Funny moment #4

I once made the mistake of playing an "inappropriate" (I mean, it really is subjective) game with coworkers. See, you go through the alphabet trying to find a word matching the letter you get that is, well, colorful. It can be a couple of words or a phrase, too. As long as it starts with your letter. You should try it sometime. "Q" and "Z" are pretty tricky. Just make sure that the people you ask to participate in the game aren't frigid or prissy.

Tonight, I'm in the car with some friends and we decide to play this game. Two of the guys talk about crazy $hit all the time so we knew they would be fun. The third guy, David, is more reserved and a bit shy but he goes along with it. Maria and I invented this game so you know that we're OK. I start.

"A$shole." Not so bad, right?

Maria says, "Bunghole." Even milder.

"C*nt" says Tom. OK, well, I told you it's colorful.

David thinks about it. His face brightens and he blurts out,
"Deep throat protein blast!"

*Now, I'm no innocent small town girl but have you EVER heard of that???? And if you don't know what he meant, I'm sorry. I cannot help you.

Lulu's first hat

Hope y'all had a great Christmas! Mine was pretty swell. I hung out with Sister, WGD, The Boy and my parents. We went to a very fun Christmas Eve party at our Aunt & Uncle's, complete with carolers! Granted, a few of them had thick Filipino accents - OK, just the loud one - but it added charm to the festivities. (Sit back and just imagine: "We wish you a Merrrrry Chrishmash, we wish you a Merrrrry Chrishmash, we wish you a Merrrry Chrishmash... and a Haffy New Yearrrrr!" Or, "Pah-leez Nabeedahd, Pah-leez Nabeedahd, Pah-leez Nabeedahd, FrosFero año y Peeleeceedud.") But seriously, I loved them, it was spectacular caroling, and I never felt more in the holiday spirit. And ethnic. In a good way.

We saw my brother on Christmas day and had a nice and intimate family day. The day after we took the dreaded family picture (I won't even go into it. Except to say what my sister said, "We asked for a photographer who knew how to deal with special needs people and it looks like they gave us a photographer with special needs." She was a dumb a$s. Teaches me to go within ten feet of Southland Mall.) But over all, it was a lovely Christmas.

And guess what?? I learned how to knit a beenie! D-Doll was my spotter for my first attempt, cheering me on (and sometimes, troubleshooting my "how did she do that?" mistakes.) Now I can knit hats! You may not find it a big deal but I've been knitting rectangles for damn near a year. I'm pretty sure that I'll be content knitting hats and scarves for another year. I'm much less ambitious than my kick-a$s-sweater-knitting sister. (I think she will blog about it soon.)

Sooo, *drum roll please* here is Lulu's first hat! Ahh-sukie-sukie now.










(Yes, I'm aware it looks like it's from Fat Albert.)

A sexy drunk baker

Well, self-proclaimed but nevertheless!

FYI: Blogging drunk is a dangerous thing.

This evening I baked coconut crunch cookies aka Piggy's Crack Cookies (thanks D-Doll!) But I have to call them "coconut crunch cookies" because I work in an environment with small children. And while I would love to sell our kids and families "crack cookies," I think they might wig out.

Some background: Tomorrow, my work is having a bake sale and I decided to go back to a hobby I haven't done in years! In fact, since I lived with Ms Lips. I spent about 45 minutes at Albertson's buying ingredients and trying to find that damn baking powder (yes, "baking powder". Recipe also calls for baking soda.)

Anyhoo, The Man and I are having a tiff (I know, I know! Never write about your significant other unless you want the $hit to hit the fan so that's all I'm going to say.) I came up with a brilliant (that's right, "brilliant!") idea that while I'm baking, why not have a glass of red wine? Well, I think my first glass actually equaled two and now I'm on my second aka third or fourth. F*ck, I don't know.

Don't worry, I prepared the cookie dough before I got tossed. Plus, to put me in a better mood, I'm currently watching, "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation." Dammit, Chevy Chase is f*cking funny. Word.

