"A push present (also known as a "push gift" or "baby bauble") is a present a new parent gives a new mother when she gives birth to their child. In practice the present may be given before or after the birth, or even in the delivery room."
- Wikipedia
Because it's the most reliable source for information. Umm, that's sarcasm.
You best believe I told The Man all about push presents when I found out I was pregnant!;) After months of telling me the idea of a push present was nonsense, he asked me what I wanted towards the end of my pregnancy. Most women want jewelry. I thought, Do I want something from Tiffany's? Do I want something with diamonds? And then I knew exactly what I wanted.
LASIK.
See, I had wanted to have the procedure in my early 20s. When I was in grad school, I went to a LASIK center and was deemed a good candidate for the procedure. I even had an appointment for the surgery. Then, to be sure, I also saw an optometrist at my university's health center. and she said, while I was a good candidate, she suspected my eyes would change and strongly recommended I wait until I was in my 30s.
After I gave birth, The Man told me to do the research and I could have my push present. It was perfect timing because I was still on maternity leave! No need to take time off and my mom could watch The Bun while I went on appointments. So I did the research and found a good LASIK center. I was interviewed by their technician, seen by an optometrist and then the ophthalmologist who would be performing the surgery. And again was told I was a good candidate. Then they realized I was still breast feeding. I was informed that breast feeding can change a woman's vision and they recommended I wait at least six months after I stop breast feeding to consider LASIK.
Drat! Foiled again.
Today is the day I finally get LASIK. This has been a looooong time coming. I have been wearing glasses since the 5th grade. I am excited. And nervous. The idea of my eyes being cut open (to an extent), makes me scared. But, I figured, if I can have a cesarean section, I can do this!
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Happy Father's Day
While there is no doubt I am a Daddy's girl, the only reason there wasn't a huge photo of my mom and The Bun for Mother's Day is because my parents were in the Philippines during that time. (As a mama, I have to say that there needs to be equal showering of love to both parents IF NOT MORE to the mama because she did do the carrying and the laboring when all is said and done. PLUS she dealt w/ the repercussions of having her body stretched to its limit. I'm just saying. And yes, maybe it's a touchy subject now. But it's true! I digress.)
Today is Father's Day. So let's here it for the boys! Let's give the boys a hand. Let's hear it for my baby ... I forget the rest of the song but you get what I'm trying to say. Below is a divine photo my husband took so he could create this very cool image:
We asked my Dad to wear something similar. We dressed The Bun in whatever she had closest to my outfit. And The Man took the photo in the same spot. Isn't it amazing how 30ish years (we aren't sure the exact date of when the first photo was taken) can just fly by? Yet here my Dad is, still winning the hearts of his little girls.
My father is awesome. My mom told me he stayed home after being honorably discharged from the Navy to raise me the first couple years of my life. He's always taken care of me, worried if I was eating enough and told me once when I hated my (not present) job a long time ago, "You will never be homeless or have nothing to eat. You don't have to work there if you don't like it. We'll make sure you're OK." He told me this sometime in my early 20s. He wanted me to make sure that I knew I was taken care of. Always. And I have never felt anything but love and care from them. My parents made sure that I knew I always had some place to go and that they would love me unconditionally. (But nagging or a good ass kicking was always an option.) I know that I am a lucky, lucky gal.
And here is a photo of both my guys:
Ah, this man. The man I nicknamed The Man (as I mentioned on FB, mostly because he is bad ass and a little bit because he pretends to oppress me) is a GOOD man and father. He believes marriage and parenthood are a partnership and he rises to the occasion. He tries his best and that's all I could ever ask or hope. Our baby is a 100% Daddy's girl. Can I blame her? He is wonderful.
And because I'm the owner, I'm putting in the mamas:
I had a great day. I feel blessed that I was able to spend Father's Day w/ my parents and my own little family. We didn't do anything grandiose, we just went to a nice restaurant and had a good brunch. And with a nearly 2 year old girl, that is A LOT and I am tired. But I'm also filled with love. Happy Father's Day!
Today is Father's Day. So let's here it for the boys! Let's give the boys a hand. Let's hear it for my baby ... I forget the rest of the song but you get what I'm trying to say. Below is a divine photo my husband took so he could create this very cool image:
My father is awesome. My mom told me he stayed home after being honorably discharged from the Navy to raise me the first couple years of my life. He's always taken care of me, worried if I was eating enough and told me once when I hated my (not present) job a long time ago, "You will never be homeless or have nothing to eat. You don't have to work there if you don't like it. We'll make sure you're OK." He told me this sometime in my early 20s. He wanted me to make sure that I knew I was taken care of. Always. And I have never felt anything but love and care from them. My parents made sure that I knew I always had some place to go and that they would love me unconditionally. (But nagging or a good ass kicking was always an option.) I know that I am a lucky, lucky gal.
And here is a photo of both my guys:
And because I'm the owner, I'm putting in the mamas:
 |
| Kissing a sleepy baby girl |
 |
| Her expression kills me in this one! |
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Weird, and I knew it even as it was coming out of my mouth
I went out to lunch with a few women from work the other day. Out of the five of us, four have children. And of the four, I was the only one with just one child.
As you know, I've made no attempts to hide my fear. I fear the physical part, the emotional part, the financial part - basically labor and everything after that. Yet here I am, tempted to have another. It's CRAZY TALK, I tell ya!
But here's the thing, the other women were saying that I should go for it. Even after the stories of how bonkers their kids drove them, the complete absence of sleep, and just the sheer exhaustion of it all, they all said I should have one more.
It's hard to explain but I came close to it when I saw the one gal without children, wide-eyed in disbelief. (She is getting married next week. We seem to be painting a crazy picture for her of what the next phase in her life will be.) I told her something along the lines of, "Having kids sounds nuts, doesn't it? I mean, most of the time I look forward to Mondays now because at least I get PAID to do that job!
Weekends aren't like how they used to be before children. They are exhausting. And sometimes hard. But here's the thing. If my husband and I still had all that free time to fart around like we did a few years ago, I think we would be longing for a baby. I would be wishing to have the life I lead now. Don't misunderstand, I love my free time. And I definitely NEED my free time - it's sometimes really hard without it. But we were ready and, quite frankly, it's not like our lives were awesome before the baby and now it sucks. It's just different and, more often than not, in a good way. We love her so much."
I don't know how clear I was for her. It may have still sounded nuts. But it's true. I wish for the free time I had before the baby. The freedom I had with my time and, for the most part, I owned my time. But was I doing anything that great or important with it? No. It was just nice to set the pace of my day or choose to spend it how I see fit. And when things are crazy at work or every so often I wish I could go with my friend to that impromptu outing, those instances are few and far between.
I guess what I'm saying is that the good often outweighs the bad. Sure, there are times when it's hard as hell. When I'm sick, the baby is sick, hubby is sick or pups are sick. When there is a hiccup in daycare or if we have to travel. [Side note: Vacations used to be relaxing but are now what I refer to ask work trips. Yah, admittedly, I do miss those kind of vacations. ] But most days, they are pretty good.
To sum it all up, I ask myself this question. (And if another mama were to answer it differently, I wouldn't judge. I would just be sad for her because, well, any regrets suck.) I ask myself, "Knowing everything I know, would I have chosen to be a childless couple? Or would I have wanted to wait a little longer before having one?" and the resounding answer is NO. Nothing in my life before her would have been more fulfilling had I waited or decided not to have a baby. Our family is better because of her. I'm better because of her. Is it hard as hell? HELL yah but I would do it all over again, for sure. Um, except skipping all the nonsense I went through and just scheduled a C-section. That I would have certainly done over.
"So," you may be asking yourself, "does this mean you're off the pill and ready to start trying?" Um, no. But after all those many entries of how hard it is to be a mama, I surprise even myself by the fact that I would like to sometime soon.
As you know, I've made no attempts to hide my fear. I fear the physical part, the emotional part, the financial part - basically labor and everything after that. Yet here I am, tempted to have another. It's CRAZY TALK, I tell ya!
But here's the thing, the other women were saying that I should go for it. Even after the stories of how bonkers their kids drove them, the complete absence of sleep, and just the sheer exhaustion of it all, they all said I should have one more.
It's hard to explain but I came close to it when I saw the one gal without children, wide-eyed in disbelief. (She is getting married next week. We seem to be painting a crazy picture for her of what the next phase in her life will be.) I told her something along the lines of, "Having kids sounds nuts, doesn't it? I mean, most of the time I look forward to Mondays now because at least I get PAID to do that job!
Weekends aren't like how they used to be before children. They are exhausting. And sometimes hard. But here's the thing. If my husband and I still had all that free time to fart around like we did a few years ago, I think we would be longing for a baby. I would be wishing to have the life I lead now. Don't misunderstand, I love my free time. And I definitely NEED my free time - it's sometimes really hard without it. But we were ready and, quite frankly, it's not like our lives were awesome before the baby and now it sucks. It's just different and, more often than not, in a good way. We love her so much."
I don't know how clear I was for her. It may have still sounded nuts. But it's true. I wish for the free time I had before the baby. The freedom I had with my time and, for the most part, I owned my time. But was I doing anything that great or important with it? No. It was just nice to set the pace of my day or choose to spend it how I see fit. And when things are crazy at work or every so often I wish I could go with my friend to that impromptu outing, those instances are few and far between.
I guess what I'm saying is that the good often outweighs the bad. Sure, there are times when it's hard as hell. When I'm sick, the baby is sick, hubby is sick or pups are sick. When there is a hiccup in daycare or if we have to travel. [Side note: Vacations used to be relaxing but are now what I refer to ask work trips. Yah, admittedly, I do miss those kind of vacations. ] But most days, they are pretty good.
To sum it all up, I ask myself this question. (And if another mama were to answer it differently, I wouldn't judge. I would just be sad for her because, well, any regrets suck.) I ask myself, "Knowing everything I know, would I have chosen to be a childless couple? Or would I have wanted to wait a little longer before having one?" and the resounding answer is NO. Nothing in my life before her would have been more fulfilling had I waited or decided not to have a baby. Our family is better because of her. I'm better because of her. Is it hard as hell? HELL yah but I would do it all over again, for sure. Um, except skipping all the nonsense I went through and just scheduled a C-section. That I would have certainly done over.
"So," you may be asking yourself, "does this mean you're off the pill and ready to start trying?" Um, no. But after all those many entries of how hard it is to be a mama, I surprise even myself by the fact that I would like to sometime soon.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Bound to happen
I think I knew it was eventually going to happen. I have been sensitive about it my ENTIRE life. Since I'm the heaviest I've ever been (excluding pregnancy,) even though this is also the most content I've ever been, it was bound to happen. It just took someone I considered very important to say it AKA hurt my feelings.
Is it reasonable? No. I know these feelings are very unreasonable. I mean, I know I need to lose weight. I'm 10 lbs heavier than my pre-pregnancy weight and 20 lbs heavier than what was my average weight in my 20s. On a 5'1" frame, this is a lot. It the difference of 2-4 dress sizes.
Knowing all this, it still hurt a lot when someone said that I should try exercise DVDs. We weren't even discussing MY weight. I wasn't bitching about it at that time or anything. But we had just gone to a party in which all the women were thin. No joke. They were all a few years older, had multiple children yet about my height and far thinner than I.
Oh, don't think I didn't notice. And evidently, so did this other person. While we never brought that particular point up, I imagine that's what got our conversationthere on me.
Do I think this person was unintentionally rude? Yes. But this person has no idea that my feelings got hurt. And I don't think I'm entirely in the right because while it was rude, it's not like I haven't said I wanted to lose weight. I do want and need to lose weight. I know this. And it's true.
It just hurts when someone else mentions it first.
Is it reasonable? No. I know these feelings are very unreasonable. I mean, I know I need to lose weight. I'm 10 lbs heavier than my pre-pregnancy weight and 20 lbs heavier than what was my average weight in my 20s. On a 5'1" frame, this is a lot. It the difference of 2-4 dress sizes.
Knowing all this, it still hurt a lot when someone said that I should try exercise DVDs. We weren't even discussing MY weight. I wasn't bitching about it at that time or anything. But we had just gone to a party in which all the women were thin. No joke. They were all a few years older, had multiple children yet about my height and far thinner than I.
Oh, don't think I didn't notice. And evidently, so did this other person. While we never brought that particular point up, I imagine that's what got our conversation
Do I think this person was unintentionally rude? Yes. But this person has no idea that my feelings got hurt. And I don't think I'm entirely in the right because while it was rude, it's not like I haven't said I wanted to lose weight. I do want and need to lose weight. I know this. And it's true.
It just hurts when someone else mentions it first.
Saturday, June 04, 2011
Baby, I'm not always there when you call, but I'm always on time ...
Those lyrics always confused me but it seems appropriate when describing my infrequency on Blogger. I know I'm constantly apologizing for the lag between entries and, in turn, bashing the allure and ease of FaceBook because that's what I update regularly.
My dear Blogger, you are like the beautiful wife that is wonderful but high maintenance. And FB is just that $20 hooker on the corner of Mission and King who easily fulfills my needs. (Aren't those always sketchy streets, no matter the city?) Yes, that's it. Blogger is my Elizabeth Hurley while FB is the funky lady Hugh Grant picked up to do a certain job which made us all shake our heads because, helloooo?! He had Elizabeth Hurley at home! (Not really, FB. You are more of a catch than that chick.) But you get what I'm trying to say.
Anyway.
I am much better at posting photos of The Bun on FB. But I'm trying to remember to post them here, too. Because this place, this is my special ode to my family, my quirky thoughts, and my simple yet lovely life. So here are some photos of The Bun:
Isn't she stinkin' adorable? She gives the best kisses now. Sometimes The Bun gives them away like candy, other times you either have to work for them or steal them. And just like a lady, she only gives them to those she knows very well.
That's my girl. Keep it up, especially in university. Heck, lets just make it a general rule, shall we?
She is growing so fast! She is enunciating more words and just advancing each day. She fills my heart much more than she breaks it. Those that see her on a daily basis swear she is very easy going and simply a joy to have around. Of course, I'm wary of these compliments because of course this is what people say to a mom! They wouldn't tell a mom her kid is a pain in the tuckus. But they insist that they wouldn't say it if it wasn't true.
She is pretty freakin' awesome.
I keep waffling between thinking it may be time to have another to oh helllllll no, I'm not ready. All the meanwhile, enjoying my time with her, The Man and our little family.
While I would love to have the body in my 20s (and I would really appreciate it a lot more than I ever did back then), I am so happy right now. CONTENT. That would be the right word. I feel very blessed.
My dear Blogger, you are like the beautiful wife that is wonderful but high maintenance. And FB is just that $20 hooker on the corner of Mission and King who easily fulfills my needs. (Aren't those always sketchy streets, no matter the city?) Yes, that's it. Blogger is my Elizabeth Hurley while FB is the funky lady Hugh Grant picked up to do a certain job which made us all shake our heads because, helloooo?! He had Elizabeth Hurley at home! (Not really, FB. You are more of a catch than that chick.) But you get what I'm trying to say.
Anyway.
I am much better at posting photos of The Bun on FB. But I'm trying to remember to post them here, too. Because this place, this is my special ode to my family, my quirky thoughts, and my simple yet lovely life. So here are some photos of The Bun:
Isn't she stinkin' adorable? She gives the best kisses now. Sometimes The Bun gives them away like candy, other times you either have to work for them or steal them. And just like a lady, she only gives them to those she knows very well.
