo bad. Anyway, this is what our Monday looked like:
6:00am - Appointment with the wedding licensee in Pearl City
9:00am - Appointment with the wedding photographer in Waikiki (he thought it was at 10:00am so we ended up meeting them at 9:30ish.)
11:30am - Hair & make up run through for me/ haircut for The Man
Afternoon - drive to Turtle Bay, check-in
3:00pm - Appointment with Turtle Bay Resort coordinator
We were HELLA busy our first full day. Yes, I wrote HELLA ... because it's true! But the reward was when we finally got to go to our hotel ...
Turtle Bay Resort is beautiful. It is the first four star hotel I've stayed in (I know I sound like a bumpkin but I told you my reasons.) I didn't tell many people but I chose this location from the feedback I received from close friends when I grilled them. I had never stepped foot on the resort but I knew I loved the beauty of the North Shore because I had been there many times. I had asked one friend who had attended a wedding at TBR what she thought. She told me she considered the resort for her own wedding but knew her family would want it to be in Waikiki. But she thought it was very pretty and definitely recommended it. Then I asked another friend who grew up there and he said that, hands down, that is the spot he would pick if and when he ever got married. He said, in his opinion, it was the nicest spot on the island. From those testimonials, and from the pictures I saw on the web, that is how I made my decision.
Another thing that you have to understand is that I just love being in Hawaii. I love it for a many reasons and it's why I go back year after year. For one, people celebrate their brown skin there. One too many cultures look down upon having dark brown skin and, unfortunately, have a society that aspires to be very fair or the lightest shade of brown possible (I know some of y'all have taken Asian American studies and we have talked about how horrible this is!) Hawaii also reminds me a lot of my favorite aspects of the Philippines - lush tropical beauty, friendly atmosphere, and, by physical appearance, I blend in! It was a nice change from many of the other places I've visited and have stuck out like a sore thumb. And just like the Philippines, the hospitality can't be beat (I should mention that The Man and I noticed during this visit just how many Filipinos work in hospitality - there are a lot!) and there is just a different pace - a little slower which is a lot nicer. Of course, what really did me in was the the few years that I danced hula. This made me appreciate the beauty and history of Hawaii because so many hulas and chants are about that - places in Hawaii, the appreciation of nature and the history of its people. My kumu made sure that we studied and understood the importance of each hula and chant and it really made a difference.
When we arrived at TBR, the front desk told us that our room was not yet ready. They apologized and said we could walk around for a little bit and then check back in with them. So The Man and I explored and saw that the resort was simply gorgeous. What I loved about TBR was how the property let the ocean be the main point of attraction. They kept the grounds very simple and clean yet made it look very natural. Here's what I mean:
OK, I included this picture because I'm wearing false lashes from the make up run through? I love false lashes!!!
So beautiful. I was so happy that I could barely contain myself. The Man was very happy because he saw it was the complete opposite of Waikiki which he cannot stand. My boy is a country boy at heart so he was quite pleased with the open space and lack of crowds. We checked in and were pleasantly surprised that we would be staying on the top floor - a guarantee for a beautiful view, I thought. We schlepped our bags to the room and that is when I completely fell in love with the place:
My friends asked the concierge to cover our hotel room with rose petals! They also left chocolate and coconut covered macademia nuts, passion fruit wine and an orchid lei! This wouldn't be the first time that my two close friends showed their fabulousness.
Can you believe this view? As soon as I opened the sliding glass doors, the sound of the waves filled the room.
A couple of minutes later, a bellboy brought up sparkling wine sent by the general manager.
I have never, ever had a room with an ocean view, much less an ocean view like this. Usually, my hotel scenery have been what I called "look left" views - I crane my neck out the window, look left, and in between two skyscrapers, I could see the ocean. And I was quite happy with that view! But this ... this was something else. I read somewhere that when TBR was taken over by it's the present owner, they had done a ton of renovations instead of demolishing and starting over. It was because if they did demolish the hotel, with the current laws, there is no way the state would let them build the new property so close to the water. So instead, they did over $70 million in renovations. And I completely understand. To be this close to the water is amazing. I visited my parents and my sister and both had spectacular views too.
I couldn't stop hugging and kissing The Man because I was so happy. This absolutely was the perfect place for our wedding.
Nearly a thousand pictures to sort through ...
and here's one:
I have the post-vacation blues :( Not only did I get to have 16 days in Hawaii, the longest I've stayed of all my trips, but I flippin' got married and had my honeymoon there! What a great vacation for so many reasons. And I definitely want to write all about it just so I can look back and read all the memories.
This was the first time, though, that I had jet lag and am having a hard time adapting to the three hour difference. With that, and having the post-vacation blues, I haven't been in the mood to start writing. Instead, I've taken the past three days to upload lots of pictures onto an online album. Then I went in and deleted the pictures that were almost identical or had people blinking. I'm sure I let some slip through, though. These are all the pictures shot by our photographers. Why didn't you just burn the CDs and mail them to the online album company, you ask? Well, when I tried to burn them, both my computers rejected it, saying I needed a DVD burner. What the heck? Anyway, 72 hours later, all the pictures have finally been uploaded. Seriously, my computer has been on all night and day, uploading the pictures. Thank goodness I can just leave it and go to sleep. I still need to download all the pictures we took before the wedding and our honeymoon.
So I leave you with one picture. And I hope to start writing soon!
PS: A couple of you wondered about the whole "Matt Damon" thing from the slideshow post. In my declaration of love during the ceremony (because they weren't vows but DOL is a bit formal, isn't it?), I had started off by calling The Man my "Filipino Matt Damon." I guess our photographer thought it was a hoot and highlighted it in our slideshow. It really only gets people wondering why it's there in the first place. But I don't mind :)
I have the post-vacation blues :( Not only did I get to have 16 days in Hawaii, the longest I've stayed of all my trips, but I flippin' got married and had my honeymoon there! What a great vacation for so many reasons. And I definitely want to write all about it just so I can look back and read all the memories.
This was the first time, though, that I had jet lag and am having a hard time adapting to the three hour difference. With that, and having the post-vacation blues, I haven't been in the mood to start writing. Instead, I've taken the past three days to upload lots of pictures onto an online album. Then I went in and deleted the pictures that were almost identical or had people blinking. I'm sure I let some slip through, though. These are all the pictures shot by our photographers. Why didn't you just burn the CDs and mail them to the online album company, you ask? Well, when I tried to burn them, both my computers rejected it, saying I needed a DVD burner. What the heck? Anyway, 72 hours later, all the pictures have finally been uploaded. Seriously, my computer has been on all night and day, uploading the pictures. Thank goodness I can just leave it and go to sleep. I still need to download all the pictures we took before the wedding and our honeymoon.
So I leave you with one picture. And I hope to start writing soon!
PS: A couple of you wondered about the whole "Matt Damon" thing from the slideshow post. In my declaration of love during the ceremony (because they weren't vows but DOL is a bit formal, isn't it?), I had started off by calling The Man my "Filipino Matt Damon." I guess our photographer thought it was a hoot and highlighted it in our slideshow. It really only gets people wondering why it's there in the first place. But I don't mind :)
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