Scratch, my as$

I'm all for making stuff from scratch. (Remember when I baked drunk? Coconut crunch cookies ... from scratch!)

But there are certain foods that I will always "add 1 cup of water and mix." How can you beat that??? I just made these muffins last night. Sure, they have a bunch of sugar but whatever, they taste good.

I like boxed mashed potatoes, too. I don't care what anyone says.

And I'm not even PMS-ing

"Life choices." That is such a buzz word at the J-O-B. So I question a few of my own. Don't confuse the following self-evaluation as regrets or what-ifs. It's just stuff I've wondered about and, while I don't question the outcomes, I wonder about the swiftness (or not) of my actions.

Not sure if it's the change in my meds but even The Man says I'm more serious about stuff and he wishes I was my playful self again. (OK, the only true meds I take are BC. I take vitamins, though, and maybe I need to hit the Flinstones bottle again.) I'm hoping that if I write down some of the stuff that's been floating in my head then it would be out and I could be my more normal self. Perhaps writing it down will be like fiber for my brain and I can end my psychological constipation and take a mental poop. A huge apology to my psych friends for the poor, grotesque and crass comparison ;)

Career - Very few people I know have had as many internships as me. I had a buttload between undergrad and grad school:
1. on-campus social service agency (Unfortunately, it wasn't b/c I wanted to be this awesome world-changer. I needed the units and wasn't able to crash the classes I wanted)
2. high-tech PR firm (didn't like it and it eventually went belly up after the Dot-Bomb)
3. radio station (for free! I interned for free! :( It was OK but not what I wanted to do and I had to work another job so I would at least break even)
4. television station (liked it)
5. event management company (didn't like it at all. I find it to be thankless but I highly respect the folks who do this. I definitely enjoy attending an event rather than planning.)
6. Another television station (again, for free!!! But I had a great experience.)
These internships were often in addition to a job and I did work at a TV station for a year after I graduated.
Obviously, these were all trial and error. I figured out many times over what I did NOT want as a career. But it was and still is difficult to figure out what I want to be. I've been struggling with the thought that it is possible to have a job that I'm in love with and passionate about or is a job a career that I like just enough and its only purpose is to fund the things that bring me joy - traveling, hobbies, having fun with my friends, and taking care of my family.
Somehow, I ended up back at a social service agency. Crazy, right? Who woulda thunk it. And I don't regret it for a minute. I love the people at my work. But I don't know if it's where I'm meant to be. I'm really torn about this right now. Luckily, I've been able to express this to my boss and am currently trying to figure out where I can grow in the organization and if there's a place for me. So that's a big fat "to be continued."

Love - no, not The Man (I can just imagine the e-mails and phone calls of "What the hell happened???") More like who I am when I'm in a relationship and do I like myself when I'm part of a couple. So yes, this is all about me:P For the most part, I do. I learned A LOT about myself from the previous one. I was very immature then. I didn't believe in compromise, I threw tantrums, I wanted to change him into someone else. Now don't get me wrong, despite all this, I was still a dandy girlfriend. I was 17 years old, for crap's sake! (And for me to sing my own praises, I'd have to put the Ex on blast and there's really no need for that. Just know we clearly were not meant to be.) After that relationship was over, I knew that I didn't want to be THAT girl again. What do I mean? I would have to take the next guy "as is." No man-project, no trying to change someone. Because I didn't want anyone to try to change ME. That's right, people, I come "as is" too.
I have learned to compromise, keep my tantrums at bay, to have patience (that's a new one) and am still working on some other stuff. I am guilty of making the love of my life my entire life. Not because he asked me to but I just did it. I've put that person ahead of my friends, family, school and/or work. Bad girl!! That's something I continually work out in my head. I've gotten better at having balance in my life.
It's also hard for me to distinguish the different between compromise and settling. If you can't tell already, I have stubborn tendencies. I know this so I work on it. (I don't want to be anyone else's project but I believe in making myself better and being my own "work-in-progress.") When do you know that you've crossed that line of compromise and ended up in the world of settling? I'm always getting ticked off at myself for that because that line is fuzzy, if not invisible, to me. Like most women, I was brought up to be an independent woman [insert Destiny's Child song] and not to put up with any $hit. However, when being part of a relationship, there is a certain amount of "$hit" one deals with because, whether you like it not, they are putting up with yours!
No one want to be taking advantage of and that's what happens when you go into the world of settling. Have I confused you yet? I fear that I'm the only one that wonders about this one. I know The Man deals with this too even though he doesn't come out and say it. From time to time, we express our frustration, happiness, likes and dislikes. But not a lot. And I am A-OK with that because you can only talk about your relationship so much (we don't want to be THAT couple.)

