You either got 'em or you don't ... right?

This entry is for the ladies who weren't born with that maternal instinct. You know if it's you. It's definitely me.
I have friends and family who always knew they wanted to be a mommy. It was a certain for them. "I'm going to get married. And then I'm going to have children." I may have said it. After all, I didn't want to be the freak who didn't know if she would be a mom. But I really wasn't sure. Especially in my early 20s. I thought for sure after college, those instincts, those wants, would kick in. Imagine being in a sorority, almost all of them itching to get married right after graduation, most of them wanting to be a mommy shortly thereafter, and half of them studying to be elementary teachers. These were definitely mamas in the making. And I remember I wouldn't say much. I knew that I wanted to be married. I knew that I wanted a career in something. But I was indifferent about having kids.
There could be several reasons. I thought in the past that maybe it was because I was the baby and I liked being pampered. Maybe I was a bit spoiled and didn't want to think about having to take care of someone else. I wasn't sure. I mean, I didn't mind and wasn't opposed to the idea of looking after someone else but had no experience since I was the youngest. I'm also pretty sure that a lot of my indifference had to do with how insecure I was about my body. I always had negative feelings about my body and the thought of putting on extra poundage that I could quite possibly never take off scared the hell out of me. Like when you get pregnant. Yup, I'm almost certain a lot had to do with that. And then, as I mentioned, I just didn't have those yearnings the way other women had. The ones that knew that they were born to be a mom.
So what changed?
I figured I should address that before I scare people and you think, "Well what the HELL is she having a baby for then?!" A lot has to do with my partner. Keep in mind, I never not wanted a baby. I just didn't have the aching other people had and I was scared of the permanent damage my body would face. I was honestly petrified of that because I felt like I had no control of my body in the first place without facing additional challenges.
Then I met a man who truly wanted a family with children. He, unlike me, knew he was born to be a dad. No joke. This guy wants to be a father. But the reason I didn't run for the hills is because all his reasons, in my opinion, are the right reasons. He didn't see children as filling a void, fixing a problem or as some macho deed to "spread his seed." The Man saw it as a way to make our family even better. He thought that if we had this much love for each other, imagine how great our love would be for our children. He loves the idea that our child will be able to meet three out of his/her four grandparents. And then there are the things he doesn't say but the things he does. I see how The Man is with our puppies. Now I know, believe me, I know pets are different from babies but I see how tenderly he treats them. I see how this tough construction worker comes home and is just a total softie around our pups. (His coworkers would never believe it.) This is a guy who boiled chicken for months because that was the only way they would eat - if he mixed chicken and kibble.
You get the point. I could see us working as a team to raise a child. I saw someone who would step in when I was exhausted or felt beat up. I knew he would truly be my partner.
So I thought about it. I thought about all the things that made him so happy about the idea of having a child. My indifference changed. Up until this point, I could have gone either way - be a childless couple or be a couple with children. But I thought about it and thought about it. Because I didn't want to be someone who brought a baby into this world without truly wanting him/her. While The Man's excitment of having a baby was contagious, I wanted to want one all on my own. I thought about it before we got married. I thought about it after we got married. Then I thought some more. And then I asked him if he was willing to wait until the beginning of 2009 to start a family. This was a surprise to him because I had talked about wanting to try a couple years down the road, maybe when I was 32. But I was ready. I saw and did everything I wanted to do before having a baby. No, I didn't travel all over the world or discover my dream career. But I am happy with my life and ready to make my life better. And more complicated :)
And there it is. I was this young woman who was indifferent about having a baby. Now I am this 30 year old lady who cried when she saw her baby through the ultrasound. People evolve, people change. I did.
Here's looking forward to the adventures of being pregnant and then being a mommy! And no, I never thought I'd be one of those women who blog on and on about her baby.
TOO BAD! :)