So anyway, back to the cookies. They are quite delicious. It has coconut and Nestle Crunch (Krunch?) candy. Albertson's only had big bars so guess what I got to do!? I used The Man's work bench in the garage, took a hammer to these sonsuvabitches, and made me some Crunch bits. Anyway, I've baked nearly a 100 cookies. And they are damn delicious. I would take a picture of them but they kinda look crappy. (D-Doll, is that just how they look or did I do something wrong?)

All right my lovely peeps. I'm going to watch my funny a$$ movie and sober up. Mele Kalikimaka, bitches. (No, you aren't a bitch. I just like to cuss when I'm drunk. Seriously. Let's hang out sometime and you'll see. I'm totally friendly and happy-go-lucky but I like me some cuss words.)

Hawaii - My last two days

Well, after the mini monsoon and embarrassing fake hit-and-run, a gal's gotta unwind. So yes, we sought out a spa. We went to Abhasa which happens to be in the hotel with our fantastic outdoor bar. Pretty, pretty. We both agreed that the massages were absolutely amazing. But be warned, they end abruptly. Unlike my massage in Las Vegas, my little Asian lady (who was small but packed quite a punch) did not soothingly put the stones away when she was done. *Klunk, klunk* The stones sounded like they were being hurled into the bowl. Short of slamming the door, my little Asian lady booked out of the room and it was over. But the massage itself was much needed and appreciated.

Before this vacation, I thought Oahu was "just OK." It reminded me too much of Vegas and I preferred the slower pace of Maui. Little did I know, just rent a car! Maria and I escaped the city fuss and went to the JW Marriott Ihilani Resort at Ko'Olina. It's about a 1/2 hour drive from Waikiki. Since this resort is out in the middle of nowhere, they did all sorts of things to make the place interesting (you can just click on the link for more info.) What I liked about it and what is not on the Web site - or I just didn't read thoroughly - is that there are five manmade lagoons. So instead of one long strip of beach, there are five different areas for people to lounge, softer waves for kids and, best of all, public access!

(This isn't one of the lagoons. It's a really pretty place on the Ihilani resort. They often use it for wedding pictures. Unfortunately, it's a little tricky to walk here so the brides have a hard ass time getting to this spot. But, from what I hear, it's pretty funny to watch.)

Although we were suppose to rent the umbrella space, the beach wasn't crowded at all so we just used one for free. It felt like a private and secluded beach and the resort had people patrolling so it's safe, too. My friend and I hung out for almost four hours, sunbathing, reading and close enough to the hotel to use their posh bathroom. I'm all about being near nice restrooms.


Maria and I thought it would be so cute if we took pictures in Hawaii, came back to the mainland and made postcards. Yahhhh. It didn't really work out. And yes, those are alcoholic beverages in our hand.

Mele Kalikimaka!

I had a SPECTACULAR time in Hawaii. With a heavy heart, I boarded my plane on Thursday and was back in the very chilly Bay Area by 9:00 pm that night. Luckily, I learned my lesson from previous vacations and took the next day off. So I had three days to readjust to my daily routine. Both the vacation and the vacation from my vacation saved my sanity. By Monday, I was ready to face the real world.

Hawaii - Day Three

The Day of our Hit-and-Run.

But first -

Picture it, Oahu, December 6th, 2005. Two tan and lovely California girls (well, one made in America by Philippine materials) are set loose in Waikiki ...

My friend and I have been eating like little piglets. For example, here is my most FAVORITE pie in the whole wide world. You can get it at Duke's:
(It's got a dark chocolate crunchy crust, macadamia nut ice cream, rich fudge sauce, macadamia nuts and whipped cream. Girrrrrls, I told you I can eat!)

We feel especially guilty because we usually go to our Yoga Challenge class 2x a week. We decide to do something tourist-y but healthy. We wake up at 6:30am (progress, my friends!) get ready and start our hike up Diamond Head at 7:30am.
(Here's Diamond Head from Waikiki beach)It takes about 45 minutes. We are a little bit sweaty and dusty but are rewarded with some awesome views:


We feel great! We feel like we've accomplished something no one has done before. (Never mind the huge Japanese tour group we passed as well as the couple with the baby and the elderly gentleman.) We are damn triatheletes! How do we celebrate?

