... and since I don't want to pay a professional $100-$500 (depending on how many sessions it would take to diagnose me) I'm just going to believe her.
Here's the problem - I'm scared to have a party or a large group of people over. OK, more than one person at a time. Yes that's large to me! I live on my own ( although The Man is a part-time roommate) and cannot stand to clean someone else's "stuff" in the bathroom. I mentioned this in passing in an old blog entry - that other's people hair and "stuff" grosses me out. I'm talking about this b/c I cleaned today. I vacuumed, dusted, scrubbed the floors and cleaned my two bathrooms.
This is where I'm going to get a bit more specific. Only a couple of people use my bathroom besides me. Both men. I almost gagged when I cleaned the toilet. Under the rim was very dirty. (Wasn't aware of this until I started scrubbing and "stuff" came falling down.) OK, I'm warning you, this is TMI - I know for a fact that my "stuff" doesn't cause shrapnel. That's just how I was made, OK?! So I'm grossed out b/c I'm cleaning someone else's "stuff." And then, in the other bathroom, there are pee sprinkles on the rim. Not as gross but still! (I don't get it. The toilet hole is HUGE. How do you STILL hit the damn rim and sometimes, the floor??? Yes, men, I'm talking to you! Fortunately, I think only one man reads this blog so, Cousin, I'm sorry to shout out your gender but for crap's sake!)
I can only imagine what my bathrooms would look like after a party or having a group of people over for a few days. This truly SCARES me. I shared this fear with my Sister, Demondoll, and she said, "I think you have OCD." So then I told her, I want friends to come over and I want them to be comfortable. More importantly, I want to keep them as friends after their stay instead of what I think could happen which is me not wanting to talk to them for a month b/c I had to clean their funk. So Sister suggested that I have a "Housekeeping tips" sheet in my guest room. It will help spell out my home's quirks as well as my own. It's going to look something like this-
Here's the problem - I'm scared to have a party or a large group of people over. OK, more than one person at a time. Yes that's large to me! I live on my own ( although The Man is a part-time roommate) and cannot stand to clean someone else's "stuff" in the bathroom. I mentioned this in passing in an old blog entry - that other's people hair and "stuff" grosses me out. I'm talking about this b/c I cleaned today. I vacuumed, dusted, scrubbed the floors and cleaned my two bathrooms.
This is where I'm going to get a bit more specific. Only a couple of people use my bathroom besides me. Both men. I almost gagged when I cleaned the toilet. Under the rim was very dirty. (Wasn't aware of this until I started scrubbing and "stuff" came falling down.) OK, I'm warning you, this is TMI - I know for a fact that my "stuff" doesn't cause shrapnel. That's just how I was made, OK?! So I'm grossed out b/c I'm cleaning someone else's "stuff." And then, in the other bathroom, there are pee sprinkles on the rim. Not as gross but still! (I don't get it. The toilet hole is HUGE. How do you STILL hit the damn rim and sometimes, the floor??? Yes, men, I'm talking to you! Fortunately, I think only one man reads this blog so, Cousin, I'm sorry to shout out your gender but for crap's sake!)
I can only imagine what my bathrooms would look like after a party or having a group of people over for a few days. This truly SCARES me. I shared this fear with my Sister, Demondoll, and she said, "I think you have OCD." So then I told her, I want friends to come over and I want them to be comfortable. More importantly, I want to keep them as friends after their stay instead of what I think could happen which is me not wanting to talk to them for a month b/c I had to clean their funk. So Sister suggested that I have a "Housekeeping tips" sheet in my guest room. It will help spell out my home's quirks as well as my own. It's going to look something like this-
LULU'S HOUSEKEEPING TIPS
Welcome! I'm so glad you'll be staying with me. Here are some things you should know to make your stay more comfortable:
1. Food - My fridge is your fridge! Crack open Big Martha when you need a bite.
2. Courtesy flushes - For whatever reason, the plumbing is weak. If you're going to be on the seat for a while, I strongly recommend that you flush intermittently. (If this procedure fails you, the plunger is in the garage.)
