Wedding, weight and whatever else ...

She's writing about weight AND her wedding again?! Jeezus!
Hey, if you're thinking that, I don't blame you. I would think that too. But here's the thing. Whatever I'm doing right now, it is NOT working because I'm not seeing results. Power yoga 2x a week, gym 2x a week, Jenny Craig ... it's not working. I keep going back to my I-Hate-My-(Old)-Job weight. I thought that if I went from doing practically nothing to doing the things I listed, I would go back to my standard weight. I am not secure enough to reveal the number but I will tell you it's a 13 lbs difference. And I'm not talking about going back to my skinniest. I think that isn't reasonable just now (FYI: that's a 21 lbs difference) but I think that the weight I am now, the most I've ever weighed to date, is now my standard weight - my plateau, if you will. I mean, I've changed my eating habits and have taken the initiative to work out more has not made a difference.
As I was explaining to my cousin, I want to be at my best for the wedding. Not the skinniest I've ever been but what I'm accustomed to being. Or what I was a year and a half ago. I'm uncomfortable where I am now. I realize that I was "letting myself go" and allowing myself to get away with it because (and this is horrible) I have a man and am in a good relationship. I'm not on the dating scene and I don't need to impress anyone. Part of the reason The Man is wonderful is he never makes me feel bad. In fact, he swears he cannot tell the difference between me now and me two years ago. And I figured, well, if he's happy with me, I'M happy with me. But I'm not. I miss fitting into my clothes. I miss feeling decent in a bathing suit. I miss feeling fit.
So I got a personal trainer. This was a difficult decision because I've always thought that it was a frivolous expense. I mean, I can push myself to work out. Why should I pay a person or a gym to push me? But I know I'm just not motivated enough to do more than what I'm currently doing. So I went to my gym and signed up for a trainer to train with from now until a couple weeks after the wedding. I'm also calorie counting (something I refused to do in the past because it's a pain in the ass!) because I am obviously eating more calories than I am burning. The wedding was a good wake up call. But what helped me make this decision was that I am doing it for me. Not because Jon wants me to look like I did when I met him (which, by all means, wasn’t spectacular) but I felt better about myself. What’s hard to swallow – almost harder than the fact that I’m not losing this weight on my own – is the expense. But check it out. My mom gave me a document last week, saying that I probably didn’t know it was missing but I may want it. It was a check from my old job.
WHAT?!
OK, my head must have been up my ass when I received it because I remember receiving it. I got this check two months after I left my old job. I remember that I was surprised to receive a check two months later so I had called an old coworker who quit the same time as me. She explained to me that it was the last bonus I earned before I left. All this time, I thought I had deposited it but I hadn’t. I left it at my parents’ house and forgot about it. No, I was (and am still) not in the position where I can just forget about money. But I was already at another job so I had a steady paycheck coming in. And, like I said, my head must have been up my ass. Anyway, nearly a year later, I deposited the check (yes, it’s still good!) And the hard earned money that I plum forgot about is now paying for personal trainer.
As for the wedding, there is still no news about the dress but I am in communication with the boutique. It’s coming from China to New York and she is calling the New York dress manufacturer every week to find out the date it’s coming in. I don’t understand this kooky bridal dress industry but I’m hoping that it will be in soon. I’m worried but I keep telling myself that it’s almost prom season so if worse comes to worse, Mama is looking for a white prom dress. (No, it doesn’t make me feel a ton better but I’m trying to not freak out.) My ceremony location emailed me to remind me that my checklist is due and that we need to schedule a 60-90 minute phone conference this month to discuss the details. I was a very surprised at first (I told The Man this and I think that’s a huge reason why I got the flowers) because I thought we would be handling everything through email and, if need be, phone calls. But I realize that this is excellent customer service and I am more than happy to comply with a phone conference. That is scheduled at the end of this month.
Last thing – voting. I am proud to say that I voted yesterday. I don’t know much about politics but I have to say that these are exciting times. I honestly thought I would be much older before I would see a minority and a woman vie for a party nomination. It’s truly incredible. If only one of them was gay, then it would be a liberal's dream come true :) Seriously! (And before anyone tells me that Hillary is quite conservative, I already know that. I'm just stating that it's fantastic that we have a woman and a black man being taken under consideration for the Democratic nomination.) I think that this is the most I’ve ever been excited about an election. Well, there have been post-elections that have evoked strong emotions from me - when Bush was re-elected and when Schwarzenegger was elected as governor. Anyway, I voted. I feel like I’m entitled to complaining if I want because I exercised my right to vote. Complaining to random people and not voting doesn’t mean squat because how can you make a difference if you don’t vote?
That’s all the updates for now.