We go shopping at Walmart. Yes, it's a horrible monopoly that exploits its workers but there is no Target on the island (I KNOW! And to think this is supposed to be a tropical paradise!) We go buck wild in the Aloha section and buy all our souvenirs and stuff for ourselves. "What a steal!" we say. Armed with bags of goodies to bring back to the mainland, we cheerfully walk back to our car. We load the trunk, slam it shut and I'm about to get into the passenger seat when I hear Maria say, "Ummm, Lulu, can you come here for a minute?" I start walking back to the trunk while she's asking, "Do you remember this being here?"
F*ck, f*ck and FUCK. (Now, you know I usually tone my cursing down on my blog but, let's face it, we are F*CKED.)
Remember, this is a rental car, we are in a different state and we had no idea who hit our car. I'm racking my brain, trying to remember if this dent was already there but, to my dismay, I think I would have noticed it. Maria asks, "What should we do? Should we report it or tell them when we turn it in?" Knowing how bad rental places screw you to your face with taxes and additional fees, I did not want to be royally screwed in any way for this so I say we should report it.

Heaven bless the people at the Honolulu Walmart - the security are kind folk but can you believe none of them knew the non-emergency number to the Honolulu Police Department?? After 15 minutes of futzing around (remember, we are CA girls so we like things done fast,) Maria calls 411 on her cell phone and we get the number ourselves. A half an hour later, the police arrive. We've got Walmart security AND the Honolulu Police doing separate reports. Maria is calling her insurance b/c the rental car is under her name and I'm talking to the rental car agency filing a report with them.
We are now well into our second hour of dealing with this hit-and-run fiasco. I'm pretty proud of ourselves because we could have been totally girlie and cried because who KNOWS what will happen to our insurance, this is supposed to be a relaxing vacation and really, this situation just bites. The cops are very nice, helping us get phone numbers and their dispatcher is making some calls to help this go faster. The nice woman cop, while initially stern looking, is quite friendly and lived in Santa Clara, CA for a while. I'm making conversation with the man cop, asking him about his tazer. [Side note: There was a lot of time being on hold or waiting for someone to finish a phone call to answer a question on another. So I ask man cop about his tazer and he says that Honolulu police are in the process of making tazers stronger. I tell him about the scandal here in the Bay Area because people are dying from them. I then ask how could Honolulu want to make them stronger? He eyeballs me and says, "The people here are a lot bigger. The tazer feels like a bee sting and if anything, makes them even more angry." Good point.] Woman cop is inspecting the dent for a third time, bending low and flashing her light. She tells man cop to take a look again and says, "Hey, do you see these circles?"
(Maybe you know what's coming but just read anyway.)
Maria and I innocently look over their shoulders and wonder about this new development. Woman cop asks, "Ladies, did you do a walk through with your rental agency?" Come to think of it, we didn't. And since this is the second car I've rented, I never questioned this. Maria shrugs her shoulders. Man cop walks to the car and asks his dispatcher to connect him to our rental agency. Woman cop kindly explains, "Well, see these clear circle stickers?" We nod. "A lot of rental agencies don't fix a car if it's just cosmetic damage. They do put these stickers, though, so they know what damage already exists." Our jaws drop. Shut the f*ck up ... did this really exist? Man cop gets off his CB radio. "Yup, the agency just confirmed that this dent was already there."

We are MODED. We are so incredibly moded we don't know what to do with ourselves. Are your cheeks red from reading this? Because what you are feeling is sympathetic modedness. F*ck, we are moded.

Maria looks at me with shame. We both look at the cops with shame. They are so nice and joke with us that they are hungry and late for lunch. We apologize profusely, just freakin' ashamed of ourselves. They tell us to have a good vacation as they drive off and we climb into our Focus. Maria says, "I'm so glad that you take partial fault for this because I feel so dumb!" and I tell her that I am as much to blame because I went along and agreed with her that we had been hit. We then have to call her insurance and the car rental agency.

We are hungry but even more so, moded. We agree that we cannot talk anymore about this until we have had a drink. We park poor Focus and walk to the Royal Hawaiian outdoor bar and proceed to get drunk. We then laugh our asses off because this trip just seems plagued with drama! But on the upside, we are so happy that we will not be punished by Hertz or our insurance agencies. We lay out on the beach and soak up some rays. And while we are STILL moded, we are in a beautiful place and, thanks be, liquored up to numb our embarrassment.