3. Heat - It get chilly! You determine which is more important, warmth or privacy. If you choose heat, keep your bedroom door open.
4. Showers - please keep your bathroom door open and just lock your bedroom door. It's an old house and there is no fan to prevent dampness.
5. Clorox wipes - conveniently located in your bathroom! The housekeeper gets very queasy when it comes to "shrapnel" in, on, and around the toilet. So please use them. (By "housekeeper," I mean me.)
I'm hoping that this will help my guests work around my OCD. If all else fails and they leave my bathroom wronger than wrong, I will pay someone to clean my bathroom. And then mail my guests the bill. Just kidding. But I'm not sure if I will talk to them for a month or so. Hey, I have to be honest! I have a weak stomach to the dismay of (1) my microbiologist mom who has to deal with ALL types of human excretion (2) my manly father who is not scared of but laughs in the face of dirt, grime, and grossness and (3) The Man, also quite manly, who has to deal with all sorts of nastiness on a construction site.
1. Food - My fridge is your fridge! Crack open Big Martha when you need a bite.
2. Courtesy flushes - For whatever reason, the plumbing is weak. If you're going to be on the seat for a while, I strongly recommend that you flush intermittently. (If this procedure fails you, the plunger is in the garage.)
3. Heat - It get chilly! You determine which is more important, warmth or privacy. If you choose heat, keep your bedroom door open.
4. Showers - please keep your bathroom door open and just lock your bedroom door. It's an old house and there is no fan to prevent dampness.
5. Clorox wipes - conveniently located in your bathroom! The housekeeper gets very queasy when it comes to "shrapnel" in, on, and around the toilet. So please use them. (By "housekeeper," I mean me.)
I'm hoping that this will help my guests work around my OCD. If all else fails and they leave my bathroom wronger than wrong, I will pay someone to clean my bathroom. And then mail my guests the bill. Just kidding. But I'm not sure if I will talk to them for a month or so. Hey, I have to be honest! I have a weak stomach to the dismay of (1) my microbiologist mom who has to deal with ALL types of human excretion (2) my manly father who is not scared of but laughs in the face of dirt, grime, and grossness and (3) The Man, also quite manly, who has to deal with all sorts of nastiness on a construction site.
Don't misunderstand me, I am not a neat freak! It takes me forever to get into the cleaning mode (usually once a month.) I leave papers everywhere. I shed my long hair everywhere. It's just bathroom "stuff" that freak me out. Even when I had roommates! Once, after a party, I bribed my three roommates by agreeing to clean the living room and kitchen if I didn't have to touch the bathrooms.
So there you have it, confessions of a person with OCD. Maybe.
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Jan 17th, 2006, 9:58pm: Oh boy! The Man has his manties in a twist. I confessed that I mentioned him. He protested and said I failed to mention that I leave snot rags all over the place. It's true! *Sob* It's true. He wants me tell you about the time he stepped in a pile of fresh snot rags (I was sick!) And another time, he pried it out of my hands when I fell asleep holding one. In his words, I was "...clutching it for dear life."
There you go, my love, I laid out my imperfections just for you!
12 comments:
I think you should prepare to have a housekeeper come after your guests leave. Or mebbe rent a porta-potty for parties? We could call it your party-potty! ;)
Hey, perhaps it's not OCD! Maybe it's some sort of fecalphobia? Is there such a thing? (I have to admit, I'm a bit queasy about fecal matter, too. I just use caustic, poisonous cleansers and a mask)
No need for apology, Cuz. I'm not offended by your "generalizations". So you know, I don't have that problem -- my toilet seats are shrapnel-less and sprinkle-free! :-)
Yup girl...when I lived alone I was super neat...Everything in place, clothes in closet all nicely ironed. Oh...those were the sweet days.