That's my girl. Keep it up, especially in university. Heck, lets just make it a general rule, shall we?
She is growing so fast! She is enunciating more words and just advancing each day. She fills my heart much more than she breaks it. Those that see her on a daily basis swear she is very easy going and simply a joy to have around. Of course, I'm wary of these compliments because of course this is what people say to a mom! They wouldn't tell a mom her kid is a pain in the tuckus. But they insist that they wouldn't say it if it wasn't true.
She is pretty freakin' awesome.
I keep waffling between thinking it may be time to have another to oh helllllll no, I'm not ready. All the meanwhile, enjoying my time with her, The Man and our little family.
While I would love to have the body in my 20s (and I would really appreciate it a lot more than I ever did back then), I am so happy right now. CONTENT. That would be the right word. I feel very blessed.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Oh ok, so we're not ready just quite yet
I forgot about the sleepless nights.
Specifically, I forgot how sleepless nights affects ME.
The Bun was feeling bad two nights ago. She didn't have a fever but was very close to it and couldn't go to sleep. She would wake up crying. The Man and I both went into her room after we put her down to hold and comfort her. She would fall asleep but then wake back up and cry. Finally, around 11:30 PM, I felt so bad for her that I took her into our room.
One may ask, why did you wait so long? Here's the thing. The Bun has been sleeping in her own room since she was six weeks old. Also, in the past, I tried sleeping w/ her on a futon to comfort her when she didn't feel good. It was a miserable night for both of us. She's used to having her own space to freely move about and I'm used to not being kicked in the head.
So I brought her into our bed and The Man, who usually can sleep through riots and natural disasters, woke up and helped me comfort her. But there was no comfort to be had. She would fall asleep only to wake up an hour or two later. I got up at least four times that night.
It was while working the next day that I realized we just aren't ready for another one. Yet. The Man took a day off so he could take care of the baby. But also because he just wouldn't have been able to function very well at his job. We were BEAT. As I mentioned, I did go to work but I had three cups of coffee. I think it may have been four but I can't remember. Because I was that dead ass tired.
The Man would like another baby and when I think about getting the infant part "over with" by having back to back chillins, it makes sense to me. I have many friends who had kids less than two years apart and they all say while it was hard in the beginning, they're glad they did it because they got the hardest part over with and are enjoying their lives now. Their kids are more independent, they play and keep each other company, and, parents get to sleep! I've received some great advice from friends that have also said I may never feel ready and to just do it. I totally get that and value that they are speaking from personal experience. But I'm going to listen to my instincts and just hold off. So, for right now, The Bun stands alone.
Specifically, I forgot how sleepless nights affects ME.
The Bun was feeling bad two nights ago. She didn't have a fever but was very close to it and couldn't go to sleep. She would wake up crying. The Man and I both went into her room after we put her down to hold and comfort her. She would fall asleep but then wake back up and cry. Finally, around 11:30 PM, I felt so bad for her that I took her into our room.
One may ask, why did you wait so long? Here's the thing. The Bun has been sleeping in her own room since she was six weeks old. Also, in the past, I tried sleeping w/ her on a futon to comfort her when she didn't feel good. It was a miserable night for both of us. She's used to having her own space to freely move about and I'm used to not being kicked in the head.
So I brought her into our bed and The Man, who usually can sleep through riots and natural disasters, woke up and helped me comfort her. But there was no comfort to be had. She would fall asleep only to wake up an hour or two later. I got up at least four times that night.
It was while working the next day that I realized we just aren't ready for another one. Yet. The Man took a day off so he could take care of the baby. But also because he just wouldn't have been able to function very well at his job. We were BEAT. As I mentioned, I did go to work but I had three cups of coffee. I think it may have been four but I can't remember. Because I was that dead ass tired.
The Man would like another baby and when I think about getting the infant part "over with" by having back to back chillins, it makes sense to me. I have many friends who had kids less than two years apart and they all say while it was hard in the beginning, they're glad they did it because they got the hardest part over with and are enjoying their lives now. Their kids are more independent, they play and keep each other company, and, parents get to sleep! I've received some great advice from friends that have also said I may never feel ready and to just do it. I totally get that and value that they are speaking from personal experience. But I'm going to listen to my instincts and just hold off. So, for right now, The Bun stands alone.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Times just flies
I kept meaning to write but once The Bun goes down for the night, I am practically shut down myself.
Life is good. The new job is pretty great, the commute is decent most of the time, The Man is happy in his role and we all come home in good moods. At the very least, OK :)
The days fly by and benchmarking time against a growing baby/child ... well, it just emphasizes to me the importance of staying positive and trying to be in the moment.
The Bun can clearly say "No." She can also say, "up", "down", "cracker", "thank you", "goodbye" and "see you later". I'm sure I'm missing more. The more words strung together, however, the more muddled it sounds. But we get her drift.
While I am happy as a clam, I do hope a vacation is in our future. Something with my folks would be nice. We don't have anything planned but I hope it's something that can happen later this year.
Life is good. The new job is pretty great, the commute is decent most of the time, The Man is happy in his role and we all come home in good moods. At the very least, OK :)
The days fly by and benchmarking time against a growing baby/child ... well, it just emphasizes to me the importance of staying positive and trying to be in the moment.
The Bun can clearly say "No." She can also say, "up", "down", "cracker", "thank you", "goodbye" and "see you later". I'm sure I'm missing more. The more words strung together, however, the more muddled it sounds. But we get her drift.
While I am happy as a clam, I do hope a vacation is in our future. Something with my folks would be nice. We don't have anything planned but I hope it's something that can happen later this year.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Ever changing
We have had a great few days and I'm back in her good graces. *Sigh* Guess this is what motherhood is all about.
The Bun has come to me for both fun and comfort. How easily she fills my heart! Her affection is addicting. I can't get enough of it. And it's so nice that she loves going to the both of us. And my parents! She adores her Nana & Papa.
Easter was so much fun. I honestly haven't cared much about Easter since I was a little girl. This year, because she can walk pretty well, was like a first Easter for her even though it was her second. It was very cute to watch her at her first and second Easter Egg Hunts. Yes, I even went stereotypical Asian girl and bought her a Hello Kitty basket;)
It was a very good weekend. And this when I wonder if I'm ready for another one. Ooooooh, so this is how they sucker a mama into having another baby!
(In all seriousness, I'm not ready. But it's a huge deal that I'm even considering the idea since I was certain I wouldn't do it again. But it's something I've been thinking about for a few months now, even during the rough times. But that's a whole post altogether, isn't it?)
The Bun has come to me for both fun and comfort. How easily she fills my heart! Her affection is addicting. I can't get enough of it. And it's so nice that she loves going to the both of us. And my parents! She adores her Nana & Papa.
Easter was so much fun. I honestly haven't cared much about Easter since I was a little girl. This year, because she can walk pretty well, was like a first Easter for her even though it was her second. It was very cute to watch her at her first and second Easter Egg Hunts. Yes, I even went stereotypical Asian girl and bought her a Hello Kitty basket;)
It was a very good weekend. And this when I wonder if I'm ready for another one. Ooooooh, so this is how they sucker a mama into having another baby!
(In all seriousness, I'm not ready. But it's a huge deal that I'm even considering the idea since I was certain I wouldn't do it again. But it's something I've been thinking about for a few months now, even during the rough times. But that's a whole post altogether, isn't it?)
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Tuesday, April 19, 2011
She's back to breaking my heart again.
Is it because I put it out in the universe? The Bun has gone back to favoring her Dad. In face, she snubbed me pretty bad tonight.
I cried.
Ah, the joys of motherhood.
I feel so silly and unreasonable. But my heart aches.
I don’t need to be the favorite, I just want to be one of them.
I cried.
Ah, the joys of motherhood.
I feel so silly and unreasonable. But my heart aches.
I don’t need to be the favorite, I just want to be one of them.
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Monday, April 18, 2011
The end of a chapter in her baby book
Yup, I'm about to get even more MAMA on you and I bet you didn't think it that was possible!
Tonight marks the night The Bun officially stopped breastfeeding.
Sure, she has been eating baby food, some soft regular food and cow's milk since she was one year old. But this entire time she has has breast milk before she went to bed. It was part of her night time routine - bath, book, b-milk, and bed.
I figured that she would be weened when I visit Tel for four days in July. But nope, it happened this weekend. I suppose it was a succession of events. Thursday was my good friend's last day at work so I went to her going away party and came home after The Bun went to bed. On Friday, she slept over my folks' house so yet another night of no b-milk. On Saturday, she latched on but it didn't make her sleepy like it normally does. Same for Sunday. And then tonight, when she signed, "milk", I got ready to breastfeed her. But she shook her head and pointed to her bottle of milk.
Ah, I see.
So there it is. I had been so excited for this day. Especially when I was in so much pain from being engorged. But as time went by and her feedings lessened, the pain went away. And now here I am, getting the wish I made probably over a year ago.
No, I didn't cry. But the cliches people say are true. Like, they really do grow too fast. And time really does fly. And yes, I sometimes wonder where the time goes.
Guess I can't tell The Man anymore, "Hey! These aren't just fun bags. These are working boobs."
Tonight marks the night The Bun officially stopped breastfeeding.
Sure, she has been eating baby food, some soft regular food and cow's milk since she was one year old. But this entire time she has has breast milk before she went to bed. It was part of her night time routine - bath, book, b-milk, and bed.
I figured that she would be weened when I visit Tel for four days in July. But nope, it happened this weekend. I suppose it was a succession of events. Thursday was my good friend's last day at work so I went to her going away party and came home after The Bun went to bed. On Friday, she slept over my folks' house so yet another night of no b-milk. On Saturday, she latched on but it didn't make her sleepy like it normally does. Same for Sunday. And then tonight, when she signed, "milk", I got ready to breastfeed her. But she shook her head and pointed to her bottle of milk.
Ah, I see.
So there it is. I had been so excited for this day. Especially when I was in so much pain from being engorged. But as time went by and her feedings lessened, the pain went away. And now here I am, getting the wish I made probably over a year ago.
No, I didn't cry. But the cliches people say are true. Like, they really do grow too fast. And time really does fly. And yes, I sometimes wonder where the time goes.
Guess I can't tell The Man anymore, "Hey! These aren't just fun bags. These are working boobs."
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Randomly putting together an update
The Bun looks like a toddler now. I think she has to be two years old to be officially labeled a toddler so she's got 6 months to go. But she is walking, talking gibberish and looks nothing like the newborn baby that was residing in our home a year and a half ago. When I think back to college or even high school, it doesn't seem that far away even though we're talking 10+ years ago. But now that I have this growing being to benchmark time against, my gosh, time really does fly!
For a few months, she was breaking my heart. I kind of alluded to it before but I was so embarrassed that I didn't feel comfortable talking about it to the masses. Most moms I know have babies/kids that can't shake off w/ a stick!! And The Bun was like that for a good long time. Then, it seemed suddenly, her Daddy was her favorite. I tried not to have my feelings hurt because she means no harm. But my heart just broke. How can I not be her favorite? Didn't I carry her, then birth her and then exclusively fed her for six months? Where's the loyalty?! And what was also hard was that I knew I was being irrational. But I couldn't help it. When I held her and she would twist to her daddy giving the "Pick me up!" sign, I was so hurt. I'd like to say I got over it. But I didn't. She hardly does it anymore which is probably the only reason I can write about it now. My mom says it's because The Man carried The Bun everywhere whereas I would carry her but also make her walk and hold her hand. And how can I fault her for thinking The Man is awesome? He is! But the preference of her Daddy over me made me all emotional. Thankfully, I think we're tied again. And I'm happy with that.
Want to know something funny/awful? A coworker had asked me a couple months back how The Bun was doing. I begun to explain to her my dilemma and I started to cry! I felt so silly. She patted my arm and said, "Don't worry about it. I understand. My daughter is 23 years old and she still breaks my heart." I exclaimed, "That's not at all comforting!!!" Ah, the complicated relationship between mothers and daughters.
Onto something completely different and even more embarrassing, yesterday was our wedding anniversary. We decided we were going to look at cars in the morning and then go wine tasting afterwards. The car browsing was a bust so we were at the winery by 10:30 AM. We wine tasted once they opened at 11:00 AM and then followed it by a lunch. 20 something, I am not. And, according to The Man, I have never been able to hold my liquor. I disagree but as of right now, I don't exactly have a leg to stand on. The lady gave us additional tastes on top of the flight we payed for. I'm telling you, I have drank more wine before but I suppose all those little sips fooled me into thinking the whole was smaller than it's sum parts.
I was a very un-hot mess.
I ended up vomiting in the car into The Man's favorite jacket. I blame it on the cheese platter the waiter proposed to us at the restaurant but The Man said it was because I can't hold my liquor. To be fair, I hardly drink anymore! Of course I have little tolerance. But, again, 20 something I am not. I should have known better. I should know my tolerance level. I used to but that's when I drank on a somewhat regular basis. What a very disgusting way to end our anniversary.
But before you start thinking, "Oh, poor The Man, he has to put up with this sloppy drinker" (yes, I am going to throw him under the bus because he was teasing me and talking as if this always happens to me) I would like to remind folks of my grad school party in which he drank BOTTLES of Two-Buck Chuck because he didn't feel anything. And then he was later found kissing the porcelain thrown for hours and I had to get him after we were done cleaning and locking up. On a sweet note, my parents took pity on him and said he could sleep over our home so he wouldn't have to drive home. These are the same parents who were extremely strict and have never allowed a boy into their 25 year old daughter's room up until this point! My dad, feeling bad, said, "Make sure you put a trash can next to your bed. I don't think he will make it to the bathroom."
Mean of me to bring up? Maybe just a little. But it's also a fond memory for me because I feel like that was the point my folks truly accepted The Man into our family. They didn't even tease him the next day! Hmm, maybe we're better off as a dry couple.
For a few months, she was breaking my heart. I kind of alluded to it before but I was so embarrassed that I didn't feel comfortable talking about it to the masses. Most moms I know have babies/kids that can't shake off w/ a stick!! And The Bun was like that for a good long time. Then, it seemed suddenly, her Daddy was her favorite. I tried not to have my feelings hurt because she means no harm. But my heart just broke. How can I not be her favorite? Didn't I carry her, then birth her and then exclusively fed her for six months? Where's the loyalty?! And what was also hard was that I knew I was being irrational. But I couldn't help it. When I held her and she would twist to her daddy giving the "Pick me up!" sign, I was so hurt. I'd like to say I got over it. But I didn't. She hardly does it anymore which is probably the only reason I can write about it now. My mom says it's because The Man carried The Bun everywhere whereas I would carry her but also make her walk and hold her hand. And how can I fault her for thinking The Man is awesome? He is! But the preference of her Daddy over me made me all emotional. Thankfully, I think we're tied again. And I'm happy with that.
Want to know something funny/awful? A coworker had asked me a couple months back how The Bun was doing. I begun to explain to her my dilemma and I started to cry! I felt so silly. She patted my arm and said, "Don't worry about it. I understand. My daughter is 23 years old and she still breaks my heart." I exclaimed, "That's not at all comforting!!!" Ah, the complicated relationship between mothers and daughters.