Be kind, people! I just shared with you a huge "dumb a$$" moment and am feeling quite vulnerable. And don't even pretend you haven't had one yourself! Obviously, I feel defensive, too. If I start categories, I will file this under "Super moded."

Funny moment #3

The Man, my parents and I went to my niece's christening party today. We were sitting together, eating a fruit parfait my cousin made for the occasion. My mom remembered that she made a dessert for an event they attended last night. AL, as innocent as could be, exclaimed to The Man, "You weren't there last night!" Then she turned to me and said, "He didn't taste my cherry."

I paused for a moment, letting that comment sink in. The Man noticed I was unsuccessfully trying not to laugh, got it a split second later and started to laugh himself. He looked out the window, trying not to look at me and crack up. My mom smiled sweetly but looked puzzled, "Why are you laughing?" I responded, "You mean your Cherry cobbler?" "No," she said, "my Cherry tart." "Right," I replied.

Dammit.

Hawaii - Day Two

My apologies, I obviously have not hauled a$$ with this.
Here's day two ...

Nothing unusual happened on this day. Because of the two hour time difference, we woke up at 5:30am. I know, holy $hit. But you know what's great about being in Hawaii? No one expected me to have my hair and make up done much less be in professional attire. I threw my hair in a bun, put on some sunblock and lipgloss and started my day. Man, it was nice. We have a lovely breakfast of oatmeal and mangos at the Hula Grill. Check out the view I had while I ate:

We decided do a little sunbathing and then we made our way to the Polynesial Cultural Center in the afternoon. Check out our sweet pimp ride:


OK, so it's not a pimp ride but I actually fell in love with our ittybitty Focus. Maneuvering and parking is easy. And yes, the little speed devil in me used the lead foot (only sometimes!) On the way to the PCC (it's about 45 minutes from Waikiki,) my friend had to take a tinkle stop. I took this opportunity to take some pictures:


The PCC was fun. It's worth it to shell out the $$ for the luau and show. Samoan fire dancers are pretty cool.
I have to say that the BEST time to visit Hawaii is in December because we were basking in the sun and jammin' to Christmas songs on the radio. That's right, Christmas carols. We're feeling all that holiday spirit while wearing shorts and flipflops and cruising the island in 80+ degree weather.
Told you, nothing exciting. But stay tuned, day three was a doozie.

My trip to Hawaii - Day One

I'm giving you small doses of my nice little vacation so it's not overwhelming. I'm now going into Sophia Petrillo mode. Picture it, Oahu, December 4, 2005 -
It's overcast but we don't care, we're in Hawaii!! We drive from the airport to our hotel off the Waikiki strip, the Aston Waikiki Prince. There is a waitlist (wtf?) for parking so we end up pursuading the neighboring hotel to let us park even though we're not guests. $17? We're from SF, this doesn't even faze us. We grab our luggage and check in. Few things:
1. The lobby is small and dirty. There is a little Asian man rubbing his bare foot on the grubby couch.
2. The receptionist couldn't hear out of her phone. The other receptionist tells her to shake the phone and if that doesn't work, bang it against the table. No lie.
3. The elevator looks a bit skanky. Noticing a theme here.
4. The cement corridor leading to our room smells like urine.
5. I suspect this is the official Waikiki Prostitutes corporate headquarters.

I didn't take pictures of said hotel but let me show you borrowed ones that I found online after my adventure, of course.
That's the high tech central air you're seeing, folks. NOT. (My ceiling wasn't cracked but it was still crusty.)

Isn't their carpet full of character? And bodily fluids.

My friend feels terrible and apologizes profusely for picking a bad hotel. I tell her it's not her fault. I asked her to find us a package deal and she had shown me the web site before we booked it. No one is to blame but we WILL get the hell outa there.We go back downstairs and I formulated my strategic plan. Of course, there was now only one receptionist and a long line. I decided that the friendly route was the best way to go because it certainly wasn't her fault this place was funky. (Friends, I think you've all seen me get pissy and know I can become, ah-hmm, f*cking mean.) So when it's my turn, I lean over the counter and say quietly with a smile, "We would like to upgrade. The outside of our room smells like urine and there's a bag of garbage outside." She looks alarmed and makes sure no one heard me. Luckily, she appreciates my tact and says she will see what she can do.