I'm sure there's more tucked away but being stone serious isn't something I like to do for a long period of time. My head feels a little lighter now, in a good way. Nothing like a good brain dump to ease the mind.

See what you did, Pookie?? You went and put up that picture of how a chick's brain works and I got all mushy and crapped out an emotional post ;)

I promised to explain

A follow up to my "Mabuhay y'all!" post.

1. "My hair is too long for bucket showers" - The bucket shower, better known as "Tabu"(sounds like "tah'-boh'") is where you use a large bucket and a smaller bucket to bathe. What you do is put hot water in the bucket, add the cold water until the temperature is right for you, and use the smaller bucket to scoop out the water and dump it on you to wet yourself / rinse off soap / rinse out shampoo. In my experience, hot water is not usually available. You would think that the humidity and heat would make a cold bucket shower refreshing. Unfortunately, it's more shocking to the body than anything else. Check out this blog if you need "tabu"clarification. (No affiliation with the writer, just thought it was a good explanation.)

If you've seen my head of [huge] hair, you know that it will take buckets and buckets (and more buckets) to wash my hair. I must shampoo twice and then condition. Since tabu showers cause lots of splashing, which leads to small and big pools of still water, the 'skeeters are almost always near by just waiting to use my body as a buffet table.

Many if not most places in the Philippines have the typical American showers. But there are still a few places, even remote resorts, that haven't caught up to the craze called, "shower heads."

2. "I'm about 10-15 lbs too heavy for my relatives' comfort" - When I was 19 years old, I took a trip to the Philippines. I had a lot going on in my life at that time and wasn't dealing to well with it. I was about 12 lbs lighter and a size 2/3 from eating a lot less and taking up smoking. (Just so you get the picture, before I left for vacation, one of my college friends asked me if I was taking drugs because I had dropped so much weight.)

Upon my arrival, a relative said, "You look good! It's good to be curvy." An uncle told me later that my body was good for childbirthing and it's OK that I wasn't skinny.

Last time I went I was probably the size that I am now - 5/6. I was flat out called "fat." One of the more rude ones said, "You're so pretty but why are you so fat?" What am I supposed to say to that? I know, sounds terrible but my relatives* are so frank with each other that when I came back to the US, I was comfortable being "fat" and had made peace with it.


*Don't think that all my relatives are a$sholes. A few of them are too blunt but the rest of them are so sweet. They always ask when I'm going to visit and are super sweet to me when I finally get there. It's just two or three that need one of my Uggs up their a$s. The majority of my relatives are extremely hospitable and are very very loving. I can't wait to see them :)

I have to add that my parents and sister have never made me feel bad about my weight or even mention it in a negative way.

Mabuhay y'all!

It's true - I'm going to the Philippines!

Now, a few of you might think, "What's the big deal? You're Filipino. You should be going to your Motherland." Here's the thing - I am 100% American, too. The whole identity or labeling thing has the potential to be a whole other long a$$ entry but just know there is a difference between being Filipino and Filipino American. Obviously, I fall under the latter.

What does that mean? Well, you can't really generalize Filipino Americans (FA) either b/c we're all different. And just like the US, the Philippines has different regions and provinces so each FA could quite possibly have a very different background from the next. For instance, like a kid from Hollywood vs. a kid from the Bronx vs a kid from Waco. Different.