Onto something completely different and even more embarrassing, yesterday was our wedding anniversary. We decided we were going to look at cars in the morning and then go wine tasting afterwards. The car browsing was a bust so we were at the winery by 10:30 AM. We wine tasted once they opened at 11:00 AM and then followed it by a lunch. 20 something, I am not. And, according to The Man, I have never been able to hold my liquor. I disagree but as of right now, I don't exactly have a leg to stand on. The lady gave us additional tastes on top of the flight we payed for. I'm telling you, I have drank more wine before but I suppose all those little sips fooled me into thinking the whole was smaller than it's sum parts.
I was a very un-hot mess.
I ended up vomiting in the car into The Man's favorite jacket. I blame it on the cheese platter the waiter proposed to us at the restaurant but The Man said it was because I can't hold my liquor. To be fair, I hardly drink anymore! Of course I have little tolerance. But, again, 20 something I am not. I should have known better. I should know my tolerance level. I used to but that's when I drank on a somewhat regular basis. What a very disgusting way to end our anniversary.
But before you start thinking, "Oh, poor The Man, he has to put up with this sloppy drinker" (yes, I am going to throw him under the bus because he was teasing me and talking as if this always happens to me) I would like to remind folks of my grad school party in which he drank BOTTLES of Two-Buck Chuck because he didn't feel anything. And then he was later found kissing the porcelain thrown for hours and I had to get him after we were done cleaning and locking up. On a sweet note, my parents took pity on him and said he could sleep over our home so he wouldn't have to drive home. These are the same parents who were extremely strict and have never allowed a boy into their 25 year old daughter's room up until this point! My dad, feeling bad, said, "Make sure you put a trash can next to your bed. I don't think he will make it to the bathroom."
Mean of me to bring up? Maybe just a little. But it's also a fond memory for me because I feel like that was the point my folks truly accepted The Man into our family. They didn't even tease him the next day! Hmm, maybe we're better off as a dry couple.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
30 Interesting Facts (and why I've been sucking at blogging recently)
1. Started a new job on March 1st w/ the same company I've been with for nearly four years. This puts me in an interesting position in being like a newbie. But not.
2. Trying to manage my time better so I'm spending it with those that I love, getting things I need to get done and preparing things for The Bun & me for the next day so I don't rush in the mornings. Leaves very little time for blogging, though.
3. I worry a lot. I've been trying to manage it, though, so I can be in the moment. How very Oprah of me, I know.
4. The birth of my daughter has made mortality so much more real to me. This coincides with #3. I worry about how much more time I will have with those that I love (like my parents, husband, family, good friends) and I want to make the most of it.
5. I forget where I read this. But a person wrote that if they knew they were dying, they wouldn't want to go to places they've never been or fulfill their bucket list. They would want to spend each minute with everyone they love. I agree.
6. I knew there would be a point in my life in which I wouldn't feel young and sexy (OK, more like cute ... I don't think I've ever described myself as sexy.) I didn't think it would happen so soon.
7. I love my baby and my husband. I would like, however, to get the body I had when I was single. I was pretty pleased with that body and I think my husband would benefit from that body too. The baby, not so much. But it wouldn't hurt her.
8. I love our pups so much. I wish they had life spans like humans.
9. I love them so much they are in our Christmas cards.
10. I wish we could afford help. Housekeeping or nanny-ing. It would be really nice.
11. I've heard many reasons why I should have another child. I agree with almost all of them. I'm just not emotionally or physically ready yet.
12. Almost everyone says not to worry about money. That a family just figures it out. But I do worry how we would be able to afford another one.
13. I just realized this is supposed to be 30 "interesting" facts. Not random thoughts. All right, well ... I have only had two real boyfriends. I married the second one, in case you couldn't figure that out.
14. I am a terrible dater. I never understood the whole second date concept if the first wasn't all that great.
15. I probably sabotaged most relationships before the other person could mess up. Part of the reason I was a terrible dater.
16. I wish I could go back to my early 20s if I could keep all the relationships I have now. The only reason would be so I could enjoy every moment instead of wanting for something I didn't currently have.
17. For so long, I wanted people to think I looked my age or older. I can't exactly pinpoint when I wanted people to guess I looked younger than my age. See? Wanting what I don't currently have. Stupid.
18. I sound like I'm unhappy, don't I? I'm actually a very happy person. And quite content with life. (This points out another reason I was a terrible dater. My husband said I was the master at mixed signals!)
19. My dream job is to be famous and in movies. Funny that I'm not an actor nor have I ever done anything to pursue that dream. And, honestly, I think it sounds a lot more glamorous than it probably really is. My other dream job would be to host a travel show. If I can drag all the people I love with me :)
20. I have more confidence now than I did 10 years ago. And I had a way better body 10 years ago! Funny how that works.
21. I care more about the earth, education and the well being of humanity. I think becoming a mama made me care more.
22. I also think that my significant other makes me be a better person. It's hard to explain in few words but, in my only other serious relationship, my ex said that I made the other want to be a better person. He said I gave him drive, made him want to be more responsible. A grown up. But w/ The Man, I think he has made me be more caring and thoughtful towards others. Not even by what he says but what he does.
23. I give The Man compliments (like the one above) but I also tease him because, let's face it, we keep each other grounded, too ;) We used to be better at giving each other compliments but we've always teased each other. I hope that we can continue to praise each other throughout our relationship because it's just another way to show love.
24. Our oldest pup, who is technically not a pup at nearly 5 years, came very close to death a few months ago. That experience reminded me of why I pushed back for years w/ The Man of why I didn't want a pet. Much less two. I still wasn't over the loss of childhood dog when we got these two. I'm way too much of a softie. But I wouldn't redo the past and not have them. Because they have brought and continue to bring so much joy to my life and to our relationship!
25. On that note, I really wish pets could be covered by human medical insurance. At Kaiser, I paid $100 for giving birth and for being in the hospital for three nights. Piko was at the vet for 7 days and we paid a Hawaiian vacation for 2. A very NICE vacation for 2. We don't have a single regret but man, that's expensive.
26. My daughter, without meaning to do so because she's just a wee baby, has already broken my heart. When I shared this w/ a co-worker, she told me her 23 year old daughter continues to break her heart. But she loves her to pieces and that's just what kids do. A regret I have? Every inconsiderate thing I've ever done to hurt my mom's feelings. My dad, too, but now I know what it's like to be a mama.
27. I feel so blessed with the company I keep. Nearly every day, I thank God for my wonderful family and friends because I feel surrounded by love. This is a very big deal to me.
28. I'm spiritual but not religious. I would actually like to be religious. But I'd like to have one in which The Man would like to also join so we can have our little family worship together.
29. I've always been very conservative about relationships and being faithful. I am pretty liberal when it comes to politics. I believe in equal rights - I don't think that makes me wildly liberal. I think it makes me FAIR.
30. It took me the span of four days to finish this. I wonder when I'll ever find time to quality blog again. I'm thinking rather than primarily writing about my thoughts, I may start documenting The Bun's milestones again. I don't want to forget things and we never started a baby book.
2. Trying to manage my time better so I'm spending it with those that I love, getting things I need to get done and preparing things for The Bun & me for the next day so I don't rush in the mornings. Leaves very little time for blogging, though.
3. I worry a lot. I've been trying to manage it, though, so I can be in the moment. How very Oprah of me, I know.
4. The birth of my daughter has made mortality so much more real to me. This coincides with #3. I worry about how much more time I will have with those that I love (like my parents, husband, family, good friends) and I want to make the most of it.
5. I forget where I read this. But a person wrote that if they knew they were dying, they wouldn't want to go to places they've never been or fulfill their bucket list. They would want to spend each minute with everyone they love. I agree.
6. I knew there would be a point in my life in which I wouldn't feel young and sexy (OK, more like cute ... I don't think I've ever described myself as sexy.) I didn't think it would happen so soon.
7. I love my baby and my husband. I would like, however, to get the body I had when I was single. I was pretty pleased with that body and I think my husband would benefit from that body too. The baby, not so much. But it wouldn't hurt her.
8. I love our pups so much. I wish they had life spans like humans.
9. I love them so much they are in our Christmas cards.
10. I wish we could afford help. Housekeeping or nanny-ing. It would be really nice.
11. I've heard many reasons why I should have another child. I agree with almost all of them. I'm just not emotionally or physically ready yet.
12. Almost everyone says not to worry about money. That a family just figures it out. But I do worry how we would be able to afford another one.
13. I just realized this is supposed to be 30 "interesting" facts. Not random thoughts. All right, well ... I have only had two real boyfriends. I married the second one, in case you couldn't figure that out.
14. I am a terrible dater. I never understood the whole second date concept if the first wasn't all that great.
15. I probably sabotaged most relationships before the other person could mess up. Part of the reason I was a terrible dater.
16. I wish I could go back to my early 20s if I could keep all the relationships I have now. The only reason would be so I could enjoy every moment instead of wanting for something I didn't currently have.
17. For so long, I wanted people to think I looked my age or older. I can't exactly pinpoint when I wanted people to guess I looked younger than my age. See? Wanting what I don't currently have. Stupid.
18. I sound like I'm unhappy, don't I? I'm actually a very happy person. And quite content with life. (This points out another reason I was a terrible dater. My husband said I was the master at mixed signals!)
19. My dream job is to be famous and in movies. Funny that I'm not an actor nor have I ever done anything to pursue that dream. And, honestly, I think it sounds a lot more glamorous than it probably really is. My other dream job would be to host a travel show. If I can drag all the people I love with me :)
20. I have more confidence now than I did 10 years ago. And I had a way better body 10 years ago! Funny how that works.
21. I care more about the earth, education and the well being of humanity. I think becoming a mama made me care more.
22. I also think that my significant other makes me be a better person. It's hard to explain in few words but, in my only other serious relationship, my ex said that I made the other want to be a better person. He said I gave him drive, made him want to be more responsible. A grown up. But w/ The Man, I think he has made me be more caring and thoughtful towards others. Not even by what he says but what he does.
23. I give The Man compliments (like the one above) but I also tease him because, let's face it, we keep each other grounded, too ;) We used to be better at giving each other compliments but we've always teased each other. I hope that we can continue to praise each other throughout our relationship because it's just another way to show love.
24. Our oldest pup, who is technically not a pup at nearly 5 years, came very close to death a few months ago. That experience reminded me of why I pushed back for years w/ The Man of why I didn't want a pet. Much less two. I still wasn't over the loss of childhood dog when we got these two. I'm way too much of a softie. But I wouldn't redo the past and not have them. Because they have brought and continue to bring so much joy to my life and to our relationship!
25. On that note, I really wish pets could be covered by human medical insurance. At Kaiser, I paid $100 for giving birth and for being in the hospital for three nights. Piko was at the vet for 7 days and we paid a Hawaiian vacation for 2. A very NICE vacation for 2. We don't have a single regret but man, that's expensive.
26. My daughter, without meaning to do so because she's just a wee baby, has already broken my heart. When I shared this w/ a co-worker, she told me her 23 year old daughter continues to break her heart. But she loves her to pieces and that's just what kids do. A regret I have? Every inconsiderate thing I've ever done to hurt my mom's feelings. My dad, too, but now I know what it's like to be a mama.
27. I feel so blessed with the company I keep. Nearly every day, I thank God for my wonderful family and friends because I feel surrounded by love. This is a very big deal to me.
28. I'm spiritual but not religious. I would actually like to be religious. But I'd like to have one in which The Man would like to also join so we can have our little family worship together.
29. I've always been very conservative about relationships and being faithful. I am pretty liberal when it comes to politics. I believe in equal rights - I don't think that makes me wildly liberal. I think it makes me FAIR.
30. It took me the span of four days to finish this. I wonder when I'll ever find time to quality blog again. I'm thinking rather than primarily writing about my thoughts, I may start documenting The Bun's milestones again. I don't want to forget things and we never started a baby book.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
What happened to blogging more?!
I promise I have good reasons. Primarily - work. This is my second busiest time of the year. But I think I'm actually driving more than I do in the fall the busiest time for me. I shat you not when I write that I average over 120 miles a day. Last week, I drove more than 200 miles every time I got into my car. Serious. While the workload hasn't actually been a ton, it's the driving that has been taxing. So when do I have time to take care of the administrative portion of my position like updates via email, email responses and data entry? When I get home. Thus no other computer-oriented tasks gets done. Because, by then, I'M done. Busy, busy, busy!
But I'm happy to announce that there were other reasons why I was so busy - I've been offered a new job in my company! It's funny, everything fell into the right place. Since I got back from maternity leave, I had been looking for a new position. I had been in my old one for three years and that made me a seasoned veteran. Because folks just don't stay too long for one reason or another.
I have many reasons why I wanted to move into another role. But, overall, it was just time. I applied to internal positions. I applied to external positions. I had been on over 10 interviews this past year. But for one reason or another, it just didn't work out. Let me be completely honest - a few I turned down but the rest either weren't offered the job or I didn't move on to the second round interviews. And to be brutally honest, just about all the jobs outside of my company were ones I didn't care for once I had the initial interview. Very similar to a bad first date :) Good on paper but just not a love match in person.
But this particular position. This one just fell into place. It was within my current company. Yesssss. I've mentioned this before but I want to be the type of person that has a long career in one company and, if I had my druthers, retires from that company. I know, I know, our generation isn't known for that nor are companies known for allowing that. Truly, in general, there is no longer that employee/employer loyalty that had existed in our parents' generation. But there are sometimes exceptions to this. And there's something said to the benefits that go along with seniority. Like PTO, retirement and all that jazz.
So going back to how this everything about this felt right. One of the jobs I was offered took a total of FOUR months from first interview to offer. There were good reasons as to why it took so long and, in the end, it was a good thing because it gave me plenty of time to process if this job was a good fit. And for one reason or another, it wasn't. But this new job, from start to finish, was two and a half weeks from interview to offer. For me, it was the right location, a position with desirable job expectations & salary, bosses with good reputations and opportunity for career growth. For them, it was the right time, someone with the right work experience, someone with the right history & background who had actually worked in the territory and, yes, someone with a good work reputation. At least, I'm pretty sure!
I think what was most exciting was that the hiring managers didn't feel compelled to wait for several more applicants for comparison. Although, I would have completely understood - the whole eggs in one basket kind of thing. But it was nice to know they were very confident about me. In their words, they were pleased with my responses during the interview, my work history, and felt like I would be an ideal fit for the position. Plus I had taken the initiative to inquire before the job was posted so that was a bonus in their eyes. Plus, I'm sure they want to fill it ASAP so there is very little vacancy time and there is only a small ripple in their otherwise seamless transition.
I know it won't be a perfect position. I'm sure after being in my current role for nearly four years, there will be a few hiccups and goodness knows, I will need to learn new things and learn them fast. But I think that's what makes it also exciting. I'm really looking forward to being back in an office and working with a team. I have been solo and in the field for quite some time! But I am grateful. Ask me four years ago ... shoot, ask me last year and this is not where I thought my career would be headed. But it is a welcomed unplanned event in my life and I'm looking forward to it.
But I'm happy to announce that there were other reasons why I was so busy - I've been offered a new job in my company! It's funny, everything fell into the right place. Since I got back from maternity leave, I had been looking for a new position. I had been in my old one for three years and that made me a seasoned veteran. Because folks just don't stay too long for one reason or another.