Then, Oh man, I meet the hubby. He is well, um, love him but a bit slobbish. (He's better ;)
After cleaning like a mad woman all the time. I decided to go on strike. Yup, but then the house got hella messy. So, I decided to tell him what erked me. hehe. Nicely...okay not so nice. I let the poor guy have it. He slowly learned, things like use a napkin after you wash your hands for petes sakes! Don't shake them dry, DAMN it!
We had it all settled, then we had a baby and all that shit went out the door. *sigh* I will train him early on..."Do mommy a favor and wipe the seats okay, mijo."
I totally agree, I use lysol wipes like crazy in the kitchen and bathroom (I ran out, need to buy some at Costco ASAP.) I like to wipe the seat after every use (just in case).
One time I made the hubby clean the toilet after his nephews were over because (they be some BIG boys) and well they miss the damn seat ....oh, so, gross! The hubby (thank the G-O-D) didn't mind. He loves Clorox and well wiped up all the funk. EWWW!!!
Okay, I just confessed way too much info. I should have written an entry. ;)
I think everyone has OCD tendencies so don't feel bad. I think this is a good one to have.
You want to talk about nasty one of the people I work with has explosive colon or some shit like that and well suffice to say that I don't use the toilets at work cause there be doo-doo all over yuck. sorry TMI
Hurray! I'm not alone!!!! Why the hell does it seem like everyone in the world doesn't know how to poo properly?! Better yet, can't clean up after pooing?? I wouldn't care so much if a person drops bombs IF they cleaned up after themselves. But no, I get SHRAPNEL!!!!!!
So thank you Sister, Buffy, Pooks, Tater and MsLips. Yes, MsLips is neater than me! She PLEDGED our hard wood stairs. Imagine people slipping as they go up and down the stairs. Even if we weren't wearing socks. That was some crazy stuff.
Pookie ... DUDE! The Man told me how P-Hubby LOVED Clorox when they were roommates. HAHAHAHAHHA.
I sympathize you dealing with the "shake dry" method. That would drive me crazy. (My beloved leaves toothpaste drops all over the faucet. Bless his lil' heart. I don't say anything. I just wipe them up.) Mama didn't raise no fool. I pick my battles.
oh girl the hubby has many...many...things...but the water shaking I had to stop.I had to pick the one I couldn't live w/ the rest of my life.
He does the toothpaste too, shaved little hair everywhere...and crumbs...ay that man!
oh great the things I have to look forward. Well I guess it helps that tater is a slob too :)
Oh no, Pookie! I believe that battle needed to be waged. Shaking water off like a puppy is only cute, well, from a puppy! I stand behind your decision 100%. Did you see? I got in a wee bit of trouble revealing some of The Man's less-than-perfect habits. Oh well, woe is me ;)
Tater, if you can talk your Boy into SITTING while peeing, you deserve an award. Evidently, it is extremely DIFFICULT for guys to aim into the (big) hole, with splashback and what have you. Humph. Still not sure about that excuse.
Ahahaha!!! That man! Yeah I try not to share things from my blog with the hubby because he makes me go back and change things. Humph. "Me, no likee!"
Oh, and about the snot rags...um...I do that too. OOOpppssiee...and the hubby, because he loves me so, cleans them up too.
So, there! I shall share my gratitude for the hubby here on your blog.
Thanks hubby. ;)
Hey, MsLips- I hear Murphy's OilSoap is better for the finish on wood... I'm not sure, and I think it's still a hazard to socks, but I thought you'd like to experiment.
Sister, stepping into a pile of snotrags is gross. I leave them too, WGD can't stand it."There's the waste basket- please!"
It was actually VERY FUNNY. Someone's cell phone would ring (there were four roommates in our townhouse) and someone would jam upstairs. You would then hear "Oh $hiiiiit!" b/c one of us, forgetting it was Pledged, ate it on the staircase.
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