What to expect when you're no longer expecting

There are just some things people don't talk too much about. Or, in this case, write about. But I think it's good for people to know they're not alone. So here I go. Writing about one of the dreaded words ...
Miscarriage.
I know quite a few women who have miscarried. Often times, at least what I've noticed among my circle, is that it happens the second time around. So I knew there was a chance. But boy does it knock you off your feet. There's really no way to prepare.
Just like w/ The Bun, I started documenting this pregnancy, my second one, ready to hit "publish" the minute I was at 12 weeks AKA the safe zone. I wrote how I had planned on telling The Man, how this time I was going to be very happy how I did the big reveal. How I wanted to make it special. And I did! He was surprised. He was scared. He was happy. We both were. It was a beautiful moment. That was going to be my second entry.
But then that weekend, I had stomach cramps. So even though I was only six weeks along, I scheduled an appointment with my doctor. Prior to seeing her, she ordered blood work. Upon examination and reviewing my results, she determined that I was probably just constipated. Silly me, I thought! How embarrassing. But then my doctor said she couldn't find anything in my ultrasound. I could be really early on but she thought it would be best if I continued to have lab work done for my HCG (human chorionic gonadotropin) levels because the initial results were low. Over the span of a week, I went to the lab four times. If you read any of my entries during my pregnancy or when I went into labor, you know that I do not enjoy going to the lab.
The Man accompanied me again at my next appointment. My doctor said that while my HCG levels were rising, it wasn't at the normal rate. Not at all what we expected to hear.
My doctor asked that I get more blood tests the next day. I got a call later that same day from my doctor. She said that my HCG level plateaued. Regardless of whatever pregancy I am having, it's not normal and will not result in a full-term pregnancy. She suspected I have an ectopic AKA tubal pregnancy. My doctor wanted me to go to the lab again tomorrow and then one more time on Sunday. If her suspicions were true, I would need to take Methotrexate: used to stop the growth of an early ectopic pregnancy. This would result in me taking it over the span of three days and then being monitored for two weeks, thus having to stay home rather than go to Hawaii. This started my pity party - because my doctor insisted I have an ectopic pregnancy, she said she couldn't recommend I travel. After all, I would have to be monitored.
No baby and no Hawaii? How shitty is that. After the shellshock, I was upset. I didn't want anymore tests. I just wanted to DO something already. Whatever I needed to do. Why wait until Monday? And I HATE the lab. I addition to hating just being there, it felt like my hope died each time I got my blood taken because I knew that the results would be no good. I was tired of it and knew that I would have to go several times after the procedure (when I was supposed to be in Hawaii) so why bother with these last two appointments?
I called my hospital and ended up speaking with a different doctor because mine was gone for the day. He reviewed my chart and said that I should come in tomorrow to see the OB-GYN available rather than just doing labs. I ended up meeting with the Chief of Obstetrics and Gynecology today. Before talking about terminating the pregnancy, he wanted to make sure it was indeed an abnormal pregnancy. After I went to the lab again, he sent me to radiology/ultrasound rather than just having a regular ultrasound at the OB/GYN department. After being at the hospital a total of four hours, I finally saw the Chief again. He had my lab and ultrasound results back. My abnormal pregancy was an absolute. There was no embryo in the gestational sac. I will inevitably have a miscarriage.
There were three options:
1) Letting me naturally miscarry. This meant I would not know when it would happen during my pregnancy and I could bleed a lot. So much so that I would need a transfusion. A bit too risky for them to recommend.
2) D & C. For those not in the know, it's also known as dilation and curettage, is a surgical procedure often performed after a first trimester miscarriage. Dilation means to open up the cervix; curettage means to remove the contents of the uterus. Curettage may be performed by scraping the uterine wall with a curette instrument or by a suction curettage (also called vacuum aspiration), using a vacuum-type instrument.
3) Taking Methotrexate. It's like pitocin for miscarriages. It prompts the process and I would go through all the physical symptoms of a miscarriage.
We decided it would be best for me to have a D&C. Mine is scheduled for tomorrow. Ah, here another part of the pity party. Tomorrow morning, I had scheduled a massage and facial as a Mama's Day gift to myself. They are far and few between now and I had thought it would be great to have one. I had to cancel it so I could have my D&C.
On one hand, it's a relief to have a resolution. As terrible as it is, at least there's an action plan. For nearly two weeks, I've been anxious, having my blood taken again and again, hearing that the news isn't good but there was no final word. Now there is one.
What I am scared about is that once I have the D&C and they take my blood a couple of days later, they will realize that I do have an ectopic pregnancy and I'll have to take the medicine that will make me have an actual miscarriage and I won't be able to travel after all. You may think it sounds shallow but after knowing that my pregnancy won't result in a baby, I really want an escape to one of my favorite destinations. I would rather NOT be at home, going to the lab every few days to make sure that my baby is gone.