I have many reasons why I wanted to move into another role. But, overall, it was just time. I applied to internal positions. I applied to external positions. I had been on over 10 interviews this past year. But for one reason or another, it just didn't work out. Let me be completely honest - a few I turned down but the rest either weren't offered the job or I didn't move on to the second round interviews. And to be brutally honest, just about all the jobs outside of my company were ones I didn't care for once I had the initial interview. Very similar to a bad first date :) Good on paper but just not a love match in person.
But this particular position. This one just fell into place. It was within my current company. Yesssss. I've mentioned this before but I want to be the type of person that has a long career in one company and, if I had my druthers, retires from that company. I know, I know, our generation isn't known for that nor are companies known for allowing that. Truly, in general, there is no longer that employee/employer loyalty that had existed in our parents' generation. But there are sometimes exceptions to this. And there's something said to the benefits that go along with seniority. Like PTO, retirement and all that jazz.
So going back to how this everything about this felt right. One of the jobs I was offered took a total of FOUR months from first interview to offer. There were good reasons as to why it took so long and, in the end, it was a good thing because it gave me plenty of time to process if this job was a good fit. And for one reason or another, it wasn't. But this new job, from start to finish, was two and a half weeks from interview to offer. For me, it was the right location, a position with desirable job expectations & salary, bosses with good reputations and opportunity for career growth. For them, it was the right time, someone with the right work experience, someone with the right history & background who had actually worked in the territory and, yes, someone with a good work reputation. At least, I'm pretty sure!
I think what was most exciting was that the hiring managers didn't feel compelled to wait for several more applicants for comparison. Although, I would have completely understood - the whole eggs in one basket kind of thing. But it was nice to know they were very confident about me. In their words, they were pleased with my responses during the interview, my work history, and felt like I would be an ideal fit for the position. Plus I had taken the initiative to inquire before the job was posted so that was a bonus in their eyes. Plus, I'm sure they want to fill it ASAP so there is very little vacancy time and there is only a small ripple in their otherwise seamless transition.
I know it won't be a perfect position. I'm sure after being in my current role for nearly four years, there will be a few hiccups and goodness knows, I will need to learn new things and learn them fast. But I think that's what makes it also exciting. I'm really looking forward to being back in an office and working with a team. I have been solo and in the field for quite some time! But I am grateful. Ask me four years ago ... shoot, ask me last year and this is not where I thought my career would be headed. But it is a welcomed unplanned event in my life and I'm looking forward to it.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
View on religion
Oh boy. Not at all easy to answer.
Here's the thing - I truly believe the religion I grew up with helped shape me into a good person. I lived in a middle to low income area and high school was a mix of kids. I could have gone down a dark road but I didn't. My parents were very strict so I'm sure that helped. But the fear from religion helped a lot.
That's the thing, though. There was a lot of fear. And guilt. A LOT.
I know most religions encourage their parish to recruit outsiders into their faith. And to marry within their faith. But there was a lot of talk of damnation for those who did not end up on the righteous path. And I always had a problem with that since my dad is Catholic.
I had attended regularly from 1986 to 1996. I remember wanting out as soon as I graduated from high school. I had been part of the choir and was even a choir organist but used college as an excuse to remove all responsibilities. Holding those different positions was considered an honor and I'm certain my mom was ashamed when I stepped down from those duties.
Truth be told, I don't remember much of the teachings of my former religion. I do remember being resentful when I went to church because I didn't agree with many of the sermons. And my attendance was less and less ... the only reason I went for so long is because of my mom. It was really important to her. But, just like they preached, if you were only there physically but not mentally, it didn't count. And it's true, it didn't count.
Fast forward to now. I still believe in God. And I would like to be part of a church again. I want my daughter to have God in her life and to have a belief. We're seriously considering my husband's religion and would like to find a church in our area. But have we done something about it yet? No.
I also have questions. And I would love it if someone who has a strong faith could help me with the answers.
I know there is a God. But I don't understand why there is so much brutality in this world. Why are innocent women and children being raped? Why are people being tortured? Why are innocent people being killed?
These are the kind of stories that seem to be occuring more and more: http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/connecticut_doctor_whose_family_eWPz3N9foeiSbXiWwlizKJ
http://www.contracostatimes.com/richmond-school-homecoming-rape/ci_16620274?nclick_check=1
I know there is good in this world. And I know that I am very blessed. But what I've yet to understand is that even though God exists, these atrocities occur. Why?
And I am serious. If you have strong faith, consider yourself religious and go to church, I would really appreciate it if you responded.
Here's the thing - I truly believe the religion I grew up with helped shape me into a good person. I lived in a middle to low income area and high school was a mix of kids. I could have gone down a dark road but I didn't. My parents were very strict so I'm sure that helped. But the fear from religion helped a lot.
That's the thing, though. There was a lot of fear. And guilt. A LOT.
I know most religions encourage their parish to recruit outsiders into their faith. And to marry within their faith. But there was a lot of talk of damnation for those who did not end up on the righteous path. And I always had a problem with that since my dad is Catholic.
I had attended regularly from 1986 to 1996. I remember wanting out as soon as I graduated from high school. I had been part of the choir and was even a choir organist but used college as an excuse to remove all responsibilities. Holding those different positions was considered an honor and I'm certain my mom was ashamed when I stepped down from those duties.
Truth be told, I don't remember much of the teachings of my former religion. I do remember being resentful when I went to church because I didn't agree with many of the sermons. And my attendance was less and less ... the only reason I went for so long is because of my mom. It was really important to her. But, just like they preached, if you were only there physically but not mentally, it didn't count. And it's true, it didn't count.
Fast forward to now. I still believe in God. And I would like to be part of a church again. I want my daughter to have God in her life and to have a belief. We're seriously considering my husband's religion and would like to find a church in our area. But have we done something about it yet? No.
I also have questions. And I would love it if someone who has a strong faith could help me with the answers.
I know there is a God. But I don't understand why there is so much brutality in this world. Why are innocent women and children being raped? Why are people being tortured? Why are innocent people being killed?
These are the kind of stories that seem to be occuring more and more: http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/connecticut_doctor_whose_family_eWPz3N9foeiSbXiWwlizKJ
http://www.contracostatimes.com/richmond-school-homecoming-rape/ci_16620274?nclick_check=1
I know there is good in this world. And I know that I am very blessed. But what I've yet to understand is that even though God exists, these atrocities occur. Why?
And I am serious. If you have strong faith, consider yourself religious and go to church, I would really appreciate it if you responded.
Friday, January 14, 2011
Views on drugs and alcohol
If we're talking about my future conversation w/ my daughter regarding this subject - "Don't do it!"
If only it were that easy.
Alcohol is pretty fine. It takes very little to achieve a temporary euphoria, especially since I don’t drink nearly as much as I did in my 20s.
When I was in my 20s, it helped me loosen up when I was in social settings. I hadn't partied at all in teens and hardly at all during college. So when I turned 21, I was probably as rigid as a, well, you fill in the blank. It would probably be fitting.
Alcohol also helped create fun. I mean, there had to be other stimuli like friends and being out on the town (because by myself and in a dark room does not make for a good time.) Alcohol also helped ease the tension of stressful jobs.
I like alcohol. Of course, as I get older, I'm more aware and scared of drunk drivers. In my 20s, I guess there is a feeling of invincibility. I just didn't think much of harm being caused to me. I had other things to worry about. Or I was just naive. Now, I worry about things like drunk driving because I worry about harm being cause to those I love like my husband, baby, parents and family.
Drugs. Oh boy. I am going to probably be in the minority (and when I write minority, I mean all by my lonesome) when I say I don't like marijuana. Before I get stoned (the literal, not figurative) for taking away people's rights (although I don't think it's legal yet, is it?) I'm not opposed to other people smoking it. I see it along the same lines as alcohol. It's just not for me. When I tried it in my youth (early 20s), I felt like I was going to hurl and I just wanted everything to stop spinning. After the third time of feeling the exact same way, I gave up. I don't care what anyone else said, it is not relaxing, it is not fun and it was a horrible way for me to spend a perfectly good evning.
There you have it. My views on drugs and alcohol. By the way, I had a FULL glass of wine this evening and it was deeeeee-lightful!
If only it were that easy.
Alcohol is pretty fine. It takes very little to achieve a temporary euphoria, especially since I don’t drink nearly as much as I did in my 20s.
When I was in my 20s, it helped me loosen up when I was in social settings. I hadn't partied at all in teens and hardly at all during college. So when I turned 21, I was probably as rigid as a, well, you fill in the blank. It would probably be fitting.
Alcohol also helped create fun. I mean, there had to be other stimuli like friends and being out on the town (because by myself and in a dark room does not make for a good time.) Alcohol also helped ease the tension of stressful jobs.
I like alcohol. Of course, as I get older, I'm more aware and scared of drunk drivers. In my 20s, I guess there is a feeling of invincibility. I just didn't think much of harm being caused to me. I had other things to worry about. Or I was just naive. Now, I worry about things like drunk driving because I worry about harm being cause to those I love like my husband, baby, parents and family.
Drugs. Oh boy. I am going to probably be in the minority (and when I write minority, I mean all by my lonesome) when I say I don't like marijuana. Before I get stoned (the literal, not figurative) for taking away people's rights (although I don't think it's legal yet, is it?) I'm not opposed to other people smoking it. I see it along the same lines as alcohol. It's just not for me. When I tried it in my youth (early 20s), I felt like I was going to hurl and I just wanted everything to stop spinning. After the third time of feeling the exact same way, I gave up. I don't care what anyone else said, it is not relaxing, it is not fun and it was a horrible way for me to spend a perfectly good evning.
There you have it. My views on drugs and alcohol. By the way, I had a FULL glass of wine this evening and it was deeeeee-lightful!
Monday, January 10, 2011
Where I would like to be in 10 years
I would like to be in a happy marriage. I would like my child (or children, if I have any more) to be healthy and happy. Actually, the same for all my loved ones - husband, parents, siblings, pups, other family and friends. I hope to have a nice home in a nice school district:) I hope to still be surrounded by lovely people who make up my circle. I hope to be fulfilled w/ myself and my relationships. I hope to have a career that I can be proud of and enables me to make a positive impact in my community. I hope to have a job that gives a voice to the underserved and/or underrepresented. I hope my employer, my organization, is also admireable. I hope to still have the desire to be content without being complacent. I hope to be present so I can always enjoy and be grateful for my blessings and not want for the unnecessary. I hope I'm a good person. A good wife, mama, daughter, sister, friend, colleague, supervisor, employee, and even stranger.
I hope to be happy.
I hope to be happy.
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Sunday, January 09, 2011
Maybe I'm peculiar but I actually really like assignments!
Maybe that's why I like academia so much. I like having creative freedom but can appreciate a little direction. Below is a 30 day challenge my friend, Tel, posted on her website which was borrowed from another blogger. My interpretation is to answer all the questions but I'm realistic. I'm going to make it a 90 day challenge for me :) Because it's still my blog.
1st assignment: Your current relationship. Easy.
I'm married. I've been married for going-on-three years. I'm happily married. And relieved about it, I suppose. What's the divorce statistic - 50%? We dated for six years before we married so I'm hoping we got all the kinks out of the way ;)
What else can I say? It hasn't been all sunshine and roses. Overall, though, it's been and continues to be quite lovely. I feel like we have a healthy relationship. We're supportive of each other, loving, kind, and it's definitely a partnership.
I admit, I've always seen myself being married. But I wasn't one to get into a relationship just to be in one. I have very high expectations of a partner. Probably because I'm not a very trusting person so I expect the person to be exceptionally trustworthy. If not, it's not going to work - I can't work. Because many of us have been in those kind of relationships, the kind in which it's like CSI, dating- style.
"Who just texted you at this late hour?"
"Hey, who's hair tie is this in your car?"
"Who's that girl I can hear in the background? Who's with you?"
"What was just on your computer screen? Why did you click out so fast?"
I don't need that. It's not exciting, it's never worth it and, quite frankly, it's exhausting. And heart breaking. At least, for me.
But I'm going off topic. What's MY relationship like. Well, it's not like that. There's a lot of trust. And even though my husband is amazing, it took a while for me to have this level of trust because I had been burned before. I mean TOASTED. Yes, I had some baggage. As for him, I don't think he had someone as affectionate as I. If I can remember, I don't think any of his girlfriends have been his best friend either. Our relationship was something we both never had before.
There's a lot of trust. And love. We make each other laugh a lot over silly, every day things. He's my best friend.
1st assignment: Your current relationship. Easy.
I'm married. I've been married for going-on-three years. I'm happily married. And relieved about it, I suppose. What's the divorce statistic - 50%? We dated for six years before we married so I'm hoping we got all the kinks out of the way ;)
What else can I say? It hasn't been all sunshine and roses. Overall, though, it's been and continues to be quite lovely. I feel like we have a healthy relationship. We're supportive of each other, loving, kind, and it's definitely a partnership.
I admit, I've always seen myself being married. But I wasn't one to get into a relationship just to be in one. I have very high expectations of a partner. Probably because I'm not a very trusting person so I expect the person to be exceptionally trustworthy. If not, it's not going to work - I can't work. Because many of us have been in those kind of relationships, the kind in which it's like CSI, dating- style.
"Who just texted you at this late hour?"
"Hey, who's hair tie is this in your car?"
"Who's that girl I can hear in the background? Who's with you?"
"What was just on your computer screen? Why did you click out so fast?"
I don't need that. It's not exciting, it's never worth it and, quite frankly, it's exhausting. And heart breaking. At least, for me.
But I'm going off topic. What's MY relationship like. Well, it's not like that. There's a lot of trust. And even though my husband is amazing, it took a while for me to have this level of trust because I had been burned before. I mean TOASTED. Yes, I had some baggage. As for him, I don't think he had someone as affectionate as I. If I can remember, I don't think any of his girlfriends have been his best friend either. Our relationship was something we both never had before.
There's a lot of trust. And love. We make each other laugh a lot over silly, every day things. He's my best friend.
Monday, January 03, 2011
20 Questions to wrap up 2010 (borrowed from Cyn)
1. What was the single best thing that happened this past year?
Hmm, that's soo hard because I can't choose just one specific thing. The Bun turning 1 was huge because we accomplished our first year of parenting. Not only did we "survive" but our marriage continues to be strong, our love and friendship continues to be strong and, let's face it. Our household, between the Bun and the two pups, is a buttload of cuteness.
2. What was the single most challenging thing that happened?
Oh boy. Being in the moment. Not letting dissatisfaction in one area of my life cloud or affect the other, not to mention more wonderful, areas of my life. Again, not sure if that qualifies as "single".
3. What was an unexpected joy this past year?
My parents showing me all over again just how wonderful they are. Not that they ever stopped being wonderful but I think they were so consistently great that I took them for granted and sometimes focused too much on their faults. (The shame!) But having a baby and they being so active in her life showed me them in a different light. Being a parent myself now most definitely helped put things in perspective.
4. What was an unexpected obstacle?
Outside influences who disappointed me thus discouraged me. I think the influences also affected who I was becoming. It's still an obstacle.
5. Pick three words to describe 2010.
Love, Family, Growth.