My friend and I go to have lunch by the beach while our receptionist works on it. We decide we won't have any alcohol until we are moved. After lunch, an hour has passed and we go back to our rat trap. A few raindrops fall just as we arrive at the front steps of our lobby. Sweet. We decide to go upstairs, get our luggage and make sure we are ready to get the f*ck out as soon as we're upgraded.

It takes us another hour and a half before we are finally cleared for an upgrade to their somewhat better sister hotel, The Aston Coral Reef. By now, it is pouring outside and the gutters are actually overflowing onto the sidewalk. We are so grateful to be out of the roach motel that we charge through the doors into the mini monsoon. We drag our luggage through puddles and go from the hell hotel to our purgatory paradise. We check in and find out we are on the 15th floor. Our room is neat, a tiny bit run down, and the carpet smells faintly of pee. I'm so relieved to be out Hookers Hotel that I don't even raise a stink. Our room looks like what a proper cheap hotel should look like. We even have a cute little view from our balcony.
Finally, it feels like we are on vacation. Whooohoooo! We make our way to the Royale Hawaiian (the pink hotel you see in the above picture,) go to the bar overlooking the beach and order drinks. There are only a few rain drops now and it's still 80+ degrees. Our beautiful outdoor bar has an awning. We sit back, check out the ocean waves and make a toast. Aloha.

Funny moment of the day

I showed my coworker my new purse. She looked at it approvingly and said she like the style. I said, "Yah, I like this style, too. It's my satchel." Another female coworker walked by and without pausing said, "Your snatch hole?" and kept walking.

That's what I get for saying naughty things at work. They eventually get said back to me.

Maybe you had to be there but it was funny to me.

Are you an MTV buff?

Do you remember her? She was the difficult one in the Real World Seattle show. She is currently in the same masters program that I graduated from a couple of years ago. Is it bad to say that I'm sooooo glad that we aren't classmates? I know, I know, the MTV people probably made her look much more irritating than she probably was and she did have Lyme disease. But I can't help it. I just know I would HATE to be in the same class as her. Many graduate students, excuse me, scholars* (and I say this with a smirk on my face) are known for loving the sound of their own voices and having a lot to say about nothing. Obviously, I've had some interesting classmates. Besides, I'm sure I was the type of grad student that pissed off other students with my sarcasm and occasional disdain for off-the-wall theories. (People, think about it - marijuana HAD to be present during the creation of some of these theories.) Anyhoo, what ticked me off the most were the grad students who would talk, talk, talk during class discussions yet didn't read anything assigned! They were completely bull$hiting just because we received credit for participation. She may not be one of those people. Thankfully, I'll never know. (Bad girl! Be nice. Forget all the episodes you saw in your dorm room. But it's so hard! She was a brat back then.)

To be fair, this picture is way old. The picture of her now is very cute. I'm just not savvy enough to figure out how to post the original picture that accompanied this article.

*I LOVE my alma mater. Overall, I have very fond memories. My professors and most of my classmates were quick witted, thought provoking, and just an intelligent group of people. It's the few that took themselves too seriously and looked down on me (and a few of my friends) for being young and a little kooky. Let me tell you, if I didn't laugh I would have cried all the time. During my second semester, I cried nearly every damn day because I had no idea what I was doing. I questioned my intelligence and academic decisions. Of course, any condescending attitudes fired me up and made me think, "Look bozo. My application was accepted for this program, just like yours. You are NOT the most brilliant person in the room. So bite me."
I never said that I was the most mature person :)

AL's Christmas present

It is difficult to find a good present for the Alpha Lion. If she likes something, she'll usually buy it. And since she has more money than me, this makes finding a great Christmas present pretty challenging.

Since I'm waiting for my Hawaii pics, I figured I'd show you this:
I knitted this scarf with size 15 needles, Adriafil Gold yarn (the fluffy stuff) and Electra plymouth yarn (the delicate stuff.) This is how I coped with my six hour flight. Since going to the Philippines is more than triple that time, I have no complaints. I'm just saying that knitting this scarf is how I amused myself. I already saw the movie, "A Beautiful Mind" and I passed on the $5 croissant sandwich (ick.)

