"Her pants are so tight, I can see her clit."

That, my friends, is the kind of stuff that is said at work.

No, no, no, not in front of customers or my boss (well, unless she's in a good mood.) These conversations are said behind closed doors, way in the back of the building where our offices are hidden.

There are three or four of us that try to out-gross each other. Of course, still respecting each other's bounderies. For instance, I get queasy talking about feces or getting too detailed about the bunghole. But for whatever reason, I am A-OK talking about vaginas and penises. Odd, isn't it?

Here's an example of a conversation from last week. Keep in mind, this is while we work. Usually when we're doing our menial tasks like printing and copying. (Working at a non profit means you make speeches at public forums, develop PR materials, ask wealthy companies and individuals for money, and by golly, you're still not too good to cut paper and stuff envelopes. But, over all, I like my job and don't mind this part. Much.)

Me: "Hey, did I ever tell you guys that I never heard of the word, "twat" until my boyfriend told me?"

Suzy: "Whaa?? You just learned the word, "twat?!""

Me: "Well, three years ago! But yes, the word is fairly new to me."

Maria to Suzy: "Hey! Have you heard "bearded clam?" We just learned that one last night." This is from the same guy who taught us deep throat protein blast.

Me: "Stinky bearded clam!" That's right folks, I'm 27 years old and a college graduate.

Suzy, giggling: "That's my husband's favorite term! I'm going to tell him you guys just learned it."

A few minutes later, talking about another topic ...

Suzy: "Maria, are you going to Europe this year?" Sigh. "I've never been to Europe. I'm so jealous."

Maria: "Awww, you can still go! Why don't you go this year?"

Suzy: "Yah, right. Two kids, a husband ..." Turns to me. "Trust me when I tell you - don't get married. Travel. Then travel some more. Just wait before you get hitched!"

Maria, laughing: "Oh, that's right! You haven't heard Sue go off about getting married too early. I told her she should hold a workshop here at work to all the women in their 20s."

Me: "Hey, you know what you can call it? "Lock The Twat!" I'll even make you flyers."

Snort, snort, giggle, giggle.

We are exempt staff, living on a shoestring budget, and working our as$es off 40-60 hours a week. Sources of amusement are scarce. We are forced to make our own.