6. Pick three words your spouse would use to describe your 2010 (don’t ask them; guess based on how you think your spouse sees you)
Mama, sleep, adult
Can I just say I have no idea what the three words would be but I figured one would have something to do with me being a parent. Another would have to be about me getting more sleep because I was a different person when sleep-deprived. I wasn't myself. Maybe it was the hormones too. But with sleep I am a better ME. And the last would be about me being more of a grown-up because there really was no other choice!
7. Pick three words your spouse would use to describe their 2010 (again, without asking)
Work, stress, love
Work because he worked a lot. So much so it led to the second word. Stress. He tried so hard to be a great employee as well as be a great father and husband but it was too much. And the money wasn't worth it. Love because I love him A LOT. Hopefully he knows that!8. What were the best books you read this year?
Oh boy, I have to check my Kindle and get back to this. I really liked The Help but I think I read it in 2008. And the Girl w/ the Dragon Tattoo series.9. With whom were your most valuable relationships?
My husband, my parents, family and friends. I've learned to treasure them more and I hope that I do better at not taking anyone or anything for granted in 2011.
10. What was your biggest personal change from January to December of this past year?
Being a workin' mama! So that started sometime in February. I count my blessings that I was able to ease into it more so than other mamas because I have a home-based office. I was able to transition from being at home to being out in the field most of the day at pretty much my pace. The first day working from home and not having The Bun with me was really odd. But we all figured it out pretty easily. I may have shed a couple of tears the first day but it all ended up pretty good.
Being a workin' mama! So that started sometime in February. I count my blessings that I was able to ease into it more so than other mamas because I have a home-based office. I was able to transition from being at home to being out in the field most of the day at pretty much my pace. The first day working from home and not having The Bun with me was really odd. But we all figured it out pretty easily. I may have shed a couple of tears the first day but it all ended up pretty good.
11. In what way(s) did you grow emotionally?
Oh man, again, it revolves around me becoming a mama. It is life changing to always care for someone who will always need your love and attention. I think I learned a lot in 2010 but continue to learn to adapt as she grows because she is always changing so her needs also change! And I continue to figure out how to be a better person. That means to myself, as a wife, daughter, sister, friend, employee, colleague and even stranger. It is not an easy task.12. In what way(s) did you grow spiritually?I didn't grow spiritually...I hope this to be a new years resolution - I think I'm with you, Cyn.
13. In what way(s) did you grow physically?
Humph. Unfortunately that hasn't changed. I still have the pesky 10 lbs to lose from my pregnancy. Of course, I'm hoping to do something about that. I'm 20 lbs from when The Man and I first met. Yes, holy $*#t is right. I'm not so much focused on the numbers anymore, though. I care more of how I feel. I want to feel energetic and sleek. Not so much like a jigglypuff.14. In what way(s) did you grow in your relationships with others?
I hope that I show my appreciate for others better and more often. Particularly my parents!
I hope that I show my appreciate for others better and more often. Particularly my parents!
15. What was the most enjoyable part of your work (both professionally and at home)?
Although it was my worst financial year w/ my company, my boss saw that it was out of my control since I was on leave for more than 1/3 of the year. She recognized my efforts, the strategies I worked hard to put into place so that my leave would be seamless. Of course, outside influences greatly impacted my plans and, inevitably, my fiscal year. But my boss asked that I receive a small increase and her request was approved. I was really happy about that because I knew it was a tough year for the entire organization so any increase, not matter how small, was a very pleasant surprise.16. What was the most challenging part of your work (both professionally and at home)?
Reconciling the old me with being in a new role - mama. And I don't think role is even the appropriate word but I can't think of anything better. Because it's more than a job. It's more than a title. I still am who I am but now there's this whole new element that is part of me forever. What do I call that? I'm still the same person but my life is completely different now. Anyway, trying to figure all that out and make decisions that are still best for me yet also best for my family. And sometimes what's best for me isn't best for my family so I have to think about the greater good. Because my family is my greater good.17. What was your single biggest time waster in your life this past year?
Facebook! But I've also reconnected with some really treasured old friends. So I put the blame on the user rather than the product. Although if they get me hooked on Farmville or MafiaWars, I will swear that they are striving to be the reigning time suckers of society.18. What was the best way you used your time this past year?
Bath and bedtime rituals with The Man and The Bun. Spending time chatting w/ my parents when I drop off and pick up The Bun from their home. Going on a minimoon to Hawaii w/ The Man before returning to work. It was all good stuff.19. What was biggest thing you learned this past year?
Having a baby is one of the biggest decisions you can make. I mean, I already knew that. But, and I think this goes with just about anything that has to do with being a parent, you know but you don't really know until you actually have a child. Sure, you may have observed from other people or being around family members. But you don't really know until you're in it. I don't care what you think. You don't know the half of it until you're a parent yourself. Now where was I? Oh yes, I am so glad I waited because I surely wasn't ready when I was younger. I'm also very glad we finally made the choice when we did because she is pretty amazing. And seeing my parents enjoy their time w/ her is priceless. We were incredibly blessed with good timing on this decision :)20. Create a phrase or statement that describes 2010 for you.
Strive for contentment without complacency. Yup, I actually made that up and yes, that's what I've decided to be my mantra.Sunday, January 02, 2011
Family
The Man has a few favorite old photos of his family. One that has always meant a lot to him is of him and his dad in his dad's work truck. I think The Man is around 2 years old in the photo. For months now, he's mentioned how he wants to recreate the photo w/ The Bun. Of course I thought it was a grand idea. My husband has fond memories of his father. He, unfortunately, only got to spend 14 years with his dad before he passed away. So he treasures those memories and these photos with his father.
Well, we decided yesterday that we were going to take the time to finally do it. And I love how the photos turned out. The Man looked through them all and found the one that best matches his old photo. It's funny. I know it's just a photo. But I'm so glad we took the time to do it because I know it makes The Man very happy. I know he wishes there were more photos of him and our baby so I think this helps make up for it.
The top photo is of The Man w/ his Dad (his dad wearing a work hat) in his dad's work truck. The bottom, The Bun w/ The Man wearing his hard hat and in his work truck.
My absolute favorite:
I can't help it. It has all our babies :)
Well, we decided yesterday that we were going to take the time to finally do it. And I love how the photos turned out. The Man looked through them all and found the one that best matches his old photo. It's funny. I know it's just a photo. But I'm so glad we took the time to do it because I know it makes The Man very happy. I know he wishes there were more photos of him and our baby so I think this helps make up for it.
The top photo is of The Man w/ his Dad (his dad wearing a work hat) in his dad's work truck. The bottom, The Bun w/ The Man wearing his hard hat and in his work truck.
My absolute favorite:
I can't help it. It has all our babies :)
Monday, December 27, 2010
Christmas came and went!
Oh my goodness, I can't believe it's over. It felt like we JUST put the tree up. Well, we kind of did.
I love the holidays. And while this year flew by I loved it just the same. The Bun was showered with love. And I don't mean with just gifts (although my hand hurts from all the thank you notes I had to write on her behalf.) It was so nice seeing everyone in the holiday spirit. Sure, there was some times when I was stressed out but, over all, it was a great Christmas season. The one thing I would change? That my parents aren't getting older. Although I was in no way shape or form ready to be a parent 10 years ago, I wish my parents were a bit younger so they could enjoy even more their time w/ The Bun. And, selfishly, so that they would be here a lot longer.
Seeing my parents w/ The Bun is really something. It warms my heart and makes me appreciate them so much more. Sure, sometimes they criticize my parenting (and you bet that I snap back) but I know it's out of love. They love her sooooooo much. Their love is almost unbelievable. It's so strong that I want her to have it around for a good long time. Of course, they are also pretty upstanding parents to me. And I'm grateful that their love has now included The Man. I'm so thankful and blessed.
There you have it. I'm sure my parents have no idea how much I appreciate them. Well, OK, that's not necessarily true. They have some idea because I try to show it and tell them as much as possible. But still, they probably don't have an idea of the extent of my gratefulness to them.
And The Man! He's so great. You know, I actually think he would make a good stay-at-home Dad. We joke about it but in all seriousness, I think he would be pretty damn good. But seeing how he's the bread winner, that's not going to happen. Poor guy, I think he missed his calling.
Anyhow, I know I'm veering off topic. I feel blessed. I am grateful to be surrounded by love and support. I pray every day and thank God for all my blessings and I try to be a good person. I know I fall short on many occasions but I think my New Year's resolution is going to be that I try harder and that I be more grateful.
Oh, and yes, of course I would like to drop 20 lbs. but I'm concentrating on my deeper resolution :)
I love the holidays. And while this year flew by I loved it just the same. The Bun was showered with love. And I don't mean with just gifts (although my hand hurts from all the thank you notes I had to write on her behalf.) It was so nice seeing everyone in the holiday spirit. Sure, there was some times when I was stressed out but, over all, it was a great Christmas season. The one thing I would change? That my parents aren't getting older. Although I was in no way shape or form ready to be a parent 10 years ago, I wish my parents were a bit younger so they could enjoy even more their time w/ The Bun. And, selfishly, so that they would be here a lot longer.
Seeing my parents w/ The Bun is really something. It warms my heart and makes me appreciate them so much more. Sure, sometimes they criticize my parenting (and you bet that I snap back) but I know it's out of love. They love her sooooooo much. Their love is almost unbelievable. It's so strong that I want her to have it around for a good long time. Of course, they are also pretty upstanding parents to me. And I'm grateful that their love has now included The Man. I'm so thankful and blessed.
There you have it. I'm sure my parents have no idea how much I appreciate them. Well, OK, that's not necessarily true. They have some idea because I try to show it and tell them as much as possible. But still, they probably don't have an idea of the extent of my gratefulness to them.
And The Man! He's so great. You know, I actually think he would make a good stay-at-home Dad. We joke about it but in all seriousness, I think he would be pretty damn good. But seeing how he's the bread winner, that's not going to happen. Poor guy, I think he missed his calling.
Anyhow, I know I'm veering off topic. I feel blessed. I am grateful to be surrounded by love and support. I pray every day and thank God for all my blessings and I try to be a good person. I know I fall short on many occasions but I think my New Year's resolution is going to be that I try harder and that I be more grateful.
Oh, and yes, of course I would like to drop 20 lbs. but I'm concentrating on my deeper resolution :)
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Contentment ... unachievable?
When The Man and I were dating, he said he didn't think I would ever be content. I always wanted something more. I have to say, though, that when we moved into our home and had our baby, I was pretty darn satisfied. I didn't want for anything.
Then I went back to work. I realized that I did want something more. I wanted to grow. I think of work as an extension of my education. I was in school for what seemed to be forever. And when I got a job, I knew that I saw advancement as being the same as moving onto the next grade or degree. I know it's not the same thing but that's how I view it.
And now I've been doing the same thing for almost four years. I'm ready for a change but I don't know if it's possible in the same organization. And I'd like to stay in the same organization. But I feel pigeon-holed. I thought about going back to school for certain courses that pertain to my profession. But with a baby, it's not feasible. I mean, it's certainly doable but I don't think it's fair to The Man. And there's no guarantee that it will lead to career advancement.
So I view the rest of my life. I'm very happy. I have a great marriage, a great kid and great family and friends. Seriously, all that is great. And I wonder if it's selfish or unreasonable to want a great career too. I mean, when does the wanting stop?! Am I never satisfied? That would be a sad thing. So that's why I focus on other points of my life because I'm so very grateful. If things switched around and I had a great career but wanted more in my marriage, child, family and friends, I would be seriously depressed. So ... do I need a good smack in the rear? Or is it OK that I feel this way?
I'm not depressed about my current situation. As I mentioned, I'm grateful for my wonderful family, home and personal life, in general. But I would like to have career growth and I would like my opportunities to expand. (I won't go into detail about what I've done to try and do this because discussing the j-o-b is crossing a line I'm not willing to cross! But know that I've made attempts that for one reason or another haven't come to fruition.)
I am blessed in so many ways that I feel selfish for not being content. I'm not rich by any means but I don't want to be like a lottery winner lamenting that he wished he won the megamillion jackpot. Anyway. It's late. And I'm babbling. I just wanted to share this with the one or two people that still read this :) Oh, by the way, Cyn. I tried to comment two different times on your last entry and I don't think it went through. But I swear I'm reading!
Then I went back to work. I realized that I did want something more. I wanted to grow. I think of work as an extension of my education. I was in school for what seemed to be forever. And when I got a job, I knew that I saw advancement as being the same as moving onto the next grade or degree. I know it's not the same thing but that's how I view it.
And now I've been doing the same thing for almost four years. I'm ready for a change but I don't know if it's possible in the same organization. And I'd like to stay in the same organization. But I feel pigeon-holed. I thought about going back to school for certain courses that pertain to my profession. But with a baby, it's not feasible. I mean, it's certainly doable but I don't think it's fair to The Man. And there's no guarantee that it will lead to career advancement.
So I view the rest of my life. I'm very happy. I have a great marriage, a great kid and great family and friends. Seriously, all that is great. And I wonder if it's selfish or unreasonable to want a great career too. I mean, when does the wanting stop?! Am I never satisfied? That would be a sad thing. So that's why I focus on other points of my life because I'm so very grateful. If things switched around and I had a great career but wanted more in my marriage, child, family and friends, I would be seriously depressed. So ... do I need a good smack in the rear? Or is it OK that I feel this way?
I'm not depressed about my current situation. As I mentioned, I'm grateful for my wonderful family, home and personal life, in general. But I would like to have career growth and I would like my opportunities to expand. (I won't go into detail about what I've done to try and do this because discussing the j-o-b is crossing a line I'm not willing to cross! But know that I've made attempts that for one reason or another haven't come to fruition.)
I am blessed in so many ways that I feel selfish for not being content. I'm not rich by any means but I don't want to be like a lottery winner lamenting that he wished he won the megamillion jackpot. Anyway. It's late. And I'm babbling. I just wanted to share this with the one or two people that still read this :) Oh, by the way, Cyn. I tried to comment two different times on your last entry and I don't think it went through. But I swear I'm reading!
Friday, December 17, 2010
What happened?
I heard today that blogs are dying and it's primarily because of social networks like Facebook and Twitter.
My blog barely has a pulse.
I used to get irritated when people said, "I don't have time to _____" (fill in the blank) because I thought, "No. You're choosing not to MAKE time for ______."
I stand by my irritation. I still think it's true. And I admit, I haven't made time for blogging. Because it's so much quicker to write a one sentence update and upload a photo than it is to sit and think about stringing together several thoughts. Plus, I have many more friends and family on FB than I do on this. Sure, it's an open blog but I don't freely give my address to everyone. If they stumble upon it, fine. But they would be hard pressed to located it.
Anyway.
It's my favorite time of the year. And for whatever reason, I haven't really made the time to enjoy it! I remember the last time I felt this way was when I was at a job I didn't like and it drained all my energy. I don't know what it is this year. I suppose it's going to a wedding the first weekend of December and then it was my birthday weekend last weekend so we went out. But still, I don't know where the time goes.
But finally, FINALLY, the tree is up. For some reason, that seals the deal for the Christmas vibe. At least, for me. We had wreaths up but it just wasn't complete without the tree.