AL's specialty is crochet but I know she can appreciate knitted apparel. I have to brag that four of the flight attendants and one passenger stopped by my seat and admired my scarf. I have to say this because, while this was a simple knit stitch, the yarn was a bit tricky and I lost count a few times. OK, many times. I also told them that I couldn't take credit for the idea of putting the fuzzy stuff at the ends. The pattern calls for 80 stitches across to make a shawl. Knowing full well that I had no patience for that, I cut that in half and called it a scarf. I also didn't have the money (this yarn was expensive!) My friend was laughing at me because my project was causing a bit of commotion but I didn't care. In fact, I'm glad they liked it. This was one of those projects that, as I was progressing, started to alarm me. I couldn't tell if it was funky cute or downright gaudy. A few of them told me that they had similar yarn and they were going to buy the fuzzy yarn and copy this style. I say, cool. So if you see someone knitting a scarf like this, there's a good chance they were on the plane!

If you remember way back when, I talked about a glorious money pit called The Yarn Place in Capitola. I FINALLY did something with my purchases! I hope AL likes it. If not, I will yank it back, throw it around my neck and you will see a picture of me wearing it accompanied with a colorful entry. Nahhh, AL is actually very cool. She is always good about complimenting D-Doll and I when she knows we worked hard on something.

One day I'm six years old and learning how to ride a bike ...

and next thing I know, I'm an adult and 27 years old!

Thanks to my sister girls who gave me shout outs on their blogs: Demondoll, my lovely sister who is a kick a$$ Diva In the Boonies and my best girlfriend. And Pookiepie76, my newly adopted sistah (in every sense of that slang word;) who is The Man's best friend's wifey and becoming a great friend of mine.

I have the BEST family and friends. I told you y'all are "oh-so fabulous" ;) I woke up with a text message birthday greeting and have since been called or texted throughout the day. I've also received cards or at least heard that I should have received them (You're so good at mailing cards, MsLips, that I know it has to be the US Postal Service ... uh-oh, hope that doesn't put me on a black list.) I feel LOVED!!! Thank you with all my heart. A gal can never get enough lovin' from her peeps.

I've been having a great low key birthday. The Man and I have been going about town. We ate a filipino breakfast (bangsilog ... yum yum! And yes, stank breath is an unfortunate side effect. Oh well.) visited my brother, and bought some X-mas gifts. When we got home, this was waiting for me -

(Well, it looks almost just like this. My camera isn't working right now.)
My parents came by and dropped this off while I was gone! It was such a pleasant surprise. Now I've got to get ready for a birthday dinner (mine and my dad's) at Jack London Square. Happy, happy gal :)

Needless to say, between my family, friends and The Man, I am one blessed 27 year old. Love is all over the place ... thank you.

*Thanks for the sweet birthday wishes, Karaway! Glad to see you back and badder than ever ;)

I'm back, browner than ever

I had a wonderful time, my best visit to Hawaii yet. I have lots of stories to tell, from the big storm that came down on my first day to the hotel from hell to my stupidest moment ever - luckily, I shared this stupidity moment with a friend. As well as the Honolulu police. Don't worry, there's lots of good stuff, too. This truly was my best visit to date. But the fun and relaxing parts of my vacation aren't as interesting to read. Am I right?? Hee hee. So when my friend comes back (she took the pictures b/c she had the better camera) next week, I'll post my adventures. But, just so I have an entry ...

You Have a Sanguine Temperament

You are an optimistic person who is easily content. You enjoy casual, light tasks - never wanting to delve too deep into anything. A bit fickle, it's easy for you to change plans or paths when presented with something better. You enjoy all of the great things life has to offer - food, friends, and fun. A great talker, you can keep the conversation going for hours. You are optimistic and sure of your success. If you fail, you don't worry about it too much. At your worst, you are vain. You are obsessed with your own attractiveness. A horrible flirt, you tend to jump into love affairs and relationship drama easily. You're very jealous - which just magnifies the craziness around you.

