Leisurely hike, my @ss

The Man wanted to do several adventurous things while we were on vacation. No problem, I said. Kayaking, ziplining and ATV - sounds like fun. "Oh hon," my new husband said, "I'd like to go on an adventure trail but it's all day. Don't worry, the book says it's easy. Takes an hour and a half to get to and it's faster going back down the mountain."
Evidently, easy is subjective. I should have raised more questions when I saw we were packing 128 oz of water, a compass and snacks. Also keep in mind that I am very clear about my likes and dislikes. More power to you if you enjoy camping. I do not. I am much better at beaches and regional parks – places that the city or county are in charge of maintaining. I am not good in the wilderness. By wilderness, I mean the jungle.
After four hours of hiking, we were at the secret tunnel. We couldn't go through and continue, though, because it was going to be dark in a couple of hours and we needed to be done before then or else we would be in complete darkness. I broke down crying three times. I mean, all out, hyperventilating sobs. I'm not proud, it was what it was. I was exhausted, cold, wet, muddy and had fallen numerous times. It got to the point where I was scared of everything because I was falling left and right. To be fair to The Man, the book did mark this trail as easy. And the book also said it would be muddy for only the first 150 yards. It was muddy the ENTIRE TIME. I wore sneakers but lost traction from all the mud gathered in the treads. And sometimes I lost my sneakers in the mud. But we finished in 6 1/2 hours. We made it back to the car right after sunset so there was still a little light left.
Honestly, I hated this hike. I prefer nicely paved or packed trails ... like Diamond Head. I was so tired but this was really important to him and something that he wanted us to do so, by golly, I wasn’t going to quit. We were going to find that damn tunnel! And with the help of his compass, going on wrong trails that lead us back to where we started and running into poor strangers who bought the same guidebook as us, we finally found that ugly tunnel. The Man felt bad that I was bruised, bitten and scratched (and hating life!) so I got a spa treatment the next day ... on him!
Anyway, The Man documented our hike and made a video. Unfortunately, there was no way I could hike and hold the camera so there's no footage of him :( But I told him within the first 10 minutes, I would have slipped and smashed his camera against a rock so it was for the best. You will see from his editing that he has a kooky sense of humor. Yes, I love my husband.


Death March Monday HD from Gram on Vimeo.

PS: At the end, he mentioned that I couldn't sleep that night. It's true! I kept dreaming that I was falling, slipping or tripping. My body would jerk and I would gasp, "Honey! I fell!" And he laughed and said I was dreaming. This happened at least four times during the night.