Here are some of my obstacles -
1. I am extremely uncomfortable in 90+ degree weather. Sleeping is damn near impossible.
2. I speak Filipino food only.
3. My hair is too long for bucket showers. Again, this would be a whole new blog entry but I'll get to it, I promise.
4. I'm about 10-15 lbs too heavy for my relatives' comfort (you bet your sweet a$s that's going to be another blog entry.)
5. I am irregular when I travel. This probably makes me the most sad. Not a damn thing to do with being FA, it just makes traveling difficult.

Despite these obstacles, I'm very excited to be going. I've been to the Philippines a few times and know how to make it fun. Trial and error right? Here are my plans for my vacation in a few months -
1. Two weeks max. A lot of people say that two weeks is too short. That I would need to stay at least three weeks to get my money's worth. Believe you me, two weeks is long enough for me to stay anywhere. Don't judge me! That's just how it is.
2. My own room. Heaven bless my parents. They are so sweet. But one hotel room is NOT big enough for me, my dad and AL. Not when I was 17, not when I was 21 and certainly not now. But since I'm gainfully employed, I can spring for my own room. This prevents a war being waged between AL and AL Junior. Yes, I absolutely admit that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
3. Spa-ing in a third world country. Don't know if it's a Filipino thing but AL has never been into spa treatments. I didn't really get into spas until the past year. Well, guess what?? The Philippines has many many resorts where people from Australia, America, Japan and Hawaii vacation (don't ask me, they just do.) It's still a tad pricey but less expensive than American spas. And they are top notch because of their clientele. That's right, BIG PIMPIN' on a small budget.

Well, I'm pretty sure this question is in vain b/c I know my peeps. Got any suggestions for my PI trip? I'm open to them.

Oh, did I mention that I will be meeting The Man's side of the family my second week? Please, enlighten me: Why are female relatives SO protective of their male family members? Brothers, uncles, cousins, nephews. I kid you not when I say I'm a little bit skahred to meet his family. I'll ask you to wish me luck when my vacation draws nearer.

My friends kick a$s

I LOVE Grey's Anatomy. I love it so much that a coworker/friend left me a voicemail message over the weekend saying Grey's Anatomy Season One was on sale at Target.

Well, last week, I helped another coworker/friend take care of 24 kids for Valentine's Day. When the night was over, I told her that my ovaries shrunk into little raisins and that I sewed up my vagina when I went to the bathroom. She said I took friendship to a whole new level ;) As a thank you gift, she bought me this and gave it to me yesterday.

I am sooooooo happy. I am one of those people that will watch the DVD, then watch the outtakes, then rewatch the DVD with commentary and then watch the bonus material. Maybe not all at once but I am very thorough when I love my show/movie.

*Bet you thought my application (see Pookiepie's blog comments) was in vain. I think not. I've got bomb a$s friends. Fo'reel tho.

Three day weekend, anyone?

The Man is union. The Man gets a four day weekend.

I get squat. That's right. I'm going to work on Friday AND Monday. Think that's the pits? On Monday, I have a 7:30am meeting and a 6:00pm meeting so it's not like I can sleep in or leave work early. I'm going to end up working a 12-hour day. SON OF A BISCUIT!

Because it's only RIGHT but doesn't even began to make up for my NO-three-day-weekend, I will be getting a pedicure at my favorite nail salon for lunch tomorrow. In no way does my pedicure take away the injustice of working on Monday but at least I will have cute toes. Damn straight.

No one likes an ugly bridesmaid dress

My friend, Maria, was kind enough to ask me to be in her wedding. So this October, I will be going to Oahu. There's something to be said about my annual tropical tradition. See? It's fate! Hawaii beckons me. And you didn't believe me.

Bless Maria's heart, she wants us to be in comfortable bridesmaid dresses. She's decided on a short, cotton, black version of her wedding dress available on JCrew. Yes, friends, that means I won't be wearing some WHACK A$S size that they ("they" being the sadistic wedding dress makers) conjure up which, in turn, makes women subject themselves to cabbage soup only diets and a pack of cigarettes for every meal until the big day. Freakin' SOBs.

