A dear friend from college is visiting and wanted to get together. She sent out an evite way back when to ensure we would all save the date. It's for a dinner in the city. At 8:00 PM.
This means me going from the Peninsula, where I work, to the East Bay, would be ridiculous. And The Man, while very sweet and caring, felt a little jipped when this event came around because he had been spending several weekends taking care of The Bun while I was sick. And then last weekend, we ended up spending it with my parents because my Dad is in a rehab center recovering from knee replacement surgery. And The Man has a right to feel jipped. He hasn't had any time for himself.
Oh, and did I mention last Friday was a friend's birthday dinner? I wanted and had to go!
This is my dilemma. I go out a lot less now that I'm a Mama. Way back in my early 20s, I went out almost every weekend. That lasted two years. Typically, especially when I was in a relationship w/ my now hubby, I went out maybe twice a month with friends on the weekends and the occasion happy hour during the work week. I had hula class and practice 2x/ week. But it wasn't a big deal since I'm much more of a homebody than anything else. Then I had a baby. I've drastically reduced my gallivanting (including hobbies!) because I've got a baby to raise.
But even though I rarely go out, it's still more than The Man. Because he is a homebody and somewhat of a loner. I'm not complaining! I love spending time with him and am glad I don't have to compete with friends. It's awesome! He is so generous and loving.
What I struggle with is that I like to be fair. I'm all about 50/50. And it's just not 50/50 because I go out with friends. I'm way more social. I like routine. So I go to yoga once a week. I go out 2x/month with friends. Do the math, this is a drop in the bucket. But, again, it is 100% more than what The Man does.
Friends tell me to stop feeling guilty. They say that it's not my fault or his fault that this can't be 50/50. It's all about preference. But I do feel guilty because he's incredibly generous and loving and I want him to have what I have. But he doesn't really want it. We tried designating a day and time for him so that, while he doesn't like group fitness classes, he could go biking or running. Or just futz somewhere outside of the house.
But it somehow didn't work out. I think because he wasn't beholden to someone else's schedule, like an instructor or a buddy, it wasn't easy for him to keep a scheduled appointment. Even though it was his schedules free time!
Anyway, this weekend is supposed to be his weekend. And I think what was the problem in the past was that he wanted to stay home but if The Bun and I were home, there was no way he could ignore us. Or hole up in a room. So I'm doing my best to take The Bun out of the house and be out for most of the day on Saturday and Sunday. He can hopefully feel like he's getting back some of his time and relax in his own home. He deserves it and I want to give this to him.
In the meantime, I'm now packing up at work and heading out. In the rain. To go to this aromatic joint:
*And this is how I know I'm not the party gal I used to be. I loved going to San Francisco, rain or shine. Now I would much rather be home in my jammies come bedtime!
1 comment:
I hear ya! You know I love SF as much as the next girl...but at this age, with a kiddo at home and a husband that works hard, I'd feel guilty, too. Heck, I feel guilty for scheduling a haircut 1 week in advance. I haven't been out to dinner with just friends (sans the husband) since K was born. But, in reality, I don't miss it. I'd rather play "kitchen" or legos with my boy.
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