I love this time of the year. The Bun is old enough to hopefully enjoy it too. The Man asked for a demotion at work so he's leaving and coming home at a decent hour. Best of all, he's in a good mood and a lot less stressed. I know, it sounds funny that he would ask to be demoted but I worried about his health and basically well-being. While he was a good enough man to leave any frustration at work, he still carried a lot of that stress inside of him. And he was working crazy long hours and missing out The Bun's "firsts" of things like crawling up the stairs.
Thankfully, he was able to request a demotion and still have a job. And I'm thankful to be employed too. Our lives will never be perfect but I'm so very thankful for everything we have.
OK, so I've got to jet and get the baby ready to go. So no proof reading or anything! See? That's why I have a problem w/ blogging. I know that it's going to tick me off when I look back and see errors or wish I had written a thought a different way.
But my blog still has a pulse.
My blog barely has a pulse.
I used to get irritated when people said, "I don't have time to _____" (fill in the blank) because I thought, "No. You're choosing not to MAKE time for ______."
I stand by my irritation. I still think it's true. And I admit, I haven't made time for blogging. Because it's so much quicker to write a one sentence update and upload a photo than it is to sit and think about stringing together several thoughts. Plus, I have many more friends and family on FB than I do on this. Sure, it's an open blog but I don't freely give my address to everyone. If they stumble upon it, fine. But they would be hard pressed to located it.
Anyway.
It's my favorite time of the year. And for whatever reason, I haven't really made the time to enjoy it! I remember the last time I felt this way was when I was at a job I didn't like and it drained all my energy. I don't know what it is this year. I suppose it's going to a wedding the first weekend of December and then it was my birthday weekend last weekend so we went out. But still, I don't know where the time goes.
But finally, FINALLY, the tree is up. For some reason, that seals the deal for the Christmas vibe. At least, for me. We had wreaths up but it just wasn't complete without the tree.
I love this time of the year. The Bun is old enough to hopefully enjoy it too. The Man asked for a demotion at work so he's leaving and coming home at a decent hour. Best of all, he's in a good mood and a lot less stressed. I know, it sounds funny that he would ask to be demoted but I worried about his health and basically well-being. While he was a good enough man to leave any frustration at work, he still carried a lot of that stress inside of him. And he was working crazy long hours and missing out The Bun's "firsts" of things like crawling up the stairs.
Thankfully, he was able to request a demotion and still have a job. And I'm thankful to be employed too. Our lives will never be perfect but I'm so very thankful for everything we have.
OK, so I've got to jet and get the baby ready to go. So no proof reading or anything! See? That's why I have a problem w/ blogging. I know that it's going to tick me off when I look back and see errors or wish I had written a thought a different way.
But my blog still has a pulse.
Monday, November 15, 2010
We have a Christmas Card!
Christmas Cookies Christmas
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I just placed our order! We took a bunch of photos and came up with ... two. But hey, that's all it takes for a Christmas card, right? One (or two) photo you really like and are willing to send out to the masses. But man, the camera doesn't lie, does it? Because it's telling me I need to go on a diet:( The photos I chose were the most flattering for all of us. We actually had some more good ones of the humans but the pups were looking left. Or everyone but The Bun was looking at the camera. It really took quite a few shots. But yes, the ones that were taken of me that were unflattering were REALLY unflattering. Blech. I suppose it's a wake up call. Rude, nevertheless!
On a happier note, I'm really excited I ordered our holidays cards! Of course, the work is only half way done. Once I receive them in the mail, I've got to address, self-address and stamp them.
But, dammit, I'm already in the Christmas spirit! So when I do receive them and it's time to do the not-so-fun-part, I'm just going to throw on some holiday music and go to town! :)
Monday, November 08, 2010
Belated birthday wishes to my Bun
I know, I'm super late. But I don't feel too guilty because I wished The Bun a happy birthday on FaceBook, had a birthday dinner on her real birthday with The Man and my folks and then had a small but unintentionally expensive birthday party at the Oakland Zoo. This baby is LOVED.
Of course, there is that guilt I have because I've been meaning to post about her birthday. I did it for her furry sisters, for crying out loud. But I also did not throw parties for them so there's the trade off. We also had a really big scare with Piko, a visit from the in-laws and attempted to take holiday photos to get a leg up on the annual Christmas card. We've been busy.
I posted cute photos of her birthday festivities on FB - blogger is so neglected! Well, her birthday dinner. I've found that The Bun is hesitant to dig into cake with her hands which I find endearing. She's also easily alarmed by crowd and noise so we whispered/sang to her the birthday song. Just like all moms, my baby charms me to pieces. Her personality is showing more and more each day and she is one tough cookie with strong opinions. For a one year old. I shouldn't be surprised, I name her after my mom who is one of the toughest women I know. She is also still my very sweet baby and I appreciate the balance.
I so badly wanted to post the video The Man put together commemorating The Bun's first year. But he's been working overtime (much like when Ava was a fresh out of the hospital, ironically!) and hasn't had the time to finish it. Totally understandable, of course. So I'm going to post the commercial that The Man says captures how he feels about The Bun. And after he showed it to me, I could see what he meant. I'm impressed how a commercial can capture how it feels to be a parent because this will certainly be us.
Of course, there is that guilt I have because I've been meaning to post about her birthday. I did it for her furry sisters, for crying out loud. But I also did not throw parties for them so there's the trade off. We also had a really big scare with Piko, a visit from the in-laws and attempted to take holiday photos to get a leg up on the annual Christmas card. We've been busy.
I posted cute photos of her birthday festivities on FB - blogger is so neglected! Well, her birthday dinner. I've found that The Bun is hesitant to dig into cake with her hands which I find endearing. She's also easily alarmed by crowd and noise so we whispered/sang to her the birthday song. Just like all moms, my baby charms me to pieces. Her personality is showing more and more each day and she is one tough cookie with strong opinions. For a one year old. I shouldn't be surprised, I name her after my mom who is one of the toughest women I know. She is also still my very sweet baby and I appreciate the balance.
I so badly wanted to post the video The Man put together commemorating The Bun's first year. But he's been working overtime (much like when Ava was a fresh out of the hospital, ironically!) and hasn't had the time to finish it. Totally understandable, of course. So I'm going to post the commercial that The Man says captures how he feels about The Bun. And after he showed it to me, I could see what he meant. I'm impressed how a commercial can capture how it feels to be a parent because this will certainly be us.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Babies in fur coats
I intended my next entry to be about The Bun's first birthday. The Man is working on her video and I wanted to post photos from her actual birthday and her little get together.
Then, yesterday, an ordinary day turned into an extraordinary one when I came home to find vomit on the floor. I then turned the corner into the kitchen and found Piko lying next to her urine. She was less than a foot away from where she was supposed to go.
I knew something was terribly wrong.
I took her to our veterinary as an emergency visit. After waiting 1 1/2 hours, we were seen. And I was told she has Immune Mediated Hemolytic Anemia. Without going into a huge explanation, what I thought would be an expensive visit and pills to be taken at home ended up getting Piko immediately admitted, blood drawn and her red blood cell count monitored.
We hoped that we would be able to take her today. But her red blood cell count went down over 50%. So she's getting a transfusion with the hope that it will slow down her body's attack on itself and allow the meds to work.
This situation has brought both of us to tears. She is so sick. We want our furry baby healthy again so we can take her home where she belongs.
Then, yesterday, an ordinary day turned into an extraordinary one when I came home to find vomit on the floor. I then turned the corner into the kitchen and found Piko lying next to her urine. She was less than a foot away from where she was supposed to go.
I knew something was terribly wrong.
I took her to our veterinary as an emergency visit. After waiting 1 1/2 hours, we were seen. And I was told she has Immune Mediated Hemolytic Anemia. Without going into a huge explanation, what I thought would be an expensive visit and pills to be taken at home ended up getting Piko immediately admitted, blood drawn and her red blood cell count monitored.
We hoped that we would be able to take her today. But her red blood cell count went down over 50%. So she's getting a transfusion with the hope that it will slow down her body's attack on itself and allow the meds to work.
This situation has brought both of us to tears. She is so sick. We want our furry baby healthy again so we can take her home where she belongs.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Getting wayyy ahead of myself
The Bun is not a year old yet but I'm already thinking of her education. And worried that it will be expensive. See, we live in a school district that I do not want The Bun to attend. I grew up in this school district. I have heard it's not any better than when I was a child and I believe it. I've already told The Man that we will either have to move when she is four years old or think about private school. See, I interact with educators on a daily basis. You better believe I was scoping out schools when The Bun was in the oven. That's right, she hadn't even been born yet.
I've already decided the city I wanted to move to if we had the option to go that route. But I actually like where I live. I like the location of our home, the neighborhood and the convenience of having many places and people near by. Plus, and this is a big plus, we can afford our home. I think that even with the equity we will have built from this home, we will only be able to afford a fixer upper in the city with a nice school district.
But then I discovered a somewhat near Charter school. I know, I know, charter schools have been in the news lately and are being hailed as the answer to bad public schools. But I jumped on that bandwagon a long time ago. And, be still my beating heart, this one goes all the way to high school.
So I called today. That's right. My baby girl isn't even a year old and I called. I found out some information and know that I need to start planning in a couple of years. But I can't help it, I really hope that we can get her into this school! To be able to have a great education for free from Kindergarten to 12th grade would be amazing. I'm more than willing to be an active participant and meet the demands they have on parents. Because she's worth it. And because if all the parents are meeting these expectations, we should be be able to create a desireable learning environment for our kids. A place that doesn't depend solely on the teachers to make an impact but everyone truly believes it takes a village to raise a child. Accountability, dammit.
Yes, I fall under whatever crazy parent category you may want to file me under. But that's what happens.
I've already decided the city I wanted to move to if we had the option to go that route. But I actually like where I live. I like the location of our home, the neighborhood and the convenience of having many places and people near by. Plus, and this is a big plus, we can afford our home. I think that even with the equity we will have built from this home, we will only be able to afford a fixer upper in the city with a nice school district.
But then I discovered a somewhat near Charter school. I know, I know, charter schools have been in the news lately and are being hailed as the answer to bad public schools. But I jumped on that bandwagon a long time ago. And, be still my beating heart, this one goes all the way to high school.
So I called today. That's right. My baby girl isn't even a year old and I called. I found out some information and know that I need to start planning in a couple of years. But I can't help it, I really hope that we can get her into this school! To be able to have a great education for free from Kindergarten to 12th grade would be amazing. I'm more than willing to be an active participant and meet the demands they have on parents. Because she's worth it. And because if all the parents are meeting these expectations, we should be be able to create a desireable learning environment for our kids. A place that doesn't depend solely on the teachers to make an impact but everyone truly believes it takes a village to raise a child. Accountability, dammit.
Yes, I fall under whatever crazy parent category you may want to file me under. But that's what happens.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Guess she can't be called The Bun for much longer
She's been out of the oven for nearly a year! Where did the time go? It was a tough labor. An even tougher post partum. And then the sleep deprivation. Wow.
But then there was also the first giggle. Her sweet demeanor right out the gate. Her personality coming through as she develops, getting bigger and stronger. The way she needs to be w/ me when she sees me in the room.
Admittedly, I sometimes miss the freedom to do anything. Or nothing:) My time feels borrowed because I have to shape my day around her. But the only time I really miss that freedom is when I'm sick. Because I'm a weenie when I'm sick:p But it's what you give up when you have a baby-selfishness:) I know, it sounds negative but it's not. I have friends who have held off because of that very reason. And I respect that.
My point? I'm blessed because The Bun is awesome. She has been rewarding me w/ little gifts. And big gifts, like sleep! These 11+ months have given me a greater appreciation for my husband, our families, and quite honestly, the good parents I've encountered. I also love to pieces my sweet, sweet baby girl. She amazes me and I think she is made up of all the best traits of me & The Man.
But then there was also the first giggle. Her sweet demeanor right out the gate. Her personality coming through as she develops, getting bigger and stronger. The way she needs to be w/ me when she sees me in the room.
Admittedly, I sometimes miss the freedom to do anything. Or nothing:) My time feels borrowed because I have to shape my day around her. But the only time I really miss that freedom is when I'm sick. Because I'm a weenie when I'm sick:p But it's what you give up when you have a baby-selfishness:) I know, it sounds negative but it's not. I have friends who have held off because of that very reason. And I respect that.
My point? I'm blessed because The Bun is awesome. She has been rewarding me w/ little gifts. And big gifts, like sleep! These 11+ months have given me a greater appreciation for my husband, our families, and quite honestly, the good parents I've encountered. I also love to pieces my sweet, sweet baby girl. She amazes me and I think she is made up of all the best traits of me & The Man.
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Friday, September 10, 2010
Our littlest baby for three years ...
... before the hairless one came in and took over our world:)
Oh Pili. What an adventure with this girl. When we first took her home, I was scared we had made a mistake. She was so different from our first mild-mannered pup. And she kind of smelled like rotten eggs. I'll never forget that. And the first night she was home, she was kenneled just like Piko. UNlike Piko, she wasn't going to stand for it. She sounded like a screeching monkey and made such a racket! And, more than once, we had to extract her from her kennel and clean both Pili and her kennel because there was poop everywhere.
I'll be honest, I wanted to return her. We had family friends who went through the same pup place as us who didn't have a love match with pups they took home and returned them, eating the deposit fee. After the 3rd, 4th or 5th night of interrupted sleep (they all blended together), that sounded like a mighty fine idea. I was ready to throw in the towel. Pili was so much work - she kept all of us up, she was stinky and Piko seemed indifferent if we kept her or not. But The Man was insistent that we weather it out and see what happens.
Thank goodness we did.
Pili is so loving and sweet. She will lick your face until the cows come home ... whatever that means. Seriously, though, I wanted to see if she would get tired so I decided to see if I could just sit it out and see if she got tired. After over a minute had passed, I realized that she was going to win because I couldn't take it anymore. Too much love!
Pili is also pretty smart. If she had more disciplined parents, she would probably be able to do really cool tricks. She was attentive during obedient school and can somewhat be trusted off leash. But, just like every other parent, I don't trust the people (dogs) AROUND her. So she stays on leash most of the time.
They both have been so great around The Bun. And goodness knows she rocked their world just as much as she rocked mine ;) But it looks like Pili is determined to make The Bun her best friend. While Piko checks in, sniffs and stays a little bit before walking away, Pili no longer holds back now that The Bun is cruisin'. She licks her face (we monitor that because she can really give too much love sometimes) and tries to play with her! Pili will crouch down and bark because she wants to be chased. The Bun thinks this is hilarious and laughs. Most recently, she has started chasing Pili! Be careful what you wish for ;)
Happy 4th Birthday to our furry baby! I am so blessed to have a wonderful little family. Don't get me wrong, there is an unbelievable amount of poop generated by the three of them, sometimes cleaning gets overwhelming and I give up ... but they bring so much joy to The Man and me.
Sunday, August 08, 2010
Happy belated 4th Birthday...I've been a bad puppy mama
My furry firstborn! Last week was her birthday and while I acknowledged her on a social network, I think she deserves a blog entry. Because she's my baby! :)
Little did we both know:
- she would get a little sister a month after Piko joined our family who we would nickname "monster" ... who Piko would grow to love in a torturer/victim sort of way.