This is what she's thinking about having us wear -

Praise be, she is actually considering dresses we can wear again! It's a sunset/evening wedding and the guys will be all in tuxes so Maria figures it's best to have us in short black cotton dresses. Throw some flowers in my hair and I am good to go! Best of all, it's $98 minus tax and S&H. I could kiss her.

Yah for not having a Bridezilla as a friend. Phew!
And just when you thought I couldn't get more little old lady-ish ...
I have found my new favorite yarn store, Nine Rubies. That's right, folks! I'm completely unapologetic - I am going to talk about a yarn store.
Nine Rubies is less than ten minutes away from my work. Danger, danger! But it's the first yarn store I've been in that is beautiful yet completely unpretentious. The mother/daughter duo are pretty awesome and give spectacular customer service. Plus, how can I NOT like a place this pretty?

I know, I know. I'm a disappointment to all those that have known me as the gal with the inscripted flask, "Who's Your Daddy?" Well, maybe they'll allow me to have it at the next Knit Happens meeting. Wouldn't that be ironic*?

*Knitting drunk is very, very bad. It's as bad as, if not worse than, blogging drunk. Yarn can be very expensive and fixing f-ed up projects could be even more expensive, costing me my sanity. If I were to bring said flask, I would have to cease all projects for the evening. Eh, I could deal ;)

My back ache, my butt too tight, my hips shake from left to right ...

Haven't been blogging lately because work has been pretty stressful. Because I don't want to LOSE my job over something so silly as me writing about my job, I'll just say that it's been keeping me busy.

Thanks for being understanding!

Quick clothing update

How did I handle my business? Or a better question would be, "How did I spend my Superbowl Sunday?"

I went to the Gilroy Premium Outlets and marched my happy a$s to the Ann Taylor Factory. I LOVE this store!! I did not dress very snazzy (aka I looked tore up) but I got the best customer service. Three women helped me out. No lie.

Why Ann Taylor Factory is the bomb:
1. awesome customer service.
2. suits that fit. Well, evidently my size ranges. One pants suit is size 6 petite pants and size 6 regular blazer while my other pants suit is a size 4 pants and a size 8 petite blazer. That's right. I'm a size 4 to 8. How random is that???
3. Each pants suit was $119

That's right. $119 each. I also opened up a credit card account, advised by Karaway, and got an additional 10% off. I look forward to the future coupons that Miss K promised I would receive. Despite my many sizes, Ann Taylor has very nice clothes and bless them for having a Factory store! Between that and their Loft, I'm going to actually look like a big girl.

*Because I don't want to fully insulate my bedroom with my wardrobe, I did give a bag full of tanks, sweaters and pants to a teen program in a coastal housing project community. Ahhhhh, nothing like a good clothing cleansing.

Funny Moment(s) #5

My work started a knitting club to help us become more community-oriented. (Yes, I had a hand in it's inception and no, you didn't read my profile wrong. I am not 72 but, in fact, truly 27.) Whatever. I really like to knit and would like to be better. Don't make me kick your a$s.

Tonight, we were a mix of coworkers and clients. We were so diverse in ages! I did the introductions and found out that our youngest member was 8 years old but I didn't dare ask who was the oldest ;) Anyhoo, remember Maria and Suzy? (Click here to refresh your memory.) That's right, they joined the knitting group too. I'm sure you understand that no good can come out of our mouths when the three of us are together.

In the midst of respectable older ladies and far far away from our little youngster, we were muttering inappropriate things to each other.

Suzy, learning how to knit for the very first time: "I'm knitting a muff muppet."

Me, who forgot all her stuff at home and borrowed Maria's needles and red yarn: "I'm knitting you a tampon cozy."

Maria, always quick in response: "For the new or bloody ones?"

But my favorite moment? When Suzy found out that not only did I NOT have cable but I was barbaric enough to still use dial-up. Suzy screeched, "Are you kidding me?! My kids eat Top Ramen so I can have Comcast!"

Funny $hit, man. I love my coworkers.