What Temperment Are You?

(This was cute. Most of it was on the money except the last paragraph because it's full of $hit. I WISH I thought I was the stuff, blowing myself kisses. Unfortunately, I don't. I also have NEVER jumped into a love affair. But other than that crock, like I said, it's cute.)

Do the hustle!

OK, so I have less than 24 hours until I'm off to one of my most favorite places in the world. And being typical ME, I still have to take care of two things before I go. You're thinking, "No big deal" right? Humph. Because I need to unload somewhere, I'm going to do it with you.

1. Must go churchin'. D-Doll is probably gasping right now. Some background: I told my sister I would never write about this very very sensitive subject because, well, our Alpha Lioness (aka Mom) is very religious. AL was determined that if her husband wasn't going to join her religion, her children would. And we did. And then we left. Well, sister managed to get out but she also moved out of state and gave birth to the golden child (aka The Boy.) Then there's me. I'm the baby of the family. And continue to live in the Bay Area. And have no golden child to appease AL. So technically, I'm still in AL's church even though I've made it quite clear it's only because it makes her happy. Of course, she chooses not to remember that detail and is happy as a clam that I still belong. [Since I know my lovely readers, I won't even begin to go into the innerworkings of mother-to-daughter guilt, AL's fervent belief in her religion, and how my life is a million times better and easier just going along with this charade as oppose to standing up to AL. It's all about choices, people. And knowing which battles to pick with AL. I'm saving up all my stamina for when I tell her that I will not be getting married in the church. Got to stop thinking about it. My powers are draining and I've got to store as much as possible.] So why do I bring up churchin'? Well, in AL's church, I have to go to a special prepatory sermon (like a prerequisite) in order to be allowed to attend a very special worship service at the end of the year. Well, that special prep sermon is scheduled for tomorrow and I'll be on a plane. This will not do for AL. She asked me if I could change my flight schedule to leave Sunday afternoon or if I could attend the sermon in a church in Hawaii. Uhhh, no to both, I replied.
Come hell or high water, AL is not having her baby miss this prep sermon! So what am I doing today? Driving with AL and Dad for 200 miles (approx. 100 each way) to Sacramento and back because it's the closest city with a church that is having the prep sermon today rather than tomorrow. And yes, this is STILL easier than fighting with AL about it. The service isn't until 7pm but we're leaving around 12pm to hit the outlets on the way to Sacramento. Hey, I had to get some sort of joy out of this excursion. Yup, 200 miles. I'm a sucker for AL. She's one tough broad (I mean, TOUGH. Don't let the 4'9" package fool you ... you'd be awfully stupid) but this is so important to her and in the grand scheme of things, I really don't have to do much to make her happy. I just keep telling myself, "Outlets ... you like the outlets."

2. Pack. My own damn fault. I never pack until the night before. And since I'll be coming home around midnight, that's when my a$$ will be packing. Why do I put it off? Well, I only have only so many unmentionables and I wear them during the week. So they need to be washed, and then I pack them and then some more for my trip. Same with makeup, clothes, and toiletries. Maybe I just won't sleep.
In case I don't' sleep on the plane, I'm also packing my knitting along with my iPod to keep me busy - I'm happy about that. I may also partake in an alcoholic beverage, too. Not sure if that will loosen me up or just make me sick. I'm a little nervous about that. One thing is for sure ...

My friend and I have decided to milk the birthday thing while we're in Hawaii! We're going to say that my birthday is the reason why we're on vacation (it really isn't, it's just coincidental) and see if we get any bonus stuff. Every time we shop, eat, or drink, she's going to point at me and shout, "It's her birthday!" Granted, Hawaii is the wedding destination of the world so a birthday is probably ho-hum to them but it's worth a try ;) Maybe there's a special Hawaii song and birthday dance. You know, like Chevy's little diddy, "Uno, dos, tres, quatro! Happy, Happy Birthday .. blah blah blah blah .." You get my point. Luckily, I don't embarrass easily. Plus I plan on being drunk for most of the trip.

Since this is my last entry for a week, I hope that you have a great next week and I'll catch up with your blogs when I get back. Alooooooohaaaaaaaaaaaa!