- she would get her period even though I had asked the vet if we could do the surgery just less than a month before ("Oh no, she still has a ways to go before she gets her first period. She's still young and we don't want to be premature." Effer.)
- My dad would whisper to me, "She's become a little lady!"when he's the one that discovered Piko got her period. It's still one of my favorite quotes from my Dad.
- I would later have the audacity to bring home a hairless puppy that needed way more attention than the monster.
Piko is a great pup and is sort of the balance to her littler sister. She is affectionate but then has a little aloofness to her that reminds me of a cat. It's a gamble if she will come when you call her but when she decides it's time to give you some love, it's very very sweet.
I love my Piko and I can't believe she's only been with us for this long because it feels like she's been part of the family forever.
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Friday, July 30, 2010
Hey Baby
You're almost 10 months old. You are growing SO FAST now! And I'm not the greatest writer right now but I don't want to forget ...
1. You are crawling everywhere! Your little chub chub fingers LOVE electrical outlets (yah, your parents have quickly baby-proofed the plugs) and gone are the days where we could lie you in the middle of the bed, go to the bathroom and you would be lying in the same position:) Well, those days have been gone for a while. But we could get away with folding clothes on the bed while you lied or rolled around on the bed.
2. Nana & Papa taught you "Beautiful Eyes." This charms me to no end. See, I was taught this (batting eyes and blowing a kiss) when I was a baby and I would have never guessed that seeing you do this same silly thing would make my heart melt ten times over. Your dad keeps meaning to videotape you because you don't quite know how to bat your eyes. Or blow kisses. So it kind of looks like you have long blinks or a twitch and then you pucker your lips like you ate something sour. Oh. My. Goodness. So cute! And I know it's not just because I did it when I was little ... The Man thinks it's the cutest thing ever.
3. You can be a little dramatic. You fake cry but just when I think I know you're faking, you get riled up and then there are real tears. "Oh honey!" exclaims your mama! Talk about feeling like a bad mommy. I don't know if that's part of your game, baby girl, but you get picked up and cuddled within seconds ;) Well played, Bun.
4. You are a fantastic sleeper! I love you no matter what but, man, I really LIKE you for having great sleeping habits :) Of course, we stick to your bedroom routine as if we were getting paid to do it. But the PAY OFF (you sleeping through the night) is well worth it so we happily stick to your evening schedule.
5. The Great Teeth Fake Out. When you were around three months old, you had a white speck on your bottom gums. You were also drooling a lot in addition to your regular spitting up. Your dad and I thought a tooth was coming in. Your Nana swore a tooth was coming in. Even your day care provider seriously thought a tooth was coming in. Here we are, you at nearly 10 months of age, and no tooth. I don't mind because 1. I'm still breastfeeding and 2. you still have that sweet infant breath. But I know you're wishing you could join us at the dinner table.
Baby girl, in case you haven't figured it out yet, you have changed my life. I still have a hard time believing I'm a mom (maybe you will understand better when you're grown up.) It's not a bad thing but if you've read my previous entries, I'm not a woman who always knew she was going to be a mom. So knowing that I am yours and you are mine still blows my mind.
And I dread the time when you push me away because I am giving you too many kisses. But that's what you make me do. I see you and want to shower you with kisses and hugs. Especially when you first wake up. (You being a super chubby baby probably also makes you extraordinarily cuddly:)
Just like your dad, I think you bring out the best in me. I want to be a better person every day so that I'm good to you and you also have a good example while growing up. I LOVE YOU so much and you're STINKIN' ADORABLE.
1. You are crawling everywhere! Your little chub chub fingers LOVE electrical outlets (yah, your parents have quickly baby-proofed the plugs) and gone are the days where we could lie you in the middle of the bed, go to the bathroom and you would be lying in the same position:) Well, those days have been gone for a while. But we could get away with folding clothes on the bed while you lied or rolled around on the bed.
2. Nana & Papa taught you "Beautiful Eyes." This charms me to no end. See, I was taught this (batting eyes and blowing a kiss) when I was a baby and I would have never guessed that seeing you do this same silly thing would make my heart melt ten times over. Your dad keeps meaning to videotape you because you don't quite know how to bat your eyes. Or blow kisses. So it kind of looks like you have long blinks or a twitch and then you pucker your lips like you ate something sour. Oh. My. Goodness. So cute! And I know it's not just because I did it when I was little ... The Man thinks it's the cutest thing ever.
3. You can be a little dramatic. You fake cry but just when I think I know you're faking, you get riled up and then there are real tears. "Oh honey!" exclaims your mama! Talk about feeling like a bad mommy. I don't know if that's part of your game, baby girl, but you get picked up and cuddled within seconds ;) Well played, Bun.
4. You are a fantastic sleeper! I love you no matter what but, man, I really LIKE you for having great sleeping habits :) Of course, we stick to your bedroom routine as if we were getting paid to do it. But the PAY OFF (you sleeping through the night) is well worth it so we happily stick to your evening schedule.
5. The Great Teeth Fake Out. When you were around three months old, you had a white speck on your bottom gums. You were also drooling a lot in addition to your regular spitting up. Your dad and I thought a tooth was coming in. Your Nana swore a tooth was coming in. Even your day care provider seriously thought a tooth was coming in. Here we are, you at nearly 10 months of age, and no tooth. I don't mind because 1. I'm still breastfeeding and 2. you still have that sweet infant breath. But I know you're wishing you could join us at the dinner table.
Baby girl, in case you haven't figured it out yet, you have changed my life. I still have a hard time believing I'm a mom (maybe you will understand better when you're grown up.) It's not a bad thing but if you've read my previous entries, I'm not a woman who always knew she was going to be a mom. So knowing that I am yours and you are mine still blows my mind.
And I dread the time when you push me away because I am giving you too many kisses. But that's what you make me do. I see you and want to shower you with kisses and hugs. Especially when you first wake up. (You being a super chubby baby probably also makes you extraordinarily cuddly:)
Just like your dad, I think you bring out the best in me. I want to be a better person every day so that I'm good to you and you also have a good example while growing up. I LOVE YOU so much and you're STINKIN' ADORABLE.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Ode to the Bun
Sticky Bun, you are now nine months old. Just the other day, I had to lower your pack and play because you can pull yourself up to your knees and, sometimes, to your feet.
You are no longer bald in the back. I don't think you ever cared but it makes me happy.
You sleep so good now. I never take it for granted but, boy, do I feel it when you're having an off night!
You eat, eat, eat. And I LOVE those big ol' chubby cheeks you've got. It's became sort of your trademark.
You and I are very lucky I have a coworker/friend who had a daughter nearly a year older than you. She has been outfitting you for months, saving me money.
Although we are saving money there, I still have day care and other expenses so I've had to be an even better bargain shopper for my clothes. I've reintroduced myself to Old Navy. Now where to go for work clothes ...
Daddy wants another already. I just want to enjoy YOU for right now. Plus my c-section is still sore. True that.
Your nana and papa rock. We are very lucky to have them so close by and the fact they are willing to watch you part time during the week. Saves us a lot of money and, of course, we know that you are loved and cared for every minute you are there. (I'll worry about the spoiling factor later.)
You are wonderful. We love you so much. Sometimes it can be challenging but your Daddy is very supportive and very much an active parent. I love him lots. We're a good family.
And when you're in therapy as an adult for whatever reason, and you show your therapist this blog because it's caused you anxiety or embarrassment, don't forget that I wrote we love you and YOU'RE WELCOME for giving you a good family :)
You are no longer bald in the back. I don't think you ever cared but it makes me happy.
You sleep so good now. I never take it for granted but, boy, do I feel it when you're having an off night!
You eat, eat, eat. And I LOVE those big ol' chubby cheeks you've got. It's became sort of your trademark.
You and I are very lucky I have a coworker/friend who had a daughter nearly a year older than you. She has been outfitting you for months, saving me money.
Although we are saving money there, I still have day care and other expenses so I've had to be an even better bargain shopper for my clothes. I've reintroduced myself to Old Navy. Now where to go for work clothes ...
Daddy wants another already. I just want to enjoy YOU for right now. Plus my c-section is still sore. True that.
Your nana and papa rock. We are very lucky to have them so close by and the fact they are willing to watch you part time during the week. Saves us a lot of money and, of course, we know that you are loved and cared for every minute you are there. (I'll worry about the spoiling factor later.)
You are wonderful. We love you so much. Sometimes it can be challenging but your Daddy is very supportive and very much an active parent. I love him lots. We're a good family.
And when you're in therapy as an adult for whatever reason, and you show your therapist this blog because it's caused you anxiety or embarrassment, don't forget that I wrote we love you and YOU'RE WELCOME for giving you a good family :)
Thursday, July 01, 2010
Sinking in
1/3 of my colleagues are gone. One of my absolutely favorite team members was also let go.
We all know we shouldn't blog about work because it could be TROUBLE.
But this isn't an entry full of resentment, hostility or hate.
I'm just sad. Because many have been around for a long time and I've admired their work. I know times are tough and companies need to make tough decisions.
But man.
We all know we shouldn't blog about work because it could be TROUBLE.
But this isn't an entry full of resentment, hostility or hate.
I'm just sad. Because many have been around for a long time and I've admired their work. I know times are tough and companies need to make tough decisions.
But man.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Made the choice to NOT go with the life-changing decision
This is when I'm not sure where this clearly goes. Is it not suitable for a public blog? Or is it OK? Whenever discussing The J-O-B, even if it's positive or just not necessarily negative, it's a questionable gray area.
I'm still unclear of what I can write without possibly putting myself in the trouble zone. So I will just leave at that. I chose not to make a life-changing decision. And while I feel over all good about this decision and know it was the right one, I kind of mourn the old me, the one would have made the other choice. Because until this situation, I didn't realize that there was new me and an old me. I thought I was same ol' me. But I'm not.
I'm still unclear of what I can write without possibly putting myself in the trouble zone. So I will just leave at that. I chose not to make a life-changing decision. And while I feel over all good about this decision and know it was the right one, I kind of mourn the old me, the one would have made the other choice. Because until this situation, I didn't realize that there was new me and an old me. I thought I was same ol' me. But I'm not.
Wednesday, June 09, 2010
7 going on 8 months
My baby amazes me and The Man every day. Truly, just about every darn day. Ahhh, don't we smack of new parents? ;) When she does something that absolutely knocks my socks off, I think a couple of things:
1. The Bun is freakin' AWESOME!
2. This is ridiculous. I've seen many babies do exactly the same thing and not care a bit.
For instance, she can now hold her bottle and feed herself. You would have thought she figured out world peace, I was so excited. See, she's primarily breastfed and only every so often has a bottle. Sure, she's taken a bottle for a while now but she hasn't been able to hold it. And because I breastfeed her, there's hardly a time for me to teach her to hold a bottle. But just this week, my mom surprised me and said, "Look! She's figured out how to hold a bottle!" Shortly thereafter, she also figured out how to put it in her mouth. (I should ask The Man to videotape her. Because it is hilarious seeing the trial and error of that. She's bipped her nose, eye and just about every part of her face. No worries, she never gets hurt.)
Here are some other cool things she's doing that I know other babies have done, some even sooner but I don't give two hoots. I still think she's a kick ass baby:
* She sits up
* She scoots backwards
* She has consistently slept through the night (by my standards, not "7 hours = full night = 2:30 AM" standards) ... not all the time but most of the time now
* The one above is such a big deal that I'm going to highlight that one again
* She is so generous w/ her smiles
* She is very strong (girlfriend has a baby Kung Fu grip that can bring the pain)
I'm sure there's more but that's just off the top of my head.
I'm not delusional. I know she's your middle-of-the-road baby to everyone else. And there are times when having a baby is extremely challenging. To be perfectly honest, it can be very hard at times. But to me, she is just so so special. She makes everything worth it and she certainly makes sure the good outweigh the bad. I love The Bun.
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6/10/10 Update: I guess I am superstitious ... I knew there was a reason why I stopped mentioning The Bun's sleeping pattern on FaceBook! I feared the minute I wrote she slept 10-12 hours, she would stop. And last night, after writing this entry, she woke up three times. Son of a biscuit.
Monday, June 07, 2010
Just wrote a whole post that took an hour
And the GD blogger erased it.
Well son of a biscuit. (I'm highly irritated. No, I'm PISSED, so I'm going to walk away now.)
Well son of a biscuit. (I'm highly irritated. No, I'm PISSED, so I'm going to walk away now.)
Friday, May 14, 2010
Baby spit up
*We are ALL sick in The Household. I thought I was immune because I didn't catch anything for a full week. But The Man & Bun proved to be too strong. Or, at least, their virus. Ick. But here's a little gem I didn't want to forget for The Bun to read later.*
Since The Bun was born, she had a serious spit up problem. We talked to her pediatrician and he said that it's normal for some babies. Because she was so small and because she spit up so much, we had to track her poop to make sure she was eating and keeping enough in. Because we couldn't measure her food intake due to being breastfed.
Well, we were told by her pediatrician that the spitting up would taper off around four months. It took SIX. Doesn't sound like a big deal? I mean, smack a bib on her and call it a day, right? She would spit up so much it was like she was throwing up. The only reason we knew that we shouldn't be alarmed was because it wasn't projectile spit up (which would make it throw up.) Since her pediatrician wasn't concerned, we weren't concerned. Well, "we" being her parents. Her grandparents, however, were always concerned. We were asked over and over again if this was normal because they had never seen a baby spit up so much. A good thing to say to new parents, by the way. But once The Bun plumped up, they stopped worrying. Because, for them, that was the best measurement of her food intake.
As my dad eloquently put it, "Your daughter's like a drunk. She babbles and then vomits. And then she keeps babbling like nothing happened." Thanks, Dad!
Since The Bun was born, she had a serious spit up problem. We talked to her pediatrician and he said that it's normal for some babies. Because she was so small and because she spit up so much, we had to track her poop to make sure she was eating and keeping enough in. Because we couldn't measure her food intake due to being breastfed.
Well, we were told by her pediatrician that the spitting up would taper off around four months. It took SIX. Doesn't sound like a big deal? I mean, smack a bib on her and call it a day, right? She would spit up so much it was like she was throwing up. The only reason we knew that we shouldn't be alarmed was because it wasn't projectile spit up (which would make it throw up.) Since her pediatrician wasn't concerned, we weren't concerned. Well, "we" being her parents. Her grandparents, however, were always concerned. We were asked over and over again if this was normal because they had never seen a baby spit up so much. A good thing to say to new parents, by the way. But once The Bun plumped up, they stopped worrying. Because, for them, that was the best measurement of her food intake.
As my dad eloquently put it, "Your daughter's like a drunk. She babbles and then vomits. And then she keeps babbling like nothing happened." Thanks, Dad!
Saturday, May 08, 2010
I think our doctor may be The Man
at the very least, a professional bad ass.
Let me back track. The Man, my hubby, had Anthem Blue Cross health insurance for the longest time. When I became pregnant, we discussed and deliberated for a while about him moving to Kaiser Permanente. He let me make the decision. When he had open enrollment in December, we moved him to KP and added The Bun and me to his insurance. I wanted to do this for several reasons:
1. If the economy took a turn for the worse and I somehow lost my job, Ava & I would be covered and would be able to keep our doctors.
2. Which may actually be 1a. I LOVE my ObGyn. I loved her before I was pregnant and she became even more endearing when I was with child :) I find her to be capable, professional, sympathetic, attentive and accessible. I also really like my primary physician. I don't see her nearly as much as my ObGyn but she's direct, courteous and has been spot on so far. I'm also comfortable with KP's Optometry, Dermatology, Psychology, Prenatal departments & programs.
3. The Bun has a kick ass Pediatrician. He's even been recognized locally as an outstanding doctor. Enough said.
4. We live so close to both the hospital and the medical offices. Sooooo important and such an advantage, I've realized.
5. The Man's current (well, at the time we were figuring out if we should change his health care coverage) primary physician was awful. How awful? Unprofessional, lazy and ethically questionable. Throughout the years, when I was able coerce my husband into seeing a doctor for various ailments, his experiences would make me cringe. Oh sure, the doctor was nice enough. But he asked inappropriate questions, would make inappropriate comments and, in a nutshell, was what I called a Major Douche.
All right, I have a point. Other than the fact I'm a big fan of Kaiser Permanente. I know, some people don't like it or have had terrible experiences. And I've proclaimed it on Facebook and I'll proclaim it here. I think KP tends to get a bad rep because they are so huge and have so many patients that bad experiences are bound to happen to do the sheer volume of people who have health care under KP. I have been very fortunate. I have either had excellent luck of the draw and ended up with a fantastic doctor or I've received a referral and ended up with a fantastic doctor. I also think the programs and services they offer their patients, particularly pregnant patients, are superb.
But anyway.
As I mentioned in previous entry, on one day I took The Bun to her doctor's appointment and then accompanied The Man on his first doctor's appointment with Kaiser. His previous experience was with smaller, much more intimate doctor's offices so I could see how he would want company on his first KP visit. And I was really happy that when he moved from Blue Cross to KP and needed to choose a doctor, MY primary physician was available. (As you KP peeps may know, that doesn't always happen.) I was so excited because if I left it up to him, he would take months to choose a doctor. Probably until he was on death's door and he would pick anyone who would see him. He was relieved that he got a doctor that was referred by a reliable source. Me!
He said that his check up was much more thorough than the once from Major Douche. I kind of figured that would happen. And when our doctor saw the results from his blood pressure check, she said something to the effect of, "Your blood pressure is high. How long has it been since your blood pressure has been checked?" He said 2004 when Major Douche told him it was high but The Man did not want to be put on meds so he lowered it through diet and exercise. But did Major Douche stay on top of it and keep monitoring it? NO.
Let me go off for a minute because I LOVE my husband so much it hurts. I figured his high blood pressure would return. I work for an organization that is the leading funder in the nation (outside of the government) of heart disease and stroke research and prevention. I KNOW that his health may be in danger. But I don't have Dr preceding my name. And I'm his wife. So after one fight about me nagging him, I've steered clear. I kind of doubted myself, anyway, because of the fact that I wasn't a doctor. I felt like I was hypocrite, too, since I didn't eat the healthiest. He always points out my love for chocolate. Yes, I am a chocaholic.
Well, let me tell you, our primary physician is a bad ass. And may have to take the title of The Man. Because she laid it all out. She went on to say something along the lines of, "We need to lower your blood pressure right away. I'm concerned because this has gone untreated for years. You may feel fine but that's because you won't feel anything. You won't feel the damage it's doing to your heart. Until you have a heart attack or stroke. But any damage that has been done is permanent and irreversible. So we must do something about this right away. You need to start a low salt diet and you will have to do more exercise. I am going to schedule an appointment with you in six weeks. If your blood pressure hasn't gone down, we will need to put you on blood pressure medication."
Word, doctor. WORD.
My husband is great. He actually cares about his health, I KNOW he does. But I see how having a crappy and negligent doctor can give a person a false sense of good health. After all, if Major Douche wasn't concerned (even though we both knew he was a Major Douche), why should The Man be? I get it. But I'm glad our doctor said what she said. Because I knew he HEARD her. And he knows how much our family needs him to be around for a good looooong time. So he's going to take off work a little early and go to his follow up appointment. And he's already reading up on how he can lower his blood pressure through diet.
Say what you will about KP. And hell, I'm sure I'm going to end up eventually with a bad experience because that's what the odds are, right? But I am so glad we made the decision to all be under Kaiser Permanente. I received what I think was some of the best treatment during my pregnancy, throughout my labor and delivery and post partum. My daughter, the light of my life, has a doctor that I am 100% confident has her best interest in mind. And now I feel like my husband is getting the health care he needs and deserves.
PS: I also believe in Chiropractic care and other holistic treatments. I think Chiropractic is a primary reason I had a healthy and relatively easy (health-wise) pregnancy. But that's a whole other entry!
Let me back track. The Man, my hubby, had Anthem Blue Cross health insurance for the longest time. When I became pregnant, we discussed and deliberated for a while about him moving to Kaiser Permanente. He let me make the decision. When he had open enrollment in December, we moved him to KP and added The Bun and me to his insurance. I wanted to do this for several reasons:
1. If the economy took a turn for the worse and I somehow lost my job, Ava & I would be covered and would be able to keep our doctors.
2. Which may actually be 1a. I LOVE my ObGyn. I loved her before I was pregnant and she became even more endearing when I was with child :) I find her to be capable, professional, sympathetic, attentive and accessible. I also really like my primary physician. I don't see her nearly as much as my ObGyn but she's direct, courteous and has been spot on so far. I'm also comfortable with KP's Optometry, Dermatology, Psychology, Prenatal departments & programs.
3. The Bun has a kick ass Pediatrician. He's even been recognized locally as an outstanding doctor. Enough said.
4. We live so close to both the hospital and the medical offices. Sooooo important and such an advantage, I've realized.
5. The Man's current (well, at the time we were figuring out if we should change his health care coverage) primary physician was awful. How awful? Unprofessional, lazy and ethically questionable. Throughout the years, when I was able coerce my husband into seeing a doctor for various ailments, his experiences would make me cringe. Oh sure, the doctor was nice enough. But he asked inappropriate questions, would make inappropriate comments and, in a nutshell, was what I called a Major Douche.
All right, I have a point. Other than the fact I'm a big fan of Kaiser Permanente. I know, some people don't like it or have had terrible experiences. And I've proclaimed it on Facebook and I'll proclaim it here. I think KP tends to get a bad rep because they are so huge and have so many patients that bad experiences are bound to happen to do the sheer volume of people who have health care under KP. I have been very fortunate. I have either had excellent luck of the draw and ended up with a fantastic doctor or I've received a referral and ended up with a fantastic doctor. I also think the programs and services they offer their patients, particularly pregnant patients, are superb.
But anyway.
As I mentioned in previous entry, on one day I took The Bun to her doctor's appointment and then accompanied The Man on his first doctor's appointment with Kaiser. His previous experience was with smaller, much more intimate doctor's offices so I could see how he would want company on his first KP visit. And I was really happy that when he moved from Blue Cross to KP and needed to choose a doctor, MY primary physician was available. (As you KP peeps may know, that doesn't always happen.) I was so excited because if I left it up to him, he would take months to choose a doctor. Probably until he was on death's door and he would pick anyone who would see him. He was relieved that he got a doctor that was referred by a reliable source. Me!
He said that his check up was much more thorough than the once from Major Douche. I kind of figured that would happen. And when our doctor saw the results from his blood pressure check, she said something to the effect of, "Your blood pressure is high. How long has it been since your blood pressure has been checked?" He said 2004 when Major Douche told him it was high but The Man did not want to be put on meds so he lowered it through diet and exercise. But did Major Douche stay on top of it and keep monitoring it? NO.
Let me go off for a minute because I LOVE my husband so much it hurts. I figured his high blood pressure would return. I work for an organization that is the leading funder in the nation (outside of the government) of heart disease and stroke research and prevention. I KNOW that his health may be in danger. But I don't have Dr preceding my name. And I'm his wife. So after one fight about me nagging him, I've steered clear. I kind of doubted myself, anyway, because of the fact that I wasn't a doctor. I felt like I was hypocrite, too, since I didn't eat the healthiest. He always points out my love for chocolate. Yes, I am a chocaholic.
Well, let me tell you, our primary physician is a bad ass. And may have to take the title of The Man. Because she laid it all out. She went on to say something along the lines of, "We need to lower your blood pressure right away. I'm concerned because this has gone untreated for years. You may feel fine but that's because you won't feel anything. You won't feel the damage it's doing to your heart. Until you have a heart attack or stroke. But any damage that has been done is permanent and irreversible. So we must do something about this right away. You need to start a low salt diet and you will have to do more exercise. I am going to schedule an appointment with you in six weeks. If your blood pressure hasn't gone down, we will need to put you on blood pressure medication."
Word, doctor. WORD.
My husband is great. He actually cares about his health, I KNOW he does. But I see how having a crappy and negligent doctor can give a person a false sense of good health. After all, if Major Douche wasn't concerned (even though we both knew he was a Major Douche), why should The Man be? I get it. But I'm glad our doctor said what she said. Because I knew he HEARD her. And he knows how much our family needs him to be around for a good looooong time. So he's going to take off work a little early and go to his follow up appointment. And he's already reading up on how he can lower his blood pressure through diet.
Say what you will about KP. And hell, I'm sure I'm going to end up eventually with a bad experience because that's what the odds are, right? But I am so glad we made the decision to all be under Kaiser Permanente. I received what I think was some of the best treatment during my pregnancy, throughout my labor and delivery and post partum. My daughter, the light of my life, has a doctor that I am 100% confident has her best interest in mind. And now I feel like my husband is getting the health care he needs and deserves.
PS: I also believe in Chiropractic care and other holistic treatments. I think Chiropractic is a primary reason I had a healthy and relatively easy (health-wise) pregnancy. But that's a whole other entry!
Thursday, May 06, 2010
Oh hell, what was I going to blog about?
Oh hell, even though I had one night of good sleep last night, the four bad nights prior have really messed with my head.
Serious.
I kept thinking, got to make time to write an entry. I don't want to forget [such and such]. But I don't remember the such and such!
It's been a rough few days in The household. The Man has been sick. The Man got The Bun sick. The Man and I got into a spat. We got over it but I felt like I couldn't ask The Man to help with The Bun because he was sick. It got so bad that I slept with The Bun (haven't done that since she was a newborn) but it didn't help, poor thing.
There has been challenges at work but, in the end, I am very happy to be employed and don't want to screw that up.
I was having awful sleep not just because The Bun was waking up but because, due to his sickness, The Man was snoring the loudest he has ever snored. EVER. No, not exaggerating. It is so loud that it would wake me up like an alarm clock. Between the two of them, I was getting very little sleep. Maybe 1/2 hour at a time.
I was drinking three cups of coffee a day. Finally, I asked The Man if he could take night time duty last night because I was afraid I was going to crash my car during the day. Yesterday I was Super Mama. I had taken The Bun to her doctor's appointment. Later, I took The Man to HIS doctor's appointment (at his request.) Although he was still coughing, I had gone with him to his doctor's appointment and found out he sounded worse than he was. Well, SHOOT. Hellz yah I was going to ask him to man up (hehe, man up) and let me sleep. To be fair to him, I hadn't asked until this moment. I knew he was sick yet working so I figured I should take one for the team. His cough sounded awful. It still does. But the doc assured us that it wasn't pneumonia or anything serious. It was a cold but really bad allergies too. Sweet.
Upon hearing the doc's diagnosis, I asked him to sleep in the spare room (which is what I did the night before) so I wouldn't hear him snore. He doesn't typically take night duty because I'll wake up anyway. I swear I have sonic hearing when it comes to The Bun's crying. I think moms are programmed that way. I have to put the monitor at the lowest volume but still wake up really easily. He has to put it at its loudest or else he won't hear her. When we are both in the same room, I end up waking up first. But since he was sleeping in the spare, he could do this without waking me. Win win!!!! Well, for me.
He had to wake up 3x but only had to feed her once. We found out from daycare that she takes formula pretty easily but she's still 95% breast milk. Since formula is super easy to prepare, he went ahead and used it. And let me tell you, say what you will about formula but dammit it's freed this mama!!! Because thawing and warming up b-milk is a pain, it's the primary reason I always took the night shift. Prepping b-milk is no fun and since mine are on tap, it's just so much easier for me to feed her during the night. But now we know we BOTH can feed her easily. [insert happy dance] Hallelujah!
I know, I'm babbling. And I also remember what I was going to blog about. The Man's doc visit! But that will be the next entry.
Serious.
I kept thinking, got to make time to write an entry. I don't want to forget [such and such]. But I don't remember the such and such!
It's been a rough few days in The household. The Man has been sick. The Man got The Bun sick. The Man and I got into a spat. We got over it but I felt like I couldn't ask The Man to help with The Bun because he was sick. It got so bad that I slept with The Bun (haven't done that since she was a newborn) but it didn't help, poor thing.
There has been challenges at work but, in the end, I am very happy to be employed and don't want to screw that up.
I was having awful sleep not just because The Bun was waking up but because, due to his sickness, The Man was snoring the loudest he has ever snored. EVER. No, not exaggerating. It is so loud that it would wake me up like an alarm clock. Between the two of them, I was getting very little sleep. Maybe 1/2 hour at a time.
I was drinking three cups of coffee a day. Finally, I asked The Man if he could take night time duty last night because I was afraid I was going to crash my car during the day. Yesterday I was Super Mama. I had taken The Bun to her doctor's appointment. Later, I took The Man to HIS doctor's appointment (at his request.) Although he was still coughing, I had gone with him to his doctor's appointment and found out he sounded worse than he was. Well, SHOOT. Hellz yah I was going to ask him to man up (hehe, man up) and let me sleep. To be fair to him, I hadn't asked until this moment. I knew he was sick yet working so I figured I should take one for the team. His cough sounded awful. It still does. But the doc assured us that it wasn't pneumonia or anything serious. It was a cold but really bad allergies too. Sweet.
Upon hearing the doc's diagnosis, I asked him to sleep in the spare room (which is what I did the night before) so I wouldn't hear him snore. He doesn't typically take night duty because I'll wake up anyway. I swear I have sonic hearing when it comes to The Bun's crying. I think moms are programmed that way. I have to put the monitor at the lowest volume but still wake up really easily. He has to put it at its loudest or else he won't hear her. When we are both in the same room, I end up waking up first. But since he was sleeping in the spare, he could do this without waking me. Win win!!!! Well, for me.
He had to wake up 3x but only had to feed her once. We found out from daycare that she takes formula pretty easily but she's still 95% breast milk. Since formula is super easy to prepare, he went ahead and used it. And let me tell you, say what you will about formula but dammit it's freed this mama!!! Because thawing and warming up b-milk is a pain, it's the primary reason I always took the night shift. Prepping b-milk is no fun and since mine are on tap, it's just so much easier for me to feed her during the night. But now we know we BOTH can feed her easily. [insert happy dance] Hallelujah!
I know, I'm babbling. And I also remember what I was going to blog about. The Man's doc visit! But that will be the next entry.
Monday, May 03, 2010
Mad, mad, mad
A blog is no place to write about frustrations one has, personally or professionally unless one doesn't care about the repercussions.
I do.
But man I wish I could go OFF sometimes.
I do.
But man I wish I could go OFF sometimes.
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